“What happened to surprises?” she asked, looking at both of them.
“Surprise? I thought that went out when we stopped believing in Father Christmas!” snorted Annie. Her hair trailed over her scarlet sweatshirt gleaming under the chandelier. Tammy knew hers should look the same, but somehow Annie had more gleam, more shine more enthusiasm, more energy, as if she, Tammy, were pale imitation of the overwhelming twin.
Which is only right, she thought with a swift touch of bitterness. It’s the way of twins to have one dark one light and Annie to be the light one.
“We’ll have to see, darling,” Mother cleared the table swiftly, stacking dishes on her silver tray which had stayed in use after the birthday party. Father spread leaflets all over the table when the plates were gone. Tammy leaned forward, caught sight of ‘home’ and ‘sheltered accommodation’ and beckoned to Annie to leave.
“I borrowed a record for Niall,” she told Annie as they left the room. “West Coast group called Love.”
“They’re ages old!” Annie was scornful. “Who cares about people from the past?”
“Plenty of people, look at the Doors film! Anyway, I thought they might be good, I like the sound of the group. Want to hear it?”
“Might as well, nothing else to do.”
“Did you see what Father had there?” climbing the stairs, almost arm in arm, almost Siamese twins, so close together. Tammy looked back, saw Mother watching them with a soft almost soppy look.
“No - what did he have?”
“Old people’s homes leaflets.”
“Good,” said with such viciousness Tammy was taken aback, then she felt the flare of anger from Annie, knew the party had not gone away, that it rankled with her twin still, and nothing would be settled until Gran Webster had been paid back.
“That’s not good,” Tammy led the way into her room, put the Love record on the turntable and set the arm upon it carefully. The melodic sharp sounds filled the air.
“Dated stuff,” Annie dismissed the music. Tammy turned it down a little. Wind slashed against the windows, sharp bites of sleet tapped icy fingers, demanding admittance. Annie pulled the curtains close, shut out the winter weather, turned to Tammy. “That’s the old bag taken care of, they won’t rest now till she’s in a home.”
“You’re shortening her life, Annie.
“She’s got pots of money, we could all do with some more, it will be good all round.”
“What if they use the money to pay for the home?”
“Doesn’t matter.” Annie shrugged, sending blonde hair shimmering. Tammy vowed to brush hers harder in future, to try and make it shine like Annie’s. “All that matters is she gets paid back for ruining our party and out lives.”
“How will she know?” Tammy took the record off the turntable, Annie wasn’t interested, wasn’t impressed.
“She’ll know. I’ll get Phil to tell her. Talking of which, are you missing his attentions, kiddo?”
“A bit,” and it was true, she was. Phil’s sessions were painful but exciting, the forbidden, any moment Mother and Father could come home for whatever reason, illness, anything, and find them. It added spice, and that spice was sometimes missing with the sessions with Mark and Niall. Especially with Niall, the wimp.
“Then we’d better find you someone else.” Annie parted the curtains, looked out. “I’ve a good mind to send you walking out there tonight but it’s still sleeting so I won’t. Not yet anyway. But I will, kiddo, I will.”
Tammy felt the familiar secretive thrill run through her, felt the fear clasp an icy hand round her heart, knew she would both love and hate it at the same time. A strange man, a hard man, who knew what he might do?
“In the meantime, you’ll do it yourself.” Annie threw a plastic belt across the room to Tammy. “Here, try it, whip yourself. And I’ll watch to make sure you do until you hurt, kiddo, I mean it, until you hurt.”
Tammy took the belt, wrapped it around her hand, looked at it, looked at the mirror, and slowly removed her jeans and briefs. She looked at Annie just once, and then concentrated on the mirror and her own anguished face as the plastic slashed at her hips and back, her bottom and her legs.
She was crying after ten minutes, sobbing after fifteen.
Annie just stood and smiled and smiled.
Chapter Seventeen
Q. It’s hard to believe you would beat yourself, Tammy.
A. Why not? I just did what Annie told me, regardless of what it was. As I’ve told.
Q. But this was different - this was self-abuse!
A. And deep down I loved it. You see, you have to understand, pain and pleasure are mixed, inseparable, real. To feel pain, to know it is coming, to anticipate it and thrill to the anticipation, even as you hate it - there’s no way of explaining it, not properly. But to bow to someone’s wishes and do what they tell you and do it well, and at the same time to know as I knew I was giving Annie pleasure because she was linked to me, she knew my thoughts and feelings, she had double pleasure - well, it made it all worthwhile.
Q. Didn’t your parents even hear you crying?
A. No. Annie made sure of that! Loud music, rock music, covers a lot of sounds.
Q. You haven’t mentioned Danny Gibling for some time, did Annie not go out with him again?
A. On and off. She had trouble keeping him at arm’s length, so she deliberately discouraged invitations. But he was after her all right, I could see that when we met up, in pizza places or discos or wherever. And we were going out a lot, with Niall and Mark - once we double dated guys from the College, but that didn’t work out, as they both lusted after Annie and no one took any notice of me. So she refused to go out with them again. “You take me and my sister,” she told them.
Q. How did the - vendetta - against the Giblings proceed from there?
A. Annie stopped ordering pizzas and began filling in every single form for brochures, leaflets, people to call, that she could find. I don’t know what effect that had on them, but it must have driven them crazy, I should think. It would me, anyway.
Q. And your parents knew nothing about it.
A. Nothing. But Annie started on them, gently, dropping hints about things like AIDS, did they know anyone who had it, what would they do if we had it, that kind of thing. Then one day she dropped the big bombshell, said she was thinking of going for an AIDS test and I should go too. Mother and Father sat there at dinner with their mouths open, shocked rigid. Then Annie burst out laughing and said she was joking and they relaxed, but not completely. She sowed a few seeds of doubt in their mind, you see. And perhaps they realised for the first time we weren’t innocent.
Q. What happened next?
A. Annie went walking by the Gibling house and thought some creatures into it. She said she heard the shrieks from outside!
Q. And you?
A. What do you mean, me?
Q. How did you get involved?
A. Oh, I didn’t, not then. It was down to Annie what she did next, the vendetta was entirely hers, nothing to do with me. I didn’t feel a thing toward the Giblings. Then or now.
Q. Not even -
A. Not even then.
Q. What time are we at in the history?
A. About two weeks before Christmas, I think, if I remember it all right. Everyone had their decorations up, in the houses I mean, shops had put theirs up weeks earlier. It was bitter cold, and felt very wintry. The lights and trees all decorated made it feel very Christmassy, very good. Unfortunately it was too cold to arrange sessions in the garage, we’d have frozen to death, so Annie came up with something else.
Q. What was that?
A. Sent me back to Mr. Wrayland. Annie came with me - to watch.
Chapter Eighteen
47 Kensington Drive was everything Tammy said
it was, run down, shabby, tasteless and graceless. Cheap garish coloured lights winked on and off in the window, a tree overladen with ornaments stood just inside.
Annie paused and pretended to be tying up a shoelace, her trainers were a little loose, and listened. She could hear raised voices and slamming doors even through the closed windows. My family, she thought, my family, cheap nasty lower class people! And I come from them! Her hatred spilled out, and she imagined a large spider in the front door. She heard a shriek, grinned and moved on, feeling much better.
“So easy,” she whispered “So easy to terrify people!” and smiled evilly. An old lady passing her by glanced at Annie’s face and immediately crossed over the road. Annie smiled a little more, feeling even more pleased with herself. Control. Power. That was what it was all about. Power could overcome anything, class problems, money problems, no, not money problems. That was something she wanted to work on, how to get money, lots and lots of money. There had to be a way to use her power, her sexuality, her dominance, to get money. Even as she questioned it, hurrying along the broken pavements past rusting cars and run down houses, she knew how she would get the money. An advertisement in a contact magazine.
“Me or Tam,” she mused aloud, startling a dog wandering around a pile of rubbish bags. It barked at her and ran off. “I could sell my services or Tam’s. Not sure what she’d think of it.”
A cold wind blew round the corner, making Annie shiver. Tammy had better be on time, that’s all, she thought, I’m not hanging around in the cold!
Tammy was on time, waiting on the corner of the road where Mr. Wrayland lived. Waiting and quaking. Annie could sense her fear verging on terror, sensed the anticipation which made it all worthwhile, felt the clutching of the muscles in Tammy’s rounded cheeks, felt the wetness that permeated the knickers, and knew Tammy was excited, no matter what she might say. She hurried up to Tammy and hugged her.
“Oh my twin, don’t I know you better than I know myself?” Annie put her arm around Tammy’s shoulders, drew her close as they walked along together.
“This one’s for me and me alone, kiddo.”
“No, it’s for me too, I did get such a thrill last time,” and it was true, she had.
Mr. Wrayland opened the door as they walked up the path, his eyes going wide at the sight of the two of them.
“Do I get both of you?” he asked, as they walked past him into the warm hall.
Annie laughed. “Definitely not! I want to watch this time, that’s all.”
Mr. Wrayland eyed her closely. “You’re a very strange young lady, if I might say so.”
“And you’re a strange man, Mr. Wrayland, it is an odd way of spending your time. Good job there are some of us who enjoy it.” She pushed Tammy into what she guessed was the lounge.
Tammy hadn’t spoken. She stood in the centre of the room, her legs perceptibly shaking, her eyes wild with fear and delight. This man was an expert and it wasn’t often she got punished by an expert.
Annie slumped on to the settee, absorbing Tammy’s apprehension and anticipation, feeding on it greedily, adding it to her own vicarious thrill of being able to watch. So often she was involved in something herself and wasn’t able to be no more than an onlooker. This time she could.
“I’m not happy about this,” Mr. Wrayland looked very uneasy, despite having the cane in his hand already.
No way are you unhappy, thought Annie. I’ve got you where I want you, old man! If you were unhappy there’d not be a cane in sight!
“Tamasine is my twin, my identical twin in every respect, Mr. Wrayland.” She spoke soothingly, approving as Tammy removed her coat and skirt. “We just have this difference of sexual inclination. I prefer to be dominant, she is a submissive - in case you hadn’t noticed. Well, it isn’t for me to punish my own twin, so I get someone else to do it. Last time I couldn’t come, this time I want to watch,” and not a word about feeling it myself. I daren’t mention that!
Tammy still hadn’t spoken, her gaze flashed from Mr. Wrayland to Annie and back again. Annie flashed her a silent message.
“You doing all right, kiddo, and I’ve got wet knickers too,” and she had, she wasn’t lying.
“Let’s make it twenty four this time,” she said aloud and Tammy gasped, went red and then groaned very slightly. Annie tut tutted under her breath.
“Kiddo, you’re not supposed to come before you get caned!”
Another silent message which brought a grin to Tammy’s face.
Mr. Wrayland took a deep breath, straightened himself to his full height and nodded.
“All right, if that’s what you want.”
“I do and so does Tamasine.”
“Then bend over the chair, young lady,” he touched Tammy with the cane, and she went obediently to the settee, leaning over the end, briefs stretched tight across her rounded cheeks, identical to Annie’s in every way except Annie’s never bore bruises of any kind. Ever.
And then he began the caning.
Chapter Nineteen
Q. What was it like, Tammy?
A. Twenty four? Horrendous, but so thrilling it wasn’t true. I almost melted on the spot, I certainly had an orgasm as Annie said it! And she knew, of course. Anyway, I leaned over his chair and waited, knowing he was flexing the cane knowing it would strike at any moment, knowing too that Annie was sliding one hand down inside her own pants behind the loose coat she wore, and fingering herself. My quim was twitching like a mad thing - and then the first one landed. I never remember how much it hurts and jump every time, my head comes up as the band of pain sears across me - he does it right across the middle first time! and I’m sure I’ll never take them all. Never! No way! But I stay there getting lower and lower, pressing myself harder and harder to the chair, longing to roll over, to throw myself at his feet and beg for mercy and yet -
Q. Why don’t you?
A. Because deep down it’s what I want. I know I’m basically bad and need punishment. So, I get it where I can. And Mr. Wrayland, for all his Headmasterly nonsense, is a man prepared to give it and give it good and hard. Twenty four. Oh my! The thought of it! They overlaid once and then twice and then again, I was screeching into the cushion by the time he was done, flooding the uphosltery with dark stains from my eyes, and burning everywhere - but I’d come again. Oh Yes, I’d come again, as Annie had, we both had wet knickers. And we walked out of there leaving Mr. Wrayland with an uncomfortable bulge to take care of.
“He had a strong right hand,” Annie commented as we walked down the path, me carefully, she bouncing down the flagstones. “He’ll get rid of that when we’re gone,” but he was standing at the window, looking out. I looked back, just once.
Q. How did you hide the beating from your parents?
A. Mother and Father are easy to hide things from! They don’t ask questions, they don’t demand your presence every evening in front to the TV, they’re busy with their lives, watching their videos of nature programmes and comparing notes from the natural history encyclopaedias they buy, they don’t worry about us. We put our heads round the door and say -
“We’re going out now,” and Mother says, “all right darling, have a good time be good and don’t be late,” and Father grins stupidly and says - “Have a good time, girls,” and we’re gone. They don’t know where and I don’t think they realise they don’t know where. Unless we never came home, of course, as it happened that time. Then they panicked. But that was the first and only time.
Q. But twenty four! You must have walked a little stiffly for a few days!
A. No. I’m used to being punished, the muscles are well used to it, I walked around as if nothing had happened. And after a day or so it was as if nothing had happened. Oh, winced a bit when I sat down. Mother noticed once and I said, “lower back strain,” and she nodded and ignored it.
Q. What happened next?
A. Christmas happened next. Yes, I’m sure it did. Danny Giblings had got the message, he hadn’t asked Annie out for ages, just ogled her from across the floor in MacDonalds when we went in there, or if we met in the street in town, when shopping, that kind of thing. He started dating someone from our street, a long thin streak of - well water, called Gloria. Fancy name not so fancy person. But they seemed all right together. Mark and Niall were our escorts still, Niall and I made a good pair, submissive to both Mark and Annie. They had a lot of fun at our expense, ordering us about. Niall had to remove his trousers while we were in the cinema once, even when the lights went up. They didn’t say anything about not covering himself up though so he sat with his jeans trailed over his legs and no one noticed.
Q. What about the family vendetta?
A. Our family? Gran Webster was very ill, depression they said. Phil went around looking as if the cares of the world had ended up on his shoulders, and even Mother commented on how he didn’t come round so much anymore. Trouble was, Phil had got used to it, the sessions with us, he missed it terribly, which was part of Annie’s plan, of course. I didn’t see it then, I only saw it later. He was in torment, it was in his eyes when he looked at us, longing to get his hands on me and couldn’t. Because he was too damn scared of what else Annie might ask him to do. I think he worked out Annie = sex with me = keeping quiet about the whole business to Aunt Phyl and also - getting Gran Webster into a home for whatever reason Annie wanted her in the home. And he didn’t like it one bit. He cornered me in the hall one time, when he did come round to see Father about something, and whispered ever so fast “God I miss you,” and walked off before I could answer.
Q. Did you miss him?
A Not while I had Mr. Wrayland. And that’s something else. I found out Annie was making sly visits to Mr. Wrayland on her own. It was some time before I found out why.
Twin Pleasures Page 6