“How will you do that, Cissy? You’ve got no money, no home.” Jason jerked his chin toward Dominic. “Unless you plan on taking charity here indefinitely.”
“When have you ever known me to do that? I’ve worked hard over the past couple of months. I know what needs to be done and I’m doing it. I’ve even been thinking about going back to school so I can earn better money. Have other options.”
Jason scoffed. “That’d be hard enough on your own. Forget doing it with two kids.”
“Lots of people do it every day. Why not me? Being a parent isn’t the end of the world.”
Cissy’s muscles relaxed. She paused, surprised by the sweep of pride that moved through her. Before, she’d had to reason that argument out. Had to talk herself into believing it. Now it was a comforting truth.
“As a matter of fact,” she continued, “it’s a beginning.” Her neck warmed—in the exact spots where Kayden and Jayden always placed their small hands when hugging her. “The best kind of beginning.”
Jason examined her, his expression inscrutable.
“Please,” Cissy pleaded. “I swear I won’t let them down. Please give me the chance I wasn’t willing to give you.”
His hands tightened, fisting at his sides. Light glinted over the moisture in his eyes. He jerked his head with a nod, then took rough steps toward the door.
Cissy breathed a soft sigh of relief. She wrapped her fingers around Jason’s arm as he passed, stilling him and seeking out his eyes. “Thank you, Jason.”
He pulled away, opening the door and disappearing around the corner.
Cissy took a step forward, wanting to follow and offer him something more. Comfort...gratitude...something.
Dominic blocked her path, his big body brushing hers. “I’ll see him out.” He hovered on the threshold, dark eyes lingering on her, then turned and left.
Cissy’s stomach dropped, her relief dissipating. Dominic had never looked at her that way before. There was something behind his eyes. Something she couldn’t place but felt all the same.
She turned to find Logan staring at the empty doorway. His gaze shifted then, and he caught her trying to read his expression. He dropped his head and shuffled a few papers around on the desk.
At her refusal to look away, he sighed, leaning into his palms and facing her head-on. “It’s late, Cissy. The boys will be looking for you.”
“It had to be done.”
“Yeah. It did.” He smiled. Gentle and sad. “And it took a lot of guts. It’s a difficult situation on all sides. Those boys are lucky to have you.”
She nodded. There was no question she’d done the right thing for the boys. Her steps slowed at the door, her mind turning over the look Dominic had given her, testing it from different angles. Her throat tightened on the question rising from her chest but it managed to escape.
“Will he stay?”
“You made things plain,” Logan said. “Everything’s settled. There’s no reason for him to unless he wants to see the boys one last time.”
“No.” She should stop now. While she was ahead. “I meant Dominic. Do you think he’ll stay?”
Logan hesitated. “I don’t know.” His tone turned apologetic. “But I’ve learned not to expect it.”
Cissy stilled. “That’s a good rule of thumb,” she whispered.
“What?”
“Nothing,” she muttered.
Cissy shook her head and crossed the threshold to make her way to her room. She’d think about that later. Right now, she needed to talk to the boys and begin preparations for their future. She just hoped Dominic wanted to be a part of it.
* * *
“MIND IF I have a smoke before I leave?”
Dominic eased the screen door shut behind him with his heel. Jason leaned on the white porch rail, staring at the ground below. He didn’t look up to see Dominic’s nod but proceeded to dig a cigarette out of the pack in his hand all the same. His hands trembled as he lit it, snapping the lighter’s wheel several times before it sparked and issued a flame.
Jason took a deep pull before finally glancing at him from the corner of his eye. He exhaled a curl of smoke and held the cigarettes out. Dominic shook his head. Jason dropped the pack to his side. The hum of crickets and cicadas hung on the night air wrapping around them.
“This your ranch?”
Still silent, Dominic nodded. He couldn’t, for the life of him, find any words that fit the occasion.
“You’re that bull rider, yeah?” Jason shoved the lighter and cigarette pack into his pocket. “The one that got World past four years. Up for it again this year. Dom Slade, right?”
“Yeah.” Dominic maintained his stance a few feet away.
Jason laughed. It was weak and short-lived. “That’s some crazy shit y’all do, man. Never met anyone before that actually did it.” He straightened from the rail and turned. “Course, not a lot of people really get what I do, either. Cissy tell you?”
“No.”
He took another pull on his cigarette. “Didn’t think so. Probably never talks about me.” Ashes flicked as his fingers thumped with nervous motions. “I’m a drummer and a singer. Spend most of my time traveling for gigs and what’s left looking for them. Wake up in one state and go to sleep in another. Don’t know which end is up some days.”
“That I can understand,” Dominic said.
“Uh-huh. You probably do your share of traveling, too.” Jason hesitated, chewing on his lower lip. “My boys doing good?”
Dominic peered into the darkness beyond the house. “They’re doing great.”
Jason bobbed his head several times before scrubbing the toe of his shoe over the porch floor. “I shouldn’t say that.” He looked up. “My boys. They’re not mine anymore.”
Dominic reluctantly faced him. “Cissy will take good care of them. They’re happy with her.”
Jason leaned back on the porch rail with his elbows, splaying his hands out almost as if to steady them and studying the red glow of his cigarette. “Think I’m a loser, Dom?”
Dominic’s chest swelled with sympathy. At the same time, his shoulders stiffened. It was obvious Jason cared about his sons. But he was still willing to walk away from his own flesh and blood. That he couldn’t understand. He couldn’t wrap his head around that bit.
“Think I’m worthless because I don’t want my kids?” Jason’s eyes narrowed, his expression guarded.
“No one’s saying that.”
“Cissy’s saying it,” Jason shot back. “Doing more than saying it. She’s acting on it.”
“She loves those boys. She’s just doing what she thinks is best for them.”
“So she says,” Jason grunted. “I tell you, it’d be a hell of a lot easier to hand them over to someone else. A stranger. Someone I didn’t know. Hell, anyone else. Just as long as it wasn’t Cissy.” His lip curled. “That’s a damned blow to a man’s pride, you know? A woman doing what you can’t. Making something out of nothing. Not even needing you.”
Dominic froze.
Bye, Dominic.
Dominic spun, gripping the screen door’s handle. “I don’t think I’m the best one to talk to about this—”
“Why?” Jason stepped forward, flicking the tip of his cigarette again. A spray of red ash hit the porch. “Thought you’d be the one to understand. Career minded. A fellow nomad. Don’t think I’m proud of leaving them. I’m not. Wish I felt differently about it. But the bitch of it all is, I never chose this life. It just chose me. You can’t change who you are. You’re not meant to.”
A queasiness settled in Dominic’s gut. How many times had he consoled himself with that same argument when he’d left the ranch for another rodeo? When he’d wished he was more like Logan? Solid and stable?
The black handle of the screen door slipped from his grip.
“And what’s wrong with that?” Jason continued. “When you’re honest about it? I told Crystal that in the very beginning. Told her putting down roots was
n’t for everyone. Wasn’t even the life for her. But she tried anyway. Every time I came back to her, I told her—must’ve been a thousand times—that she was going against the grain. Turning on her God-given nature. She wasn’t cut out to be a mom any more than I was to be a dad. I think the boys even knew it.”
He scoffed, pausing to take another deep drag. “That’s why Cissy and I always fought like hell. Always knew Cissy was worth more to those boys than me. Hell, Crystal and I put it together, even.” His face scrunched with disgust. “I couldn’t stomach the thought of her having my boys. Showin’ me up. But I never really had a chance to begin with. I loved Crystal. God knows I did. And I loved those boys, too. It’s just, some men aren’t built for it. At least I’m man enough to admit that.”
Every muscle in Dominic’s body seized.
A good man.
Cissy’s words returned. Though, this time, they came without the usual rush of pride and pleasure. They seemed foreign. Incomprehensible and unattainable.
Jason’s cynical laugh drew his attention once more. “Maybe you don’t want to talk because you got your own dealings with Cissy.”
Jason waited for a response. When he didn’t receive one, he took one last pull on the cigarette, stubbed it out on the porch rail and threw the butt into the grass. He worked his way down the steps, pausing at the bottom and turning back.
“I’m not a bad guy, Dom. I just have other ambitions.” He smiled then. Wide and genuine. “Good luck with Cissy and those high standards of hers. Because you’re damn sure gonna need it.”
Dominic watched him stroll to his car, slide in and pull off. He kept watching until the red taillights faded into dots then disappeared into the night.
It was late. Cissy would be inside waiting for him. The boys, too. Waiting for a last bit of fun with him before being sent to bed. He should make his way back in.
Dominic rolled his shoulders, trying to shake off that nagging feeling. It didn’t help, though.
A good man. That was how Cissy saw him. Yet she saw the complete opposite in Jason. A guy Dominic initially thought must be akin to a demon from hell to be able to walk away from his kids. As it was, Jason had turned out to be just an ordinary guy. One who didn’t think he was cut out for being a parent. And one who felt that loss keenly.
A good man. That was what Cissy had said.
Dominic tilted his head back and inhaled. The summer night mocked him. The cicadas rattled, the hiss and snap booming in his ears and driving deep into his bones. He turned and opened the door. But he couldn’t quite make his way through it.
Jason had made more points than he’d like to admit. And after their conversation, the lines dividing him from Jason had been blurred if not erased.
If that were the case, what did Cissy see in him that made him any different from Jason?
And was there really any difference to begin with?
Chapter Nine
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Cissy followed the link on the web page and clicked the mouse. A new window sprang open, revealing a two-page application for an online program with a Georgia college about three hours away from Raintree Ranch. The printer whirred on the table to her left, nudging out a paper copy.
“You did another one, Aunt Cissy?” Kayden slapped a book against his thigh and peered at the pages spitting out of the printer.
“Just one more, then we need to go.” She smiled and rose to squeeze his shoulder before retrieving the papers.
Kayden groaned, flouncing across the library to flop into one of the children’s chairs. “More? Crud. We’ve been here for forever.”
“Come on, Kayden,” Tammy admonished, patting his head and settling on the colorful rug in front of him. “It’s your aunt Cissy’s day off. Let her do something she’d like to do for a change.”
Jayden rounded a book aisle, clutching an armful of books and sat down beside Kayden. “I don’t want to go yet,” he said, flipping through pages. “There’s some more books I want to look at.”
“You’ve looked at all of them already,” Kayden complained. “If you get any more, we won’t fit in the car.”
Cissy conjured up a stern expression and stifled a grin. “That’s enough, Kayden. He can look at as many books as he wants. Just remember, Jayden, you can only take two with you today.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said. “But can’t we stay longer? Just so I can look?”
Cissy sighed. She hated to cut their first library visit short but she was anxious to get back to Raintree. They’d spent the majority of the morning running errands. The most important of which was picking up their newly repaired Toyota.
Her hand drifted to her pocket, patting it and smiling at the clink of keys. She’d asked Tammy to give them a lift to town so she could settle the bill with Logan’s mechanic friend. Cissy had barely been able to contain her excitement when she’d placed the short stack of bills in the man’s hand. After he’d passed her the keys, she’d shaken his hand so hard Tammy had intervened for fear she’d break it.
The poor old Toyota had bounced and swayed when she and the boys had piled in, smiles on all of their faces. The beat-up car wasn’t much, but it was theirs. The boys now had a safe mode of transportation and she’d been the one to provide it for them. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so accomplished. It seemed a small step but had turned out to mean so much more.
A drift of cool air blowing from a vent at her feet lifted the edge of the papers in her hand. The empty boxes on the college application beckoned up at her to fill them in. Her fingers hovered over the pages, itching to grab a pen and begin.
She couldn’t quite yet, though. There was something greater that needed to be decided before she could take the next step. She had several college applications. Some of them on campus and some online. Which one she’d decide to enroll in would all depend on Dominic. That, and whether she and the boys would remain at Raintree or move on to settle somewhere else.
Her knees almost buckled beneath her. Leaving Raintree Ranch was not a pleasant thought. Or one she’d seriously scrutinized. But if things didn’t go the way she hoped they would with Dominic, it might be her only option.
“Aunt Cissy, please?” Jayden’s heels bounced against the floor when she told him it was time to go.
“We really need to get back to the ranch, baby.”
Good grief, did they ever. The weekend of the rodeo in Atlanta had run up on her before she’d had a chance to realize it. She’d been preoccupied with the legal proceedings related to terminating Jason’s parental rights. Each day had been filled to the brim with the grind of ranch chores, paperwork and meetings. So much so, that she hadn’t had a chance to steal a moment with Dominic.
No. That wasn’t altogether accurate. In actuality, she’d been delaying the conversation about their future together for as long as possible in hopes that Dominic would choose to bring it up. Or, even better, that he would inform her he was sitting this rodeo out—then there’d be no need to discuss it at all...yet.
That, however, wasn’t to be. Colt and Jen had chattered about the competition nonstop last night at dinner, barely pausing to take a bite of food. Cissy had hoped Dominic would voice a protest or declare he wasn’t going, but he’d remained silent and, to her dismay, only met her eyes once during the hour-long family meal.
What unnerved her even more was the fact that Dominic had been uncharacteristically reserved since Jason’s visit. Which made it all the more vital for her to touch base with him as soon as possible.
“I don’t mind staying awhile longer with the boys, Cissy,” Tammy said, breaking through her thoughts. She pushed one of the books closer to Jayden’s busy hands. “That way Jayden can look at a few more and then I could take them out for ice cream on the way back, maybe?”
Kayden sprang upright at that. “Can we, Aunt Cissy? Can we?”
Tammy laughed and thumped the toe of his shoe. “You gotta behave though, young man. I can’t have you stressing me out right
before an event.”
Kayden nodded eagerly. “Yes, ma’am.” He whirled back around. “Come on, Aunt Cissy, can we?”
“Well, I suppose. If it’s not too much trouble, Tammy?”
“Of course not,” she said, grinning. “I can get one last twin fix before I leave.”
“What time are you leaving?” Cissy asked.
“I’m packing tomorrow morning and leaving around noon. Jen and I had originally planned on leaving with Colt and Dom but they’re taking off tonight.” She made a face. “You know men. They like to scope out the lay of the land, so to speak, before the competition.”
Cissy frowned, clutching the papers tighter. Well, that answered one of her questions. Dominic was definitely going. So this was it. Either she took a chance. A chance on love. And on Dominic. Or she went with the only other alternative. Which was to remain silent and let him leave. Without ever knowing if they had a real shot.
“It would really help me out if you’re sure you don’t mind,” Cissy said. At Tammy’s nod, she gathered up the packets of information she’d printed. “Boys, I’ll see you tonight at dinner. Be on your best behavior for Ms. Tammy, okay?”
They “yes, ma’am-ed” her in unison. She dropped a kiss on each of their foreheads before tossing Tammy a grateful smile and heading out to the Toyota. The drive back to the ranch was riddled with doubts and unsettling questions.
Dominic had asked her for this, but how would he respond when he finally heard it? Would he welcome it? Or was she assuming this was what he wanted from her? Maybe this wasn’t what he’d asked for at all. Maybe she was expecting too much. And what if this scared him off?
Cissy tossed her hair back from her face and pressed her foot down harder on the pedal. There was no way she’d misunderstood. Dominic couldn’t have been clearer. He wanted something real with her. Something permanent.
Her stomach roiled. Dominic may have asked for something permanent with her. But he’d never mentioned the boys. Did what he was asking for involve something permanent with them?
She stifled a curse. This was ridiculous. She was being ridiculous, looking for problems where there were none. She’d seen Dominic with Kayden and Jayden. He cared for them. Enjoyed being with them. And, more often than not, he came up with excuses to spend time with them.
Twins for the Bull Rider Page 14