Chapter 17
It was her wedding day. It hardly seemed possible, but the special license that Nicholas had procured just a few days earlier had enabled the ceremony to take place almost immediately.
Seated at her dressing table, with Madeline and Annie bustling about the room behind her, Ashleigh gazed absently into the mirror as she reflected upon the past week. She still couldn't believe all that had happened in such a short period of time. In less than an hour, she would be Ashleigh Elizabeth St. John Leighton, the eighth Duchess of Sethe. She wondered what Nicholas was thinking at that moment. Then again, she probably didn’t want to know. She had only seen him in passing since that day in her bedchamber, when they had been interrupted by the arrival of Dr. Ainsley.
She had wanted to leave the next morning and return to Glenbrooke, despite what Nicholas had said, for she’d had no desire to marry him, knowing that he was being forced into the union by his sense of duty and family honor. Surprisingly, it was Brendon who had ultimately convinced her to stay. When he’d come to her room that morning she had told him of her intention to leave, as well as the reason why.
“Ashleigh,” he’d said. “If there is one thing that I have learned about my brother; it is that no one could ever force him into doing something that he doesn’t want to do. Believe me, dozens of women have attempted to get my brother to the altar in one way or another, and not one of them has succeeded.”
“Until now of course,” she’d replied with abject misery.
“Listen to me Ashleigh. I know Nicholas better than anyone. Nothing, not even your condition, could force my brother into marrying you against his will,” he’d told her.
As she’d listened in horrified dismay, he’d then told her about Melissa Van Buren. “For that reason alone I can guarantee you that Nicholas will not be coerced into an unwanted marriage, for anything or anyone,” he said.
“What are you suggesting, Brendon, that Nicholas wants to marry me?” she'd asked with a touch of derision, an attempt to hide the miniscule flare of hope that had sparked within her.
“That is exactly what I am saying,” Brendon had stated with conviction. “You didn't see Nick's face when he carried you through the front door Ashleigh. I have never seen my brother look so scared or so helpless in all my life. He cares about you, a great deal more than he is willing to admit, even to himself.”
“Please, Brendon, don't,” Ashleigh had pleaded, not wanting to hear the words, knowing they weren't true. If she dared to hope, well, she didn’t think she could bear another disappointment. Her tortured heart had endured so much already.
But then he’d told her that Nicholas had seen them together in the sleigh the day before Christmas, and that he had immediately misconstrued the situation. He’d also told her that he firmly believed that Nicholas’ ensuing anger and the cruelty of his words had been the direct result of his brother’s overwhelming jealousy. Nicholas jealous? She’d hated herself for wanting to believe it was true.
Then he’d abruptly changed tactics. “Do you really wish to deprive Nicholas of his child, his heir?” he’d asked. “Do you wish to keep your son or daughter from ever knowing his or her father?”
“Brendon you know that isn't what I want,” she’d told him.
“What of your grandfather? What of Madeline? Do you want them to be hurt by the vicious rumors that are bound to circulate if anyone finds out about the baby?” he’d continued determinedly.
“Why would they be hurt? No one ever has to know about the baby. I will stay in seclusion until I can safely leave the country,” she said.
“Ashleigh, you must know that something like this cannot be kept a secret for long. Although our servants are loyal, we cannot be assured that no one will find out about this. Are you willing to jeopardize your family name, your grandfather's position in Society, and our family’s reputation as well?” he’d asked. Clearly he had known that her love for her family was her greatest weakness and he had used that weakness against her. In the end, she’d known she really had no choice.
And now, her wedding day was upon her.
The ceremony was to be a small, private affair, with only, Alex, Brendon, and Madeline in attendance. The local village parson had been called upon to perform the service, and as she’d been informed, he was waiting patiently in the drawing room for her to arrive even now. She knew that Alex had arrived a short time ago as well, though she hadn’t yet seen him. She would have invited Tiffany, but after penning a note to her friend, informing her of her return to Sethe Manor, she had received word back from a much-relieved Tiffany that she was traveling to Dartford to spend the next two weeks with her widowed Aunt Beatrice. Once she returned, Ashleigh knew that she was going to have a great deal of explaining to do.
“Are you ready, dear,” Madeline asked, coming to stand behind her.
“Yes, I’m ready,” she said, rising from her seat.
“You look so lovely, Ashleigh.” Madeline’s eyes grew moist as she surveyed her from head to toe. “I am just sorry that your grandfather isn’t here to see you.”
“So am I,” Ashleigh said wistfully.
“I hope you are not too disappointed that there wasn't time to have a gown custom-made,” Madeline stated apologetically as her gaze swept over the dress Ashleigh wore.
“Of course I’m not disappointed,” Ashleigh assured her, turning to view her reflection in the full-length mirror. She raised her hand to the delicate pearl-encrusted neckline as her eyes roamed over the entire length of the dress. The gown reminded her of the one she had worn to her first ball, but the style was of decades past, yet timeless in its beauty. Fortunately, after some clever alterations, it fit her almost perfectly. “I have never seen such a magnificent dress in all my life, and the fact that you are allowing me to borrow your own wedding gown means more to me than you will ever know.”
“I am so glad, for it means a great deal to me as well.”
Stepping forward, Madeline placed her hands on Ashleigh’s shoulders, looking at their reflections in the mirror. “I already think of you as a member of my family and I know in my heart that you and Nicholas will find happiness together.”
“I hope you are right,” she whispered softly.
“I am always right, my dear,” Madeline whispered back, before giving her a reassuring squeeze.
As Ashleigh followed Madeline downstairs to the front parlor, she hesitated upon the threshold, reaching up to grasp the silver locket that hung from a delicate chain around her neck. It contained the likenesses of her parents, the two miniature portraits having been painted shortly after their marriage. Today of all days, she felt the overwhelming sadness of their absence and the acute sense of loss. She wished that her grandfather could have been there to give her away, but she understood the reason for haste. Sadly, even her Uncle James was also absent, for as he so often was, he was away on government business. However, as her eyes scanned the room and rested briefly upon Brendon, Madeline, and even Alex, she knew she wasn’t alone. And with a smile, she thought of her baby. How could she possibly feel alone when she had such a small, perfect life growing within her at that very moment?
When her eyes finally came to rest upon Nicholas, she realized that he had turned to look at her and was now regarding her with a look she couldn't decipher. She hesitated in the doorway, held frozen by his intense, unwavering gaze. For one brief moment she wanted to turn and run away from his penetrating gaze, but before she could move, Alex strode forward and took her hand in his, applying a gentle, reassuring pressure.
“You look breathtaking, Ashleigh, an absolute vision,” he said, pulling her forward into the room.
“I couldn't agree more,” Brendon added, as he too made his way to Ashleigh's side. After planting an affectionate kiss upon her cheek, Brendon turned toward his brother. “Nick, don't you think…”
“I believe we are ready to begin," Nicholas cut in, as he motioned to the elderly parson, deliberately ignoring Brendon's question.
He did in fact think that Ashleigh looked beautiful, far too beautiful and much too appealing for his current state of mind. He wanted to remain detached, but seeing her in his grandmother’s wedding gown, knowing that his child grew within her womb, well, it was stirring up some uncomfortable emotions, emotions he wasn’t yet ready to define.
Madeline gave her eldest grandson a reproachful look, before attempting to ease the sudden, uncomfortable silence that greeted Nicholas' abrupt statement.
“You must forgive my grandson, Father Michael, patience has never been one of his virtues I'm afraid,” Madeline said, keeping her voice light.
The ceremony was simple and over quickly. Their vows had been spoken, Ashleigh's softly and somewhat hesitantly, while Nicholas' voice, though lacking emotion, had been strong and firm, legally joining them as husband and wife. The ring that Nicholas slipped onto her finger was a huge, rectangular-shaped diamond, with a smaller emerald of the same shape on each side. The ring was beautiful, but under the circumstances, the heavy gold band felt awkward upon her finger. The ring should have symbolized their love for one another; however, she knew that it was only another item that he had been honor-bound to give her, just as he had been honor-bound to give her his name.
As if sensing Ashleigh's unease, both Alex and Brendon eagerly demanded to kiss the new bride, each of them with a bit more enthusiasm than may have been appropriate, leaving Ashleigh breathless and blushing, and Nicholas frowning at their over-zealous attentions.
Throughout the evening meal, Brendon and Alex gave Ashleigh no time to dwell upon Nicholas' somber mood, amusing her with the latest gossip from London, most of which she didn't believe for a moment.
The two of them were being so wonderful that Ashleigh hardly noticed Nicholas' lack of participation in the discussion concerning Lady Driedon's Parisian bonnet. If Alex was to be believed, Lady Driedon had appeared on Durry Lane several weeks past, seated within her white phaeton with her newly purchased Parisian bonnet perched upon her head for everyone to admire, when disaster struck.
Having stopped to chat with two of her closest friends, who were also out for a Sunday drive through the park, the aging countess had immediately drawn their attention to her new hat. Delighted by the ladies profuse compliments, she had reached up to adjust the bonnet, which was an elaborately weaved bird's nest of straw and ribbon, filled with several brightly-colored, hand-painted robin's eggs, only to have her hand painfully pecked by a small bird that had just landed upon the miniature nest. Lady Driedon had screeched in fright, while her two friends, after recovering from their initial shock, had attempted to shoo the little bird from her hat. The small, but tenacious creature apparently had not been willing to give up its perch without a fight however, and had stubbornly refused to budge from atop Lady Driedon's head, despite her near convulsive movements and horrified shrieks. Seeking desperately to remove the bonnet, Lady Driedon had unwittingly tightened and knotted the ribbon which had been fastened under her chin, thus nearly strangling herself in her haste to gain her freedom from the obstinate little bird hopping about in angry agitation, and chirping loudly atop her custom-made bonnet.
Finally, after literally wrenching the bonnet from her head with the force of sheer adrenaline, Lady Driedon had flung it from the carriage and then watched in horrified amazement as the little bird had picked up an end of the satin ribbon in its beak, and then tugged the entire contraption into the shrubbery alongside the path. Unfortunately, in her haste to remove the bonnet she had unwittingly dislodged her elaborately styled blonde wig as well, which had then fallen into her lap, exposing a head full of thinning grey hair. For the extremely vain countess, that had been the final insult. She had then proceeded to give way to a fit of vapors that had her two friends rummaging through their reticules for their smelling salts. By this time, the shrieks and cries of the three ladies had drawn the attention of several others, and unfortunately Lady Driedon's plight was witnessed by several members of the ton who had wasted no time in spreading the tale. As Lady Driedon was known to be a malicious gossip, many of her peers had been overjoyed to learn of her embarrassing ordeal, which now had all of London laughing at her expense for a change.
When Ashleigh finally managed to stop laughing at the vivid mental image that Alex's narrative had conjured up, she wiped the tears from her eyes and looked to Brendon to see if he would confirm the ridiculous tale. He merely nodded his head in affirmation; still too busy laughing to respond verbally.
Even Nicholas couldn't contain a slight smile at the absurd anecdote, even though he deliberately sought to hide it behind his dinner napkin. Ashleigh noticed however, and her spirits rose even more.
Madeline glanced around the table and shook her head at the four young people in mock censure, although, her lips twitched tellingly and her eyes held an unmistakable twinkle she couldn’t fully disguise.
Throughout the remainder of the meal, Nicholas sat at the head of the table and drank decidedly more than he ate. His participation in the dinner conversation was minimal, his gaze constantly drifting between his brother, his best friend and his wife. Each time she laughed at something Alex or Brendon said, smiling in genuine amusement, Nicholas' jaw clenched a little tighter and his frown became a bit more pronounced. He told himself that he was annoyed because Alex and his brother were displaying an inordinate amount of affection toward a woman who for all intents and purposes had cleverly maneuvered herself first, into his home, and then into the position of his duchess.
What he refused to admit was that his feelings were bordering on the edge of jealousy. For to admit that, would be to acknowledge that Ashleigh had gained the power to affect him on an emotional level, a power that he had sworn no woman would ever hold over him again.
As soon as Annie had finished assisting Ashleigh out of her wedding dress, she left, leaving her alone in her new room, for her things had been moved into the chamber adjoining Nicholas’ earlier in the day. Quickly she donned a white satin nightdress trimmed with lace and then slipped on a matching dressing gown. Uneasy, she brushed her hair until it gleamed and then moved to sit in a chair near the fire to stop her restless pacing.
She knew that if Nicholas came to her room that night, she wouldn’t send him away. In spite of everything, in spite of the rational part of her brain that told her she was a fool, she wanted to believe what Brendon had said. “He cares about you, a great deal more than he is willing to admit, even to himself.” She waited for over an hour in nervous apprehension, wondering if he would make an appearance, but her wait was for naught.
Hours later, lying awake in her bed, she heard him enter his bedchamber. Listening carefully to the movements next door, she waited with bated breath and one final glimmer of hope to see if Nicholas would knock upon the door that connected their two rooms, but eventually all grew quiet and she knew that he had gone to sleep. She was far more disappointed than she cared to acknowledge.
Nicholas had deliberately remained downstairs long after everyone else had retired for the night; for now that Ashleigh was his wife he knew that he had every right to take her to bed. While a part of his mind told him that he may as well reap at least some benefit from his forced union, the other more sensible part, balked at the notion. Despite his overwhelming desire to reacquaint himself with Ashleigh’s luscious body, he knew it would be a mistake. Sexual intimacy would only risk pulling him further into her seductive web, and that was a risk he wouldn't allow himself to take. He needed to remain detached. Only fools and idiots didn’t learn from their past mistakes, and he was neither.
Let go of the past, Brendon had said. If only it were that easy.
Over the next several nights, it became glaringly apparent to Ashleigh that Nicholas had no intention of seeking out her bed and claiming his marital rights. She tried to convince herself that she didn't care, but in truth she was hurt. They were legally wed and she already carried his child, as such, there was no longer any reason for him to stay away from her, for she could har
dly entrap him any more so than she already had. As he had nothing left to fear in that regard, it was apparent that it was simply a lack of desire that kept him from her bed. He didn’t want her.
Chapter 18
In the days following the wedding, Ashleigh saw very little of Nicholas. Throughout the day he was kept busy by numerous estate matters, such as going over the household accounts and settling those domestic disputes that Madeline and Ashleigh couldn’t, and there were many with such a large staff, not to mention the number of other individuals he employed throughout the region. He also had to confer with his numerous estate managers on a regular basis and was often called upon to ride out to check on his various holdings, often times not returning until late in the evening. He rarely took his meals with the family, and when he did, he and Ashleigh's minimal attempts at conversation were often strained and awkward. It was a great relief to have both Madeline and Brendon there to help ease the tension.
However, much to Ashleigh's dismay, a few days later Brendon informed the family that he would soon be returning to sea. He planned to be away for several months, but promised to return in time for the birth of his eagerly awaited niece or nephew.
It was a teary farewell that Brendon received a week later, as Ashleigh and Madeline enveloped him in affectionate hugs, all the while admonishing him to be careful and write home as often as possible.
Watching as Brendon mounted his horse and then rode off in the direction of London to round up his crew, Ashleigh placed her arm around Madeline's shoulders, giving her a light squeeze as they turned back toward the house. “I have invited Tiffany to tea this afternoon, I hope you don't mind,” Ashleigh said, as they made their way into the front foyer.
Until You Page 22