by Liz Bankes
I leave his office and am tempted to pull the bit of laminated card saying his name off the door. It’s not really a proper office if your name’s just on a bit of card, is it? If I had an office I would have my name carved in stone.
Actually it would probably be wood.
I head down the corridor. This place is huge. From outside it looks quite old with stone walls and high up windows. It’s right by the canal so it looks a bit like a castle. Then when you get inside the place seems even bigger. And it’s this mixture of old and modern with exposed brick walls, shiny wooden floors and bright white walls. On the tour yesterday I saw loads of big rehearsal rooms, a studio rigged up to film a game show, as well as production offices, editing suites and make-up rooms.
There’s this warehouse bit at the back where they’ve made the set for the inside of all the students’ rooms. I immediately guessed which room belonged to which character – Nina who was showing me round seemed impressed, but not impressed enough to say I could have a souvenir prop to keep. But obviously I stole Johnny Green’s coffee cup later so it was fine.
When I get to the rehearsal room all the actors are milling around the very well put out tables and chairs that were my morning job. It’s a big hall – the size of a school hall but way cooler. The walls are all brick leading up to the big windows and then an arching roof with beams going across it. Definitely not like the hall at my old school where the floor was all uneven and next to one of the radiators it smelt a bit like bins. And the chairs they have here are all black and stylish like they are from Ikea or somewhere.
We always used to complain at school that the chairs we had to do our exams on were splintery and the pain distracted us from doing well. Then Mr Garrick said in assembly that he’d had complaints that chairs were ‘pinching girls’bottoms’ and they were forced to abandon the assembly because we wouldn’t stop laughing.
That’s just made me laugh now and I’ve accidentally snorted. Someone at the other end of the room has looked up and spotted me. A new celebrity friend, perhaps?
Oh my God, it’s that guy from the train. What on actual earth is he doing here? He is grinning at me, because of the snort, I think, and then he mouths something that looks a bit like ‘Hello’. So I mouth ‘Hello’ back. Then he mouths what he said again.
‘Weirdo.’
He grins and for a moment I get a leap somewhere in my chest. But I narrow my eyes at him and then look down at my notepad like I have far more important things to do. Like the coffee order. I cough, trying to get everyone’s attention.
Nothing.
‘HELLO!’
Well, that did it. They all turn to me, obviously expecting some important announcement.
‘What coffee does everyone want?’
Of course everyone answers at once and I don’t hear anything. When I take orders at Radleigh Castle everyone is well behaved and speaks one at a time. I try not to panic.
Someone nudges me. IT’S JEN. JEN FROM THE SHOW!
She’s like the main girl and amazingly beautiful – but really mean. All of the other characters are scared of her and she is the only one who can tame Harry, who is a total ladies’ man, but unfortunately also fit on a stick.
I’m a bit scared that Jen has just nudged me. What if she makes me eat dog food like she did to that girl in series one? Or what if she hits me like she does to loads of people?
She’s smiling, though. And she doesn’t look very hitty.
‘Hey, you okay?’ she asks.
I need to play this cool.
‘YOU’RE JEN.’
Cooler than that.
She laughs. ‘Ha, yeah. I’m also called Bex. Who are you?’
‘Gabi. I’m a runner. Would you like some coffee?’
She points at the pad I’ve been taking notes on. ‘Pass it round for them to write down their orders,’ she says confidentially. ‘Trust me, I did my fair share of coffee runs back in the day.’
‘Oh, thank you so much!’ I smile at her, probably more crazily than gratefully, but she just shrugs.
‘No probs. Good luck!’
I draw two columns on a page, write Name and Coffee order at the top, and hand it to the nearest person. My eyes go wide and I do a scream inside my head when I see that the person is Ben Hart, who plays Greg the gay rugby guy. But other than that I don’t react. I am getting better at this. Ben smiles sweetly and says thank you. He starts the notebook going round the semi-circle of tables.
While they are doing that, I don’t have time to relax because I also need to get everyone’s scripts handed out. It is so very exciting seeing The Halls: Series 2: Episode 1 written on them. I hope I get to hang around and hear the read-through. Most of the actors just mumble thanks at me and then start flicking through the script nervously. There are a few new people, but I recognise pretty much everyone – even the really minor characters. It’s so weird seeing them in real life, wearing jogging bottoms and strappy tops and not looking all made-up and famous. It’s like when you see teachers doing things like wearing jeans or eating crisps. I get to the girl who plays Jas, who is really shy and geeky. Well, in the series she is, but then when the show started broadcasting she did a photo shoot with a lads’ mag where she whipped off her glasses (and clothes). She didn’t seem so shy then.
Max printed out a picture of her after that and stuck it on his lyric book and I accidentally tore it off. I don’t see why she couldn’t have kept the glasses on. I wear glasses for things like reading and looking at stuff. But I don’t look like that naked. I’d love to steal her perfect bum. Maybe I should tell her?
I smile at her when I hand her the script, but she looks at me blankly and turns back to her conversation. I suppose I should stop assuming that famous people will recognise me just because I know who they are from TV, and quite a lot of personal details about them from stalking.
The next person I get to is the train guy who mouthed at me. He’s leaning against the wall on his own and reading a book again. And wearing the same hat. It’s like he wants to look pretentious.
‘Are you one of the cast?’ I say like I’m totally not bothered about whether he is or isn’t and like I am not thinking of his hands in my armpits.
I see a glint come into his eyes as he realises who I am.
‘Well, I have a line in here somewhere,’ he says, taking the script from me. Then I see he’s holding the notepad with the coffee orders on it under his book. He holds it out to me and gives another wide grin.
The most annoying thing about it is that it does make me want to grin back at him. And I’ve got a fluttery feeling in my chest. I look away from him because suddenly just the thought of fancying someone has started a whirlpool of guilt and mentalness.
‘Thank you,’ I say, taking the pad and aiming to do my best strut as I walk off.
Then he calls after me, ‘Mind the gap!’
There’s a cleaner in the kitchen so I read the order while I am waiting to get to the hot water. You would not think that there could be so many different types of coffee order. I don’t know how I am going to keep track of which cups have sweetener, no sugar, skimmed milk, regular milk.
The girl who plays Jas has written I’d love a hot chocolate and cream but I shouldn’t lol. And that is all she’s written. So am I supposed to make her that?
Someone called Fred has written what looks like Crrnnwap so I am not really sure what to do there either.
The last order on the list says, Spencer Black – Coffee, my place, tomorrow?
Gabi has joined the conversation.
Gabi: Hello boys!
Mia: Hello!
Nish: LEAVER. You are dead to us now.
Rosie: He
Rosie: He
Gabi: What??
Rosie: I am in Nish’s room and she keeps pressing
Rosie: enter
Rosie: when I
Rosie: try to typ
Mia: I’ll smack her, just a min.
Nish: Good luck reaching me
from your house!
Gabi: What’s the goss, please?
Nish: You have left, Mia is going to France, nothing happens here and Rosie and I are going to kill ourselves. Today I even looked through uni applications – ugh.
Gabi: I’ve been hanging out with famous people.
Rosie: Sounds amazing :) Tell us all.
Gabi: Today was mental! I had to get coffee for EVERYONE and then lunch for EVERYONE and photocopy all this stuff and tidy all the rehearsal rooms and go out and find a stuffed mouse.
Gabi: So the famous people.
The one who plays Jen seemed nice (unless it was a trick), Jas is not geeky in real life, Johnny Green is FIT. Gay Ben is ALSO FIT.
Rosie: Which one is Johnny Green?
Nish: He plays Harry! OMG. Rosie, your mum needs to get a TV. Tell her you’re going to turn out weird and get bullied.
Mia: Can we rewind a second to ‘stuffed mouse’??
Gabi: It was a prop! So what have you all been up to while I’ve been photocopying and emptying the bins?
(Correct answers are ‘nothing’ and ‘missing you’.)
Mia: Nothing. Missing you. Eating.
Nish: We went to a party. Mia kissed Jamie a lot. Many people tried to kiss Rosie.
Gabi: Still going well with the Foxmeister general, eh?
Gabi: ;)
Mia: Pipe down.
Rosie: No one tried to kiss me!
Nish: Saw Max there – ignored him, obvs.
Gabi: You don’t have to ignore him. Was he okay?
Rosie: He seemed like he was doing really well actually.
Gabi: Oh right.
Gabi: So I think you guys should visit me – LADS’ NIGHT OUT! Except for Mia ‘I love going on holiday’ Joseph. :(
Nish: This weekend?
Rosie: Let’s reinstate Crazy Friday! I think my sister can lend us some of her friends’ IDs for the night.
Gabi: YES!
Rosie: Imagine Crazy Friday in London – we might be able to go to a real club instead of having to make do with Spanky’s!
Mia: Don’t knock Spanky’s – without it we would have never been able to see Gabi fall off a table into a bin.
Gabi: I am glad you enjoyed it. I seem to remember at the time you all pretended not to know me!! Not as bad as Max though who filmed it and put it on YouTube like the lovely boyfriend he is.
Gabi: I mean was.
Gabi: I will see you guys on Friday then. Au revoir, Mia, have fun being a frog!! Must dash – Granny says dins is ready! LOVE YOU ALL.
Mia: Pretty sure that’s racist.
Gabi has left the conversation.
Chapter 5
So I’ve been best friends with Mia Joseph since birth because we were born in the same hospital. Mia often points out that isn’t ‘accurate’ because we weren’t born on the same day and didn’t meet until later, but I say it to be symbolic and because I sometimes forget.
We actually met in primary school and Mia was really quiet and had an eye patch. I was obsessed with her and followed her everywhere. I’ve always quite liked grumpy people. In Year Two we sat next to each other. She never really spoke but I used to make up for it by talking to her non-stop. Then one day, when we had to draw pictures of our favourite animals, Victoria Fraser laughed at my picture of a cat and Mia threw an apple at her head. She got into loads of trouble for sticking up for me and her mum got called in. But she was going to be called in anyway because Mia had drawn a picture of a shark eating a man. Anyway, shortly after that Mia asked to be moved because I was distracting her from her work. But I could tell she liked me really.
We went to the same secondary school and so went through our first boysnogging and stalking experiences together. Not actually together, although quite often Mia would tell me and Max to stop kissing when she was there because she was ‘trying to watch the film’ or it was making her ‘want to vomit’.
After GCSEs we both left school to go to the college in the next town. Mia because there were all these options she wanted to do, like Photography. Me because I sort of failed some of my exams. But I did get to do Events Management and they are more flexible with me working at Radleigh than school would have been. Although the lecturer did notice when I fell asleep in class after I’d worked till closing time the night before. I thought I’d covered it up by wearing sunglasses, but then I snored.
In the first week of college we met Rosie and Nish. Rosie is beautiful and boys always fall in love with her. She has cool afro hair that on me would look mad, but on her looks all quirky and like a model. Nish is really posh and was at private school until her parents split up and couldn’t afford the fees. She took a while to get used to the college, like when she asked us what house she was in and sat down in the canteen thinking someone would serve her. She’s also friends with Jamie’s ex, Cleo, which was a bit awkward for Mia at first. We’ve become a gang of four over the last year and it’s been awesome. In terms of friends I’ve had the best year ever. Other stuff, not so much.
‘Cheer up – you look like a slapped arse,’ says Granny, ripping open a packet of naan bread. When she says, ‘Dinner is ready,’ she means, ‘The takeaway has arrived.’ I think Grandpa used to cook for her. She said she’d teach herself, but it’s been a few months and she’s managing to avoid it by going to restaurants and getting takeaways. She tosses a bit of the bread at me. ‘How was your day?’
‘Good! I put the chairs out and made coffees and wasn’t too stalkery to the famous people.’
I feel a bit like I’m forcing myself to be cheerful. I had a really fun day and yet all these glum feelings keep creeping into my brain. What’s wrong with me?
Granny grins warmly. ‘Fab! You’ll get yourself doing something interesting in no time. It’s a long old slog, but do it with a smile.’
I hear her voice change slightly. She must have noticed that I’m looking down at the table and not wolfing down my food like normal.
‘You miss him?’ She’s leaning in to try to see my face, but I still don’t look at her. Usually I’d be chatting away. I always spent hours on the phone to Granny, telling her all about any rows I’d had with Max or things that stressed me out at school.
But she doesn’t question the silence. She leans back in her chair and breathes out a sympathetic sigh. ‘You’re still allowed to be sad, even if you’re the one who did the breaking up.’
Just the tone of her voice feels like a hug.
Gabi: Are you still there, Mia? Are you asleep? If so please wake up.
Mia: Hello! Yes. Still here and awake. Meant to be packing. (Actually sitting next to empty suitcase while watching Casablanca again.)
Gabi: I’m having a sad moment. I look like this: :(
Gabi: You know films have colour in them now? You should try watching one.
Mia: What’s up?
Gabi: How did Max seem to you?
Mia: It was hard to tell. He was being all outgoing and cheerful, but too much, I thought. Like he was putting on an act. How are you feeling about it all?
Gabi: I don’t know. I miss him so much. But then I think I just don’t want him to move on before I do. I don’t want him to be depressed, just not happy without me! Am I awful?
Mia: No, you’re normal. It’s only been a month since you broke up! Do you want me to call you?
Gabi: Yes, please.
Chapter 6
I get up super early for my third day because I am going to meet Mia and Jamie for a coffee before they get their train to Paris. It also means I will be at work early, so I can have all the rooms looking lovely before everyone arrives. My enthusiasm lasts right until I get to King’s Cross – so, about half an hour – and my eyes start to droop. I am really not a morning person. If anyone says that they are then I’m suspicious of them.
I’m waiting outside a café in St Pancras Station. It is posh and has a French name, so Jamie probably chose it.
It feels like the first time since I got here that I’ve had a moment
to stop and think. I’m actually feeling really nervous about going in to work. I think that’s why I’ve been alternating between being manic and mopey. I’m always more mad when I’m nervous. When I have my shifts at Radleigh I never worry. I know exactly what I’m doing. And Julia was always saying how impressed she was. She said it wouldn’t be long before I could go for a job like wedding planner or something. That was really exciting – especially when I was imagining planning my own wedding with Max.
I feel a bit stupid now.
‘Hello.’ Jamie is standing in front of me. Frowning as usual. His hair has grown out recently and he’s got a beard. I am going to have to warn Mia that he’s letting himself go. Max grew a moustache for a bit last year because he said he felt comfortable that he could experiment and I would still love him. I told him that was absolutely true, but that I’d heard people saying he looked like a sex offender. It was only a bit of a lie – when I said, ‘I heard people saying’, I meant, ‘I thought’.
‘So you don’t work for me any more,’ says Jamie.
‘I never worked for y— MIA!’
I run past Jamie and grab Mia in a big hug. Even though it’s only been a few days since I saw her, there is a lot of high-pitched squealing. When we turn back, Jamie is wincing.
‘I’ll get the drinks.’
He brings over some teas while Mia updates me on all the local gossip (very little) and I tell her more about my job. Jamie sits down and listens to our conversation for about a minute and then says he’s going to try to find a wine list.
‘There will be wine in France,’ Mia says, laughing a bit.
‘If I am supposed to be getting on a train with members of the public then I’d prefer to be drunk,’ he mutters back.
‘Are you planning on being a knob for the whole summer?’ She is trying to do a stern face but I can tell she wants to smile.
The corners of Jamie’s mouth twitch into a grin. ‘I prefer you when you’re angry, Joseph.’