Nissa sipped her coffee and watched me, her expression thoughtful. “Do you really want to leave?”
After a moment of thought, I shook my head. “No… yes.” I shrugged. “To be honest, I really don't know.” My thoughts were scattered, leaving me undecided on a course of action and struggling to stick with any plan. It was both infuriating and incredibly frustrating.
“Let's look at the situation logically.”
“I've heard the Fae are a logical race,” I agreed with a faint grin, which disappeared as quickly as it had arrived. “I have to get my baby back. Without him, what's the point to all this? Nememiah thinks he's perfectly safe where he is, but he's being cared for by strangers. Nememiah says he won't let him get hurt, but he doesn't understand that my baby should be with me.”
Nissa scooped another small spoonful of ice cream from the tub, licking it delicately from the spoon. “If you had your son here with you, right now – what do you think you would do?”
“Protect him with my life.” The answer needed no forethought.
Nissa smiled, nodding thoughtfully. “Interesting. You would protect your son with your life – but there was no mention of leaving your friends and running away.”
I shrugged, swirling the remains of my coffee in the mug. “What's your point?”
“Angel, I don't believe you want to leave these people. You don't want to leave Conal Tremaine.” She leaned into the backrest on her chair and eyed me, a look of consideration in her gaze. “I think you are braver than you believe. I think if you had your son here in your arms, you would fight to the death to protect him and his freedom. Much as you have done for the group who seeks sanctuary with you now.”
“They don't trust me.”
Nissa sighed heavily, shaking her head. “Are you always this stubborn? I don't recall you being this obstinate in Tamekeel.”
I swallowed back a smile. “I've heard a rumor that I can be stubborn.” Although my sudden burst of pigheadedness took the cake. The smile died on my lips. “Archangelo would never have allowed me to have my own opinion.”
Nissa leaned forward, crossing her arms on the table. “Let's, for a moment, look at this from their perspective.” She waved her spoon haphazardly, indicating the camp in its entirety.
“You aren't the first person to suggest that.”
Nissa ignored me. “You disappeared months ago. Your friends have fought constantly to defend Zaen from the enemy. They battled bravely, but the addition of the Fae to the Drâghici ranks meant Zaen was overcome.” She shook her head, admiration shining in her eyes. “It is amazing they held out as long as they did. Three thousand against the might of the Fae is a formidable challenge. Three thousand against the combined forces of the Fae, the vampires, and the demons is a challenge impossible to win.” Her gaze was earnest when she looked at me from across the table. “It was due to the outstanding leadership of your Conal Tremaine that they survived for so long.”
I chewed my lip anxiously at the mention of my Conal Tremaine. Thinking about leaving him made my heart ache, but a torrent of anger swiftly overwhelmed the ache when I recalled his lack of trust.
“When they abandoned Zaen,” Nissa continued, “they found a modicum of security here in this forest, but their position is tenuous at best. All the enchantments in the world will not keep the enemy from attacking, once this position is located. And it is only a matter of time before that happens.”
She settled back in the chair, scooping up another mouthful of ice cream. “Within a week of Zaen falling, they are contacted and advised you're alive and we want to return you to their group.” Nissa eyed me cautiously, as if she expected an explosive reaction at any moment. “Is it any wonder they are suspicious? While for you and I – mainly me – this was the culmination of some deep-seated suspicions regarding the truth of your role as Archangelo's wife – I can't help thinking that in their position, I would most certainly question the timing of your reappearance.”
“All right,” I admitted begrudgingly. “I get the point.”
Nissa's smile was supremely self-satisfied. “I thought you might.”
“But it doesn't change anything. I have to get my baby back.”
Nissa nodded. “I know, Angel. But we need to get your baby back by employing logic, not emotion.” She dropped her spoon onto the table and picked up the coffee mug, cradling it between her fingers. “I know you want immediate action, but we should proceed cautiously. If you storm into the Realm, the chances of you being captured are extremely high. I know you haven't experienced a nightmare since your return, but we can reasonably assume that Archangelo is incensed by your escape. He and Aethelwine will have employed the entire Queen's Guard in an endeavor to locate you.”
“I can't let Lucas be involved. I can't lose the last link I have with him, no matter what happens.”
“It must be strange, to be in love with two males at the same time,” Nissa mused aloud. She noticed my startled reaction and smiled. “Rowena… how do you say it? Brought me up to velocity regarding your relationship with both Conal and Lucas.”
For a moment, I stared at her blankly, and then I began to giggle. “Brought you up to speed, Nissa.”
“It is lovely to see you smile,” Nissa nodded approvingly. “Now, we must concentrate on making a plan to bring your son home.”
“Nememiah insists he's safe. He doesn't seem to understand why I can't accept that.” I leaned my chin again my fist, decidedly remorseful about my recent conversation with the Angel. “I gave him an ultimatum.”
Nissa's eyes widened. “You gave the Angel – Nememiah – an ultimatum?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “You're braver than I thought.”
“Either brave or incredibly stupid,” I admitted with a grimace. “I told him he either gave my baby back, or I was pulling out of this war.”
“And his response was?”
I heaved out a sigh. “He told me I'm Nememiah's Child, and I'll do what he tells me to do. That's when I made the decision to leave.”
Nissa seemed genuinely flabbergasted. “You dared to speak in this manner to one of the Angels?”
“He and I share a love-and-hate relationship.”
Nissa turned towards the mess entrance and I followed her gaze, inwardly cringing when I saw Conal leading the Tine men, Epi, and Gabrielle towards our table. Conal's expression was grim, and I noticed they were all armed. I braced myself for the angry tirade I quite rightly deserved.
Conal came to a stop beside my chair, his face impassive and no outward signs visible of his earlier rage. “We're heading out to find your son,” he announced. “The council agreed we can try and locate him with Gabby's assistance.”
I stood up abruptly, eyeing the group and chagrin washed over me, along with a healthy dose of remorse. “Conal—”
His expression hardened. “I'm not arguing this out with you, Charlotte. You're not going into the Realm. It would be insane to take a risk like that, and I'll tie you up if I have to, to keep you here.”
I turned to Ben, saw the same determination in his expression. He was wearing the standard fighting uniform of camouflage pants and a black t-shirt. “You're— you're all going?”
“Guess we kind of owe you, Lott,” Striker announced cheerfully. “We wanted to trust you – you know that, don't you? But we didn't know whether the Drâghici had brainwashed you or something. None of us meant to hurt your feelings.”
Ripley spoke up. He too had traded his more formal attire for camouflage pants and a black t-shirt. “Charlotte, I do hope you understand that I would never willingly hurt you. But what we did, it was to ensure the safety of everyone in the group. There was no ulterior motive, and when Conal asked me to keep an eye on you, I truly was concerned for your well-being.”
“We all agreed with Conal's decision,” Epi added gruffly. “Your return to Zaen was so unexpected and came so soon after Zaen's fall—” He stopped short, gazing at me over the top of his glasses. “All of us are to bla
me, not Conal alone.”
I glanced over at Nissa, tears brimming against my eyelashes. “I don't blame you… Nissa has been persuading me to see things from your point of view.” I peeked up at Conal's face, hoping to see some emotion, but his eyes remained cool and his expression impassive. I lowered my gaze to the floor before I spoke. “I'm sorry, for the way I've been behaving, for losing my temper. But please, don't go now.”
“Charlotte, you want your baby back,” Conal growled.
I nodded, blinking back tears. “I do. I want that more than anything. But I've had some time to think,” I took a deep breath and swallowed deeply, trying to keep my errant thought processes on the straight and narrow, “and our highest priority has to be reclaiming Zaen.”
A stunned silence descended on the group, as the men all stared at me in surprise. Even Nissa seemed startled by the abrupt turnabout. I hurried to explain.
“It's not safe here. They'll eventually locate us, whether Archangelo can see me when he's sleeping or not.” I fingered the pendant at my throat nervously. “Nememiah says the baby is safe in the Realm, and he'll intercede if that situation changes. I think we need to find a way to rebuild Zaen, get our people back behind the safety of the city's walls.”
Conal cursed a blue streak, words erupting from his mouth unchecked. “For Christ's sake, Charlotte! Can you make up your mind? Shit, you're driving us all crazy!”
A groundswell of resentment burst through my fragile composure. “Easy for you to say, Mr. I'm going to take over the world while my girlfriend gets screwed by the enemy!”
“Charlotte!” Ben stepped forward, sounding alarmed.
“Leave me alone!” I shrieked, stumbling backwards into Nissa. “None of you know how I'm feeling! You're all driving me freaking nuts! Why the hell can't you just leave me alone?”
“What the hell's wrong with you?” Conal demanded.
“What's wrong with me?” I shouted. “What the hell's wrong with you? Treating me like a traitor, having sex with me and pretending you love me, when you only wanted to see if I was spying for the Drâghici! Bet you wanted me to be a spy, because then you can keep grandstanding yourself!” I was shaking with rage. “Bet you hoped to find some reason to lock me up, just so you could be the boss of everything!” I lifted my hand, intent on slapping the sorry son of a bitch straight into next week, but Nissa caught my wrist in an unyielding grip.
“Conal,” she grunted, trying to keep out of the way of my flailing arms and legs, “something's—”
“—very wrong,” Conal finished grimly.
Chapter 18: An Emotional Firecracker
“That explains a great deal.”
I watched as Jerome, Goren and Epi broke up their conference and turned to me. Jerome limped across to stand beside the gurney, his thick eyebrows drawn together when he gazed down at me. “How do you feel now?”
“Less… volatile.”
Jerome glanced at Goren, who had joined him at my side and the Elven man patted my shoulder. “The anger has reduced? The confusion?”
I stared at Goren, narrowing my eyes before returning my attention to Jerome. “What's going on? Why do I feel as if my brain's in high gear and my emotions are all over the shop?”
Jerome adjusted his balance on the cane, his lips thinned. “Charlotte, you're suffering drug withdrawals. The same way a cocaine addict suffers without access to a supply.”
“I thought I was over that.”
Goren shook his head. “We believe it's the Fae magic. The effects of the human drugs have faded; the Fae magic seems to have a stronger hold over your mind. It's causing the massive emotional upheavals you're suffering from.” Goren fidgeted uncomfortably, the corners of his eyes crinkling in a frown. “I have no knowledge of Fae magic ever being used on a human before.”
“How long will it last?” I demanded.
“We don't know,” Jerome admitted.
I sat up straighter, staring at Jerome with a raised eyebrow. “You're telling me I'm going to be an emotional firecracker for… you don't know how long?”
Jerome's mouth curved into a grim smile. “An emotional firecracker. Good analogy.” He shook his head. “To be honest, Lottie, I don't have a clue. We don't have any way of counteracting the Fae magic.”
I turned to Goren. “Any ideas?”
“Talk to Nememiah, Little One.”
I wrinkled my nose, wary of the suggestion. “He— he might not be talking to me right now.”
Jerome grinned. “And that would be because…”
I rolled my eyes, heaving a dramatic sigh. “I read Nememiah the riot act. Told him if he didn't give me my baby back, I wasn't going to fight his war. To say he's annoyed would be an understatement.
Goren's eyes twinkled, but he kept his face composed. “Ah, Little One, you never cease to surprise me.”
“Why do I feel so calm now?”
Jerome answered. “I've given you a mild analgesic. It seems to be enough to make you a little more relaxed and reduce the symptoms of the Fae magic on your body.”
Jerome's cautious explanation seemed to imply this wouldn't be a short-term problem. “I might have to take it for a while?” I questioned.
“Until we can work out a better way of dealing with this, yes, I'm afraid so.”
“I will leave you in Jerome's capable hands, Little One. I intend to consult with my Fae brethren, try to locate someone who might be able to help.” With another reassuring pat on my shoulder, Goren left the tent.
“You feel better, child?” Epi questioned. He'd been standing at the end of the gurney, uncharacteristically silent.
“Not so crazy, if that's what you mean. I seem to be able to think more clearly.” I glanced over at Jerome. “Where's Conal?”
Jerome glanced up from the chart he was reviewing. “He's gone out into the woods, I believe. I'll ask someone to find him if you want.?”
I slipped my legs over the side of the gurney and sat up. “I should talk to him myself.”
“Lottie, don't you dare walk out of here again,” Jerome protested. “I warned you yesterday about rushing your recovery, and look how that turned out.”
“I need to find Conal.”
Jerome raked a hand through his hair, lifting the cane from the floor and shaking it at me. “This isn't up for discussion.”
“Jerome, after what I said to Conal, I'm not certain he'll be able to forgive me. I really need to find him, talk to him myself. How often will I need more of that stuff?”
“Every four hours at a minimum, to keep you calm. At least until we get this under control. You can't—”
I glanced at my watch and jumped down from the gurney. “Great. That gives me about three and a half hours. I promise I'll come back, right on time.”
Jerome rolled his eyes, attaching the clipboard to the end of the gurney impatiently. “Fine. Three and half hours. Not one minute more, you hear me?”
“I promise.”
William was standing outside the tent and I didn't need to ask how he'd known my intentions because Ripley stood a few feet behind him. “Seriously, guys?” I questioned. “Don't you trust me?”
Shock registered on Ripley's face before he realized I was teasing, and I chuckled. For the first time since I'd started to recover, I was feeling more like my normal self. “I owe you an apology, Ripley.”
He glanced down at me, his expression somber. “You really don't owe me anything, Charlotte. I wasn't comfortable keeping such a close watch on you, but we honestly believed it was for the greater good of the group.”
“I know.”
William glanced down at me, a tiny smile lifting his lips. “This Charlotte is a lot easier to get along with.”
I grinned. “If it's any consolation, I nearly drove myself nuts.”
William nodded. “Excellent. Glad to hear it wasn't only us.”
For a split second, I considered slapping him but then thought better of it. Hitting a vampire was never a good idea.
“Wise choice,” Ripley remarked softly. “You would only hurt yourself.”
“Don't suppose you'd consider backing out of my head?”
“Sorry. While you are still struggling with the magic of the Fae, I'm firmly entrenched for the duration, I'm afraid.”
“Hope you enjoy the ride.”
Ripley grinned as we reached the edge of the camp. “Ah – now that is the Charlotte we have come to know and love.”
I stopped at the tree line, peering into the darkness. “I might need your help.”
“I'll go,” Ripley offered. “Conal's been changing regularly into his wolf form for months now, seems to find it a release from being the boss of everything.” With a delighted grin at his own wit, he took off at preternatural speed, disappearing into the darkness.
I settled cross-legged on the still-warm ground, prepared to wait for however long it took Ripley to locate Conal. The analgesic was having a positive effect; I was composed and ready to sort things out. Maybe I should be taking the meds permanently, I mused. Between the analgesic and the fearless sigil, I'd be virtually indestructible.
William settled beside me, his long legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle. “You seem considerably calmer.”
“Guess I've given everyone reason to be concerned.”
“That's very true.” He leaned back, resting his hands behind him as he surveyed the forest. “I haven't had the opportunity to mention how delighted we are by your return.”
“I'm glad to be back.”
“You're the closest thing I've had to a sister in many years,” William added quietly.
I remained silent for a minute or two, tossing over what I should say. Trying to balance whether what I had to tell William would be news he would welcome, or information that would tip him back into melancholy over his dead wife and child, and lost family. It was impossible to know how much of the urge to speak to him came from the Fae magic causing chaos in my brain. I wrestled with the idea for another minute or two before I spoke. “Your sister still loves you, William.”
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