“It was a beast,” I admitted.
“Why don't you go and shower? Patrick and I can come along to keep you company,” she suggested and I agreed gratefully. I was tired and aching, sweaty and filthy. A shower sounded wonderful, and a meal was a close third on my list of requirements, straight after a cuddle with my son.
Conal caressed my back. “I'll meet you at the mess. I'll see Epi and the others, bring them up to speed with the plan and introduce them to our new—” he watched a few of the new Fae being guided through the camp by Matt and Clint, “friends.”
“Problems?” Rowena questioned as we walked towards Conal's tent.
“One of the Fae attacked Conal with a dagger. But he came around when he saw what I could do.”
“Is he one of the Fae you've brought back with you?”
“Yeah. A guy named Gilborg of Tamekeel. He threw a dagger at Conal, but I managed to stop it before it hit him. Once Gilborg watched me rebuild the walls, he decided to join us, but it's hard to know whether he's genuine or not.” I heaved out a breath, feeling quite defeated as I explained Ripley's suggestion of using Conal to mind probe each Fae.
Rowena patted Patrick's back gently, deep in thought. “That sounds like an excellent idea, and I hope it will work. But if not, what about asking them some questions?” Seeing my lifted eyebrows, she continued. “Charlotte, they can't lie.”
“But they can bend the truth.”
Rowena smiled impishly. “How far can they bend the truth, if the question we ask requires a simple answer? Either a yes, or a no.”
I turned the suggestion in my head for a minute or two. “I guess you're right. If we word the questions right, it could work.” It wasn't a perfect solution, but it might give us a little more security and was another option to pursue if the mind probing was a bust.
“I think it might be worth a try. What do we have to lose? Have they volunteered to have the mark?”
We reached Conal's tent and I stepped inside. “I'm not sure. Goren and Arasinya have been working with them. I'll find out later, when they come back through the portal.”
Grabbing some fresh clothes, we made our way towards the communal showers and I stifled a groan. I'd love to wallow in the water – but regrettably, the three-minute rule would come between me and my yearning. Yet another reason to return to Zaen, as soon as possible. Would it be poor leadership to fix the plumbing in one of the cottages, and gain access to a real shower first?
I stepped into a vacant cubicle. The facilities were rudimentary at best – a large, khaki green tent, divided into fifteen individual shower cubicles by lengths of canvas. Epi had set up a shower system with water retrieved from huge tanks behind the tent. How the water got heated, I couldn't comprehend, but three minutes of steaming hot water was better than nothing.
Standing under the water, the pain in my temples eased with the flow across my scalp. Despite the painkillers Conal had supplied, I still had a headache and I suspected it would continue until I'd had a good night's sleep. Something to look forward to; it would no doubt repeat itself every time I worked on rebuilding Zaen.
I'd gotten out of the shower, dried and dressed before I heard voices.
“… I think you're wrong, Rachel. He won't leave her.”
“He will. He would have gotten over her, eventually, if she hadn't turned up again.”
I recognized the second voice – it was Rachel, the werewolf Conal had dated briefly. I didn't know the other voice but presumed it must be another member of the Tremaine pack.
“Rachel, you need to forget about this. Honestly, you've been hung up on him for months now, and he isn't interested.”
“He was interested and I'm not hung up. Anyway, he's brought it on himself, announcing she's his life mate. As if that could happen!”
I remained at a standstill, torn over what to do. Was Rachel in a shower cubicle of her own, or standing out in the open area of the tent? No, if she'd been out in the main area, she would have noticed Rowena and kept her mouth shut.
“I think it's kind of romantic. You know he was interested in her for months before Lucas Tine died.”
“It's bullshit. Life mates are so rare, it hardly ever happens. And it certainly wouldn't happen with her.” Rachel's voice was stubborn, her words carrying throughout the tent. “He's pack leader. He needs to marry a pureblooded werewolf.”
“The pack elders are going to bypass that rule, if they think Conal's going to marry her. She's the Nememiah's Child. I think that trumps being a pureblood werewolf.”
“The rules are the rules, Libby,” Rachel responded coldly. “He's not allowed to marry her, not unless he gives up the pack. And he'll never do that. The elders are going to make sure it doesn't happen.”
I hurried out of the cubicle and discovered Rowena standing near the entrance, her eyes blazing with fury. As I'd suspected, Rachel and her friend must have been speaking inside the cubicles, flouting the three-minute water rule, which only served to make me angrier. A glance at my watch confirmed I had less than fifteen minutes until the next injection was due – did that mean this swirling, growing anger was due to the Fae magic? Was my reaction different to what it would normally be? My immediate instinct was to beat the crap out of Rachel – which didn't seem particularly rational. Shaking my head when Rowena opened her mouth, I took Patrick from her arms and left the tent in a hurry, desperate to avoid a confrontation. I didn't know what was going on, but I fully intended to find out.
Things didn't improve when Nick approached us as we hurried through the camp, letting me know that Conal had gone to an urgent Tremaine pack meeting. My heart sunk like a stone down into my toes, and I turned to Rowena with panic in my eyes.
Chapter 25: Bad Decisions
“Do you want to tell me what's going on?”
Conal had hardly entered the tent when I accosted him. He'd been gone for hours, giving me ample time to reduce my lifespan with endless worry.
He stopped just past the flap of the tent, his expression wary and tiredness visible in the lines around his eyes. His chin was covered in the stubble of a day's beard growth and he watched me quietly for a minute. “Charlotte, we need to talk.”
Alarmed by the defeated tone in his voice, I motioned for him to sit beside me on one of the bedrolls, where I cradled Patrick. Conal slumped onto the bedroll, causing further unease when he didn't draw me into his arms as he normally would, didn't lean over to kiss me. “What's up?” I questioned, trying to keep trepidation from creeping into my voice.
“I can't stay long. The pack's holding another meeting at midnight.”
Patting Patrick's bottom inattentively, I turned to stare at him. “A meeting? What for?”
Conal inhaled sharply, tugging his fingers through his dark hair. By the look of it, he'd been doing it a lot. “I'm being censured. For falling in love and refusing to meet my obligations to marry a pureblood.”
“Refusing?” I echoed.
Conal clasped his hands together, his gaze deliberately lowered. “I confirmed what I told Nememiah, Charlotte. You're my life mate.”
“Life mate?” It seemed all I was capable of was echoing what he said. I couldn't seem to think clearly; even though I'd heard the words before, I didn't comprehend what they meant.
Conal continued. “Charlotte, the very first time I met you, I recognized what you were. My life mate. The one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The only person I could truly love, give my heart and my soul to.”
He paused, crossing his arms over his chest before he looked up. “Of course, there was the minor complication of you being with Lucas at the time, but it didn't change how I felt, what I knew about my feelings for you.”
“I still don't understand,” I admitted.
“It's an extremely rare occurrence, due to the mix of blood, the lack of pureblood werewolves. It only— should only – happen between purebloods, and even then, it's not something that happens more than once in a generation.” He re
ached over, capturing my cheek against his palm. “That's what you are to me, Charlotte. The only woman in the world who I will ever truly love.” He dropped his hand from my cheek, and I immediately missed the warmth of his skin against mine.
“I remember you saying it to Nememiah, heard the reaction of some of the others, but I didn't think any more on it after Nememiah gave Patrick back. Why didn't you tell me any of this before now?”
Conal shrugged. “I was frightened, I guess. Frightened that if I told you what it meant, it would freak you out and you'd run.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What does it mean?”
“Even I'm not sure.” He saw my startled look and hurried to explain. “Charlotte, to my knowledge – this has never happened before. Only pureblood werewolves have life mates – and that's always been another pureblood werewolf. And even then, it's incredibly rare. The last ones in our pack were Nonny and my grandfather, more than a century past.”
This was doing nothing to decrease the residual headache I was suffering. “And you thought that would make me run?” I couldn't understand why it was so important, but I was certain there must be more to it.
“Life mates are exactly what they sound like. They mate with each other for life.”
“Doesn't sound so bad,” I remarked. Imagining the rest of my life with Conal was one of my favorite daydreams. I wanted to be with him always.
“Charlotte, listen to me.” Conal's fierce expression struck me and I frowned. “Nowadays, all sorts of things happen to marriages. Affairs, divorce – shit, some people just get sick of one another and break up.” He sighed. “You're only twenty-one, Sugar. I didn't want to explain all this until later, not until I'd had a chance to be certain you would really want it, would want to spend the rest of your life with me.”
“I do want that.”
Conal smiled briefly and leaned forward to brush a kiss across my lips. “You don't know how much I wanted to hear you say that.” He straightened up. “But it doesn't change anything. Marrying me – it's a permanent arrangement. There's no backing out, no divorce. It wouldn't matter if you ended up hating my guts – you must stay married to me for life. I'm forty years old, Charlotte. I know what I want and what I want is you. I don't doubt it, and I know I'll never stop loving you. But you're only twenty-one. You've only ever known two men and you haven't dated much. I know you love me,” he added hurriedly when I opened my mouth to protest, “but this is a huge decision for you. If you marry me, there's no escaping if you change your mind. I've told them you're my life mate – the marriage has got to last forever. The penalty for divorcing a life mate is death. And that's where it gets complicated.”
“Why?”
“Because you aren't a werewolf. You can't experience the same feelings as I do for you as my selected life mate. You can't be tied to the life mate bonding as I will be.” He rubbed a weary hand across his chin. “And regardless of anything else, I'm about to be censured.” He shrugged helplessly. “Christ, the whole thing is a damn mess.”
It seemed prudent to ignore his comment about my feelings not being as strong as his. “What's a censure?” The word rolled off my tongue, sounding ominous. “Is that when they sack you as Alpha?”
Conal's features darkened. “Sweetheart, I haven't told you the whole truth about what happens if I don't marry a werewolf. I didn't want to worry you more than necessary and there's been so much shit going on. Things hadn't been brought to a head, so I didn't think it was important.”
“It sounds important now.”
Conal lapsed into silence for a few seconds and a vein pounded in his temple, catching my attention. “It is important. The pack will censure me for declaring I have no intention of marrying a pureblood. It's what I'm expected to do and I've let them down. They'll remove me as Alpha – that much you know.” He inhaled deeply before he continued, and the anguish he was suffering was clear. “I'll be cast out of the pack, for the rest of my life. I'll have to leave.”
I grew lightheaded while I stared at him. “Leave? What do you mean, leave?” My voice rose and I got to my feet, the sudden movement disturbing Patrick. He stretched and grumbled. Pacing back and forth, I tried to comprehend what Conal said, fury bubbling up in my chest when I grasped the implications. “Leave here? Leave us?”
Conal nodded curtly. “I don't have a choice, if that's the elders' decision. I no longer exist to them. I'd leave the pack immediately and never be allowed contact again.”
“What about Nonny? Your mother?”
The sadness in his eyes was unmistakable and twisted my gut. “The rule applies to everyone. They would live the rest of their lives as though I'd never existed. Never be allowed to mention my name again, never speak of me. Remove all traces of me from their life.”
“Why didn't you tell me this?” My voice was deceptively calm to my own ears, at odds with the anger and rage boiling in my heart at the injustice of the situation. “Conal, this is insane.”
“It's the way of the Pack.”
I turned back to him, panic bubbling in my chest. “It's a stupid idea. You've run your pack and the whole damn group while I wasn't here! Everyone knows you're the strongest fighter we have!” I paused for a minute, my breath coming in short gasps as I struggled to retain control. “Tell them we'll break up, tell them anything! I can't do this without you!”
“Did you listen to what I just said?” Conal yelled, getting to his feet. “You're my life mate!”
“What good does that do, if you have to leave?” I shrieked. “What possible good will it be for us, if they force you to leave?”
“There's no choice,” Conal responded harshly. “I've told them my decision. The elders meet tonight to decide my fate.”
“You should have lied!” I announced emphatically. “You should have told them we'd break up! I'm not going to be responsible for you losing everything, not because of me!”
Conal caught my arm, holding me tightly. “It's too late, Charlotte. I can't lie about how I feel and they had a right to know the truth. The decision is out of my hands.”
Slumping dejectedly, it seemed as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders. “But we've been seeing each other for a while; why is it a big deal now? They all know we've been seeing one another.”
Conal shrugged. “They knew you were special. They were probably avoiding this eventuality as much as I was, knowing the implications of the censure.” He gazed into my eyes, his own filling with tenderness. “When we first got together, I kept putting off dealing with it, because there was so much other crap going on. The elders didn't press me for answers, and the honest truth is, I didn't have any. Then when you were gone for months,” he rubbed his hand across the back of his neck, “the whole thing didn't matter because we were fighting for survival. But now you're back, and I told everyone what you mean to me. The elders have to move forward with the censure.”
“This isn't fair!” I started to pace again, agitated and terrified. Eyeing Conal, I grasped at any straws which might stop this madness. I would do anything to stop Conal from being ejected from the pack. “Go to them, Conal. Tell them you'll marry Rachel.”
Conal lifted his eyebrows in disbelief. “I can't do that, Charlotte! Why the hell would I marry Rachel?”
“If you marry Rachel, you can stay! You won't get sent away!”
Conal shook his head, his jaw set in a determined line. “I won't do it! How would that be any better than what I'm facing now? Being married to Rachel, seeing you every day – knowing how I feel about you? It would kill me and it would kill you, too.”
“Then we're going with you!”
Conal smiled tenderly. “As much as I love you and want you with me – these people need you more. You know that and so do I. Besides, there'll come a time when this war is over and then—” The unfinished sentence hovered between us. And then we could be together. And he would have lost everything in his life which was important to him – his family, his pack… his entire way of life.
I slumped onto the bedroll, tears falling in earnest. “I can't, Conal. I can't lose you. Please, please don't leave me!”
Conal crouched beside me, brushing the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. “Charlotte, you will never lose me. I haven't given up the fight yet.” He glanced briefly at his watch and brushed a tender kiss on my cheek. “I have to go.”
Without looking back, he shoved the tent flap open and I heard the mutter of quiet voices from outside. Bereft at the thought of losing Conal, I couldn't stop tears from streaming down my cheeks.
The tent flap opened again and Rowena, Ben, Matt, and Misaki trooped in, their expressions filled with sympathy as they formed a protective circle around me. It was obvious Conal had arranged this, had been worried and ensured I wouldn't be alone. Dropping onto the bedroll on his knees, Matt wrapped his arms around me and held me close while I cried.
Chapter 26: Impasse
I couldn't think of anything which could fix this impasse. The lunacy of the pack's ruling grated, but I was at a loss as to what to do about it. After everything Conal had done for them, the way he'd kept them together through the war with the Drâghici – to know they would excise him from the pack, cast him away because of his love for me – it was unbelievable.
Matt and Ben tossed around ideas for hours, each tested for its merits and found to be lacking. There seemed to be no way of stopping the pack from deciding based on archaic laws they'd followed since their pack was first formed. I stared down at Patrick's tiny form, wondering how we would cope without Conal. The idea was incomprehensible.
Misaki and Rowena sat at my sides, their arms wrapped around my back as I listened to the men debating how to stop this lunacy. Matt was barely able to restrain his fury, his anger directed at the pack which was likely coming to a decision at this very moment.
Movement at the tent flap caught my attention and my breath caught in my throat, hoping Conal was returning. My hope morphed swiftly into confusion when Nonny rushed in. The small woman was a bundle of nervous energy as she glanced around, focusing her attention on me. “Charlotte, come quickly. We need you.”
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