by H B Lyne
She felt alive in that moment, raw power pounding through her body and her head swam with the cacophony of emotions surrounding the kill; pride, exhilaration, power and that same strange sense of guilt that she had felt with the rain elemental. Just enough rational thought remained to allow the trickle of hope that she would learn to live with that guilt.
Chapter Twenty-Two
27th November
Stalker slept deeply that night, exhaustion overtook everything else and she slept soundly with just the right amount of dreaming for her to awake fully refreshed late the next morning. She was still buzzing from the fight and the pack was still talking about it when she found them in the kitchen getting ready for lunch. Fortune couldn't praise Stalker highly enough for her part in the fight and after an hour she was beginning to feel embarrassed by it.
'You should have seen it, Shadow,' Fortune's voice boomed, full of pride and exultation. 'She used the terrain, she knew just what to do.'
The Alpha grabbed her and gave her a tight squeeze, then patted her hard on the back. After he released her, he grasped Eyes and took him by both shoulders, looking seriously into his face. 'You did great, Eyes, I'm proud of you.'
Shadow sat with her for lunch and respectfully steered the conversation in a different direction, much to her relief.
'I've arranged everything for your initiation into Odin's Warriors, it will be tomorrow evening. The first part will take place on Watch territory, the second back at the warehouse, since we already have security in place there. We don't normally meet in the same place too frequently as it draws attention to us, but this should be fine, it's an out of the way spot.'
Stalker nodded along, eager to know more about what would be involved.
'The initiation can be very demanding, so take it easy today. Will you be all right to help Stone in the shop this afternoon?' he asked, watching her carefully.
'Yes, that's fine,' Stalker replied, taken a little by surprise, but she supposed that she would need to help out in the shop from time to time and needed to be shown the ropes.
'Take tonight off too. You've earned it.' Shadow smiled warmly and squeezed her hand before moving away.
Stalker needed no more encouragement. She reached for her phone and quickly sent Rhys a message.
Are you at work?
She waited for the reply, which came a moment later.
I'm on my lunch break but will be back at work until 6pm. You up to much exciting?
Stalker nearly choked on her food and had to stifle laughter that threatened to break into hysterics.
Exciting doesn't quite cover it.
She replied, not wanting to lie but hoping to keep it suitably vague. He didn't reply and Stalker went reluctantly with Stone into the shop.
The afternoon was slow and dull, she and Stone were alone in the shop and there weren't many customers. The televisions blared horse racing commentaries to a single old man in an anorak and over the course of the afternoon he and only a handful of others came in to place bets. Stone kept apologising for how slow it was, but Stalker put her at ease and tried not to seem ungrateful for the rest or the time with Stone. She soon got the hang of taking the bets and filling in slips.
At 5pm they closed up the shop and Stone showed Stalker how to bag up the money and stow it securely in the safe, which was looking pretty well stocked. Stalker didn't want to know how much profit the shop made, she knew it was enough to keep a pack of eight housed and fed and she had a strong suspicion that business wasn't entirely on the level. There was the distinct lack of winning bets that day and she could hardly imagine Fortune sitting down to fill out tax returns or Flames taking these bags of money into a bank. She decided not to dwell too much on the details and to just be thankful for the income.
Stalker found Fortune working out in the basement with Eyes. They were both stripped to the waist, Fortune was pounding the punch bag and Eyes was lying on the bench lifting weights.
Feeling relatively confident, she approached the Alpha. He stopped what he was doing when he caught sight of her and gave her a broad smile.
'Hi,' Fortune greeted her warmly. 'How's it going?'
'Fine. Seems it was a quiet day in the shop, but I think I've got the hang of it.'
'Oh good. I know it's not thrilling, but we all just need to do our bit to keep it ticking over.' Fortune seemed genuinely apologetic. Eyes racked the weights and sat up, he nodded to her in greeting and she returned the gesture.
'That's okay, I understand and I'm happy to help. I do want to go back to my job though. It's my passion, teaching kids. You never know, it could help identify young shifters before they change too.' Stalker knew she was clutching at straws.
Fortune gave her a slightly indulgent smile and nodded.
'We'll work it out,' he replied.
'I have a big day tomorrow,' Stalker went on, getting to the reason she had approached him. 'I'm kind of nervous about it so I was hoping it would be okay for me to go and blow off some steam tonight. You don't have anything you really need me to do, do you?' She already knew the answer, she was still strongly in favour for her contribution to the fight with the chaos demon.
'That's fine. Are you meeting your old friends?' he asked, returning to the punch bag.
Stalker swallowed hard and nodded, making an affirmative noise in her throat. Fortune dropped his fists from the bag and looked at her carefully.
'Stalker, that's fine. I'm not going to stop you seeing the people you care about. You know already that it might be hard to maintain those relationships, you don't need me to lecture you on it and it's up to you if you want to try. Believe me, I do understand.'
She felt Eyes shift uncomfortably to her right, where he had resumed lifting weights, and she suspected that their Alpha had had some similar words to say to him on more than one occasion. She knew that Fortune more than likely knew that she had feelings for someone. At times her feelings had surfaced very strongly and she thought that it was likely her pack mates had sensed them through the pack telepathy. She hadn't talked about Rhys to any of her pack, nor had any of them asked about him. Everyone seemed to respect the boundaries that each member had, it seemed to work well. Their telepathy connected them to one another so strongly that it was essential to allow one another some mental privacy sometimes.
'Thank you,' she answered quietly and turned to leave.
'Be careful though, please. If you're crossing other packs' territory take public transport and be respectful,' Fortune called as she climbed the stairs.
'I will,' she said, pausing only briefly.
Without another word to anyone she dashed out into the dark evening. It was dry for once and she walked quickly to the bus stop down the street. She was desperate to see Rhys; she felt an uncontrollable force drawing her to him and her heart felt lighter with the prospect of seeing him.
She felt sexy in her skinny jeans, asymmetrical purple top and velvet jacket, she had also donned a thick scarf and winter boots in order to blend in, though she didn't feel the cold at all.
When she arrived in the city centre it was already nearly 6pm and she ran to the Central School of Martial Arts. As she burst into the foyer there was a group of students leaving. She took a seat in the reception and waited for Rhys to appear. The woman behind the desk watched her carefully but was busy with a member of the school so left Stalker alone.
A few minutes later Rhys came jogging down the stairs to the side of the reception, his fleece done right up under his chin and some papers in his hand. His eyes went straight to her and he paused for a second before striding across the reception to meet her. His face set in a serious expression.
'Hi Ariana. What are you doing here?' he asked, giving her a slightly awkward one-armed hug. Stalker felt a nervous knot form in her stomach and she doubted whether turning up like this was the right thing to have done.
'I just thought I'd surprise you,' she said as he released her and she tried to smile.
'Consider me sui
tably surprised. I just have a bit of paperwork to do, can you wait a few minutes?'
She nodded and he disappeared into the office behind the desk. The receptionist scowled at Stalker but she shrugged it off and went back to her seat in the window. Rhys soon emerged with his jacket, he had a brief conversation with the receptionist, who continued to frown at Stalker, then made his way over to her.
'So. We should go have a chat, I guess. There's a half decent pub down the road,' he suggested.
'Pub sounds just the thing. Do you need to eat? I could do with dinner.' Her heart was hammering in her chest, her gut squirmed. She was scared of what he might say, he seemed so grim.
'Dinner is an excellent suggestion,' he replied and Stalker felt a little relieved that he had agreed to eat. This wasn't going to be a quick, goodbye drink.
They walked in slightly uncomfortable silence to a nearby pub that served excellent food. It was fairly busy for a Tuesday evening but they found a small table in a quiet corner and ordered some food.
Stalker sipped her drink and waited for Rhys to speak. He stared at his hands for several long minutes.
'It's been a crazy couple of weeks,' he said at last and let out a huge sigh. He looked up at the ceiling and ran his hands through his hair. Stalker let out a light snort of laughter. He had no idea how crazy her life had turned and if he caught a glimpse of it he would be forced to block it from his memory in order to protect his sanity and her secret.
'Tell me about it,' she whispered. Rhys looked at her carefully.
'I'm sorry you felt I was giving you the brush off,' he said at last. Stalker felt her stomach turn, she didn't know where to look. 'It's hard to explain, something has changed recently.' His voice died away, like he had run out of appropriate words.
Stalker sighed and rubbed her temples hard with her fingers. They had all warned her, she had seen the way humans were on edge around shifters and was afraid it would change things with Rhys. Last time she saw him she had hoped it would be okay, but now that hope lay in tatters. She had been falling in love with him when she changed and now she wanted him on a very primal level, she wanted to claim him, but he was pulling away.
'Yeah,' she said at last. 'Things have definitely changed, since I was ill.'
He nodded slowly.
A waiter interrupted them suddenly with their food and the pair of them sat silently staring at their plates, neither seeming to have much appetite now. Eventually Rhys picked up his fork and started picking at his food. Stalker did the same. She'd ordered the steak and she took her time chewing it.
'Ariana?'
It had only been three days since she took her new name, but already it felt strange to hear someone calling her Ariana, a name she had lived with for nineteen years. It was a duality she would have to get used to if she wanted to keep anything of her old life, and she did still feel strongly that she must try to do that. She remembered what Shadow's Step had told her that very first night, that she would need to keep her friends close in order to remember who she was and prevent herself being lost to the darkness. She wondered how long it had taken for Shadow to lose everyone that he had been close to before he changed and whether Odin's Warriors provided that function for him now, with their emphasis on fire and life.
Rhys put his fork down and reached across the table for her hand. She let him take it and looked into his dark eyes.
'Yes?'
'I'm sorry. Let's try to enjoy our dinner.' He released her hand and went back to his meal.
Stalker felt confused and sad and reluctantly picked her way through dinner. They barely exchanged words, but she kept catching him looking at her in the most peculiar way. There was so much longing in his face and she noticed the way his knee kept bumping against hers under the table. She got the impression he was just as confused as she was and she began to wonder if they were feeding off each other and creating a problem out of nothing.
Eventually they finished eating and split the bill. They made their way out of the pub, which had grown quiet, and stood awkwardly outside for a moment.
It was still early in the evening by Stalker's standards and the sky was almost clear. A swollen belly of a moon approaching full shone overhead, and Stalker drank up its bright light.
'I'm heading this way.' She pointed up the street towards the north road up into China Town, a soft smile lingering on her lips from the sight of the moon.
'Sure. I'm heading home.' He indicated over his shoulder, in the opposite direction.
Stalker longed for him to take her in his arms and invite her back to his home, but he stood with his hands shoved into his pockets, looking nervous. 'See you soon, Ariana.'
Her name sounded wrong on his lips and she felt a stab of regret, she wished with all her might that she still felt at home with that name or that he could know and use her new one.
'Yeah, I do hope so,' she replied softly. His eyes were so sad. He took a sudden deep breath and a step back.
'Safe journey home. Bye.' He turned abruptly and strode away, leaving Stalker standing alone in the street feeling sad and confused and more than a little hurt.
She looked up at the moon again for some restorative energy. Friday would be the full moon, her first full moon as a shifter and she wondered what the day would have in store for her.
Chapter Twenty-Three
28th November
The following morning Stalker was woken early by Shadow's Step to begin their preparations. Fortune wished her luck before heading out for the day and Shadow cooked her a big breakfast.
'You'll be fasting for the rest of the day, so eat plenty now,' he told her, placing a plate full of bacon, toast and eggs in front of her. She tucked in eagerly and tried to focus her attention on the upcoming events, and away from Rhys.
'Talk me through the day,' she requested between mouthfuls.
'We're meeting Ragged Edge this afternoon to begin the rituals. He will test your stamina and discipline and perform a purification ritual,' he said, sitting down opposite her with his own breakfast.
'Why Ragged Edge and not Red Scythe? Isn't he the ritualist?' Stalker asked, her curiosity piqued.
'They both are. It's required for the elders of Odin's Warriors to be well versed in rituals. Ragged Edge used to be the leader, but his prime fighting days are behind him and now he's the chief advisor.'
Stalker nodded, she had been exactly right and felt pleased that her ability to read people was developing well.
'Is that unusual?' she asked. 'For one of our kind to get so old they can't fight any more?'
'Yes. But it's also considered taboo to say such things out loud, Stalker. Mind who you voice that to.' He smiled knowingly at her and she felt embarrassed even though it was just the two of them present. 'Ragged Edge certainly can fight, don't let his advanced years or appearance fool you. That walking staff of his is all for show, he can walk just fine without it and it's a lethal weapon in his hands when the need arises. But he's past the point of going out looking for a fight. It would be a huge dishonour to suggest that he couldn't defend himself well if required to.'
Stalker listened, captivated.
'Generally speaking, shifters live hard and die young, though I'm sure you've noticed we do age more slowly than humans so in theory we could live comparatively long lives if we kept out of trouble. It's rare for anyone to touch a hundred years though, I can think of only a handful in Caerton who are older than Fortune, Ragged Edge is by far the eldest.'
'How has he managed to live so long? Was he just that awesome in his youth?' she asked.
Shadow chuckled.
'He was, and still is, a force to be reckoned with.' His smile lingered and he seemed lost in thought for a moment. Stalker watched him carefully but kept a respectful silence. She felt there was so much more to tell but somehow knew she wouldn't hear it.
'How long have you been one of Odin's Warriors, Shadow?' She spoke softly, breaking gently into his reverie.
'Hmm. A long time, it mu
st be coming up on thirty years. I wasn't anything like as newly changed as you are, it took me a while to find my calling. You've taken to this life so easily and found your place so naturally. I envy you.' He smiled at her and she felt all warm inside. She had her moments of fear and doubt, but she did feel born to this life and as though the world finally made sense to her. She was glad that her perception wasn't wildly inaccurate and was thankful for the reassurances of her mentor.
'Can I tell you something?' she asked him tentatively. She wanted to know that her doubts weren't going to be a problem for her or anyone else and that they would fade with time.
'Of course.' He leaned across the table and listened attentively.
'Both times I've participated in killing now I've felt something afterwards, kind of sad, like remorse or something.' She didn't want to look at him. 'I love the fight, it's amazing. I love what my body can do and I love the feeling of power, but I can't help feeling guilty. Is that normal?'
'Completely. It's normal to feel that way at first,' he smiled softly and patted her hand. 'We're not stone cold killers, in fact killing humans or our own kind is strictly forbidden, unless its self defence.'
'Oh.' Stalker was surprised, though with a moment's reflection she realised she shouldn't be, what he said felt right in her gut.
'We kill demons, elementals and whatever else poses a danger to us or the human world because we have to. Protecting the world from the harm they can do is our responsibility and our sole reason for being. We are predators and they are our prey, just as the fox kills the rabbit, and in time you will learn to feel that way. But it is important that we respect and honour the lives we take.' He stood and cleared away the breakfast things while Stalker considered what he had said. She knew he was right and decided there was no hurry to cast aside her feelings.
'So, what will these stamina and discipline trials involve?' she asked, changing the subject.