by Amy McAdams
I didn’t sleep much last night after spending four hours replying to emails on my phone. I can’t let go of work. I have worked too hard to get to where I am today and it means so much to me.
My body-clock still wakes me up early and as hard as I try, I can’t get back to sleep. After tossing and turning in the comfortable bed for more than thirty minutes, I decide it is time to get up and go for a calming walk along the beach.
The girls are still asleep as I walk out the door to look at the beach bathed in pre-dawn light. The long beach is only a few yards from our front door, and I wander down there barefoot.
The golden sand feels magical under my toes. The sun has yet to grace the horizon but it is light enough to see all the beauty in front of me.
It feels so beautiful to walk on such a dreamlike beach, away from the hassles and judgment of the world.
But away from my hectic schedule, I don’t even know who I am anymore. Work defines everything about me.
It is who I am.
This is a holiday from my work and my life. This tropical island resort is my escape from all the stresses that have built up over my adult life.
This island gives me a chance to rediscover myself.
The morning is so still and calm that I become lost in my own thoughts on this beach.
I walk for many minutes along the deserted beach and my toes sink into the soft sand when I stop to watch the sun rise over the water.
The water is a soft turquoise color, and it looks endless from where I am standing. The fresh air from the sea gently wafts around me, filling my senses with beautiful smells. The sky is endless - it seems to go on forever.
I am in love with this island.
This moment on this tropical beach looks so perfect that it could be the backdrop for one of the many motivational posters that hang in my office building.
I was never the beach sort of girl. My family never went on any beach holidays growing up, I never went on any wild road trips to a beachside town, and I have never felt the urge to swim in the wild ocean. The thought of the undercurrent of water taking me out into the endless blue scares me no end. And I hate the idea of not touching the bottom of the sand with my feet.
You never know what is under your feet.
But this island feels different. There is a sense of calm on this island and the water feels like it is calling to me with its little waves.
Although I have only been on this beach for ten minutes, I feel comfortable here.
I feel like I could jump into the ocean and swim out to a yacht.
I feel like I could live in a hut and swing in a hammock all day long.
No place has ever made me feel like that before.
“Good morning,” I hear a deep manly voice behind me and I turn around in surprise.
“Oh, hello. I thought I was on this beach alone.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
We stand in awkward silence as he waits for me to say something next.
But I can’t.
I am speechless at the man who stands before me.
He is tall, broad and impossibly handsome. His chiseled physique is shaped by a loose white cotton shirt, and neat dress shorts.
The handsome man smiles in an attempt to break the silence.
“I usually walk along this beach in the morning. I usually have the whole beach to myself early in the morning,” his deep blue eyes look out to the horizon.
“It’s quiet.”
“And very beautiful.”
“It is an amazing beach,” I add.
“I wasn’t talking about the beach.”
Oh, what a flirt.
The flirt casts a long shadow over the beach and his shadow is much longer than mine. His tan and toned body shape suggests that he lives on the island but that theory is abolished by his smell. Even this early in the morning, he smells like he is wearing expensive cologne. Who wears cologne to a beach?
“But the beach is amazing also,” he states as his eyes lock onto the sunrise.
My eyes are locked onto his strong arms.
“Yes… beautiful,” I whisper, still staring at his solid, tanned body.
Through his white, wavy cotton shirt, I can see the outline of a solid set of muscles. His shoulders curve and lead to a thick set of biceps, and the heavy arms lead to large, manly hands. I wish those manly hands would lead to me.
“I’m Clarke.”
“Hi.”
He waits for me to offer my name.
“Oh yes,” I reply, slightly embarrassed at the social awkwardness, “Ella.”
“Pleased to meet you Ella,” he states very charmingly.
“How long are you here on holidays for, Clarke?”
“I’m not on holidays. I work on the island.”
“Oh right. What is it that you do?”
“I work in hospitality.”
Such a broad answer usually means that he is trying to hide his true profession.
Hospitality could cover anything from concierge, hotel manager, janitor, tour manager, chef - anything that entertains the guests really.
“What is it that you do in hospitality?”
“I work with the hotel,” he avoids the question again, “How about you, Ella – how long are you on holiday for?”
“A few days. I’ve just come out here for a break with my close friends to have a girl’s only trip.”
“You’ve left your boyfriend at home?” he asks inquisitively.
“Um… no. It’s just me and the girls on holiday.”
A smirk drifts across his face.
He seems to have liked that answer.
“Do you live on the island, Clarke?”
“Most of the time, yes.”
“Most of the time?”
“I fly back home to America once every couple of months to…” he takes a long pause, “to touch base with America again.”
“New York?” I question, based on his accent.
He nods, “Yep. That busy city used to be my home. It used to be everything to me, but I grew out of it. This small island is home now.”
“That’s a big change. Moving from the hustle and bustle to a place that is extremely quiet must have been a bit of a shock to the system.”
“A welcome one though. Are you a New Yorker?”
“I am. I love it. I love the pace of the city. It keeps me excited. It’s nice to have a break but I love running on adrenalin.”
His smirks again and looks back out to the horizon where the tip of the sun starts to creep over the water’s edge. The moment captures my attention as well.
It is a magical moment.
The dawn of a new day.
The sunrise is an event that has happened every single day but today, it takes my breath away. On this lonely island, I feel like the sunrise is for me.
I feel like the rising of the day is a show made for my viewing pleasure.
I have never stopped to watch the sunrise before. I have always been too busy with my head down, trying to arrive at the next destination.
Today, I notice the strong, shapely clouds sitting stagnant above the water, disbursed over the intermittent blue sky. I am stunned to see such bright colors above me. With my eyes focused downward for too many years, I look to the clouds like a toddler discovering its wonder for the first time.
No other object floats so calmly and so pleasantly, but by and large the beautiful grace of clouds are ignored in everyday life. Like an army of inter-twined and slow moving ships, the clouds sit watchfully above the ocean.
In awe, I watch the clouds slowly change their colors from pink to a subtle orange, quietly moving their shapes to the romantic rhythm of the morning sky. The sun sends its rays out to turn the clouds an innocent pink, painting color across the landscape, just as an artist would craft a masterpiece.
“We always have great sunrises here,” the handsome man states, “But not enough people stop and look. They just pass on through lives,
ignoring all the beauty in the world. I think the world would be such a better place if people just stopped and watched the sunrise.”
“I have not stopped to look at the sunrise for many years,” I reply, still staring at the beauty, “I’ve been much too busy living my life.”
“Do you stop to look at anything?”
“I like roses,” I smile.
“And when was the last time you smelt the brilliance of a freshly cut red rose?”
“Years ago,” I sigh, “I’ve been too busy.”
Clarke smiles, “I suppose someone has to make sure the world runs smoothly.”
With our eyes still locked onto the sunrise, he reaches across and touches my hand.
Emotion pours out of his touch.
Gentle and soft.
Tender and caring.
I share this intimate moment with a man I have never met before.
My heart is taken away as we stare at the sunrise.
I don’t want this to end.
As the sun creeps above the skyline of the water, Clarke looks back towards me and smiles a charming smile. Not able to resist his attractive eyes, I smile back.
I am really going to enjoy this holiday….
Chapter 5
When I arrive back at our room, both Mel and Kate are sitting on the balcony eating breakfast looking out to the beach. Kate can spot my smile instantly.
“Where have you been?” she asks with a smirk.
“On the beach,” I state matter of fact.
“Not just the beach…” Mel leans forward.
I respond with a smile.
“What happened on the beach?” Kate asks.
“There was…”
“It was a man!” Mel exclaims.
She is more excited than I am.
“Who was he?”
“He said his name was Clarke. He is a local on the island.”
“What did he look like?”
“Like the man of my dreams…”
“Ooohhh!”
“Well, he looked like a picture of the man of my dreams but I couldn’t imagine dating a man like him.”
“Why not? Did he look like a massive playboy?”
“Not really.”
“Then what was wrong?”
“I just… I want to date someone that is a go-getter. You know, someone who is as driven as me. I don’t want to date someone that is like Nick again. I’ve had enough of that life. Clarke looked like he would be very comfortable spending his days sailing by the beachside, catching fish, and never working another day in his life.”
“Nothing wrong with that life.”
“Might be ok for some, but it’s not the life for me. I couldn’t imagine living a life like that. “
I really couldn’t imagine a life where I don’t check my emails every ten minutes. Even in this conversation with the girls, I am wondering how my work files about C.J Rowan are progressing.
“You need to let go of that work lifestyle, Ella. Life is not all about success at work,” Kate adds.
“I thought you would understand Kate. You work a lot.”
“I do work a lot. I work some late hours and some weeks I would put in over eighty hours. But I also know when to let it go. I know when to relax and forget about work. When I leave the office at the end of the day, I switch off. It is really important to separate work and life.”
“And what makes you think I don’t do that?”
“Because you’ve checked your email at least ten times since we’ve arrived. We are on holidays, Ella. It’s time to let go of work and live your life.”
Deep down, I know Kate is right.
And she can tell by my non-response that I agree with her.
“There’s nothing wrong with working hard,” Kate continues, “But life is about balance. It may sound like a well-worn statement but no-one has been on their death bed and wished they spent more time at work.”
“And life is about experiences. Experiencing new things is an amazing feeling,” Mel adds.
“I wouldn’t mind experiencing what Clarke has to offer. That would be an exciting new experience,” I smile cheekily.
“Yes!” Kate jumps up, “A holiday fling is just what you need!”
“A holiday fling?”
“Absolutely! You need a one night only fling with your new island man. Lose yourself in his passion.”
“I’m not sure I could do that.”
“Why not?!” Mel laughs, “I dream about it all the time!”
“You have too. This will be your moment to state that Nick is out of your life forever. This is your moment.”
“But I don’t even know where to find him?”
“You said he was an island local?”
“He’s an American that has chosen the island life.”
“Then there is only one place the locals live on the island. It is that strip of houses and huts over near the restaurant. We can find him.”
“We will find him,” Mel laughs again.
Perhaps the girls are right.
Perhaps this is my chance to start over again and leave my life with Nick behind.
“I don’t think I’m pretty enough for him,” I let my lack of confidence get the better of me.
“Don’t be silly!” Kate states, “You are beautiful.”
“But Nick used to say that I am not…”
“No!” Kate interrupts me, “Forget about Nick. Forget about what he used to say to you. This isn’t about Nick anymore. This is about you and your life. This is your turn.”
“Maybe.”
“No maybe,” Mel is firm, “You need to do this.”
The girls are right.
I do need to forget about Nick.
I need to forget about how he made me feel.
But I’m not sure I’m attractive enough for such a perfect man.
“Do it for me,” Mel adds, “I will never get the chance to do something like that again. Do it for my dreams.”
“A holiday fling…” I ponder.
Chapter 6
I spend most of the day dreaming about Clarke and his beautiful body.
His toned physique has captured my thoughts as we lounge by the pool, drink cocktails and laugh about our separate lives. Right now, this holiday couldn’t be going any better.
I have my two best friends in the world next to me, I’ve met an amazingly handsome island man, and the weather couldn’t be more perfect.
“I have been looking forward to this holiday more than you both could ever imagine,” Mel sighs as she leans back in her poolside lounge chair.
Mel has found it hard over the past few years.
She has been a stay-at-home mum to her three rowdy boys and found herself quite lonely at times. It must be hard being isolated on a farm and having to deal with only boys and men.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys to bits but sometimes…”
“You just need a little time,” I add, sipping on my cocktail drink.
“Exactly. I just need some time. Just a few moments for me. I don’t need much time, but some days I get no time to myself. And my husband’s job is seven days a week, which means I never get a break from raising the boys. That’s what life is like when you own a farm. The animals don’t stop because it’s Saturday.”
“So you’ll do that until the boys grow up?” Kate asks.
“Oh no. The end is in sight. We had to work hard to set ourselves up on the farm over the first few years but we are starting to see the benefits of all that hard work now. Soon, we’ll be able to hire four or five staff, which means that my husband can have a rest and take a few days off. And my eldest starts school next year. That will be a big release.”
“I remember my mother saying that it was only when I started school that she saw the social side to being a mother. At the school she met all the other mothers and had a great social life. But before I went to school, she told me she was very lonely. The loneliness almost scares me off having childre
n,” Kate says.
“Oh, it’s all worth it. I wouldn’t change what I have now for the world,” Mel takes a long pause, “But I would like more breaks away from them.”
“You and Nick were talking about having children?” Kate asks me.
“Yeah, and thankfully I never got pregnant. Otherwise I wouldn’t know where I’d be now. But I am starting to hear that clock.”
“What clock?” Mel asks.
“The biological clock,” Kate and I state in unison.
“Oh. I never had the chance to hear that one.”
Once I reached my late twenties, I started to feel the urge of children. I never really wanted children with Nick but I felt like it was the next step in our relationship, and my life. I knew that I wanted to start a family at some point but with Nick, it didn’t feel right.
“I’m hearing it loud and clear,” Kate laughs, “I look at men now and think about how well they would do at fatherhood, rather than thinking about how solid their abs are! Like that one over there.”
Kate points to a young adult male standing on the other side of the pool.
The man stands tall, toned and very fit. He could have walked straight out of the pages of a modelling magazine.
“That man there would have caught my eye once,” Kate smiles while we all stare, “I would have walked over there, and had a little holiday fling.”
“He still has my eyes,” Mel smiles behind her drink.
“But now I look at him and think about how bad a father he would be! He would be out partying every night while I spent many sleepless hours breastfeeding. I wouldn’t go near him now.”
“I’m the same,” I add.
“And the man you met this morning? What was he?”
I ponder the thought for a while before answering,
“The perfect combination,” I smile.
Chapter 7
After a day lounging by the pool and sipping on cocktails, we walk along the quiet main road of the island, taking in all the sights, smells and sounds of this tropical paradise.
Five minutes down the road, we walk past the staff quarters, the local’s huts and the local’s bar. I read in the welcome magazine of the resort that there is a small population of island residents that don’t work on the resort but they keep mainly to themselves.