It was odd how everyone concluded I was staying because of Mal. Convocation had passed a law permitting mage guards to carry swords while on duty, without any requirement to marry, so I was free of my marriage if I wanted. Yet I chose to stay, and not because of Mal. I wasn’t exactly sure why I was staying, but it definitely wasn’t because of Mal, of that I was quite certain.
The remnants of the harbour battle had been removed, Convocation was drawing to a close and I had still made no decision about becoming Speaker. I was tempted by the idea, it was true. Everyone told me I was the ideal person for it, and I could see their point, even if I quailed at the difficulties of being caught between two hostile societies.
But on the final day of Convocation, a resolution passed awarding the Speaker an enticingly high salary, plus the right to live in whatever house I deemed suitable, in any Holding I might choose, with all necessary expenses paid for. That settled it. I’d assumed there would be a salary of sorts, and that I would be found an unused corner of a Hold somewhere, a dusty basement, perhaps, with broken chairs hastily cleared out and the rat-catcher’s dogs called in on a regular basis. But this was far more appealing. Yes, it was avaricious of me, but it was hardly surprising that I liked the idea of a financially secure and independent future, rather than scratching round to survive or begging a place at my father’s table.
I would be Speaker, then, but I would take my time finding a house. There was no rush, for I had perfectly good rooms at the mages’ house. When my contract and my marriage ended, that would be time enough to look around for somewhere to live.
Then the letter arrived.
I was in Losh’s study, preparing the list of clients due to attend that day, when there was a commotion in the hall, raised voices. Usually such disturbances were because of Kael, but he’d been much quieter lately. I peered out into the hall.
Losh was beaming, Lenya was – well, it looked as if she was dancing, of all things, Wornest was smiling, Corsell was laughing and slapping Losh on the back. All the Bennamorians were grinning with delight. Only Mal was inscrutable, leaning against the wall, arms folded.
“Fen!” Losh cried. “Come and see! We are called home, at once. One of the High Commander’s men brought the news just this instant.”
“Home?” I said stupidly, unable to take it in.
“To Bennamore. The Drashon is putting an end to this whole experiment, and all the mages are being recalled, those that wish it. And, what is even better, the Mage Forum has agreed that Mal and Lenya will not be punished for using the jade belts. Such a relief! They can return home now without that worry weighing them down. We are to leave first thing tomorrow, with the High Commander. We will have an entire army for escort, how interesting that will be! And you, Fen…” His voice softened. “You will be able to go back to Shannamar after all. There will be no need for you to stay now, you know. All your obligations are at an end. We will pay for the remainder of your contract, naturally. You can go with your brother. When do they sail, tomorrow?”
“Tonight. After the moon feast.”
I was rigid with shock, while he beamed at me, oblivious. “Come along, everyone, we have a great deal to do. All of you, off to pack.”
They all scattered, leaving me alone in the hall. Even the servants and the house controller had vanished. Rescuing travel boxes from the basement, I suppose. I went back into Losh’s study and wrote a note to tell Zand I would be travelling with him after all. The kitchen was in chaos, but I commandeered a boy to take my note. I had to pay him a full bar to do it, the greedy little sprite, but I hadn’t the heart to haggle with him.
Plodding up the stairs to my room, my stomach felt heavy as stone. I could hardly believe it. Just when I’d begun to feel settled, I had to leave everything behind again. I’d only lived in that house for a few moons, but it felt more like home than anywhere since I’d left Shannamar. The mages and their household had been true friends. Although perhaps I only felt that way because of the many unpleasant experiences we’d shared which had brought us together. Or maybe I was just getting maudlin. I’d left so many houses over the years and it never got any easier, but this time was worse than any.
My two small boxes were in a corner, not large enough to need to be hidden away in the basement. I dragged them across the room and thudded open the lids. I pulled all my clothes out of wardrobes and drawers and laid them on the bed. I stared at the great mounds of skirts and gowns and shirts, and my lovely winter coat, the first gift I’d had from Mal, the first of many. There was no possibility of squeezing them into the boxes, and I was soon going to need new, larger clothes anyway. Most of them I put away again for the house controller to send on to me. I lingered over my beautiful rose silk gown, but there were too many memories. I firmly rehung it. Then I settled to my packing, focusing on each item with fierce concentration. If I kept my attention on that, maybe I wouldn’t cry.
I heard Mal moving around in his little room, doing his own packing. After a while, he came through and sat on the window seat.
“Need a hand?”
“Mm, could you pass me the jugs from the mantelpiece?”
“Oof, I’d forgotten how heavy these were. But I know why, now.” He laughed, quite relaxed now about my thievery, although he’d thought it a heinous affair once.
He resumed his seat by the window, watching me wrap and stow in silence.
“I suppose you’ve finished your packing already?” I said.
“Yes. I don’t have much. Now Losh and Corsell – hard to imagine they’ll be ready to leave in the morning.”
“When will you get back to Bennamore?”
“Bennamore? I haven’t the slightest idea.”
“What, none at all?”
He shook his head and I laughed at how careless he was about it. He was always able to cheer me up. His casual attitude to life was just what I needed sometimes to pull me out of my darkest moods.
“You know, husband, I’m going to miss you.”
“No, you’re not.”
I gasped, but he was smiling, not annoyed with me. Was he teasing me? Surely he could see I was telling the truth? “But I am, truly I am!”
“You’re not going to miss me because I’m coming to Shannamar with you.”
For a moment I couldn’t breathe. “Really?” He nodded.
I jumped up and ran across to the window seat, then paused, suddenly uncertain. I’d never been shy, but gazing down at my big, open-hearted husband smiling up at me, I felt fifteen again, my heart hammering, my breath ragged. I sat down beside him and put my arms round him, a gentle, friendly hug.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
Finally a man who cared enough to follow me, to give up his own life to be with me. I was exultant. When he’d said he loved me, he must have meant it, then. It wasn’t just the relief of the moment, an outpouring of emotion that he regretted later. It was real.
“Are you pleased, then?” he murmured.
“Yes! Yes, I’m pleased.” Better than pleased. I could feel happiness bubbling up inside me. “I thought you would go back to Bennamore.”
“There’s nothing for me there, not really. Just years of dull guard duty. For all Losh’s fine words, there’s still the possibility of punishment for misusing magic. I’m better here with you, my love. After all, you’re still my wife for a little while yet.”
That wasn’t quite the resounding declaration I’d hoped for. Just a pragmatic decision then. I was deflated.
“Besides, I’d like to be around for the baby. Arin said I’d have the right to live nearby because of that, even after the marriage is over, so you needn’t worry that I’ll get underfoot. I’ll find myself a job, and a room to live in, I’ll be no trouble at all.”
It wasn’t me he was following at all, it was the baby. Of course it was. For a few deluded moments I’d believed that a man could love me for myself alone, would want to be with me wherever I was. What an idiot I was. He didn’t want to be with me. Who wo
uld? I wasn’t good looking or young or interesting. The only thing I knew well was dry treaties and contracts. Why was I ever arrogant enough to think he’d want me?
The tears I’d been fighting off ever since I’d heard Losh’s news flooded out of me. I sobbed helplessly.
Without a word Mal unfolded his arms and lifted me onto his lap and let me cry, my tears soaking his shirt, one hand clutching the fabric as if I’d never let him go. I didn’t want to let him go. I wished I could stay there, his arms around me, forever.
He held me in silence for a long time, rocking me very gently, until the tears subsided. Then he began to talk, his voice rumbling deep in his chest as I rested my head against it, soothing me. I closed my eyes and listened.
“When I was fourteen I fell in love. She was an inn companion in my village, which is a respectable occupation, I’ll have you know, nothing like the whores you have here. Lacey, her name was, and she must have been twice my age, but I thought she was the most wonderful creature on earth, pretty and funny and so, so wise. I couldn’t afford her very often, for I was just doing daily work then, nothing regular, but she was kind to me. She let me have it for free if I managed to please her. Take her to the top of the mountain, she called it. She taught me everything I know about pleasing women.”
He chuckled, shifting position slightly. “Lacey told me I ought to get myself a proper job, not just daily hire on the farms or sweeping the floor at the mill. ‘A big lad like you,’ she said, ‘you’ll just get in fights and end up in trouble, so get yourself trained for something.’ I dithered a bit, but when I was sixteen I went off to Kingswell to train as a guard. ‘Two years, and then I’ll be back to marry you,’ I told her. She laughed at me, of course. At Kingswell, I discovered that I liked being a guard – the swordwork, the physical training, the comradeship. I discovered there were other women in the world apart from Lacey. Some were pretty and some were funny and one or two were wise, but none were quite like her. They were friendly, though, and there were lots of them, and I never needed to look for an inn companion.
“What with one thing and another, it was five years before I got back to my village, but she was long gone. Married a rich wool merchant, apparently, and she deserved it, too. You said something once – that you never forget your first love. Well, I never forgot Lacey. Long afterwards, I’d find myself comparing every woman I met to her. I dreamed of her, too. Not because she was anything special, but just because she was the first.
“But eventually, if you’re lucky, it happens again – your last love, the one that really is special, the one that changes you for ever.” He paused, a tiny wobble in his voice. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, my darling. You were just a challenge, because you so obviously despised me and I wanted to unfurl your petals a little bit and make you laugh. Or at least smile. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and it drove me crazy for a while. I was mad at you for making me love you.
“But then I decided – it’s all right, I can’t expect you to feel the same way. You’re a noble, and you’re clever and book-learned and I’m just a stone under your foot, an irritant. I don’t mind. All I want is to be near you, so that’s what I’m going to do. The baby gives me the perfect excuse. Wherever you go, it doesn’t matter how far it is, I’ll be there too. Not always as your husband, I know that. I expect you’ll have to make some grand political marriage sometime, or maybe – maybe Ish will get better and realise what he threw away. But I’ll still be around, and anytime you need me, friend or lover, I’ll be there.”
That made me cry all over again, naturally, but Mal held me tight. I felt secure and safe and loved. The baby was only an excuse to be with me. His love was unquestioning and without reservation. He would follow me to the end of Dragons’ Point and back.
He rested his cheek on my head, and then jolted away. My hairpins again. I reached up, untied my cap and slid it off. I didn’t need to do any more, for Mal’s fingers deftly removed the hairpins and shook my hair loose.
“Ah, that’s better.” He buried his face in my hair.
For a long time, we sat like that, wrapped in each other’s arms, contented. Then I had a thought.
“Where would you like to go?” I said, sitting up abruptly. “If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?”
“Wherever you are.”
“Let’s say it’s you, me and the baby. If we could go anywhere, where would you choose? Bennamore? Or is there somewhere else you’d like to go?”
“If it’s you, me and the baby,” he said slowly, “the where doesn’t matter, does it? If we’re together, as a family, that’s home.”
I couldn’t find a single flaw in his logic.
“At Shannamar,” he went on, “you’ll have to wear gowns a lot, won’t you? And your hair loose, like this.” He ran his fingers through it, making me shiver with pleasure.
“Yes, almost all the time.”
“No cap?”
“No cap. A bit of lace, maybe. And gowns – no skirts.”
He sighed. “Then let’s go to Shannamar.”
I laughed at such male reasoning. “You won’t be able to work.”
“What?”
“At Shannamar. As the husband of an heir, you aren’t allowed a proper job. You can have something ceremonial with a fancy official uniform, if you want – Master of the Cheese Cellar, or some such.”
He snorted. “Whatever you wish, my love. Will I still be able to train?” I nodded. “Then I daresay I can put up with it for a few moons.”
“But if we renew, it could be a long time. Years.”
I was watching his face as I spoke, so I had a clear view as his smile changed to something else – incredulity, perhaps. Hope. Then excitement.
“If we renew?” His voice was husky.
“If we want to. It could never be a bonded marriage, because you’re a foreigner, but an annual contract can be renewed indefinitely. And – and maybe there’ll be time for another baby. Before I get too decrepit. If you like.”
“Ohhh.” A long pause. “I’d like that. I’d like that very much.”
“Good. Because I would, too. I was stupid, wasn’t I? Clinging to the hope that Ish still loved me – I’m not sure that he ever did. I’m done with Ish. You never forget your first love, but eventually you have to move on. It took me a ridiculously long time to realise it, but it’s you I love now, Mallaron abra Marlia endor Klandorus.” I chuckled. “Your name is even longer than mine. I’ll just have to call you Mal. Darling Mal.”
He hugged me so tightly I could barely breathe. Then he lifted my chin so that he could reach my lips and kissed me hungrily. We didn’t talk for a long time after that.
We jumped apart when an alarm sounded.
“Now what?” he growled, not releasing me, but shifting to look out of the window.
My heart was pattering, and it wasn’t entirely from Mal’s kisses. We’d had all too many alarms lately, but this was a new one, a high melodic tone I didn’t recognise.
Then, far out to sea, I spotted something.
“It’s the dragon alarm! Look! Out there!”
“Where? I can’t see anything. Oh!”
There were three dragons, one smaller than the other two. A family. They flew line astern for a while, then flitted around, chasing each other, shooting into the heavens then spiralling back down, a dance for three. They were a long way off, dark blurs against the pale rain-washed sky, ducking and diving. Playing. Two parents playing a game with their child. Then one of the adults dived into the sea, straight down, wings tucking out of the way. A few moments later, it was back in the air, water sparkling off its back, something in its mouth, sharing the catch with the others.
“That will be us in a year’s time,” I said. “You, me and the baby.”
He looked at me, awed, and pulled me tighter. Then, “Maybe not the flying part.”
We burst out laughing. I rested my head on his shoulder in contentment as he held me close.
For a long time we watched the dragons play as the sun reached its zenith over the great southern ocean.
THE END
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Would you like to know what happened to Tella afterwards? You can find out in The Dragon’s Egg. And if you read The Fire Mages’ Daughter, you might just spot Fen and Mal visiting Bennamore.
About the Brightmoon Annals
The Brightmoon Annals is a series of books all set in the same world, some five thousand years after it was reshaped by a magical catastrophe. The disaster almost destroyed magic – but not quite. The many different ways in which the pre-catastrophe mages tried to keep magic alive forms the theme of the series.
Each book can be read independently of all the others, but some characters and artefacts from earlier books make an appearance in later books, so there are fun references to enjoy for those who read the series in order.
See all the books and buy.
Books in the Brightmoon Annals:
1: The Plains of Kallanash, published September 2014
2: The Fire Mages (The Fire Mages Trilogy Book 1), published January 2015
3: The Mages of Bennamore, published May 2015
4: The Magic Mines of Asharim, published September 2015
5: The Fire Mages’ Daughter (The Fire Mages Trilogy Book 2), published January 2016
6: The Dragon’s Egg, projected publication mid-2016
7: The Second God (The Fire Mages Trilogy Book 3), projected publication late-2016
See all the books and buy.
The Mages of Bennamore Page 48