“That was a long time ago, Christian, I’m not that guy anymore. Charlie knows that. It’s the past!” Bentley said looking over at me. He looked taken back when he realized how upset I was. As Bentley walked towards me, I stepped back until I bumped into my father’s car. I had forgiven a lot, but this was just different.
“Just stay away from me. Don’t fucking touch me! Don’t come any closer!” I screamed at him. Trying to distance myself as much as I could. I had no desire to be near him at all, or even look at him.
He tried walking towards me again and I could only hold my hands up warning him to stay away. As much as I wanted him to hold me, I just had to walk away. At least for now.
“You heard her Young, why don’t you just leave?” Christian barked.
“Is that what you want Charlie? Do you want me to leave?” Bentley asked with tears in his eyes.
“Bentley, just go.” was all I could whisper out. I couldn’t even talk. The lump in my throat had grown so big I felt like I was choking-- choking on my life. I felt like I was shitty at life. All of my decisions felt like bad ones.
My mother was right. I was the shame of the family.
“Come on baby girl, I’ll take you home,” Christian said as I watched Bentley back his car out of the driveway. The tears just poured and all I could do was hug my brother while I cried hysterically in front of my parents’ house where I had just chosen Bentley over my mother, only to have that blow up in my face. I would be alone for the rest of my life.
“You okay, Charlie?” Christian asked. He knew something was up, I was hurting because of his actions. I just didn’t want to be bothered anymore tonight. I just wanted to go to bed and not wake up for days. Before all this bullshit started, the Detectives suggested we both leave town for a while. I would vacation in my bedroom and pray Bentley got lost.
“I’m okay, Christian, I just want to go to bed. If you wanna stay the night, I can throw together some blankets for the couch.”
“No, I’m going to head home. If you need anything just call me please. I’m serious, Charlie.”
I nodded and gave him a hug so he would be on his way. I just wanted to be alone. Even the thought of Shay being around was upsetting. I just wanted to have a good cry and go to bed.
I walked into the bedroom. The reminders of Bentley were everywhere. His clothes, shoes under the bed and most of all, the baby gear he had just bought. Baby stuff everywhere. How would I explain to my child why his or her Daddy wasn’t anywhere to be found?
Chapter 19
Blink of an Eye
(Bentley)
In the blink of an eye, my life was over. Charlotte was gone, over something which had happened years ago. My heart was heavy and my mind rushed with any idea on Earth that would bring her back to my arms. She was mine. I couldn’t just let her walk away.
I looked around the stuffy hotel room I had rented for the night so she could have the time she desperately needed to cool off. But all I wanted to do was go to her. It took everything I had not to run back to the penthouse. I couldn’t help but pace back and forth. I had texted her way too many times. If I pushed her any more, I would look like a damn stalker. I felt like one. There’s no way I could live without her.
As if I didn’t have any sense left, I grabbed my phone so I could email her brother, Trey. He was closest to Charlie. He could reason with her because I knew she would go to him before anyone else. Maybe he could help me win her back?
To: [email protected]
Subject: Sorry
Date: August 13th 22:03
From: [email protected]
Trey,
I know I am the last person on this planet you want anything to do with. But if you truly love your little sister, you will hear me out. I know I’m a scumbag. I’ve been that way as long as I can remember. But Charlie has made me a better person. She isn’t a good time, or just another girl. She’s my life. Our baby is my entire world. I need them both. Without them my life as I know it will be over. Please help me. I promise I’ll pay you back somehow if you can help me. I seriously will do anything. Just help me. I beg you.
-Bentley
It was my only shot. The worst he could say was no and at this point it was exactly what I expected.
I sat on the bed thinking about my childhood again. My mother lying on her bed, crying hysterically. She was begging Dallas’ father not to leave. She was pathetic, drunk and sloppy, slurring as she spewed promises and sexual favors she would use to make him happy.
The door slammed and she fell off the bed. Dallas started crying for his Daddy and she screamed at him like it was his fault. She was taking out her shitty choices on the three of us, especially Dallas. Probably because it was his father who caused her the pain this time around. If it was someone other than him, I’m willing to bet she would have gone after me. My phone snapped me out of the walk down memory lane. Thank God, too, because every time I thought about anything in my childhood, it just pissed me off.
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Sorry
Date: August 13th 22:10
From: [email protected]
Bentley,
Let us both cool off. Charlie is a hot head and I’m even worse with my temper. I’m giving Charlie a couple days to relax. When she’s ready I’ll see to it that she at least speaks to you. For the baby’s sake, if nothing else.
I’ve never seen her like this before. But you better fix it or you’ll have to answer to me. She deserves to know the truth; you can’t fault Christian for telling.
-Trey
As much as I wanted to see her immediately, she needed time to herself to calm down a little bit. I think we all needed a little time apart. It was going to take a small miracle to keep me away from her penthouse.
Diving into work would be the only way I could deal with her absence. But not before one last text to Charlie.
That woman she’s got eyes that shine. Like a pair of stolen polished dimes. I’ll see you in the morning time. I love you and our baby. xoxo
I knew the next couple days would be the hardest of my life.
Chapter 20
As Time Goes By
(Charlotte)
I hadn’t spoken with Bentley in a month. An entire damn month. He called, he texted, he emailed but I ignored it all. It killed me, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him at all. But it would all change today. I had to call him. Not for me, or my own wants but because I had a doctor’s appointment. This would be my eleven-week checkup and as much as I wanted to shut Bentley out. I couldn’t exclude him from the life of his child.
It was his right to be involved. The tears flowed down my cheeks as I texted him. Seeing his name on the screen of the phone brought back my heartbreak. I’d been so hurt when I learned about Christian’s ex and Bentley. I knew I had overreacted.
I was just far too stubborn to admit I was wrong about it all. Trey even told me I was acting like a child; and when he turned on me, I knew it was bad.
Doctor’s appointment today at 10:30am. Pick me up at the penthouse at 10.
It was all I could bring myself to say. I would just hope he wasn’t in class or in some kind of business meeting. School had started back up and it was starting to get cold outside again. September was such a funny month in Boston. One minute it could be eighty degrees and the next it was in the thirties. I put my phone down on the vanity in the bathroom and turned the shower on.
My phone chimed and I knew it was from Bentley so I went along with my shower. I would deal with him at ten when he got there and not a minute sooner.
I was washing my hair when I heard the bathroom door open up.
“What do you need Shay?” I yelled. She had moved out, but most days came by to check on me when she wasn’t in class.
“Charlie? It’s not Shay” I heard Bentley’s voice say as I heard the door close. I rushed to rinse the soap out of my hair and jumped out of the shower.
“What are you doing
here? It’s only nine!” I screamed while flailing my arms at him, naked and wet.
“Can you put some clothes on before we have this discussion? You are distracting all...”
I realized I was still naked and jumped back in the shower only to continue yelling at him.
“I said ten! Why are you here early? I clearly am not ready!” I continued my shower routine as I watched Bentley through the glass. He walked over to the vanity and jumped up to sit on the counter. “I just wanted to talk before we went to the doctor today. I brought you some breakfast, it’s in the kitchen.”
“What is there to talk about Bentley?” I asked him while I turned the shower off and pulled my pink cotton towel off the hook. I stepped out and started drying off.
“There’s a lot to talk about Charlie. Us, the baby, our future. I miss you like crazy. I can’t live without you. This has been the most miserable month of my entire life. I gave you your space and respected your wishes. Now please give me a chance, I’m begging you.” Bentley jumped down off the counter and got down onto his knees on the bathroom floor. He took my hand and kissed each finger one by one.
“Just a chance Charlie. It’s all I’m asking for,” he begged one last time before standing up.
“A chance...” I whispered. My heart jumped around in my chest while he continued to touch me. As long as he had his hands on me, I would never be able to think clearly. “Let me get dressed” I mumbled as I walked into my bedroom, dropping my towel and heading for my dresser as if Bentley wasn’t in the room.
“You know,” he said coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. “You really shouldn’t do something like that when I’m around. I can’t control myself around you Charlotte.” His lips met my neck and I melted under his touch. I’d missed this; I’d missed him. I’d missed everything about our relationship over the last month, but I had been too stubborn to give in. I knew once I saw him, I wouldn’t be able to resist him.
“Bentley... I need you... Inside me.” was all I could mutter before he was stripping his clothes off and throwing them on the floor. He picked me up and playfully tossed me down onto the bed. I let out a howl of laughter and he jumped on the bed, moving up towards me slowly. Kissing his way up my body, covering every inch.
I quivered under his touch. I had dreamt nightly about him, sometimes ending with my fingers finding my clit long enough to get off. Pregnancy hormones had me horny as hell. “We don’t have time...” I whispered as he continued taking his time up my body. With those words his hunger appeared once more. He needed it as much as I did.
In one swift move I found myself on top of Bentley while he ran his fingers over my nipples driving me absolutely wild. They were so sensitive.
I couldn’t take the teasing anymore and I lifted up positioning my center above his rock hard cock and slowly slid it inside me until I felt completely full. It was a feeling I had been missing. Without him like this, I had felt completely empty.
I started riding him like my complete existence depended on it. I could tell from his grunts that he was enjoying it as much as I was. I could feel my much needed orgasm building. With every stroke inside me I wanted to burst.
“Oh God! Bentley! Fuck! Ooooohhh baby I’m gonna come.” As I moaned the words out, his hands came up and rolled my nipples between his fingers. It was all I needed to completely lose it. My orgasm came crashing over me like I was falling over a waterfall. I screamed his name repeatedly as I continued him working toward his release. Just as I was about to collapse, he groaned my name and I could feel him jerk, emptying inside me.
“Oh God, I needed that. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve woken up needing just that. These hormones have gotten the best of me.” I laughed. How the mood became so light in the room was beyond me. Maybe I just wanted to put the past in the past. I had my time to sulk and now I was ready to move on. But was he?
We sat in the waiting room at the doctor’s office reading through pregnancy fliers. I poked Bentley in the side and laughed at some of the information like a kid in middle school. I was just happy he was able to come with me to the appointment. I had no desire to go into the wolves’ den alone. Each time I saw the doctor I waited for her to find another baby or some kind of second head on the baby. It could happen, I’ve seen it on those magazine covers in the checkout aisle!
“Charlotte Windsor?” A nurse with a chart in her hand appeared in the doorway with a warm, welcoming smile on her face. We both stood and Bentley took my hand and started towards the open door. She gave us a couple of simple instructions and was on her way. As we made our way into the little exam room he gave my hand a small squeeze before letting it go so I could strip from the waist down and comply with the nurse’s wishes before she made her way back. This was getting old.
“Why am I stripping? I really hope they don’t probe me again.” I let out with a grumble. Talk about uncomfortable!
Bentley burst out laughing. “Probe you? Is this an alien abduction?” I started to remember exactly why we had meshed so well. Everything about us just clicked. “If it isn’t an alien abduction, it sure as hell feels like it! I don’t see you getting probed!” We sat in the exam room laughing like a couple of kids. It was almost like the dinner with my parents had never happened and we had been together all this time without any separation.
No matter what life threw at us, we could just pick up and move on as long as we were together. It was just who we were. The door opened and Dr. Borgeo walked in with the same ultrasound machine we saw the night we discovered I was pregnant.
“Good morning Charlotte, how have you been feeling?” She questioned while typing on the computer keyboard.
“I’ve been fine but hungry, and the nausea is subsiding a little bit. But overall I feel completely fine.” That fact was shocking. Everyone always complained about the dreaded first trimester; but minus a few vomiting spells and the whole passing out thing, I had been fine.
“Why don’t you lie down and we’ll get this ultrasound started. We’ll take a little peek at your baby.”
I leaned back on the table and watched her go to work. Bentley stood by my head and held my hand as we both watched the screen with anticipation. We smiled back and forth while the doctor got lost in the screen, but when she started taking too long I finally turned to see what was going on. Dr. Borgeo’s face turned serious.
“Is everything okay, doctor?” I asked as my stomach started doing somersaults with worry. I felt like I was frozen in time. Bentley gave my hand another squeeze and a quick kiss on the knuckles to reassure me.
“I’m having a hard time finding what I’m looking for here. Give me a minute.” As she continued to click and scan my heart dropped into my stomach. There was something wrong, I knew it.
“Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” I could barely speak.
“Charlotte, I’m so sorry. Your baby has no heartbeat. It looks like he or she stopped growing at about 8 weeks.” Her words came out but didn’t register immediately. Stopped growing? No heartbeat? What had I done wrong?
Just as I looked up at Bentley, a tear fell off his face and landed right on my hand. That’s all I needed to start the waterworks of my own. I tried to choke them back and be strong for him, but my heart was broken-- completely pulverized into a million pieces in my chest. The baby I hadn’t initially wanted was gone and all I wanted in the entire world was to have it back; healthy and kicking around.
“Oh God, how could this have happened?” Tears streamed down my face.
“Sometimes fetuses don’t survive the first trimester. More than likely, there was nothing you did wrong. This happens, actually about a third of the time. There’s nothing we can say or do to prepare mothers for this, or prevent it from happening. I’m sorry Charlotte. I’m going to leave you two to talk. I’ll be back in a few minutes and we can discuss where we go from here.”
As the doctor walked out of the room, my slow streaming tears burst into a heart wrenching cry. My tears f
looded the ugly paper gown I wore, melting straight through the cheap material. Bentley came around the side of the exam table and pulled me into his arms. I laid my head on his chest and just let it all out.
The pain of the loss completely overwhelmed me. I couldn’t speak or move. I could only hold onto Bentley and cry, letting it all out.
“It’s okay baby, I promise you it’ll all be okay,” he whispered into my ear while he cried with me, not letting an inch of space between us. “Why don’t I help you get dressed so we can finish talking to the doctor and then I’ll take you home?” The way he spoke almost made me believe what he said. All I wanted to do was go home.
Bentley was so gentle with me. He helped me get back into my clothes and to sit down comfortably, all while still holding tightly to my hand. He never let go of me. I never wanted him to leave my side again. Baby or no baby I needed him, especially if I was going to make it through the loss.
A knock sounded at the door and it slowly opened. Dr. Borgeo stood before us with a stack of papers and a look of sorrow on her face. “I have some information here for you. I’ll just leave it on the counter. But I want to talk to you about your medical options.”
I just nodded for her to continue. I couldn’t speak anymore, even if I had wanted to.
“There are a few options. We could wait for nature to take its course. That may take time. Or I could prescribe you a medication which will assist the process. It’s a set of pills you take orally over the period of twenty-four hours, but that also runs the chance of not working. It’s rare, but if that doesn’t work, it would be something we would have to take care of surgically. I know this is all a lot to take in and you don’t need to make your choice right now, but those are your options.”
She turned to write something down in my chart and I just blurted it out, “The pills. I want the pills. I just want this all to be over with. The sooner the better. I don’t want to walk around knowing my dead baby is inside me. I want it OVER!”
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