“No thanks.”
“Take it,” Kendyl said. “I don’t need a second glass. Or a fourth, whatever this is.”
“I was just getting ready to head back up to my room.”
“What? Why? I hope it’s to change, because your outfit is kind of a downer.”
“I just don’t feel like celebrating.”
“Which is exactly why you should be celebrating.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Sure it does,” Kendyl said. “You’re just spending too much time up here.” She tapped her forehead with her wine glass, spilling red wine on the hardwood floor. “You need to get out of your own mind.”
“Goodnight, Kendyl.”
“You’re really not going to join us?”
Allyn looked around the room, feeling utterly alone in the crowded space. “No. Have a good time, though.”
He returned to his room, where he might not be able to find the silence he desired, but at least he could have privacy. Once he was back in his room, though, he felt oddly disconnected, almost like a child who had been told to go to bed while his parents were downstairs, laughing and having a good time. Part of him wondered what he was missing, but no matter how much he tried, he just didn’t feel like celebrating. It left him in an uncomfortable limbo—unable to enjoy the company of others, and unable to enjoy the solace of privacy.
So when the knock came, he was simultaneously thrilled and annoyed. He crossed the room and opened the door to find Nyla in the hall. Her silver hair was in a loose braid that was thrown over her shoulder, and she had changed into a well-cut dress similar to the others he’d seen downstairs. Allyn blinked. Nyla was absolutely gorgeous.
“So it’s true,” she said, her tone disappointed as her eyes took him in. “You aren’t participating in the festivities.”
Allyn shook his head. “I’m surprised you are.”
Nyla sighed. “Can I come in? I brought presents.” She held up a wine bottle and two empty glasses, flashing another smile that was nearly enough to give Allyn pause. A beautiful woman wielding a smile and alcohol was asking to come into his room? Any other time, he would have a pretty good idea where that would lead, but with the magi, and more specifically, with Nyla, it just left him confused.
“Of course.” Allyn opened the door wider and stepped aside, giving her space to enter.
Nyla made for a pair of armchairs beside the window. Allyn closed the door, watching her, hoping for some kind of signal. When he didn’t get any, he moved to join her.
Handing him a glass of wine, she held hers high and said, “Cheers.”
“What are we cheersing to?”
She shrugged. “A night of distraction.”
Allyn took a deep breath and sat down on the arm of the nearby chair, leaving Nyla and her glass hanging. “Nyla, what is this?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. You show up at my room with wine and talk about a night of distractions. To most people outside the Order, that usually means only one thing.”
“And what’s that?”
“Fuck, Nyla,” Allyn said, exasperated. Then realizing the potential double meaning, he felt his face burn with embarrassment. “I mean…”
“Relax, Allyn,” Nyla said, laughing softly. “I know you think we’re backward sometimes, but we’re not naïve. We discovered sex a long time ago too.”
“So this is…”
“Nothing more than a concerned friend checking on someone she cares about.”
Something similar to relief flooded through Allyn—the relief of not having embarrassed himself further.
“Unless of course my friend needs some kind of special attention.”
And just like that, Allyn was blushing again. Nyla must have seen it, because she burst out laughing.
“You’re messing with me,” Allyn said.
“Of course I am,” Nyla said. “You’re making it too easy.” She mirrored him, sitting down on the arm of the chair across from his, and when his expression betrayed his lack of amusement, she added, “The truth is, Allyn, I’m worried about you. Your sister is worried about you. A lot of us are. And I wanted to cheer you up. Make you laugh. See something on your face other than the angry, dour expression I’ve seen for the last few weeks.”
“I’m fine.”
“Says the man who only a few days ago told me he didn’t know how much more of this he could take.” Nyla leveled her gaze on him. “You’re not fine.”
“No, I’m not,” Allyn admitted. “None of this is, Nyla. Six of our people died yesterday, and everyone is downstairs celebrating. Celebrating, Nyla. Doesn’t anyone see what’s fucked up about that?”
“Of course they do.”
“Then why are they doing it?”
“Because a lot more than six magi could have died yesterday. Because this is the first victory we’ve had against the Knights in a while. And because everyone downstairs needs to be reminded of why they fight. What they live for. Tonight is about hope, Allyn. Maybe not for you and me—though I dare say you need some, but it’s about them. They need it.”
“A night of distraction,” Allyn said softly.
“Exactly.”
“Then let them have it. I just won’t be joining them.”
“That’s going to be a problem.”
“Why?” Allyn groaned.
“Because you were the hero of the day. The change in battle plans was your idea, as were the tactics that secured the victory. Like it or not, Allyn, you’re now the face of their hope. And unless you want to destroy that too, you need to be down there.”
“I can’t. I…” Allyn rose and leaned his head against the cool glass of the window. “If I’m the face of their hope, am I not also the face of the person who killed those six magi?”
“You know the answer to that already.”
“Then why do I feel it?”
Nyla stood and drew closer to Allyn, placing a hand against his cheek. He looked at her, meeting her blue eyes. “Because you’re a good man, Allyn. And because you care for those affected by your decisions. It isn’t a bad thing—except for when it gets in the way of doing everything else that needs to be done.”
Allyn turned away and closed his eyes. Part of him thought that if he could just shut it all away and ignore it, that the feelings of regret and loss would disappear too. But even as he thought it, he knew things didn’t work that way. He couldn’t hide, because there was nothing to hide from except his own feelings. There was only one way to escape, and that was to surround himself with others and distract himself through their differing emotions.
“What are you asking of me?” Allyn finally asked.
“Mingle. Smile. Answer questions, and most of all, be positive. Give them the hope they’re all looking for.”
Allyn opened his mouth to speak, but Nyla cut him off.
“I know it’s not easy, Allyn, and I know it’s asking a lot, but I promise it’ll help. And who knows? Maybe acting the part will get you out of the funk you’ve been in.”
“You’ll be with me?”
“Every step of the way.”
“All right,” Allyn said. “But let’s open that bottle first. A little liquid courage couldn’t hurt.”
Nearly thirty minutes later and a full bottle of wine down, Allyn and Nyla made their way to the celebration downstairs. More than an hour after Allyn had been downstairs before, the celebrating magi were farther into the bag, more jovial and raucous, and showing no signs of slowing down.
Upon seeing him in his more appropriate attire, the same magi who had given him blank stares or scoffed at his compression armor smiled and slapped him on the back, excited to have the hero of the Battle of the Schuster Manor joining the
m. And true to her word, Nyla remained with Allyn through it all, often taking the lead and moving him from group to group, avoiding getting stuck with any overly intoxicated magi men who wanted to talk his ear off or magi women who wanted his hand for a dance. She effortlessly steered conversations, allowing him to nod, smile, and add color commentary when appropriate. They spoke to every member of the Forum then the arch mage himself, always just long enough to pay their respects and receive the praise the Forum members wanted to lay at his feet.
Allyn struggled with the responsibility laid before him, but forcing his best smile, he repeated to each thankful Forum member that he was content to score a victory against the Knights. Each time, he insisted that the magi needed to remain vigilant. In most cases, the magi would nod in agreement, tap glasses with him, finish with a drink, and allow Allyn to move on.
“Was that the last of them?” Allyn asked when Nyla finally directed him away from the magi leaders and to a table with wine-filled glasses.
“It was.”
“Thank God.”
Nyla set their empty glasses out of the way and grabbed two more, handing one to Allyn. “You did great.”
Allyn barked a laugh. “I barely did anything. You, on the other hand, were amazing. I couldn’t have done that without you.”
“You don’t have to say that.”
“No,” Allyn said. “I mean it. There’s no way I would have remembered all of their names.”
Nyla smiled, no doubt understanding what Allyn truly meant, but she had the grace not to say anything. She raised her glass to his. “To getting through it, then. Together.”
“To getting through it.” Allyn tapped his glass to hers and took a drink. He felt her eyes on him as he surveyed the room. Magi circled the foyer, leaning against walls, talking, joking, and watching other magi dance in the center of the room. Seeing the unburdened magi, Allyn thought he was beginning to understand what the night meant to them.
“Is this what it was like?”
“Hmm?” Nyla asked.
“Before the war,” Allyn said. “Before Lukas and Darian. Before the splinter.”
Nyla’s smile widened, and she seemed to glow from within at the fond memories. “I suppose. Though, parties and festivities were still rare, often saved for special events or holidays. The carelessness is new. Magi have never been careless—you know that—but there was an unburdened-ness, if there is such a thing.”
“It’s beautiful,” Allyn said softly. “I’ve never seen… I didn’t know…” He winced, struggling to find the words.
Nyla laid a hand on his arm. “You joined our Family at a strange time.”
Allyn nodded. “I wish I could have seen it before. Wish I could have met you before.”
“We’ll get there again,” Nyla said then turned her attention to the dancing magi.
The fast, upbeat music had changed to something slower, and the lively, spirited magi dance had changed with it. Where the magi dance before was lively and spirited, something akin to a Native American dance, it now resembled something closer to a traditional slow dance—something Allyn felt much more comfortable with.
His eyes lingered on Nyla, watching the way she followed the flowing bodies. She seemed to long to join them. “When was the last time you danced?”
“Me?” Nyla said. “Not since… It’s been a while.”
Not since Baylis, Allyn knew, and he nearly lost his nerve.
Baylis had been her lover, and while they had not been married in the traditional sense, they had developed an echo and become as close as any two people ever could be. Because Nyla had used her cleric’s abilities and healed Baylis so many times, she had quite literally given him parts of herself and taken on parts of him in return. They had become something else entirely—not just Nyla and not just Baylis, but a combination of the two.
Their relationship had run deeper than that too—the heightened connection was just something of a bonus. But when Baylis died, those pieces of him that were inside Nyla died with him, leaving behind deep psychological and emotional wounds that were more profound than anything Allyn could understand. When he had first met her, Nyla was angry, confused, and struggling to find herself. She’d healed since then, as much as anyone could in that kind of situation, but he knew she would never truly get over it. Never truly return to the person she had been before.
So as it was, five or six—or maybe seven—glasses of liquid courage down, he took her hand and pulled her toward the center of the room. “Let’s dance then.”
“Allyn,” Nyla said, surprised. “I—”
“Come on.”
She followed him into the circle of dancing bodies, and once in position, he felt a sudden wave of nervousness that made him weak in the knees. He ignored her eyes on him, flushing slightly at the extra attention, and snuck a peek over her shoulder to see how the other magi held each other.
“What’s wrong?” she asked quietly.
“I don’t know what I’m doing.” He allowed himself to laugh, letting her know he wasn’t having second thoughts.
Nyla’s face warmed, and as she had earlier in the night, she took control. Taking his hand in hers, she guided his other hand to her hip and moved him in position. “Just follow me,” she whispered in his ear, her breath sending shivers through his body.
And then they were off, dancing slowly and moving in unison with the other couples. Allyn was clumsy at first, struggling to follow Nyla’s lead. He even stepped on a couple toes like a middle-schooler slow dancing for the first time, but Nyla just smiled and kept going.
As the dance wore on and Allyn got a better feel for the steps, he grew more confident. Before long, he was moving without thought at all. He watched Nyla, swam in the softness of her gaze, felt her body close to his, trembled at the feel of her gentle breath brushing against his ear. There on the makeshift dance floor, dancing a dance he had never danced before, Allyn’s worry, sadness, and guilt disappeared. For those few minutes, he was truly in a different place, and for the first time in a long time, he was happy.
Moving on nothing but instinct, Allyn slid his hand from Nyla’s hip, cupped her face, and brought his lips to hers. Her body shivered as his lips found hers, and all other sound and sensation disappeared. She was timid at first, and so was he, but neither pulled away. The next kiss was… not better—the first wasn’t bad—but it was more. It tore through him like the first rays of sun in spring, awakening a desire inside of him that had lain dormant for longer than he had known. Her fingers dug into his back. She felt it too.
As their lips parted and their eyes opened, they each bathed in the loving look of the other. There was nothing else in the world but that one moment. One person. One breath. There was no war. No death. No loss. There was only them.
Chapter 12
Allyn woke to three things: a knock at his door, a splitting headache, and Nyla’s silver hair draped across his chest. Unfortunately, the first aggravated the second, and both distracted him from the third.
Nyla groaned and stirred awake. She cast an annoyed look toward the door then looked up from his chest and smiled. “Good morning.”
“Good morning.” Allyn’s voice was coarse, sounding almost as if he were coming down with a cold. Like the headache, it was another symptom of his heavy drinking.
The knock came again, more insistent.
“You should probably answer that,” Nyla said.
“Yeah.”
But neither made any effort to move.
“Maybe they’ll go away.”
The knock became an insistent pounding. The handle jiggled. Locked.
Thank goodness for that.
“Guess not.” Nyla slid off his chest.
Allyn threw his legs over the side of the bed, his bare feet touching the cold hardwood floor a
s a sudden wave of nausea hit him. The cool sensation was all that kept him from losing his stomach.
“Are you okay?” Nyla rubbed his back.
“No,” Allyn admitted. “I haven’t drank that much since college. Hell, maybe high school. I don’t suppose you clerics have a hangover cure, do you?”
“Ha! Remember, we use our bodies to heal. That means I’d have to suffer instead, and that’s not going to happen.”
“You seem fine.”
“We heal faster than you do.”
“So why can’t you help again?”
“Because suffering is good for the soul,” Nyla said. “Drink a glass of water, eat some breakfast, and tough it out. You’ll be fine.”
“You’re as bad as my sister.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
The knocking continued.
“Yeah, yeah,” Allyn said, his own voice thundering in his ears. “I’m coming.”
He stood, suddenly aware and very self-conscious of his nudity. Scanning the floor for his clothes, he attempted to shield himself in a way that made it look like he wasn’t doing it intentionally. It probably looked ridiculous, and he wasn’t sure what made him more embarrassed, his nakedness or his feelings toward it. After all, Nyla didn’t seem to care.
Why am I making this more awkward than it needs to be?
He found his previous night’s clothes on the floor and hurriedly pulled them on. Finally dressed, he opened the door just enough so he could see into the hall. Liam waited there, bouncing from foot to foot impatiently.
“What’s up?” Allyn asked.
“Hey,” Liam said, excitedly. “Good morning. I need to… are those the same clothes you wore last night?”
“You woke me up. I didn’t have anything else to put on.”
“Oh,” Liam said. “Right. I heard voices, though. Who’s in there with you?” He tried to peer into the room, but Allyn blocked his view.
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