“There's medicine for that shit, a buddy of mine got panic attacks after he got back.”
Got back. I traced the insignia on his chest, the same one Ray and Clutch had. “You served.”
“Yeah, other Penetrators did, too.” He gripped the back of my neck. “You ever see anyone about the panic attacks?”
“I had medicine for a while, but it got expensive without insurance and I aged out of any financial assistance.” I shrugged, averting my gaze to the hard ridges of his stomach. “I used to have them a lot when I was young. They don't happen often anymore.”
“What caused today's?”
I could lie or refuse to answer, but he'd get me talking one way or another. Too sated to fight, I sighed and rested my head against him. “Stupid shit. I-I was afraid I'd buy the wrong stuff at the store and you all would realize I was a crappy choice for a lay and scrape me off.”
He tightened against me. “Babe.”
“I said it was stupid.”
He cupped my chin and feathered kisses along my eyelids, then across my lips. “You're a fuck of a lot more than a lay, Harmony.”
“I am?”
“Yeah, you are. To me. Ray. Fist. Fuck, even Dawg and Clutch. You're beneath our skin.”
“I am?” I drifted in a warm cloud of pleasure. I mattered. “So, if things with me and y'all go south, we'll still be cool?”
“Me, Ray, the guys...we aren't letting shit go south with you. None of us are teenagers. We speak our minds and will make you do the same. We've given you a small taste of what it'll be like if you agree to be Penetrator property, our slave.”
“I'm scared.”
“Good, you should be. I'm fucking thrilled you're terrified. I want you thinking, processing your decisions so we know you're all in. When I fuck you so hard you pass out, I'm taking more than your body, babe. I'm annihilating your defenses, we all are. We're breaking you down and building you back into the woman you want to be.”
“What if I don't want to be broken down and built back up? What if I like the way I am?”
“Then we'll all have a hell of a good time.” Max grinned. “You really think you're exactly what you want to be right now?”
No. Nowhere close. I wanted to belong to someone, embrace my closeted desires. I needed to shatter into a million blissful pieces, trusting that someone was there to catch me. I didn't do hearts and flowers. Happily ever afters were bullshit propaganda to sell movie tickets and books.
Yet, I wanted something I hadn't quite experienced. Whatever the elusive more was, I knew I needed someone pushing me, testing my boundaries and challenging the very core of who I was. As crazy as it seemed, Max, Ray and the other Penetrators were what I craved. They held pieces of the mysterious puzzle to the darkness. I hoped to fuck they could unlock that part of me, shine a light in and show me what I'd craved for so long.
I closed my eyes and settled into Max’s steely warmth. For now I'd rest, recover. Prepare for the road ahead. My decision was made long ago, before the weekend ever started. I'd always been theirs. Tomorrow was soon enough to tell them, though I suspected they'd known all along.
“You don’t go anywhere without a Penetrator,” he ordered. “One of our contacts says the Mexican Mafia will be in town soon, looking for answers. And blood. They’ll come after you if they get a chance. Keep your head down and do what we say. You’ll be safe.”
I could’ve handled hearing that in the morning. What-if scenarios ran through my mind. None of them were good. The fucking Mexican Mafia was hunting Mom and the only protection I had was the MC club she fucked over.
THE END
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About the Author
Devyn Douglas is the edgier, more erotic alter ego of Cara Carnes. She resides in Austin, Texas where she writes in assorted genres, from contemporary to sci-fi.
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