“I don’t know,” Cissy whispered. “I’ve never been in love before. Maybe it’s wrong but that’s how I feel.” She looked up then, studying him. “I’m being forced to choose, too. I have to choose between being with you or doing right by the boys. I love them just as much as I love you. And the last thing they need is another adult putting someone else before them.” A breath shuddered from her. “My sister loved them but she did it all the time. Every time she took off with Jason she put her needs before theirs. I can’t do that to them, Dominic. I won’t.”
His jaw clenched so tight, he thought his teeth would shatter. “And here’s Jason again. The root of all your problems, right? Forgive me, Cissy, but he didn’t come off as the devil incarnate when I met him.”
Her eyes flashed. “I never said he was—”
“You made it plain all the same.” Dominic balled his fists. A good man. He strained to hold back the words rising in his throat but he was desperate for reassurance. “Maybe I don’t see myself as all that different from Jason. Maybe we’re more alike than you think.”
“Maybe you are,” she said softly.
His heart stopped. Her response killed him. He had to inhale to reassure himself he was still alive.
“Right now, you’re both on a stage,” Cissy gestured to the empty stadium surrounding them. “The only difference is, instead of holding on to a mic, you’re holding on to a bull.”
Dominic swallowed hard, his ears ringing. “This is who I am,” he rasped.
She shook her head, her eyes welling. “This is just a distraction. A distraction from the risks you’re too afraid to take.”
“You don’t think I take a risk every time I climb on the back of a bull?”
“Yes, but that’s a physical risk.” She brushed a tear away, eyeing his frame. “We both know you can handle that. I’m talking about a bigger risk. One that hurts you on the inside.” Her chest jerked on a silenced sob. “I hurt, too. It hurts to face this. But at least I’m willing to take a chance. At least I’m trying.”
He couldn’t speak. The three words he wanted to say lay trapped somewhere deep inside him, beyond his reach. Her hand wrapped around his forearm, her fingers trembling.
“I know what I’m up against. I know what you have here. But I love you more than any number of people that could fit into this place. So do the boys.” She squeezed his arm. “You told me you wanted it all. That you wanted everything. So do I. That’s probably not fair. I shouldn’t expect it. Shouldn’t even ask. But I guess, deep down, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to ask. I was hoping you would offer to take a chance on me, too.”
Dominic couldn’t look at her. He was too empty. Too afraid.
All he could see was that she’d chosen to rank him low on her list of priorities. Chosen to walk away from him. And taken the boys with her. Because she didn’t need him.
He hadn’t measured up for Cissy. Hadn’t measured up for Logan. Or his mom. Could never measure up.
Dominic shut his eyes to keep it all at bay. He refused to allow another bitter memory to take up residence beside the one he already carried. Silence descended, the air heavy between them. He tensed at the soft press of her mouth against his cheek.
“Goodbye, Dominic.” Her voice broke, her hair brushing his face as she turned away.
Bye, Dominic. His cracked heart gaped into a chasm then crumbled to pieces.
He did look then. Forced his eyes open to watch her walk across the arena and slip out of sight. And cursed himself a thousand times over for a fool.
That was all he could be. A fool. Certainly not a good man. Not even just a man. Because if he were a man of any worth, the two women he loved wouldn’t have been able to break his hold and leave him behind. And he wouldn’t have let them.
No. He wasn’t a man. Because what kind of man was too afraid to love?
Chapter Eleven
Rain pelted against the windshield and roof of the truck, drowning out Logan’s commentary and, thankfully, Dominic’s thoughts. The scene outside the passenger window blurred and smeared under the torrential downpour. Even in the-early morning hours everything seemed enveloped in darkness. Dominic rubbed his hand over his forehead in an attempt to ease the throbbing headache he’d had since they’d left the Gwinnett Center.
The invitational had ended sooner than expected. He’d placed first and earned another check, which he’d promptly shoved in his back pocket. It’d only taken him a handful of minutes to gather up his gear, locate Logan and get the hell out. A restless night in a motel room had him rising before the crack of dawn and urging Logan back on the road.
Only, he’d forgotten how long the ride home would be. Without the boys. Without Cissy. And, at this point, was there really any reason to return anyway?
“...stop to get a bite?”
Dominic blinked, only catching the tail end of Logan’s question. He looked away from the window and shook his head. “No. Just keep going.”
His skin prickled as Logan’s eyes bore into him before he turned his attention back to the interstate. The truck growled as it accelerated, the windshield wipers swiping with fury. A green sign emerged ahead.
Dominic straightened in his seat and gestured toward the ramp. “Take the next exit.”
Logan narrowed his eyes on the sign then glanced at him in confusion. “That’s not it. Our exit isn’t for another fifty miles or so.”
“Your exit,” Dominic replied. “Mine is this one. Next event’s about four hundred miles in the other direction. Colt always camps out at the motel off this ramp when he’s on the circuit. I’ll catch a ride with him.”
Logan slowed the truck and turned to gape at him. “What the hell, Dom?”
“Just take the next exit.”
“Pop’s waiting for you at the ranch. Not to mention Cissy and—”
“Take the exit, Logan.” The turn was almost on them. Dominic jerked forward, rapping his knuckles on the windshield. “You’re gonna miss it.”
Logan pounded his foot on the brake and jerked the truck to the shoulder of the road. Coins in the cup holder clanged as the truck bounced over uneven ground and jostled them about the cab. Dominic braced his hands on the dash just as the truck slammed to a stop.
“What the hell are you doing?” Dominic yelled.
“Get out,” Logan spat.
“What?”
The cars speeding by wobbled the cab with strong rushes of wind. Each vehicle missed them by inches. Dominic cringed.
Logan thrust his door open and clambered out into the rain. Horns blared and tires screeched as he made his way around the front of the truck to the passenger side. Dominic’s door swung open with a wet, angry Logan heaving breaths on the other side.
“Get out of my truck.”
Dominic’s own fury rose, clawing at his gut and coating his words. “You’re out of your damn mind,” he muttered. “Get back in and let’s go.”
“Nope.” Logan set his jaw, lifted it in the air then stabbed a finger into Dominic’s chest. “You get your ass out. You want to go backward, you can damn well walk.”
“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” Dominic gritted, settling back in his seat and ignoring the catch in his voice.
“Yeah, you do. I told you not to proceed if you didn’t plan on following through.” Logan words dripped with disdain. “I’m not helping you abandon Cissy and those boys.”
Dominic sneered. “Here we go again with the preaching. Don’t think you’re the expert seeing as how you did such a fine job holding your own family together.”
“We’re not talking about me right now.”
“Maybe we should.”
Logan nodded. “Okay. Let’s talk about me. And Pop, maybe? Let’s talk about how we sat around for months on end hoping to catch a glimpse of you in person rather than on the TV.”
Dominic shifted his attention back to the traffic whipping by. “That’s bullshit, Logan.”
“Nope. What’s bullshit
is you pulling the same trick you’ve pulled over and over for the past seven years.” Logan grabbed him with hard hands. “Now get your ass outta my truck.”
Caught off guard, Dominic scrambled for a handhold as Logan yanked him toward the ground. His body, still recovering from the recent bout with the bull, balked with pain as he resisted Logan’s efforts.
“Cut it out,” Dominic shouted, rage sparking to life inside him.
“Hurts, doesn’t it? Trying to hold on while someone’s pulling in the opposite direction?” Logan heaved again, snatching him from the seat and onto the slippery grass. “You getting a taste of how Cissy feels yet?”
That spark of rage blasted into a burst of fire. It seared through his veins, burning his eyes and lungs. “How the hell would you know how she feels?”
Dominic thrust his fists into Logan’s chest, his feet sliding over the slick ground. Scrambling for a grip on Logan, Dominic lost his footing and tumbled down the embankment, dragging Logan with him as he slammed into the ditch. Stunned, he lay on his back for a moment, drawing in deep gulps of air. Logan groaned at his side and rolled to face him.
“How do I know?” Logan mused, gasping and squinting his eyes against the rain. “Maybe because I feel the same way every time my little brother leaves without a backward glance at me.”
Dominic exhaled, his anger fizzling out and remorse seeping in. The downpour slowed to a drizzle and the whoosh of cars passing on the highway rasped in his ears.
“Or maybe,” Logan added, “it’s because I’ve felt it every damn day since Amy left.” He frowned against the drops hitting his face. “I’m not even entitled to that since I all but pushed her out the door. But damned if it don’t hurt just as much. If I ever got another shot, I’d fight like hell to hold on and right my wrongs. Any sacrifice is better than constant regret.” Logan licked the rain from his lips. “Is that what you want? You want to wake up every morning for God knows how long regretting you weren’t man enough when it really counted?”
“Hell, no,” Dominic rushed out. “But I’m not sure I’m the kind of man Cissy needs. She says I’m a good man but I don’t feel it. I don’t even know what that means anymore.”
Logan sighed. “A man’s just the sum of his choices, Dominic. It’s the choices you make that define who you are. You chose to help Cissy and those boys when they were strangers. Went out of your way to see to their welfare. Supported them ever since. That’s the man she came to know. The same man I know.” Logan lifted up on his elbow, nudging his arm with a fist. “You’re not just a good man, Dom. When you choose to be, you’re one of the best.”
A wave of warmth swept over Dominic. It heated his skin against the chill left behind by the rain and lifted the blanket of gloom smothering his heart. He was more than a good man. According to Logan, he was one of the best. A strong, honorable man. A man his brother was proud to know. The same man Cissy saw.
Dominic hesitated, swallowing hard before saying, “But she walked away anyway.”
“No, she didn’t. She took a stand. Did what she thought was best for those boys.” Logan sat up. “What would you have rather she did? Chose to roam with you instead of staying with those boys? Leave them like mom left us?” He shook his head. “That’s not who Cissy is. You know that. That’s why you love her so much.”
Well, damn. His brother made more sense than he’d like. Dominic sat up, too, dragging a hand over his face and cringing with shame at what a fool he’d been.
“You do love her?” Logan prompted at his silence.
Dominic jerked his hands from his face. “Hell, yes, I do. I love all of them.”
Logan cast him a knowing look. “Are they yours?”
His side tingled. The same side Jayden had clung to the night he’d brought them to Raintree. The night he’d brought them home.
“Hell, yes.” Dominic’s fierce words burst from his lips. “All three of them are mine.”
Logan’s smile called for one of his own.
“Well, then, I guess you can get your hardheaded ass back in my truck.” Logan grunted as he got up. “I’m getting too old for this shit.”
“Old is right,” Dominic lifted a brow with humor, rising and stretching his legs. He sobered then embraced Logan. “Wiser, too, as much as I hate to admit it,” he added with a couple slaps to his brother’s back. Drawing back, he asked, “Think you can use an assistant manager at Raintree? Maybe consider taking stock in bulls?”
“Taking up the reins with a vengeance, huh?” Logan laughed. “Long as you’re there, baby brother, I’m game for anything.” He steadied himself and brushed off his jeans. “Ready?”
Dominic’s legs were already carrying him up the hill. They retraced their steps to the truck, the uneasiness in Dominic’s gut having dissipated. There was no regret, no discomfort or unease. Just a deep sense of longing to hold Cissy and the boys. Feel that overwhelming sense of pride and put down roots. See how much they could grow together.
His blood warmed. Grow. Maybe even add to their family tree with another child. A baby girl with Cissy’s big blue eyes. Eyes that would see only this man. A man that was unafraid to love. One who wouldn’t hesitate to choose his family over anything else in life.
Gripping the truck door, Dominic hefted himself into the driver’s seat. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited for Logan, eager to get back on the road. Back to Cissy and the boys. He’d had no control over his mother leaving. That was her choice. A choice that had nothing to do with him or the family she’d left behind. But he didn’t have to make the same one.
He no longer wanted or needed the approval of thousands. He only wanted and needed it from Cissy and the boys. To be the man he wanted to be, he only needed their love. And, most important, to love and support them the way they deserved.
His chest swelled. Without a doubt, choosing Cissy and the boys was already the best decision he’d ever made. He just hoped she’d choose to give him another chance.
Chapter Twelve
“Aunt Cissy?”
Cissy started, the pile of folded clothes slipping from her hands and onto the dresser. She swiped the back of her hand over her eyes and turned to find Kayden and Jayden hovering on the threshold of her room.
“You two about ready?” Her voice shook. She swallowed the lump in her throat and gathered the clothes back up. Tossing them in her overnight bag, she faced the boys with what she hoped was more composure. “It’s about time to head out.”
They blinked up at her, Kayden with a guarded expression and Jayden with a frown. Cissy sighed. She’d expected them to be confused. They’d left for the weekend rodeo only to return early and be instructed to pack up to leave permanently.
Pop had driven them back to Raintree the first night of the invitational. Cissy thought it best to give the boys one last day of fun at the ranch before leaving. But no more than that. It would just be harder to leave. And she was already having to force herself to go through the motions that would sever her ties with Dominic.
Her chin trembled. This was much harder than she’d expected. Her breaking point was much closer than she’d thought. She hid it by running her tongue over her lips and diverting her attention back to packing the bag.
“Are you sad?” Jayden asked.
Cissy straightened. “No.” Liar. “I’m not sad. I’m just ready to get going is all.”
Unconvinced, Jayden moved closer and tugged on her arms. He reached up on his toes and the warmth of his palms brushed over her cheeks.
“But you look sad,” Jayden said. “Is it because we have to go? ’Cuz I don’t want to.”
“Me, neither.” Kayden shoved his hands into his pockets and dug the toe of his shoe into the carpet. “Why can’t we stay here?”
Cissy lowered her head, easing her hair in front of her face. How could she explain? There was no way to tell the truth without hurting them. And that was the last thing she’d do.
“Well, the car’s fixed,” she said. �
��And you two have to start back to school soon. So it’s time to go and get settled. Pop helped me find a new job. He has a doctor friend a few hours away in Springfield that needs some office help. And I thought we could look for a new apartment together before I start working.” She ruffled Jayden’s hair, a real smile peeking out through the fog of pain smothering her. “You two could pick the one you like the most. We can afford a nicer one now. You can both have your own room.”
Jayden looked thoughtful. Kayden was still unimpressed.
“And the apartments I’ve lined up for us to look at are near a college. They have classes that I think will jibe with my new work schedule.” She summoned up a wider smile. “We’ll all have a new school. New friends. It’ll be exciting. A new beginning.”
Kayden trudged over and picked at the sheets on the bed. “But can’t we do that here?”
Cissy struggled to silence the voice pleading the same argument in her head. She stuffed the last of her clothes into the bag with more force than necessary. “We can’t mooch off Pop forever, Kayden. Don’t you want to get a place of our own?”
“Not if it means leaving here. We won’t get to see Pop and Mr. Logan.” Kayden scowled, punching a pillow. He shot her an accusing glare. “And what about Mr. Dominic?”
“What about him?” She yanked the zipper on the bag shut.
“We can’t just leave him, Aunt Cissy.”
“We’re not leaving him—”
“Yes, we are—”
“We’re not leaving him,” she snapped. “He left us.”
The boys froze.
Cissy’s stomach dropped. The comment had sprung from her mouth before she’d had a chance to stop it. She clenched her eyes shut and dropped her head.
“Mr. Dominic wouldn’t do that.” Kayden’s voice held a note of defiance. Tears pooled in his eyes.
“I didn’t mean it that way,” she said softly, floundering for the right words. “Mr. Dominic cares about both of you very much. But you know he travels a lot. And he had to leave, too. The trip we went on with him wasn’t a break for him. It was a starting point for a longer one. One that will last a long time.”
Twins for the Bull Rider Page 17