Siegfried knelt beside her and took both her chilled hands in one of his. With his free hand, he whisked the veil of her moonlight hair away from her ear. He leaned forward and whispered, “Loreley.” He pulled away and saw a spark in her eyes.
“Remember, you gave me your name,” he said. “Kiss me. Kiss me like you need me.”
She leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on his lips.
“That was not what I meant,” he said. This was not Freya. Was Enbarr really right? Was there any of her left? He looked over his right shoulder at the others. “We need a different tactic.”
Enbarr patiently watched as Balder played a lilting tune on his lyre, singing of the fair River Queen who sent ships to their doom by enchanting them with her “unparalleled” voice.
Siegfried groaned, feeling an urge to reach for his panpipes. It was better than tears, and he was very close to tears for Freya. Instead of reaching for his instrument, he held Freya close, as if he could somehow squeeze her soul back together. He’d held her every night. He hadn’t slept, only watched for her to rouse from this stupor.
“Give in to your needs.” Enbarr gave his arm a nudge.
He waved Balder to silence and placed the panpipes to his lips, trying to think clearly of some plausible solution. He was dimly aware of his melody changing as he thought of fixing Freya. Yet, he could not think of a solution, only of his desire to help her. All those rational thoughts turned to longing for the laughter they’d shared, her goofy smile, the acceptance in her eyes. He didn’t want to be without that again. He felt the hot tears on his cheeks. Was he starting to love her?
As soon as he thought the L word, the chair Freya had been sitting in crashed. The panpipes fell from his hands, and his arms filled with Freya. She squeezed him, her legs wrapping around his hips, her face buried in his neck. “You came for me. I knew you would.”
He stroked her hair. “Of course, I came for you, little one.” He let himself cry in her hair, relief, regret, so much more. She trembled in his arms, and he tightened his grip. He wanted her to feel secure.
She jumped from his lap as if she hadn’t spent the last few days in a stupor. “Er, um, I’m not supposed to do that.” She scratched her head and tugged down the blue dress Balder had woven for her. “It’s nothing, Freya. Come back on my lap.” He patted his thigh. She did, slowly and uncertainly.
Someone handed her a mug, and Freya drank from it deeply before she returned her attention to the rest of them. Siegfried hugged her close. If she was swilling ale, she was definitely back. His mermaid on his lap, making him laugh, safe.
She turned to face him. “Don’t cry because I’m back.” Her smile faded, and she kissed the tears from his cheeks. Then she pressed her nose against his until his tears stopped. She whisked her hair from her face and frowned when her fingers snagged on a tangle. “I should go freshen up.”
“Your music is truly something unique,” Balder said when Freya had quit the chamber. “It was your song that brought her back, you know.”
Siegfried had not realized it, then he reconsidered. “When I had my Power Dream, I was standing in a barren wood. I played my pipes, and the forest began to grow.”
“All Horn-Kin have some sort of healing ability,” Enbarr said. “Shadow Weaver heals the flesh. You can heal the spirit after Oblivion. Bright Mane heals sadness.”
Balder chuckled. “You’re stuck playing those panpipes, Siegfried. You cannot taunt me about being a bard any longer.”
“It’s worth it for what it’s done,” he said, thinking to extricate himself and go after Freya. He didn’t want to leave her alone. “And I can still wield swords and use my bow.” He needed to resolve things between them. She’d run because she did not know how to be with him now. But, knowing Freya, she’d wanted to see to her appearance before they talked.
“At least we know she’s well,” Balder said and sighed. “Unlike me. Loki is now going to focus all his attentions on me.”
“Balder, if you are afraid, remain on Avalon with Hecate,” Siegfried said.
“If it were only that easy. There’s a…woman.” Balder blushed. “A serving maid.”
“Bring her with you.”
“I’ve had some of guards take her away to hide her. I don’t even know where. I don’t want to know, lest Loki pry it out of me somehow, so he could use her against me. I do not think I’d be able to withstand all Freya did. She really does have her father’s blood. And her mother’s. When Loki is dispatched, they have orders to bring her back. That’s why I’ve been disappearing from time to time, to be with my Nanna. We are engaged.” Balder blushed at this admission.
“I am going to wed Freya,” Siegfried said, the thought hitting him. “I will press my suit with Woden.” He held up a hand when Balder started to speak. “I haven’t deluded myself into thinking that Woden will welcome my suit, a suit from an unknown, former mortal. But he seems the kind of man who appreciates feats of strength. I’ve already faced Oblivion. I’ve faced Loki. I’ve rescued his daughter several times. If that is not enough, I’ll go back to Jotunheim and slay damned Jotuns. If Freya still wants me.”
“You would still ultimately need Lugh’s approval for this match. She isn’t supposed to able to marry now.”
“I already have a committed, permanent relationship with her that is equally recognized by Otherworld law.”
****
Freya stepped onto the boat, feeling refreshed. She was in her human form again, and she needed to get un-naked. The bath she’d so desperately wanted had been best provided for by the sea. She pretended not to notice the dwarves staring at her as she strode across the deck.
“Ah, a mermaid has washed upon my deck,” Siegfried said, leaping from the rigging to land before her. “Come with me.”
She started to follow him only tripped over a bucket someone had been using. Siegfried caught her before she fell, draping her over his shoulder. A minute later, he deposited her on the thick, green wool sheets.
She sat and waited. What was this about? Nervousness welled inside of her. Was he reconsidering what he’d said about ending their relationship?
But it didn’t seem as if he wanted to talk. He peeled off his shirt and stretched out on the wide bed with her. He didn’t seem to mind that her hair was dripping. She was tucked firmly against his chest, his long body curled up around hers.
“I’m glad you’re back,” he said, his breath tickling her temple. “I think I understand a lot more now, Freya.” He leaned over her, her vision filled with his tattooed muscles. “I was ready to intervene, when you were fighting the Romans, when you were disguised as Swan.” He grazed a kiss across her brow and smirked.
She gasped up at him. “You…know?”
“I had you figured wrong. Freya, do you know what I was reading on my journey from Asgard?”
“Some of Cato’s writings, the proscription lists, or some other report? The boat log?” Was he trying to see how well she knew him?
“Fair guesses that would, on most days, be correct, but you’re wrong this time. I was reading about Bow and Swan.”
“B-Bow and Swan?” Surely she’d misheard. That couldn’t be. Shouldn’t the mattress melt so she could sink deep into the earth and hide from her humiliation? Well, she’d actually sink into the sea, then the earth.
“I owe you an apology for much of what I said. I need to know something, and I need you to answer me. Would you ever want me to stop piracy? I’ve only read one of your scrolls. Was Swan chained to Bow’s bed your idea of a perfect ending? Or was it Swan and Bow taking up farming and raising children?”
“Why would I want to farm? I mean, one of us would have to muck out stalls, and that’s a really shitty job. Literally.” She gave one of his flat nipples a playful tap. “We’d probably argue about that all the time. It’d be weird going out to slaughter our food while wearing my armor. But if I didn’t, I’d get sick. What would the other farmers think if they saw me in full armor to take out a pig? Who knows if we coul
d even have a farm? Without you, Rome would overrun the tribes. We’re on the proscription lists, so we can’t own anything. They’d kill us. If we farmed in Asgard…I don’t know what that would be like. Snowy, maybe? Do you want to be a farmer? Is that why you’re asking? Do you have a secret passion for corn? And I might flood the fields if I got stuck with the mucking job.”
Siegfried tilted his head, sun-kissed strands falling into his eyes. “What? No. I don’t want to be a farmer. What I’m asking is if you would want me to give up piracy?” His fists rested on either side of her shoulders, permitting no escape until she answered his questions. Fortunately, this one was easy to answer.
“Good. I was worried you wanted to become Siegfried the Sand Crab or Siegfried the Beached Whale or Siegfried the Chicken Farmer. Oh, this is about Julia. I’m a little slow today, tonight, whenever it is.”
He lowered his head so his stormy eyes were inches from hers. Butterflies filled her stomach, making her dizzy. “Forget about Julia. What is it you want, Loreley?”
She was compelled to answer, the complete truth. It was unfair of him to do this to her, but he already knew so much. She swallowed and fought off the tummy butterflies as she continued to look into his eyes. “Well, you know I’m not in any hurry for babes. I wanted to be with you, at your side, not waiting leagues and leagues away from you. I wanted to keep you happy in whatever ways I could. If something happened to you, it’d happen to me, too. I’d heard you were serious, so I wanted to make you laugh and smile. But some of that’s changed. I still want all those things, only instead of waiting for you on your boat, I want to fight with you, be partners. You know, I was thrilled when you told me I’d be fighting Romans at your side. I guess I wanted that all along, only I have powers now. Why even have powers if I’m not going to do something useful with them?”
****
Freya’s words settled warmly over Siegfried’s heart. He moved her hair from her face, rubbing his thumb across her bottom lip. He kissed her nose to soften his next words. “I’m uncertain what to make of this. I suppose the easiest way to put this is, what made you care for me?”
“I know what you’re asking. My old serving maid, Kirsa, lusted after a handsome fisherman. She knew nothing about him, save that he caroused. He was also a charmer. All she’d talk about was the fisherman. He hadn’t really done anything to earn that kind of affection, except be born with good looks. There are probably a lot of things I don’t know about you, but you’re not like Kirsa’s fisherman.”
He lifted his left arm and settled onto his right side, propping his head up on his hand. “Oh?”
“Of course, you aren’t. I complained to Chiron about Kirsa a lot, and he always said to have patience with her. Some people figure it out and some don’t, but actions make the man. You can tell a man’s worth by what he does. I’ve never heard of anyone with more worthy actions than you.” She spoke easily, not even needing to think on her words. He got the sense she’d kept these thoughts bottled up for a long time. “I wanted to be like you, didn’t want to be afraid. I was afraid of the Romans almost all my life. I didn’t want to be someone’s puppet. Always had a problem with rules. I found a lot of those people making the rules weren’t worthy, so why did they deserve my respect by virtue of a title.” She frowned. “I never really respected my parents. It’s horrible, but I feel like, if they hadn’t welcomed Rome, the empire wouldn’t have had such influence in our lives. It upset me, seeing everyone suffer, little children taken as slaves. But everyone around me seemed content to deal with it and focus on other things.”
She smiled and rolled onto her left side to face him. She pointed, tapping her finger over his heart. “Then there was you, risking everything you had, someone I’d never met who felt the same way I did. Only you were so much more courageous. I admired you then. I felt like you were a friend I’d never met. I couldn’t ask you about yourself, so I asked for information. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. Gradually, that admiration turned to…something more. Sorry, I’m rambling.” She lowered her head, cheeks heating.
“It’s all right.” Siegfried couldn’t delude himself she was suffering from some misguided affection, some false image of him. She knew some of his flaws, had tried to see him for the person he was, and didn’t want to change him, except make him smile. “About the numbers, Freya,” he said, “I’d prefer you not mention that to anyone.”
“I haven’t. It sounded a little personal. I know all about that, thanks to Ulf, all the numbers you do and don’t like. You like even numbers, but forty-two is bad because it adds up to six, which is the worst number, ever. Unless it’s trined and that’s really bad.”
“Freya, look at me.” When she lifted her face, there was a sheen of tears lining her eyes, brightening the green. His favorite color. “What’s wrong, little one?”
“Those admissions, I don’t want to scare you away. I know all the things you said about women wanting to tame you.” She took a deep breath. “What now?” Two very weighty words.
“I do not trust very many people. I trust you. You’ve more than earned it. Yes, Freya, I T-rust you. I hope that you still trust me.”
“Trust? You? Me?” Her jaw was hanging open. “Of course, I still trust you. You…you’re always there when I need you. I really should have tried to tell you the truth, and I was going to tell you everything before Hecate interrupted. Um, can I think you’re superhuman now? Because you really are.” A small finger stroked his antlers.
“You fantasized about me. What would you have done if you didn’t find my appearance pleasing?”
“I’d planned on getting old at that point in my life. It didn’t matter. I would’ve found you just fine, because I knew I’d like what was here.” She moved her hand from his antlers and placed it over his heart. “I imagined you burlier, not so lithe. I thought you’d have a lot of scars, maybe missing a hand or an eye by the time our paths crossed. That would’ve been fine, too.”
He rested his hand over hers, then lifted it to graze his lips across her knuckles. “Good. I like what we have, between us. The thought of me on top, you on bottom, or vice-versa, then falling asleep will not do. Not for that long, Freya. What we’ve done, even what you’ve written, does not begin to describe what you’ll undergo at my hands. A fantasy is very different from reality. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you said you weren’t dissatisfied with what we had.”
“It’s very…heady, being with you like that. It’s odd, dreaming of something, then having it materialize in front of you. But I didn’t want it to end.”
“I understand completely. I would still wed you if you’d have me, Freya, and if it’s possible.”
Freya’s eyes widened, then she blurted, “I don’t want you to commit to something like that if you don’t want it. I don’t want you to do it for me because you feel you owe me or—”
“Gods, Freya, without you…without you there wasn’t…” He struggled for the words, growling in frustration. He sat up and pulled her against him, tilting her head up so her face was a breath from his. “Whatever you thought I did for you, you did the same for me. When Julia wanted me to give up piracy, it was your letters that stopped me. It wasn’t just that Julia wanted me to quit. The numbers aren’t there. At least, not for me. But when it comes to Vercingetorix, the people aren’t putting their faith in the right man. The faith needs to be on principles or…” He took a deep breath, searching for the words. He owed Freya this explanation.
“But when Julia made those requests, I thought about this woman I didn’t know who was willing to risk herself because I gave her courage. I thought that there had to be more like you. Now I know that even if it’s only you, that’s enough. I had one of your letters in my tunic the day I told her no. I don’t want to go back to the way I was, never trusting anyone, always alone. You may be the only person I completely trust, but I’ll consider it a victory if I leave the fight against Rome and this world with a certain mermaid of my very
own.” His hand caressed her neck.
Her eyes welled with tears. “Oh, Siegfried.” Her voice was soft, and then she wrapped her arms around his neck. He clasped her against him tighter, unable to let go.
“You do have a mermaid of your very own, one who’ll fight with you. A slightly crazy one, but—”
“Good, that’s just the kind I want.” They had further things to discuss, but damned if he didn’t want to finally bed his mermaid well and good. He pushed aside his desires. “But there are some things I need to tell you before I am distracted.”
He told her, the entire dinner in Asgard in detail, even explaining about Airgetlam’s hand. He knew she had wanted to be there, so he left nothing out. Freya didn’t say anything for long moments after he relayed the events. She bit her bottom lip, brow knitted, then met his gaze. “It doesn’t matter what Woden says. He can’t take me away from you.”
“You’re content with this? This is Bow and Swan, this ending with you chained to my bed, possibly for an eternity.”
****
That sounded like the perfect eternity to Freya. She smiled and touched his antlers again. They were covered in a soft fuzz. She didn’t know where this was going, what it meant, but she wanted more of him right now. She wanted him inside her, for him to have what she’d been saving. It was hers alone to give.
His hand weighing her breasts stopped any thoughts. On a whim, Freya sat up, dissipated her garments and spread her knees.
“That’s right.” Siegfried growled against her neck. “I thought you’d forgotten.”
Impatiently, she placed his hand at the juncture of her thighs so he would know that she did want him, very badly. “I want your hands on me. I want you to control me completely and don’t hold back. I want you, all of you, even those parts you’re reluctant to share. And I’ll give you the same.”
“Aye, then, Freya. Stay where you are. Fold your arms behind your back. Keep your back straight.” He gave her thighs a light slap. “Wider.” When she’d complied, he kissed her lids. “Very good.”
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