Lilith spun on her feet, gazing around at the buildings. “Almost certainly, which means we’re about a two or three hour walk from Irkalla.”
“And could Irkalla be a potential location for the portal?”
“It would make an excellent base for it. It has the largest population of all the cities in the realm. If one wanted to do the most damage to the humans, that would be the place to put it.”
“That settles it then,” Ramiel said with a nod. “We’re going to Irkalla.”
* * *
We only made it to the next abandoned village before the sky opened up overhead and dumped a shitload of rain onto our heads. And by shitload, I do mean shitload. It was rain unlike I’d ever felt before, like a sheet of pure ice that slanted sideways, stinging every inch of my skin. I’m not too proud to admit that I might have let out a little bit of a shriek.
We’d all spread out when we’d entered the village, gazing around at the various abandoned buildings. So, when the rain hit, we ended up darting off in opposite directions, everyone hightailing it to the closest building. Az and I ducked through an open doorway and found ourselves inside of a small hut with an old wooden bed and not much else. There was a fireplace in the corner, and an old, dust-covered rug. This must have been someone’s home once upon a time, now left to gather nothing but dust.
As I shook off the rain, Az peered out of the soot-covered window. “Looks like Lilith, Rourke, Isaac, and Lizzie ended up in the building across the road. The others ducked into the church.”
“I don’t think that’s a church, Az.”
“Oh, it’s a church alright. Just not the kind you’re used to seeing on earth.”
He turned to face me then, his damp hair clinging to his rain-soaked face. I swallowed hard. If Lizzie and the others had gone into the building across the street, and if Ramiel, Sam, and Uriel had gone into the church…that meant Az and I would be alone in here until this storm passed. Unless he decided he wanted to get the hell away from me and run back out there into the rain.
After the past few weeks I’d had…I wasn’t entirely convinced he wouldn’t do just that.
“You’re soaked through to your skin.” His voice was a lot more gruff and low than it had been a second ago. My toes curled in my boots in response, and I had to look away or else I feared he’d see the desire in my eyes. Because yes, of course I still desired him. Just because Sam had slashed my heart to shreds and just because Ramiel had put his foot down about inter-Order relationships…it hadn’t changed anything for me. I still felt those feelings, just as strongly as I ever had.
Maybe even more so, especially with the way that Az now stood before me. His damp shirt clung to every plane of his stomach, highlighting the ridges of his abs and the gentle slopes of his pecs. Clearing his throat, Az flicked his eyes down at my chest. The chill of the rain—and the tense desire churning through my gut—had caused my nipples to stand erect, poking straight through the thin material of my shirt.
“Erela,” he said in a growl. “You shouldn’t do that unless you want some kind of response from me.”
“You think I don’t want a response from you?” I whispered.
His eyes flickered. “Ramiel said that he spoke with you. He said that you’d come to some sort of agreement about inter-Order relationships.”
I loosed a breath and glanced out the window, searching for Ramiel’s face in the window across the street. But he wasn’t there. “An agreement, yes. But that doesn’t mean that I like it. It doesn’t change the way I feel.”
“And how is it that you feel, Erela?” Az’s voice was electric, and the heat in his eyes made a delicious shiver run down my spine.
“You know how I feel,” I whispered. “I told you, back in Rhode Island, back before everything changed.”
He reached out and cupped my cheek with his palm, dropping his forehead to mine. His skin was hot, as hot as the desire I felt churning in my gut. “I was scared you’d changed your mind. When Ramiel said…”
“So, you don’t agree with him?” I was almost scared to ask, for fear that he would tell me that he did agree with Ramiel about staying far away from me, despite the fact that the heat in his eyes made it clear that he still wanted me. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you pulled back a bit. I mean, it’s impossible not to notice with you, Az. You’re either hot or you’re cold. There’s no in between with you.”
“This is what I think. Ramiel made a suggestion. I listened to it. I thought about it. And I decided that I don’t agree with his approach toward the whole situation. I want to be with you, Erela, in every way imaginable. I’m not going to let anyone stand between us. Not even Ramiel.” His gaze was piercing, and it went right into the very depths of my soul. I’d never felt more connected to him than I did in that moment. “But only if you feel the same. If you agree with Ramiel, fine. But I swear to the heavens that I will do whatever it takes to change your mind.”
I answered him the only way I knew how. I grabbed his face in my hands, pushed up onto my toes, and kissed him with the hunger that I’d been carrying around with me the past few weeks. I couldn’t play it cool, not with Az. I had been convinced that I’d lost him, that I’d lost all of them. And yet here he was, standing before me now, confessing the truth of his feelings. His lips were just as hungry as mine, and his arms wrapped around my back to pull me even closer to his muscular chest.
Suddenly, he pulled away and gazed down at me. “My god, Erela, I thought I’d never get to touch you again.”
And then his hands made work of my clothes, frantically pulling each piece off my burning skin. We were both naked within seconds. He lifted me from the floor, holding his hands tight around my back, and then pushed me up against the nearest wall. My core tightened, aching for him.
The length of him throbbed against me as he kissed my lips, my neck, and my breasts. My arms curled around his neck, holding on tight while desire weakened my every muscle. I was putty in his arms, melted into a dozen different pieces, and he was the only thing that could put me back together.
Shuddering, I shifted against his length, desperate to feel his hardness inside of me. He responded with a growl, nipping at my skin, but it did the trick. He pushed inside of me with a hungry ferocity that made a scream rip from my throat. A scream that was loud enough to reach the others across the street, but I didn’t care.
I didn’t care if Ramiel knew exactly what was going on inside of this house. I didn’t care if he tried to stop it. Az was mine, and I was his, and we had a right to be together if we wanted. I was done with rules. I was done with living my life to a regimented outline that meant I had to be someone that I’d never truly been.
Az kept his arms tight around me as he carried me over to the bed. There, he lay me down gently, settling his body over mine. I gasped as I gazed up at him, stripped raw by the pure love I saw shining in his eyes.
“I wanted to do this properly,” he whispered before he began to thrust inside of me once again. Now, he went slowly, gently, all the while gazing deep into my eyes.
My heart felt as though it might burst from my chest. The way his body felt inside of me sent thrills of passion through every cell of my body, but it was more than that. The sensations of his length were a backdrop to the look in his eyes, to the connection our bodies and our souls were making in this moment. The intensity of it made tears spring into my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, but I’d never felt more loved, more accepted than I did in his arms. Az loved me, despite everything that could stop him. Despite Ramiel’s orders. Despite the fact I had demon blood running through my veins. And despite the fact that we’d ended up in hell because of my own actions.
None of that mattered to him.
Az began to shudder as he continued to thrust. My own pleasure began to build, my body trembling with the need to release. I wrapped my arms around him, digging my fingernails into the skin of his back. Our bodies became one, moving in a rhythm that grew and grew until we both cr
ashed over the edge. My climax shuddered through me, wave after wave after wave, for so long that it felt like hours.
We curled up on the bed together after that, my head on his chest, his hand in my hair. We didn’t say anything. We didn’t need to. We’d said everything with our bodies, finally giving ourselves to each other, finally joining our souls together as one.
Chapter Nineteen
Erela
The door burst open, the wood splintering in half from the force. A dark figure lurched into the doorway, his powerful form backlit by the cloud-studded sky. Az and I jumped to our feet, and fear shook through my heart. Was it the demon from the legends? Had it come to claim our lives?
The figure charged forward, and the light hit the familiar panes of his furious face.
Ramiel. My breath whooshed from my lungs, though I wasn’t sure I should be relieved or scared as hell. He’d been more than clear about his so-called Order rules, and Az and I had just ripped those rules to metaphorical shreds. And I’d do it all again ten times over. As much as I cared for Ramiel, and as much as I respected him as a leader, this was not the kind of thing he could command. I understood why he’d done what he did, but that didn’t mean I had to agree with it. We were stronger as a unit, stronger with this bond. I wasn’t about to throw that away, even though he was glaring at us like he might rip us both to shreds.
“Az, how could you?” Ramiel rushed forward and grabbed Az by the shoulders, shaking him so hard that I swore I heard Az’s neck snap back. “I told you to stay away from her. I told you to keep your hands to your damn self!”
I’d never seen Ramiel so angry. And, to be honest, it kind of scared me. He was the calm, controlled Ramiel, who wouldn’t even let himself get close to me for fear it would make him lose control over his emotions. And what’s more, I didn’t even understand why he was as upset as he was. Yes, we had disobeyed his orders, but it wasn’t like it was the end of the world. Besides, it wasn’t like this was the first time Az and I had shared a moment together. He was overreacting. Big time.
“Honestly, Ramiel. Stop it,” I said, frowning as he continued to shake Az like a rag doll. “This isn’t fair.”
“Fair?” He twisted toward me now, his rage coming at me in vicious waves. “Fair has nothing to do with it.”
Sam, Uriel, and Lizzie all poked their heads in the door, but then quickly backed away when they saw what was happening. I couldn’t blame them. I didn’t want to be in here either.
“Then, what does it have to do with, Ramiel?” I asked, fisting my hands and propping them on my waist. “Because, I’ve got to be honest with you, you’re acting insane. Az and I had sex. Big deal. It’s not some kind of horrible evil thing that must be avoided at all cost. It’s natural. It’s normal. Stop acting like the Archangels and get a grip.”
Ramiel froze, and his silver eyes went sharp. He didn’t like that I’d compared him to the Archangels and their hideous rules about sexuality. But for once, I didn’t feel as though I’d needlessly put my foot in my mouth. The Order of the Fallen hated the Archangels. Part of that anger came from the fact that the Archangels tried to control every minute of an angel’s life, including who they could and couldn’t love, and the parameters of their physical contact beyond that. And now Ramiel was trying to do the very same thing to me. To Az. To all of us. I’d gone from one constricted life to another without even realizing.
Lizzie popped back through the door, shot me a look that was full of silent apology, and then turned toward Ramiel, who was still holding tight to Az’s shoulders. “I think it’s time you told her. Otherwise, you’re just going to make her hate you. And as much as you like to put on a big show, I’m pretty sure that’s the last thing you want.”
I swivelled my head toward Lizzie, confusion rippling through me. “Lizzie? What are you talking about? Tell me what?”
She pressed her lips together and closed her eyes. What the hell was going on?
“Please don’t get pissed off at me. I promised Ramiel that I’d keep my mouth shut. So that he could tell you himself. Of course, I assumed he would have told you by now when I made the deal. It’s not fair for him to keep it from you any longer, not when hiding the truth from you is clearly breaking your heart.”
The sounds of the world suddenly seemed very hollow and distant. My heart thumped hard, and I whispered, “What truth?”
Az took that moment to jerk his shoulders out of Ramiel’s grasp. He crossed his arms over his chest and gave Ramiel a nod. “She has a right to know. Then, she can make her own goddamn decision.”
Ramiel’s face paled. “I didn’t want to tell you like this. Or in a place like this.”
“Ramiel, just spill it,” I said, though a part of me knew that whatever this was, I didn’t actually want to hear it. There was something terrible going on, something that explained why Ramiel, why Sam, and why even Uriel had taken a step away from me. That something was so terrible that Ramiel hadn’t even wanted to tell me. Lizzie hadn’t either. But how could it be worse than not having each and every one of them by my side?
Ramiel let out a long sigh and began pacing the length of the small room. “Lizzie found something else in that book you two were translating, only this little tidbit had nothing to do with the world’s history and everything to do with the future.” He stopped suddenly, his face screwed up in pain. “It was a prophecy. About you, Erela. And it said that you would die in this war. In order to save the love of your life.”
* * *
At some point after Ramiel’s confession, I plopped down onto the floor. That was a whopper of information alright, and I didn’t even know where to even begin in order to process it. That crazy Old Enochian book held some kind of prophecy about me. Me, of all angels. And, I mean, that thing was old. Really, really old, which meant that there had been a prophecy about me for hundreds of years. That alone was enough to take my breath away.
And then there was the thing about me dying. That part kind of sucked, no matter which way I looked at it.
Finally, I took a deep breath and looked up to see our entire pack huddled around me, silent, wary, concerned. Even Rourke seemed to understand the weight of this new discovery. Hell, he probably understood far more than I did right now.
“How do you even know this prophecy is about me?” I asked, turning my attention toward Lizzie. “Did the prophecy actually list my name? Doubtful. Maybe it’s about another Nephilim entirely.”
She pressed her lips into a thin line. “Actually, it did. Erela Michael, daughter of an Archangel and a half-demon. There aren’t many angels around with those precise qualities…”
Shitoodles. It was hard to argue against that. I’d expected this grand, vague prophecy where it was hard to tell who or who it couldn’t be about. I’d seen them before. They also hardly ever came true. This, however…well, this kind of had the markings of something that we couldn’t ignore. Of course, I would have chosen an entirely different method of protecting me than Ramiel seemed to deem necessary.
“So, let me see if I’m understanding this correctly…” I slowly said. “Lizzie found a prophecy about me in this book. She showed it to you, and then you all decided that in order to stop it from happening, you would prevent me from falling in love with any of you.”
Ramiel’s jaw clenched, and he flicked his silver eyes away. “That was the idea, yes. If you don’t have a love of your life, then you won’t die.”
I let out a hollow laugh. “It’s far too late for that, Ramiel. Far too late.”
I loved them all, blindingly so. The question for me wasn’t if I had found the love of my life. It was which one of my loves I would end up having to protect. By dying.
Man, this really put a damper on my blissfully perfect night with Az.
“Yes,” Ramiel frowned. “Because it seems as though Az just couldn’t control himself, even if that meant it would save you.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re such an idiot, Ramiel.”
He blinked
at me.
“I was already doomed before last night.” I pushed up from the floor, wondering how much it would take for him to understand exactly what I was trying to say. Curling my hands into fists, I willed him to see my meaning without me having to blurt it all aloud in front of an audience. I love you, you idiot. I love all of you. “There was nothing you could have done to save me.”
“I told you this was a bad idea, Ramiel,” Sam muttered.
I whirled toward my red-haired angel. “Oh, don’t get me started on you and your fake break-up. You made me think you were just using me. You all suck for not telling me about this immediately.”
Uriel held up a finger. “I would just like to say that I just follow Ramiel’s orders. Besides, I didn’t think you’d particularly miss my affections, since…well, I know where your heart truly lies.”
He nodded once at Sam, and then at Az.
Oh, they were all just so infuriating! Why didn’t they understand? Why couldn’t they see the truth?
The distant sound of clattering hooves filled the air. Lilith, who stood just inside the doorway, turned toward the noise to gaze outside. Her face remained blank; her voice was flat. “Oh, look. It seems as though we’re saved from this awkward conversation after all. The demon who likes to collect heads is here.”
We all scrambled to the windows, my love life thankfully forgotten.
In the distance, a form glided over the rolling hills on a black stead that was at least twice as large as humans’ horses. The rider and the horse moved together in one fluid motion, waves of ash trailing behind them like a blanket of pure death. I swallowed hard and took in his thick armor, his two broad swords, and the steel helmet that encased his head. And the two severed heads dangling from his waist that bounced with every gallop.
This was going to be…fun.
“So, what’s this guy’s deal?” I whispered to Lilith. “What exactly do we need to be prepared for?”
Nebulous: Order of the Fallen - Book Two Page 10