You should have just told me, Kit. I thought I was all alone, that no one cared what I did.
‘It was a silver bracelet patterned with roses and the inscription To J, Love R. I assumed Ray had given it to Mum.’
‘If you’d known the truth …’ Kit looks up, his eyes full of regret. Neil puts a hand on Kit’s shoulder. He knows I need to tell this quickly, to get it all out in one go.
‘The night before we were due to leave, Ray came back for everything he’d left. The bag was in Mum’s room. I went to get it, but you and Matthew started coming up the stairs and Ray jumped out of the window.’
I forgot that Kit didn’t know about this either, it feels like a lot of lies to explain at once. I look across to Neil who smiles right back at me. I take a deep breath. ‘I didn’t realise I had the bracelet in my hand until he’d gone. I could have just given it to him. Anyway, I watched him run down the garden and shut the shed door. Then he turned back, and I think he saw the bracelet because he did that “I’m watching you” thing with his fingers up to his eyes and then pointing at me. Then he ran off.’
Kit stares at me.
Come on, say something. He doesn’t.
‘I’m sorry. I should have told you all, but the next day was …’ I can’t continue. Kit’s face falls, and I hold my breath.
‘Jesus, Robyn.’
That’s it now. No more secrets.
Kit gets up and walks around the table. He pauses, as if unsure of himself. Then pulls me into a hug.
‘I should have warned you about him,’ Kit’s voice is small. ‘If you’d known the truth it would have been different.’
We cling to each other for a few minutes and then Neil breaks us apart.
‘Good, now we’ve finally sorted that out, can we talk about what Mace is up to with this bracelet? Seems urgent.’ He flips his pen and notepad on to the table in front of us and walks over to flick the kettle on.
‘So, Ray really wanted you to give him the bracelet?’ Kit sits down again.
‘He told me the R didn’t stand for Ray, it stood for Rose. After that, there was no way I would have given it to him.’
Neil fills the silence while Kit processes what I’ve said. ‘Okay, so only you and Ray know about it. So why would Mace take it then?’
‘Ray must have asked Mace?’ I pull Ray’s letter from a drawer and lay it on the table.
‘There’s no stamp,’ Kit says turning over the envelope. He reads the letter in silence, and I help Neil with the tea. ‘Is he out already?’
Neil shakes his head.
‘I checked earlier.’
Neil acts on an idea immediately. Kit and I have always held on to our own secrets so tightly action is barely possible. Neil charges straight on whatever the risk. The thought makes me smile at Neil, and he raises an eyebrow back.
‘He knew about the breakin already.’ Kit points to the last line. ‘He’s coming after us, Robyn.’
Neil passes Kit the pen.
‘He knows about the breakin, even though it couldn’t have been reported yet. Okay, so there are a few questions here,’ he indicates to Kit to start writing, ‘One. Why does he want the bracelet? Two. Why doesn’t he wait until he’s out? Three. Why would Mace get it for him?’
Kit’s hands steady as he writes. Clever, Neil.
‘And Four.’ I add, ‘How does he ask Mace?’
‘Okay,’ Neil sits back, ‘what are we thinking?’ He looks at Kit.
‘He promised he would come and teach us a lesson. Maybe he’s just saying he can get to us if he wants? “Run away, children, I’m coming for you” sort of thing.’ Kit looks at me, and I nod. I know we need to be far away when he gets out.
If he gets out. I can still hope he doesn’t.
‘But you’re easier to find if you stay here, aren’t you?’ Neil looks at both of us with a frown. We’re not detective material; we’re disappointing him. ‘If he really wants to find you, scaring you away is an odd thing to do.’
He cuts himself off, and I see in his face that he’s just worked out the reason I wasn’t planning to stay: it’s because I can’t — it won’t ever be safe. I try not to catch his eye.
‘The only other thing he ever wanted was the farm.’ I keep to the plan that Neil suggested. We want Kit to work it out himself.
‘You said it looked like someone had been there,’ says Kit. So, Neil did tell Kit most of what we were doing. ‘Well, it wasn’t me. I don’t want the bloody place.’
‘But you two are part-owners, right?’ Neil prompts Kit. ‘How would that work out? Can’t see him wanting to share it, and I’m guessing he wouldn’t have the money to buy you out?’
It’s funny that I never really thought about the farm at all before we came back. In fact, I tried very definitely not to think about it. It’s been ours, in Ray’s absence, all this time. Of course, this is Ray’s plan. It’s why he came back before, to claim the farm, and now we are in his way.
‘If that’s what he wants, we could just give it to him and leave.’ Kit runs a hand through his hair. There are dark smudges under his eyes, and I can see he’s not been sleeping. I’ve never asked him which faces are in his dreams, whose hands reach out to grab his shoulders as he runs, because I suppose I know. It’s always been Ray.
‘And we will just let him live there as if it was never anything to do with us?’ He must see how wrong this would be. ‘With all our blood in the ground?’
‘Well, we’re not going to live there with him, are we?’ says Kit.
In the silence that follows, the doorbell is unnaturally loud.
Neil comes back into the kitchen with Carol. They exchange a look I can’t decipher, and I don’t like it. I’d forgotten about Carol and Neil.
‘I was thinking about what you said earlier.’ I wave her to a seat, but she shakes her head. ‘About there being anything useful Ray said on record, so I asked.’
‘And Jenkins & Partners just told you?’ Neil sounds disbelieving, and Carol blushes.
‘There’s nothing like that,’ she shakes her head. ‘I did think he and Mace might have communicated via Jenkins, but they didn’t. But I found out they got into some trouble together inside, and Ray paid the solicitor fees. So, you could say Bill owes him, if you’re the sort of person who thinks like that.’
‘Makes sense.’ Neil rolls his eyes. ‘Mace tricked Dad into leaving us in the park, so Ray owed Mace. And so it goes on.’
‘Sounds plausible,’ Carol says. ‘I don’t think Mace would have done that for Mickey.’
‘Still, doesn’t explain how they’re doing it though.’ Kit’s tea is untouched.
‘Yeah, and I can’t imagine either of them putting it down in writing from what I’ve seen,’ says Carol. She turns to me, ‘But wasn’t Ray effectively using you to send messages to Jemima?’
I hadn’t thought that his gifts were messages to Mum. The wooden babies: my babies. The St Christophers: I’m taking the children. The bag: I can prove who you really are. I know Carol is right.
‘Could Danny be taking messages? He misses school a bit, doesn’t he?’ I wait for Carol to come to his defence, but she looks thoughtful, so I continue. ‘He gave me a warning from Mace not to stay long, and then he told me I was being set up.’
‘And Robyn let him have a good look around the house,’ adds Kit. I pull a face, but it’s true. And in the cupboard under the stairs. And the garden.
Carol frowns.
‘I’m sorry, Carol. I was beginning to think I was wrong about Danny too.’
‘I do see Danny heading to the station sometimes, and he’s always a bit secretive about where he’s going.’ She looks sad. ‘It’s just that I could’ve sworn Danny’s not really like Mace.’
I’m glad she’s on Danny’s side. It makes me feel better somehow.
‘If Ray can use me …’ I look across at Kit who is nodding.
‘… Mace can use Danny,’ he replies.
‘It’s not really Danny’s fault th
en, is it?’ says Carol. ‘Maybe he’ll tell me.’ She leaves, letting in a blast of cold air and pulling the door hard behind her.
Neil drums his fingers on the table. I stand at the window and look out down the garden across the grass and fallen leaves.
‘Okay,’ says Neil breaking the silence, ‘I get that Ray won’t want to share the farm with you, but I can’t see what that’s got to do with the bracelet.’
‘Or why he desperately needs it while he’s still inside,’ says Kit.
I get Ray’s other letter and Mum’s and lay them out on the table.
‘Let’s say he could scare us away.’ I turn Mum’s letter round so Kit can read it. ‘There’s only one other thing that could stop him getting the farm.’
Chapter Nineteen
1976
Ray has pulled the belt from his trousers, and the tip is twitching as he shouts at Sue.
My stomach clenches greasily around the bacon and eggs, and I’m beginning to think Kit is right about getting out of here and everything else. I can hear the dog throwing itself at the front door beneath the pounding of the rain on the roof. I look around. At the back of the room is a sofa and small television set. Behind the sofa is a door into the rest of the house. As I look at it, I notice the telephone on a stack of newspapers.
‘Is there a back door?’ I whisper. Kit shrugs. I don’t know if he can’t remember or is just trying not to. I walk over towards the sofa, hoping they won’t notice.
‘Where do you think you’re going?’ says Ray. His face is red beneath the brim of the hat he is still wearing, and I can feel tears starting.
‘Bathroom, it’s urgent.’ I say, crossing my legs and jigging a bit.
‘Show her where it is, Sue dear, and wait for her.’ Sue pulls herself away from the wall she has been trying to sink into. She holds her hands over her bump while she walks around the edge of the room. I follow her out. There is a small back hall with a couple of doors off it but none to the outside. I can’t see if the windows in the bedrooms would be big enough to climb out through, but the one in the bathroom definitely isn’t, even for me. I right the mug of toothbrushes I’ve knocked over trying the window and come back out to find Sue waiting.
‘Do you want a boy or a girl?’ I ask her, trying to make friends.
‘What do you care?’ she says. Her face doesn’t look that old now that I look at her straight on. I start to open one of the other doors.
‘Who sleeps in here?’ But Sue grabs the handle and closes it again.
‘Don’t think you and your brother can just waltz in here and be top dogs, girlie,’ she says, ‘coz me and mine are gonna be that.’
‘If you don’t want us here, why don’t you just get him to take us back?’ I say. The tears start up again, but she just shoves me back into the front room.
I stay at the back. Ray is outside shouting at the dog, and Kit is sitting at the table with his head in his hands. Sue goes past me and starts clearing the plates. So, while no one is looking, I lift the telephone receiver and try to dial nine, nine, nine. The click as I lift the handset isn’t too loud, but, as I pull the dial round to nine and release it, the whirr as it returns seems to last forever. I hold my breath and keep going but just as I am pulling the dial for the third time the phone is knocked from my hand.
‘Big mistake, kiddo.’ Ray has the belt in his right hand and is now holding my hair in the other. I try and pull myself away, but he gives one hard tug that makes me shout out and spins me back until he has his arm under my chin, the hair twisted round my neck and it hurts to get my breath.
Kit has got up and is shouting. ‘Leave her alone, you bastard.’
‘Found some balls, have you, son? Well, she asked for it just like you are now!’ Ray puts his face down to mine and says, ‘This is what happens when you play up.’ I wait for the blow to land, squeezing my eyes shut to try and stop the tears gushing, but the pain doesn’t come. When I hear the belt swoosh through the air and open my eyes, it is Kit falling to the floor, blood running down from the gash on his leg where the belt has sliced through his skin.
‘Now, I hope it’s a little clearer for both of you that I’m the boss around here,’ says Ray. I twist out of his grip and fling myself over Kit trying to hug him better. I lay my head against his and whisper ‘Sorry, sorry.’
I hear Ray moving away, so I help Kit up and walk him to a chair at the table.
‘Neil will get help,’ says Kit, but I think of him running away from Mace in the wrong direction and the way he pointed me out to Mickey in the park. I reach for my bag. I have my sketchbook and pencil case, two apples, a few coins, and a library copy of Flambards. Inside the pencil case, there is also a small knife that Mum gave me to use as a sharpener. The blade flicks out when you press a catch on the side and it is super sharp.
Outside the front door, the dog has stopped barking, but the chain squeaks and clangs as it walks back and forth over and over. Sue is drying the dishes as quietly as possible. Her reflection in the window is unclear.
We need to get into one of the bedrooms to see if there’s a window we can get through.
‘He needs to wash his cut.’ I say. ‘I’ll take him. You can send her too if you want.’ I stand up without waiting for a reply and start to pull Kit.
‘She can do it here,’ says Ray. ‘Deal with it,’ he says to Sue. We move over to the table to the end furthest away, and I turn my back to Ray.
‘Help us, please.’ I whisper to Sue. She shakes her head just slightly so that a section of corn-coloured hair falls in her eyes. I can see that her hands are trembling as she wipes Kit’s leg with the tea towel. The colour has come back into his face, and his jaw is setting in an ugly line that I have only seen a couple of times before. Once was when Ian Hopper knocked me off the climbing frame deliberately. Ian has kept well out of my way since then, but Kit won’t tell me what he did.
When Sue has finished, I reach for my bag.
‘I want an apple,’ I say and start laying things on the table. I take a loud bite of the apple and open the pencil case to show Kit the knife. He turns back to Ray.
‘Okay, we’ll do what you say. I’ll help you pack the car.’ He leans on the table as he stands up and I see that the knife is gone from the pencil case when he puts his hand in his pocket.
The dog outside starts barking again, then there is a loud bang and silence. Ray is at the door like lightning, and we rush to the window and see Mum standing outside, rifle held across her stomach casually. She looks like she’s held a gun before and I wonder if Matthew knows because she’ll be in big trouble with him if he finds out.
‘Hello, Ray,’ she says when he steps out, ‘you really should lock up your guns — anybody could find them.’ She smiles at us. ‘Now, I thought I made myself clear on the subject of the children. Send them out to me and I won’t fill you with holes like you deserve.’
‘I don’t think so, Jemima. They’re mine, and I’m gonna have ’em.’
‘Mum! Mum!’ We try to run out past Ray, but Sue grabs us and holds us still.
‘Mum?’ Ray is saying. ‘For Christ’s sake, you stupid kids, she’s not your mother. She’s your aunt.’
‘You bastard,’ Mum lifts the gun a little in front of her, ‘Go on, tell them what happened to their real Mum then! Tell them how you can’t hold your drink and used her as a punchbag. I had to get them away from you!’ Mum looks at us, her face is red, and the rain is pouring down it. ‘I’m sorry, Robyn, I should have told you.’
I look to Kit, hoping he’ll tell me it’s not true. Of course, Mum is our mum and she didn’t really steal us from our dad.
‘Is it true, Kit?’ I say. He hangs his head.
Ray turns to us and says, ‘You can’t trust her; she’s been lying to you all along.’
Kit looks back at me, salty tracks on his cheeks, and it begins to make sense. I stop pulling against Sue and stand still because I can’t work out what to think, and the blood is roaring in my ears. Kit g
rabs my hand and Mum gives us a little smile.
‘Come on out now, Ray,’ she says. ‘Stop hiding in there behind a pregnant girl and a couple of children. You always were a coward sober.’ She looks to us and sees that Sue is holding us fast.
‘Have you been on the wrong side of his fists yet, love?’ Mum calls to her, ‘It isn’t going to get better when the baby arrives.’
Ray laughs and steps out.
‘That’s right, Ray, let’s get this sorted out before the police get here.’
Ray’s teeth are bared. He is lightly tapping the belt on the outside of his leg and Mum swings the gun up a little higher. Her face is hard as stone like the night I saw her with the cockerel, and I feel a little afraid for Ray. Her eyes flicker to where we are standing. She can’t shoot at him unless we move. Kit can see that too because he lets the blade of my knife drop down between his fingers.
‘You haven’t called the police, Jemima. You didn’t ask before you took them in the first place. Stole away in the night. You’ll be done for kidnapping.’
Kit coughs to catch my attention and bends over. I drop down too. The blade flashes in his hands as he lunges at Sue. She steps back in surprise and I see blood soaking through her sleeve.
‘You little shit!’ she shouts at Kit who is pulling me away. Sue is screaming at Ray now and doesn’t stop even as the sound of the gun cracks through the air. I turn expecting to see Ray on the ground, but he has flung himself to the side and has hold of Kit now.
‘Shoot again! Shoot him!’ I am screaming at Mum, but, when she sees Ray holding Kit, she runs towards us instead. I throw myself at Ray too, but he twists around still holding Kit fast. Kit’s arms are flung out as he spins, and then I feel a dragging pain across my tummy. Suddenly I am face to face with him and his eyes are wide, and he is shouting my name over and over. I try and tell him to stop because I can’t think, but I can’t make enough sound over Sue’s screams and Mum’s screams and now it seems as if someone else is shouting far away from the road.
‘Jemima, get out of there!’ It sounds like Matthew, but I’m not sure because suddenly I don’t feel too good. Ray has released Kit because Mum is swinging the gun towards his head, but he grabs the barrel and pulls her to him. I can just see her leg wind around his and then they are falling and rolling through the mud away past the body of the dog. Ray’s hand snakes out for the chain, and he yanks it over Mum’s head and I feel myself sinking on to my knees and then over into the warm wet ground.
A Little Bird Told Me Page 23