by Liz Bankes
‘Where the HELL have you been?’ she rages.
‘Just out with Spencer!’
She is looking like she would run over and throttle me if the man wasn’t there. He looks very awkward and then edges over and offers me his hand.
‘Hello,’ he says in a lovely husky accent. ‘I am Alejandro. Please to meet you, Gabi.’
‘Are you my new grandpa?’ I say, half in fear and half in a swoon because I am holding his hand.
‘Ah, no – I am a gay.’
‘Alejandro has one of those gay marriages,’ says Granny, as if that’s something fancy. And then she remembers that she is meant to be angry with me and starts shouting again. She said she called Alejandro round because she had no idea where I was and my phone was off and she was worried sick.
Alejandro backs away towards the kitchen and starts rummaging in cupboards. My fingers are crossed that he’s making some food. I turn to Granny.
‘I thought you were cool with me doing whatever. You haven’t seemed to be taking much notice.’
‘I may . . .’ She stops. There are tears in her eyes. ‘I may have been a bit manic lately, but I’ve certainly been keeping an eye on you.’ She looks at me, her eyes shining. ‘Everything else is just distraction. He’s left a bloody hole in my life, that man. I need to keep busy, or . . .’ She swallows.
I throw my arms around her, feeling hot tears seeping onto my cheeks. She strokes my hair.
‘You make sure you take care of yourself – promise me?’ she says.
As Mum steered me outside, I heard Granny saying, ‘Oh, love, it’s fine. It’s been tough on her.’ I looked back at her and she gave me a big smile. Then the whole room lurched and I tripped. I heard my Aunt Kath tut.
I couldn’t even remember all the other speeches people made when we got back to Granny’s after Grandpa’s funeral. And the bit in the crematorium was really short anyway. But the image of the crappy cardboard coffin sitting on the conveyor belt won’t go away. It suddenly stopped when the coffin was halfway through the hole at the back and a man had to come and fiddle with it to get it going again.
Granny said, ‘He always was a stubborn bastard.’ But her voice cracked in the middle. I put my hand on hers and Max put his on mine.
As soon as we got to her place, I started helping myself to the drinks, rolling my eyes at Mum when she told me to slow down.
Granny wanted readings and speeches at the wake. So we could share all our memories of Grandpa in the house he loved. With everyone around eating and drinking it could almost have been a family Christmas.
When it was my turn to read I looked down and the words on the paper swirled around and made no sense. Max was behind me and he leant over and read the first line.
‘Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments.’
After that I could read it. I’d learnt it off by heart the night before and all the words came back.
I was sitting on the step afterwards to get some air. Then someone sat down beside me. Max.
I felt hollow and I wanted him to leave.
‘I brought you some water,’ he said.
‘I’m fine.’
‘You should drink it.’
‘Max, can you just go?’
He put the glass down. ‘No.’
The sound of the glass on the patio seemed to strike through all the cloudiness. And thoughts I’d been trying not to think were suddenly clear and sharp and unavoidable. Everyone thought it was stupid that we were getting married. But they’d stopped saying it. Because Grandpa dying and the stuff with Dad was so horrible and real. They were hoping my silly, pretend engagement would keep me happy. So now they were acting like it was great.
‘Everyone’s laughing at us behind our backs,’ I said slowly. ‘We're a joke.’
‘But we’re not a joke. We know that. That’s what matters.’
‘Then they’re laughing at me, Max. They think everything I do is ridiculous and they go along with it because they feel sorry for me.’
‘I’m not laughing at you, Gabi. I know you.’
I finally looked at him. ‘I hate that you know me so well.’ Then I shoved him and he nearly fell off the step. ‘What’s wrong with you? Why don’t you leave? I’m clearly mental.’
He looked up at the window of the house. I must have been shouting. Then he looked back at me. And I saw it in his eyes. Sympathy. He feels sorry for me too. That was when the cold, numb feeling started.
I shoved him in the chest again. ‘Why do you put up with this?’
He breathed out slowly and put his chin on his hands. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
Chapter 36
I can’t believe it’s my last day. The last couple of weeks have flown by. It’s probably because work has been non-stop. They’ve been filming five or six scenes a day so there is always a prop to find or mess to clear up. I’ve become well known by some of the local taxi drivers because of the lifts I’ve arranged to shuttle actors between the studios and the university. And once because a couple of them wandered off and got lost.
Every spare moment I’ve spent with Spencer. It’s helping me to not think about the fact that I haven’t spoken to Rosie or Nish since I snapped at Rosie. Mia asked me what was going on but I ignored that part of her message.
Spencer’s been taking me on more treats. The other night we went for a walk in Regent’s Park in the evening. And the one before that we went back to the Moroccan place in Camden. His Behind the Scenes YouTube videos have been getting loads of hits, so I know he’s really happy, even though he likes to pretend he thinks it’s all ridiculous.
Every time I’m with him I feel excited, like I don’t know where the night is going to go. And when I look over at him at work, I love that we are sharing a secret sort of life. We can’t tell anyone at work, because Sexy Spence is supposed to be young, free and single. Well, we aren’t supposed to tell anyone – I may have told my friend Dave the cleaner.
We haven’t talked about what happens when I go back to college. But then we haven’t said we are going to end things either. Spencer’s booked this posh hotel tomorrow for my last night in London. I guess we’ll talk about it then.
It is a bit like the show knew I’d be leaving today as well, because they are filming two scenes from the last episode – the finale scenes for Tom and Priya, and for Harry and Jas. From bits and pieces I’ve heard around the set, I’ve mostly been able to piece together what happens. Jude – the girl Tom got pregnant – has been making Priya think that they are a couple. Priya finally accepted that she and Tom were over and went to buy a babygro that says, My Daddy is Awesome. In the finale,Tom is waiting on a bench, thinking he is meeting Jude to talk about antenatal classes, but Jude has been to see Priya to tell her the truth – Tom still loves Priya. So it is Priya who arrives to meet Tom on the bench. She gives him the babygro and then they kiss. Or least I hope they do.
Harry and Jas’s storyline has gone that Jas ended up getting kidnapped by some drug-dealers who were after Hugh, and Harry rescued her. Walking back across the campus they hold hands (which is huge, because the whole way through Harry has always refused to do anything that makes him look like a boyfriend). Back in their room, Jas goes to have a shower and Harry gets something out of his pockets and looks at it – a small box, just the right size for an engagement ring. But then he sees Jen, his ex, standing there.
I don’t know if I can actually deal with this much excitement. But I manage to hold it together, only letting out the odd squeak, and getting everyone their coffees as usual.
The last scene I watch is actually one of Spencer smoking a cigarette under a tree, then dropping it, putting it out with his foot and staring moodily into the distance. When Mark yells, ‘Cut!’ I applaud. Then I remember that for everyone else filming is not over.
Nina, the location manager, gives me a card signed by everyone and says that I can go for a pizza with a whole group of the cast and crew. Mostly everyone gets on really we
ll, no matter what job they do, and there are only some actors who don’t mix with everyone else. I want to go and grab Spencer’s hand and tell everyone about us. He’s busy, though, filming a Behind the Scenes party video. So I tell Nina I’ll come along and that I’ll be with Spencer and that he’s my sort-of boyfriend.
She looks a bit surprised. ‘I thought he was with . . .’ But then she is interrupted by a phone call. She was clearly going to say Heidi, so I’m glad I put her straight.
I head back to the studio where Spencer is in the middle of filming the blog with Heidi. They are doing a Snog, Marry, Avoid thing with pictures of other members of the cast.
When Heidi says she’d snog Spencer’s character, I crumple the side of my goodbye card, but I don’t react other than that. When Spencer says he’d marry Heidi’s character and gives her a flirty glance, I shout, ‘WTF!’ (except obviously I don’t say it in letters) and everyone turns round.
There is a moment of complete silence.
‘Er, we’ll probably have to film that bit again,’ says Spencer.
They all go back to what they are doing and forget about me.
When Spencer finishes, he comes over and he looks a little bit annoyed.
‘Well, that was a special moment,’ he says.
‘I’m sorry – it slipped out. I didn’t like seeing her all over you like a . . . slug.’
His frown breaks then and he laughs. ‘It’s just to generate a bit of excitement about our storyline.’ He puts his arms round my shoulders and gives me a squeeze.
‘I’ve been invited out for pizza with everyone,’ I say through a bit of a squashed mouth.
‘Oh right?’ He’s let me go and reaches for the phone I’ve just felt vibrate in his pocket. ‘I’m going to dinner with some of the guys.’
‘Surely that’s the same thing I’m going to?’ I ask.
‘I don’t think so. It’s just a small group of us.’
There’s a pause. And a flicker of something I can’t read in Spencer’s eyes.
‘You can come along if you want?’
Chapter 37
I go for an olive at the same time as someone else and we bash hands. It’s Johnny Green. He’s sitting on the other side of Ben Hart, who is next to me. I’ve discovered that he uses the fact that he plays a gay character in the show to chat up women. I heard some of the waitresses talking about how sweet he was when I was washing my hands in the toilets earlier. But from the way he kept miming groping them and then winking at Spencer, I would say he’s definitely more of a sex pest than a sweetheart.
I decide to try talking to Johnny Green again, while we both have our hands in the olives.
‘What did you order, Johnny?’
He frowns at me and looks confused. His eyes are glazed over and he keeps blinking a lot. It turns out he takes a lot of drugs and is usually off his face on something. He doesn’t answer me because he’s suddenly fascinated by how shiny his fork is.
Well, this is fun.
On the other side of the table, Spencer, Heidi, Heidi’s dad and Spencer’s agent are all deep in conversation. We are clearly going to completely miss drinks with all the others after their pizza.
I go over and sit at the bar for a while and tell the waitresses what a creep Ben Hart is. They decide they are going to play up to it so they get a big tip out of him. Then Heidi’s dad walks past me on the phone. He’s speaking in a low voice, but I think I catch something like, ‘They’ll be coming out at eight.’
I get a tap on the shoulder. Spencer. Suddenly my evening is looking up. He beckons me into a corner where we can’t be seen.
About an hour later – half spent in the corner with Spencer and half in the bar, where Ben letches, Johnny Green stares blankly and Heidi keeps touching Spencer’s leg – everyone is leaving to go on to some exclusive club in the West End, but I have to get home because Granny has me on a strict curfew at the moment. The waitresses see me standing next to Spencer by the door and one of them really unsubtly mouths, ‘Is that him?’ because during my conversation with them about Ben I might have accidentally let it slip that Spencer is my secret boyfriend. I give her wide eyes, but I nod. I think Spencer notices, but he doesn’t say anything. I walk alongside him as we go through the gates to where the taxis are. Then I grab his hand to say goodbye, just as there is a load of shouting and camera flashes going off.
Most of the paparazzi are calling for Heidi, Ben and Johnny, but I hear one of them shout to Spencer. He pulls his hand away from mine and turns away from me, shielding his face with his hand, as he gets in a taxi.
In all of the confusion, we don’t even get to say goodbye properly.
One of the photographers is standing next to me. It is a bit calmer now most of the cast have gone. ‘Who are you, then?’ he asks gruffly.
‘Oh, I’m just a runner.’
‘That fun, is it?’
‘Oh my God, it’s awesome. Well, I’m totally obsessed with The Halls and everyone in it anyway, but working there is amazing.’
‘You friends with any of them?’ He’s fiddling with his camera, but looks up and smiles at me. He’s got a round, friendly face a bit like my dad.
‘Yeah, Jen is really nice in real life. And Spencer Black . . . he’s my sort-of boyfriend.’
I should probably stop telling people that.
Chapter 38
Spencer is in a suit. I ask him if he’s celebrating the advert money coming through and he says, ‘I haven’t filmed the advert yet!’ like that was a stupid thing to say, which I suppose it was. He tells me he got some more guilt money out of his dad.
He meets me in the lobby and takes me past the reception. The hotel is enormous. My heels make a noise a bit like horses’ hooves on the marble stairs. I’ve got my little black dress on from Primark, which I wear for anything a bit posh, although it must be about a tenth of the price of Spencer’s suit. I suddenly remember it’s the dress I wore in Paris with Max.
I give my bag in at the desk and they say someone will take it up to our room.
‘It’s like being a grown-up!’ I whisper to Spencer as we head towards the restaurant.
‘I am a grown-up,’ he replies.
‘All right, knob!’
He laughs.
The restaurant bit seems really silent. I guess it’s because it’s so big that none of the tables are very near each other. It’s really posh, but in a completely different way to Radleigh Castle. It’s all in 1920s style and there’s a huge chandelier in the middle of the ceiling with glittering gems hanging off it.
Spencer seems distracted. Before we order he goes off to take a phone call from his agent, leaving me absolutely starving. I look longingly at the waiting staff as they go past in the hope that they will take pity on me and give me some more free bread.
One of them does – a smiley waitress called Flo. She brings me some butter as well and I tell her that I love her, just as Spencer comes back.
He raises his eyebrows. ‘I knew if I left you alone you’d go off with a waitress!’
He’s more relaxed now and we sit there chatting. It feels like we are in our own little bubble. Then Flo comes over with the starters and Spencer has his elbow where she needs to put the plate on the table. I give him a nudge and he moves it, but he doesn’t look up at her or say thank you when she puts the food down; he just carries on talking.
‘Spencer!’
‘What?’ He looks up, shocked.
‘You didn’t say thank you!’
‘Okay . . .’
‘It’s rude.’ I wave my hand to help make my point – and knock over my glass of water. The water runs all over the table, down towards Spencer’s side and then drips onto his trousers. He jumps up.
‘For fuck’s sake! What’s wrong with you? It’s embarrassing taking you out.’
I stare at him, open-mouthed. That came from nowhere. I have two options really: the mature thing, which is stand up and leave, or throw my wine over him.
Actuall
y, I do both.
I storm off towards the lifts. It’s really hard to storm when you then have to wait for the lift to arrive. I keep pushing the button, willing it to get there before Spencer catches up with me. He appears round the corner and it occurs to me that I don’t know where our room is or have the key.
By the time the lift doors open, Spencer is standing next to me. I talk with my eyes straight ahead, determined not to look at him.
‘Can I have the key, please?’
‘Look, Gabi—’
‘Actually, you can come with me and let me into the room. But don’t talk to me.’
We stand in the lift and he presses the button.
‘Gabi, I snapped. I was in a bad mood.’
‘You seemed in a good mood when you got off the phone to your agent, actually.’
‘Well, I mean I had loads of stuff to think about. Really important stuff.’
The inside of the lift doors is a mirror, so despite my efforts I am looking right at him. He looks flushed and there’s still an angry glint in his eye, possibly because he’s thinking about his expensive new suit that is now covered in red wine.
We both stare at each other in silence as the lift doors open behind us. It’s this weird intense stare, like we don’t know whether to carry on arguing or make up. I turn to leave a moment before he does and I collide with him. As my hand brushes his, energy rushes through me and suddenly my skin feels like it’s on fire. Spencer looks at me, his mouth slightly open and his eyes sparkling, like he’s felt it too. We move together and kiss. It’s one deep, hard kiss without a breath that makes me feel almost like I could get lost in him. It feels like an effort to break the spell and move apart. Then the lift doors start to close again and Spencer puts his hand out to stop them.
Before I know it, we’re in our expensive room. His hand slides up my leg, under my dress and I gasp as his fingers brush against me. I turn my head to the side and he kisses my neck as his fingers rub softly at first and then firmer.