by Luxe, Eva
Jacob looked at me with hopeful eyes.
“I verified what Markus is talking about, and it’s bullshit.”
Jacob looked relieved. “How did you find out?” he asked.
“I phoned him.”
He frowned. “And he told you it was bullshit?”
I chuckled. “Oh, no. He told me everything that happened. How you were out in public with him and attacked him for saying something about Texas. On Friday night.”
Jacob shook his head. “I was with you on Friday night.”
“My point exactly.”
He smiled. “Right.” He took a deep breath, and it seemed like it was a weight off his shoulders. His smile faded a little. “So, what do we do, now?”
“Well, that’s where I’m stuck,” I said. “Coming clean about where you were is ideally what you would want to do. A witness will do wonders for your career.”
“But we were—”
“Yeah, I know.” I watched him, my face carefully expressionless. “That might not look very good when it gets out.”
“It’s not good that we’re doing it?”
I shook my head. “It’s okay, I guess, but I’m your PR Manager. It can be misconstrued as a business move on your end, something to bribe me with.”
Jacob nodded, slowly. “I get it. God, people are inclined to think the worst, aren’t they?”
“Unfortunately,” I said.
“What if I just lie about it and throw it back on him? I’m sure I can come up with something that will make him look bad, instead. People will believe anything.”
“They will. And they love drama and gossip, and it will be like reality television. You don’t want to go there, trust me. The moment you call him out and say something that’s a lie, too, he’s going to retaliate. You’re going to get stuck in a circle of revenge and he-said-she-said, and you don’t want that.”
“But it’s my image.”
I shook my head. “It’s not. If you do that, it’s about his image you’ll be playing at, and that’s just bad sportsmanship. Be the bigger man.”
Jacob sighed loudly. “Being the bigger man doesn’t exactly fix things.”
“Not right away, no,” I said. I understood where he was coming from. “But in the long run, they’ll like you better for it, and you’ll look better as a player who should be kept on in the end.”
Jacob didn’t look happy. I knew he wanted revenge. He wanted to do to Markus what he’d done to him so it was fair. No one liked it when their name was being dragged through the mud. It was so easy to respond, to do the same.
“Markus wants you to retaliate. If he can get you to respond, great. If he can get you to fight with him, even better. He wants you to freak out and respond with exactly what he’s accusing you of. If you do that, all you’ll do is prove his lies right.”
Jacob groaned. “Why is this so complicated? What the hell did I do to deserve this?”
“I know it sucks,” I said. “But we’re working on this. We’ll make it happen.”
Jacob sighed again. He looked around the office, toward the window, at my table. I could almost see his mind working.
“I think if I keep quiet, though, I will be made a fool, and I can’t defend myself. That’s not fair either. Or what if I tell the world about you? Something has to work.”
I blinked at him.
“I really don’t think it’s a good idea,” I said.
“Come on, Kina. It will be better than just sitting here.”
I took a deep breath and held it for three counts before blowing it out again. I was getting irritated. Jacob had been redeemed in my eyes by Markus’s lie, but he was starting to grate me again.
“Look, in the end, it’s your choice. You decide what you want to do and let me know.”
Jacob frowned. “You’re going to leave this up to me?”
“I’m here to give you advice and nothing more,” I said coldly. “It’s your choice how you want to handle your career.” I wanted to be sarcastic about how good a job he did before, but I wasn’t going to be that cruel. It was clear that his history was a touchy topic. Markus wouldn’t have used it if it wasn’t. I wasn’t going to be that person.
He was getting irritated, too. I couldn’t tell why.
“Fine,” he said and his voice was snappy. “I’ll do that.”
He got up.
“You have to tell me by Friday what you decided. If you don’t, your career will be open. You don’t have forever to think about this.”
Jacob nodded and left without saying anything else. We were back to being sticky. For a moment there, it had seemed like we were okay again, like we were agreeing. I liked Jacob, and I liked it when we got along. I didn’t like when we got stuck, and that seemed to happen quite often. Jacob was a stubborn man. If he wasn’t going to listen to me about what to do, he had to make his own choices. I was his PR manager, but I wasn’t going to tell him what to do. I wasn’t his mother.
I sighed. Deciding that didn’t make me feel any better about it all. I wished he would come back, and we could fix us. But there wasn’t an us to fix. And even if there was, he didn’t seem like the type to come back and grovel.
Chapter 18
Jacob
I didn’t know what to do. My image was tanking. It was sinking further and further, even when I was trying to make it better. I wasn’t even doing anything to make it worse, now. Not if you didn’t count Kina. I didn’t think of her as a mistake because no one knew what we were doing, and someone that good in bed couldn’t be a mistake.
I had until Friday to decide what to do with my image. It wasn’t a lot of time. My days suddenly felt very short.
If I was going to come clean about what I really did when Markus had started the rumors, it would make me look bad. Replacing violence with sex didn’t seem like it was much better than what I had right now, and I was worried that pulling Kina into the mix would ruin her credibility. She had a career she was building, too. What would it look like to her next clients if it came out that she slept with her current client?
I didn’t want to throw her under the bus to save my own skin. I knew I could be a real dick, and my temper was a problem. I was aware of that. But I could put myself into her shoes, and I didn’t want to be the one to ruin her reputation for the sake of my own.
Training on Tuesday was a good outlet. Coach started by dividing us up into smaller groups to train together for the day, which meant I didn’t have anything to do with Markus. I was relieved. I felt like giving him a piece of my mind. Or my fist. If he came up to me, I might have followed through.
Luckily for him, he didn’t come up to me. Lucky for both of us.
I pushed hard during training, trying to get rid of all the anger and tension that was pent up inside me. The last thing I needed was to lash out unnecessarily because I was already angry and resentful. I didn’t need more bad publicity where violence was concerned.
I hoped that my subconscious would work for me while I was training and that by the time I was done, I would have an idea of what to do. That wasn’t the case.
When we finally walked off the field, my muscles screamed. I was drenched in sweat, and I still had no idea what to do.
“Hey,” I said to Hanson when we walked into the locker room. “Do you want to go out for a drink tonight?”
Hanson nodded. “I’ll just check with Lacey, but if she doesn’t need me around the house, sure.”
We got dressed and Hanson called Lacey. When he hung up, he nodded at me. “Sure,” he said. “A drink or two sounds like a good plan.”
“Thanks, man,” I said.
We went to the Batting Cage. It was a nice place to hang out, a place I had a feeling was Hanson and Brian’s regular spot. And it also brought back good memories for me, of better times—when I could fuck Kina in the bathroom without the whole world finding out about it and throwing a fit.
We got a table in the middle of the floor and ordered a light beer, each. Duri
ng training, it was never a good idea to drink a lot, but I needed the alcohol to take the edge off.
“What’s bothering you?” Hanson asked.
“What if I just wanted to hang out?” he asked.
Hanson chuckled. “You know I’m doing for that,” he said. “You’re a cool guy, but I know something’s eating at you. You’ve been keeping to yourself enough for this to be a little out of the ordinary.”
I nodded, looking at my beer. I was transparent. Great.
“Did you see the shit Markus posted on Friday?” I asked.
Hanson nodded and sipped on his own beer. “I saw them. It’s a load of shit, if you ask me.”
“Yeah, it is. I wasn’t even with him. I was with Kina.”
Hanson looked sharply at me when I said it.
“Something tells me you weren’t seeing her on a Friday night for work on your image.”
I shrugged, unable to hide a smile. “It depends on how you want to define work.”
Hanson laughed. “Well, well, well. You too have been at it for a while and still seem to be together. Impressive. It seems that PR managers are just so damn attractive, doesn’t it?”
That’s right, I remembered. Lacey, Hanson’s wife, was his PR manager, too.
“So, the problem is exactly that. I fucked Kina, but I can’t exactly use that as an alibi without coming out with it.”
Hanson nodded slowly. “I hear what you’re saying. Unless you announce the relationship with her, and it’s out in the open. It’s what I did with Lacey, in the end.”
I shook my head. “No, no. God, no. We’re not dating. It’s just sex, bro. God, I can’t do that right now.”
Hanson chuckled. “That was a strong response. You not into her like that?”
I shook my head. “I guess I could be. But after Marisa … It was because of my ex that all the trouble with the assault and then the transfer started. I don’t think I have what it takes to do that whole spiel again.”
“Sorry, man,” Hanson said. “Football and women just always seem to be a flammable combo.”
“Yeah,” I said and sighed.
The truth was, I was into Kina “like that.” Even more than I had been with Marisa. But I felt like a fool, giving up my heart after everything I went through last time. I didn’t have the guts to admit to Hanson yet, let alone Kina. I was just starting to admit to myself.
Chapter 19
Jacob
“You can’t tell them that you just fucked Kina because it would look bad, right?” Hanson asked, stressing the dilemma I was facing.
I nodded. “That’s exactly it. I have no idea what to do. Short of punching Markus’s teeth in, which is the last thing I want out there, I have no idea how to handle this. Kina says retaliating is childish, so I can’t go that road, either. Although, I really want to.”
“Retaliate?” Hanson asked.
“Yeah. I want the world to know what a lying bastard he can be, you know? I’m so tired of things going wrong for me. I know a lot of it was my fault before, but this time, I did nothing wrong.”
Hanson nodded, and we sucked on our beers in silence for a while.
“How is she reacting to this?” Hanson asked.
I shrugged. “She told me it’s my choice in the end, that I need to make a decision by Friday.”
“She’s not pushing you into a direction?”
I shook my head. “I get the feeling she’s the submissive type. In bed, that’s fantastic, but in this case, I wish she would call the shots.”
Hanson visibly minced when I mentioned Kina in bed. He obviously didn’t want to hear about it, and I knew I shouldn’t be talking about it. But I couldn’t seem to focus on anything else.
I flashed on her bending over in front of me, my dick buried inside of her and her ass jiggling as I fucked her. I tried to get the thought out of my mind. Thinking about sex now wasn’t going to accomplish anything other than make me horny.
“Maybe you should talk to her again,” Hanson said.
I nodded. Maybe he was right.
We changed topics and talked about other things. I was starting to realize I could relate to Hanson more and more. He was a decent guy, the kind who would have your back if he deemed you a friend. I wanted to hang out with him more, get to know him better. He seemed to have his shit together.
He told me he didn’t have it together from the start. I hadn’t followed the other players’ scandals all that closely—nothing beyond what I occasionally saw on the tabloids or in social media here and there—but back in the day, apparently, he had a terrible image as a womanizer. He had managed to turn that around. That meant there was still hope for me, right?
“I have to get going,” Hanson said when we were both two beers down. “Lacey’s waiting for me.”
I nodded. “Thanks for coming out with me,” I said.
“No problem, bro.” He clapped me on the back. “We’re a team.”
He winked at me and sauntered off as if he didn’t have a care in the world. What a wonderful life that must be.
When I left the bar, I pulled out my phone and dialed Kina’s number.
“I was just thinking about you,” she said, and I smiled.
“Well, that sounds like a good start,” I said. I loved the sound of her voice, especially if she was saying things like that. “What were you thinking about?”
“Have you decided what you want to do?” she asked.
I deflated a little. She hadn’t been thinking about me. She’d been thinking about my job. Fucking fantastic.
“I haven’t,” I said. “I was hoping we could have a chat about it, maybe get me moving in a direction, at least.”
She sighed. “I can’t really help you with that, can I? I have suggestions, but in the end, it’s down to you. I’ll support whatever you decide.”
I wasn’t sure if she meant that. Surely, she knew that would put her in the spotlight as well? And that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
“You’re not giving me anything to go by, are you?” I asked.
“Of course, I am. There just aren’t that many options. Markus has you backed into a corner.”
I didn’t like the sound of that. I didn’t like the idea that it was true.
* * *
On Wednesday morning, training wasn’t in groups, and I had to face Markus this time. I had to run a play with him, and I didn’t want him anywhere near me. I tried to avoid him as best I could, but he was on my team. What was I going to do?
When I dropped the ball, Markus laughed out loud. I was already irritated.
“Come on, Lawson. Don’t give the other team a reason to mock you.”
“Shut up, Markus,” I said.
“Or what?” he asked, coming up to me. He got right in my face, so close I could smell his sweat. “Are you going to hit me?”
I didn’t do anything. I stood there, staring him down, picturing every way I wanted to hurt him and biting back so that I didn’t.
“Come one, man, you’re so good at it. Or did you lose your nerve?”
I saw a flash of white for a moment, I was that angry. But I couldn’t hurt him, not now. I would just prove his lies true. Kina had said that, and she’d been right. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I wouldn’t make the rest of the team doubt me. I was here to prove that I was bigger than my past.
“I thought so,” Markus said when I turned away from him. He gave me a little shove. God, if I just turned around and hooked him with my right fist he would go down. He wouldn’t expect it at all. I could almost feel his jawbone connect with my knuckles. I balled my fist, ready to swing.
Hanson’s eyes found mine, and he shook his head almost imperceptibly. It was possibly the only reason I didn’t attack the guy, after all. Hanson had been there for me when I’d needed to talk, and he’d been a good friend. He had my back, and this wasn’t a good idea.
I took a deep breath and let it out, slowly, unclenching my fist. I was being the bigger man. That w
as what Kina had meant, too, I’m sure.
“Come on, gentlemen!” Coach shouted from the sidelines. He hadn’t gotten involved. I knew he’d been waiting to see what I would do.
I glared at Markus, telling him with my eyes what I wanted to do with my firsts and turned away from him.
“You best be watching your back,” Markus said.
I didn’t deign to answer him. I walked back to my spot and waited for the rest of the team to huddle up so we could run the damn play again.
Chapter 20
Kina
I met Jacob for lunch Wednesday. We had to talk about what to do. We couldn’t leave these rumors hanging for more than a week before it affected Jacob’s career in a way he wouldn’t be able to fix. If Jacob’s history had been milder, something less affected by the rumors, it might have been all right, but seeing that he had an assault charge on his name already, it wasn’t that easy to shrug off.
Jacob might have been suspended for a whole year after he’d attacked the other player, and he might have transferred to another team, but the world still remembered Jacob Lawson and his poor hold on his temper.
Which meant Markus’s accusations of Jacob attacking him would hit a nerve with the public, and that was exactly the problem. Markus had known exactly what to do to get Jacob in trouble, and that bothered me. What else did he have up his sleeve? What else was he going to do to Jacob to get him kicked out of his football career for good?
“Thank you for meeting me,” I said to Jacob. We sat at Zuma, a beautiful restaurant on the waters of Biscayne Bay, looking out over Brickell Key. The atmosphere was calm, the weather sunny. I didn’t feel as bright as the weather, though. If something went wrong with Jacob, it wasn’t just his career that would be questioned, but mine, too. I didn’t know how to handle what had happened.
“I have an idea,” Jacob said. “I don’t know if it’s any good, but it’s worth a shot.”
I looked at him, sipping the bottled water I’d ordered. “What is it?” I asked.