And now he had hurt her when the girl might genuinely be in love with him. Damn his own soul to eternal hell, did he have to strike out and hurt every woman that ever crossed his path because his own mother committed the sin of adultery? Because a single woman in his youth betrayed him? Was he that cold, that callous, that damned hard?
He crossed to the bunk, reached down to gather her naked body in his arms and hold her against his chest, wanting to warm her as well as stop the tears that stained her beautiful face. “Kitty, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tear you to pieces that way. The things burning inside me, well, I’ve got my own war going on deep inside and I take it out on you. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not asking you to love me back.” She hid her face against his chest, afraid to look at him lest he see the truth in her eyes. “Just let me love you and stay with you. That is all I ask.”
For a long time he held her without speaking and then Sam banged on the door and bellowed, “Damnit, you two, I’m freezing my butt off out here while you two are in there playing like you hate each other. Open this door before I kick it down!”
Travis laughed and stood up as Kitty began to scramble into her clothes. “I’ll get you that dress of silk, Kitty, and I’ll see that you get some decent food in you and put some meat back on those bones.”
“You mean you’ll take me with you?” she cried exuberantly.
He nodded, walking across to open the door and let Sam in. “We’ll leave first thing in the morning, soon as it’s light. Do what you can for the ones who are sick before we go and tell Andy and Sam what you want them to do.”
Andy!
She stared at his back, chewing her lower lip nervously. How could she insist on Andy going along without giving herself away? She couldn’t leave him behind. Once she was gone and Travis realized she had played him for a fool, he might be so angry that he would kill Andy for revenge. Hadn’t he threatened to often enough? But if she said much about taking him along, it was bound to arouse suspicion.
Sam walked in, shaking snow from his hair and beard, when suddenly a big ball of snow smacked him right on the back of his neck. With a bellow, he wheeled about and took off stumbling through the snow after Andy, who was laughing gleefully over hitting his target. Through the open door, she watched Sam catch him and throw him into a snowbank, covering his face with the icy whiteness.
Kill Andy? No, neither Travis nor Sam would kill the boy. Now it was obvious to her that they liked the youth. And he had grown extremely fond of them. Andy would be all right. They would keep him from harm as best they could. She had to go on now and take her own chances at freedom.
The next morning Kitty bundled up as warmly as possible. Travis gave her a warm woolen cape and a battered old hat to wear. He, himself, wore a poncho. The sun was shining, but the air was bitterly cold and their breath hung in frosty puffs in the air. They took a wagon, driven by two men with a team of four horses, and six more soldiers accompanied them. “Not much to fight with if we run into trouble,” Travis told Sam. “But at least we won’t look too dangerous ourselves. Let’s just pray we get down and through the pass without a skirmish.”
Everything was covered with a layer of freshly fallen snow. Trees bent down toward the earth, their branches weighted by ice and snow. All was still, the silence shattered only by the sounds of their horses struggling to move through the frozen forest.
“Kitty, are you warm?” Travis asked her, twisting in his saddle to look back. They were riding single file.
She managed to smile. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so cold in my whole life. But it’s okay. I’m fine. I’m just thinking about that warm bed in Murfreesboro.” A look passed between them and for the moment there was warmth. Then Kitty reminded herself it was all an act and soon, if everything worked out according to plan, she would be safely across the lines and into Confederate hands. All she had to do was keep her ears open and find out where the Southern army was camped, and then one night when Travis went out for a drink or supplies, she would slip out, steal a horse, and ride! It seemed so easy—too easy, in fact—now that he wasn’t having someone watch her every single minute.
They entered a pass cautiously. On each side, ledges weighted down by heavy snowbanks loomed ominously. They headed through slowly, downward into the valley and then up again, each of them gazing about intently for any sign of danger.
Suddenly, Travis’s arm shot straight up, a signal for them to halt in their tracks. “Up there,” he pointed, speaking to the soldier closest to him, Jabe Harris from Pennsylvania. “I saw something glinting in the sun when the clouds parted. We’d better take cover. It could be an ambush.”
They moved into the trees on either side, while Jabe and another soldier rode cautiously up the side of the pass, moving slowly in the snowbanks. No one spoke. Kitty stared anxiously at Travis, but he was watching his men, eyes squinted in the glare of the snow and ice. The men disappeared around a bend, out of sight, but still he looked in that direction.
Perhaps ten minutes passed. Kitty waited tensely for the sound of gunfire. There was only silence, save for the mournful scream of the wind whipping down out of the mountains, swirling about them like some unseen foreboding ghost telling them that only danger, and possibly death, awaited.
“Captain!” It was Jabe, unseen but clearly heard, and he sounded frightened.
Travis moved quickly forward, motioning everyone else to stay back, but Kitty, not about to be left behind, dug her heels into the horse’s flanks. They plunged ahead, and the sight that greeted them as they rounded a bend made both of them gasp in horror.
There were four soldiers frozen at their post and completely enveloped in ice. Their eyes were open, staring straight ahead, mirroring the horror of their deaths. Icicles hung from their rifles, their noses, their chins—completely frozen in death.
“Rebs?” Travis asked tonelessly.
“Yes, sir.”
“Leave them be. We’ve got to move on.”
They rejoined the others, moving ahead slowly through the pass, each lost in thought. A few talked about the bodies, the way they’d looked. Kitty and Travis were silent, not wanting to discuss the horror of the scene.
They rode through the day, stopping for the night to camp beside a fire that strong winds kept blowing out. Kitty snuggled next to Travis beneath thin blankets, and he held her close. She prayed once again that he believed she really and truly loved him, and she told her stinging conscience that actually she felt nothing. Nathan. She had to keep thinking of Nathan.
Suddenly, as dawn broke on the icy world around them, a voice boomed out, “Freeze, Rebs, or prepare to enter hell before breakfast!”
Eyes flashed open, but no one moved. Kitty stifled a scream, expecting a bullet to come ripping into her heart at any moment. All around them stood men in tattered blue uniforms, guns pointed straight at them.
“Want to know what happened to your picket?” said a burly man with a thick beard, grinning. He seemed to be the leader. “He fell asleep at his post, but little did he know it was to be an eternal sleep, because now he’s got a Federal knife stuck in his throat.”
The movement came as a jolting surprise. What man in his right mind with a dozen guns pointed right at him would dare to leap to his feet, red-faced with anger. The soldiers were so stunned they did not fire as Travis yelled, “You goddamned fool! That was a Federal soldier you murdered! We’re Federals! Union soldiers! I’m Captain Travis Coltrane, U.S. Cavalry, under special assignment to General Grant.”
“Sir, I’m sorry…” The soldier quickly signaled to his men to put down their guns, while he kept his trained on Travis. “I will need to see some identification, sir. I hope you understand.”
“Of course,” Coltrane snapped, reaching for his haversack and bringing you some papers. When the soldier was satisfied with his identity, he put his own gun away. “Now suppose you tell me who the hell you are!”
“Sergeant Jay West. Third New York. We’re pa
trolling for General Rosecrans. He’s licking his wounds in Murfreesboro.”
“And that’s where we’re headed.” Travis motioned to his men to get moving. “We don’t stop to eat. We ride straight into Murfreesboro before we run into some more bloodthirsty soldiers.”
“Sir, I am sorry.”
Travis brushed by him, yanking his saddle from the ground and throwing it on top of his horse.
“Sir, you know the penalty for falling asleep on picket. That man could’ve been shot if he’d been found. You know Grant’s rules.”
Travis whirled about, eyes blazing. “My men are sick, cold, half starved, and it’s no goddamned wonder he did fall asleep. That’s still no excuse for you sticking a knife in his throat because you were so damned eager to kill somebody you couldn’t take the time to find out which side he was on. Yours is the error, Sergeant, not my man’s for falling asleep on duty!”
Sergeant West spurred his horse up alongside Coltrane’s as they moved out. Kitty quickly moved close behind, eager to hear anything that might aid her plans for escape.
“You been up in the mountains all winter, Captain?” the Sergeant asked solicitously, anxious to make amends.
“Yeah. Rounding up deserters on both sides. But we’ve got to have supplies. We’ve had to start eating frozen horses.”
West shuddered in revulsion, then quickly changed the subject. “You heard about Antietam? You heard about Mr. Lincoln replacing McClellan with General Ambrose Burnside?”
“We don’t get much information where we’re camped, but we’ve managed to learn a little bit now and then.”
West plunged on eagerly, “Around the middle of December, Burnside ordered six big assaults against Lee’s army that were up on the heights above Fredericksburg in Virginia. It was nothing but a useless slaughter, Captain. They say Burnside just sat down and cried over all the killing. They got over ten thousand of our men, I hear tell. The Rebs lost less than half that many. Then, a few weeks later, Burnside tried a secret march and got bogged down in mud and couldn’t cover over a mile a day. Called it the ‘Mud March’, they did, and it sure finished up Burnside. He just up and gave up his command to General Joseph Hooker.”
They talked on about the war, but Kitty was unable to learn any information that might tell her where Nathan would be. He could be anywhere. The war was going on all over, it seemed. Somehow, some way, she had to find him.
They reached the town of Murfreesboro, and the first thing that caught Kitty’s eye was the cattle pen next to the railroad which held Confederate prisoners. They wore tattered uniforms, and they looked thin, emaciated. Could Nathan be one of them, she thought with a painful twist of her heart, her eyes scanning the crowd of soldiers.
The prisoners shouted obscenities. She saw some of the guards hitting at them with the butts of their rifles. Travis turned once to look at her, but she kept her eyes straight ahead, pretending indifference.
Through the muddy, rutted street they rode, stopping finally in front of a ramshackle hotel set back from the other buildings and stores. “General Rosecrans is quartered here,” Sergeant West said as they prepared to dismount. “There are ample rooms upstairs for you and your lady. The other soldiers can camp at the edge of town with us.”
Travis helped Kitty from her horse and held tightly to her arm as they went up the steps and entered the hotel. To one side, there was a saloon, and on the other, steps wound upward. Travis introduced himself to a soldier standing guard, saying first he wanted a room for Kitty and then he needed to talk with Rosecrans right away. The soldier nodded, holding out his hand to Kitty, who brushed by him and walked on up the steps.
He led her to a room at the end of the hallway, and she stepped inside to survey the shabbiness. Worn, frayed carpets, a grease-stained bedspread on a sagging iron-postered bed. A chair and a rickety table were the only other furnishings. The windows were broken out. The soldier noticed her dismay and said apologetically, “You know we’ve had some skirmishes here, lady, and things are kind of in a bad way. We haven’t had time to fix up, and nobody knew you were coming.”
“This will do nicely,” she said, her voice crisp. Already she had noted the window at the end of the hall and the outside stairway leading downward probably to a rear alley. When the time came for escape, it would be very easily accomplished—if she could make the right contacts. “I’ll have some food sent up.” The soldier went out, closing the door behind him. She waited to hear it lock, but there was no such sound. Travis did trust her. There was to be no locked door. She hugged herself with delight and hurried to peer out one of the broken windows.
The stockade where the prisoners were held was in sight. Surely there would be one soldier down there among them who would know something about Nathan, where he might be fighting. And surely to goodness, one of them, if not more, would be willing to attempt escape and take her with him. It wasn’t much of a plan, not yet, but she would quickly work things out. It was now or never!
The sound of the door opening made her whirl about, startled. Travis stood there, smiling, a tray of hot food in his hands—griddle cakes, coffee, bacon. It smelled heavenly. “I’m having a tub of hot water sent up. Then you can get that bath you’ve been hoping for…”
“And have you in my arms as I’ve been hoping for,” she said meaningfully, lowering her lashes to look at him seductively.
He set the tray down, then took her in his arms and kissed her firmly. “That will have to wait, love. I’ve important business to discuss with Rosecrans. I may have some bad news for you, too, but let’s wait on that until I’m certain.”
“Bad news?” She stared at him, frightened. “Travis, don’t make me fret. Tell me, please…”
He sighed, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have even mentioned it till I was sure. But I guess you will worry now. I’ve just been told that a man named Nathan Bedford Forrest, a general for the Rebels, has started attacks and raids that have to be checked. Colonel Ben Grierson is gathering as many Federal cavalrymen as possible in La Grange, Tennessee, and Rosecrans says Grant wants me to take my men and go with him. We’re going to tear up railroads and supply depots all the way to Louisiana and help clear the way for Grant’s campaign against Vicksburg.”
“What does this have to do with me?” she demanded. “Do you think I’m going to shout it out the window? Are you about to tell me I’m to be bound and gagged to keep from telling what you plan to do?”
She stomped her foot, face red with anger, and Travis had to laugh. “No, princess.” He grinned, kissing the tip of her nose. “I don’t believe you’ll do that. And who would you tell? Those Rebel prisoners down there who’ll be off to prison as soon as the next train comes through? I’m telling you this because you may have to stay behind. The ride will be rough, and even though we may need your medical skills, it won’t be any place for a woman. I’ll have to go back and get Sam and the others and head for La Grange to meet Colonel Grierson. You’ll have to stay here with Rosecrans. He’ll put you with the field surgical unit.”
“I don’t want you to leave me,” she cried, pretending to be heartbroken. “How can you do this to me, Travis…to us? Don’t I mean anything to you at all?”
He grabbed her, holding her close against his chest. “Of course, you do, precious, but I can’t endanger your life. Before, it didn’t matter. I’ll be honest with you. You meant nothing to me, but now you do, and I want you to be kept as safe as possible. Cavalry raids are very dangerous, and I just can’t take you with me.”
She hated herself for actually feeling regret that he would be leaving her soon. She hated him, didn’t she? Oh, God, the whole world was turning upside down! She had to get away—return to her people—before she completely lost her sanity!
“Sir, Rosecrans is waiting,” a voice came through the door.
“I may be late.” He kissed her again. “Enjoy your food. Take that hot bath. And wait up for me.”
He walked out, closing the door behind him, and K
itty tiptoed to the door, pressed her ear against the thin wood, and listened. “Get the lady her bath and then clear this floor. I don’t want any of these men getting ideas about peeking through keyholes.”
“Sir, with you and the commander right next door, I think guards should be allowed to be on post,” a strange voice commented worriedly.
“Place a guard downstairs. Hell, soldier, the only Rebs around here are at the stockade! I gave you an order, now follow it.”
Next door, she thought feverishly. The conference between Travis and Rosecrans would take place right next door. And there would be no guards posted in the hallway because she was supposed to be taking a bath! Oh, it was all too easy, she thought, hugging herself with delight. She ate ravenously, then pretended excitement over the washtub of hot water that was brought in by two shiny-eyed soldiers. She waited about ten minutes, then slowly opened the door and stepped into the hallway. There was no sound except for low voices coming from the room next door, and she tiptoed in that direction, praying the floor would not creak beneath her feet.
“It’s true that the Northern grip is tightening,” she heard a strange voice saying as she pressed her ear against the door. “Grant’s bogged down in that damned steaming low country north of Vicksburg, and I’m inactive here trying to get my men back together. It’ll take six months or more. Hell, at last count I lost thirteen thousand men.”
There was a low whistle, and then Travis’s voice, saying, “What happens next?”
“Hooker’s doing a fine job with the Army of the Potomac. You know, he’s shown real talent as an organizer, which came as a surprise to many. He drinks at lot, but he’s a leader, and that’s what counts. He can whip his men into shape. Makes them shave, clean themselves up. I’m afraid I haven’t been able to fret over such matters.”
“Nor have I,” Travis admitted doggedly. “I’ve been too worried about keeping them alive to worry about keeping them clean.”
“Hooker’s sent word to Mr. Lincoln that it’s not a question of whether or not he can take Richmond—it’s a matter of when.”
Love and War: The Coltrane Saga, Book 1 Page 32