I didn’t belong here anymore.
And now my father’s words echoed in my ears. He’d only taken me to Celestia to keep me a secret. To hide my powers, which was why he’d sent me back here instead of back to earth. He was trying to hide me again, to keep his secret safe. Not to keep me safe. He was just trying to save his own damn neck. Tears burned my eyes as I gazed up at Laura. I didn’t want to take this out on her, but how much did she really know? Did she know that Michael’s daughter was part fire demon? And was she going to try to cover it up for him again?
“Where’s my father?” I asked, my voice scratchy and raw.
She shook her head. “He was only here long enough to explain that you had returned. I don’t know where he went after that, but it seemed he was in a hurry.”
I tried to stand, but I felt weak and wobbly, and my head began to spin. Laura put a soft hand on my shoulder and pushed me back down on the bed. “You’re going to be weak. You spent a long time in Lower Realm, and your body will have become accustomed to the weight of it. You’re going to need to rest until you adapt to being home.”
“This isn’t home,” I said, my voice insistent. “My home is down in Lower Realm.” She winced, tears springing into her eyes. “I’m sorry, Laura. I missed you. I did. And I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me. But I joined the Order of the Fallen there, and I found my true calling with those angels. I need to get back. As much as I appreciate that you want to care for me, the best thing you could do for me is to help me get back home.”
She shook her head and backed away. “Michael warned me that you might be in a strange state of mind, that you might talk gibberish about wanting to go back there. He said those angels had gotten into your head. They used their silver tongues to convince you that you wanted to be there.”
My heart sunk. This was impossible. She wasn’t going to help me. She had spent far too many years being convinced by the words of the Archangels. She’d never even been anywhere other than here, so why should she believe anything that came from me? She had no reason to doubt Michael. She had no reason to trust me.
“No matter,” she said as she stepped up to the door and began to close it. “It isn’t as though you could go back there, even if you tried. You may be an Archangel’s daughter, but you aren’t one yourself. You cannot transport yourself between realms, so you’ll be staying right where you are.”
And then she shut the door, slamming it on all my hopes of getting out of here, of getting back to the Order.
I sunk back into the pillows, anger and pain rolling over me in waves. She was right. I didn’t know how I was going to get out of here. There was no way in hell I could escape. I could get as far as the Halfway Zone, and then I could try to convince an Archdemon to get me out of there, but I could barely walk right now.
My mind spun, putting the pieces of many puzzles together.
Now I knew exactly why my father had been concerned that Asmodeus had seen me again, after I had been on earth for a while. Because while my powers had been muted while I was in Celestia, they had began to show during my time spent in Lower Realm. And, as it had become very clear to me, demons could sniff out other demons. That meant Asmodeus knew what I was, and my father was not happy about it. He had sent me back here to prevent anyone else from finding out…
A new horror began to wash over me. My father had killed that demon, the one in the alley. And he’d only killed him after the demon had gotten a look at me. Had he killed him to keep him from telling others about my powers? Lilith knew what I was. The Order of the Fallen all knew what I was. So did Lizzie and Isaac.
My heart thumped hard. My father hadn’t sent Lizzie and Isaac back here. What had he done with them?
Had he actually killed every single person in the world that I loved?
Sorrow washed over me, so deep that I couldn’t see anything but blackness.
* * *
It was hard not to give up. Everything had been ripped away from me, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was stuck in Celestia, stuck waiting for my father to finally return so he could tell me exactly what he had done to those I loved. Deep down inside, I knew what he’d done. He couldn’t afford to let them live. If they told one wrong person about Erela, the daughter of Michael and a fire demon, then his life was forfeit. Hell, mine was, too. Not that he cared about that.
Laura bustled into the room, singing a song underneath her breath. Her cheery mood grated on my nerves, and I wanted to smack the smile right off of her face. I knew she was only trying to help me, but she also wouldn’t leave my side for more than half an hour. And when she wasn’t bustling around me and bringing me food, she was standing outside the door to make sure I didn’t sneak away and try to get to the Lower Realm.
“Now, your situation is pretty unique,” she said in a chirpy tone. “But I have heard that Michael has convinced the Archangels to gather together for a meeting where they will discuss your induction into the Order of the Seraphim and giving you back your wings. They all know that you fell, but they’re willing to consider different options, knowing that you were under the influence of some kind of fallen angel spell.”
I rolled my eyes. “I wasn’t under a spell. They don’t have the ability to do that, no matter what you think or what you’ve been told. They’re just normal angels, like you and me, only they don’t abide to ridiculous rules about what you can and can’t say or who you can love or any of that total shit.”
Her face blanched, and she took a step back. Her voice was a harsh whisper when she spoke. “I know you’re still recovering, and I know it’s going to take some time for you to get back to your old self, but you cannot speak that way. Not here. You better get yourself together, or the Archangels will send you straight back down there.”
Sighing, I closed my eyes and leaned back into the pillows. “No, I’m not that lucky. They won’t send me back there, no matter what I do.”
“I can’t believe you,” she said in a snap. “You have been given a second chance at life here, Erela, but you sound as though you’ve given up. It sounds as if you don’t even want to try.”
“I have given up, Laura,” I said, my words as heavy as my heart. “You may not understand it and you may not believe me, but my entire world has been ripped away from me. I have nothing left to fight for. I have nothing left to give. They’re probably dead, you know.”
“Who?”
Tears slipped down my cheek. “Everyone.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Erela
Apparently, the Archangels had requested for me to go to a meeting where they would decide my fate. But my fate had already been decided. I knew without a doubt that I would not get sent back to earth, and that I would somehow find myself joining the Order of the Seraphim like my father had always planned. This was so outside of the rules, not that it mattered. My father would’ve pulled strings. He would have convinced them to let me stay.
“Now,” Laura said, bringing me a fresh pair of clothes. It was a matching pair of golden armor, intended to highlight the glow of my Michael skin. “Your father wanted me to remind you to speak very little of your experiences in the Lower Realm. He thinks that it’s best for you not to go into detail. And he said something about a bonfire you might have encountered there. He says that might make the Archangels angry, so best not to mention that as well.”
So, my father hadn’t let good old Laura in on the fire demon secret, not that I was surprised. He didn’t want anyone to know. He’d even killed people to keep them from telling anyone else. Bitterly, I wondered why he hadn’t just killed me, too. That would have solved the problem easily enough.
“Understand, Erela?” she asked, her tone going a little bit sharp at the end. I knew she was still pissed off about my little outburst the other day, and I hadn’t apologized to her about it, no matter how many times she’d hinted that I should. I wasn’t sorry for expressing my emotions. I wasn’t sorry for letting out a forbidden curse wor
d. I wasn’t sorry for falling in love with fallen angels. I wasn’t sorry for any of it, and I wouldn’t apologize and say something I didn’t mean.
“Yep, I understand,” I said in a fake chirpy tone of voice.
I’d been to hell. I’d fought a demon who wanted to rip my head off and eat it. And yet, this right here, this moment right now in Celestia, this was hell. My life had been taken from me in every way imaginable, but that wasn’t even the worst of it. I was still alive, but everyone else was dead. The Order of the Fallen was no more. I mourned them, with every beat of my heart. And, I mourned humanity. Without an Order of warrior angels down on the ground who cared for them, who wanted to see them survive, humans would slowly die out. The earth would be ravaged by the demons that had poured into it. That portal was still open. And there were no more angels on earth to protect humanity.
In my father’s attempt to protect himself, he had forgotten about everyone else. His precious Celestia wouldn’t survive either. The demons would eventually turn their eyes back to the skies, and they would find a way to get here. There was no direct path from Earth to Celestia, but with the portal open, there was one less barrier in the way. There was nothing to stop them now. The demons would win this war, and it would be all my father’s fault.
“Come on,” Laura said, throwing my duvet off of my legs and ushering me out of the bed. I’d been fine for a couple of days now, but I hadn’t made a move to get out from under my sheets. Hell, I didn’t want to. I had no reason to get out of bed. All I wanted was to stare at the wall and mourn Lizzie, Isaac, Lilith, Rourke, Sam, Uriel, Az, and Ramiel. There were so many names that spun through my head as I offered up prayers to guardian angels who did not hear me. And if they had heard me? They just ignored it.
I slipped my feet into my ceremonial fighting boots. They glistened with gold, buckles snapping tight around my feet. These weren’t the kind of boots that an angel actually fights in. They were for ceremony only, such a ridiculous notion now that I had actually been down on the earth, fighting in the pits. Ceremony was nonsense. It didn’t matter. What mattered was facing off against those that wanted to destroy the world.
With that thought, I threw my shoulders back a little. I might be forced to go through with this, forced to stand before the Archangels and act as though I was sorry for letting the fallen angels influence me into doing terrible, terrible deeds. Not that I would mean any of it. But just because I had to be forced to do this didn’t mean that my mind had to waver one bit. Inside, where no one could see me, I could still be the Erela that I’d found in Lower Realm. The Erela who wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. The Erela who had fought against demons stronger than many angels. The Erela who had been able to open her heart to not only one incredible, courageous male, but to four of them. The one who had been willing to see past a demon’s background, to see that she was good, to see that she was right. To befriend a human. To discover that she was more than just an angel who had to fall in line.
Slowly, I slid my arms into the ceremonial fighting jacket, my chin lifting with every thought I had. No, I wasn’t just another warrior in the Order of the Seraphim. I was more than that. I had a power that none of these other angels would ever have. I had the ability to control fire, to bend it to my will, to let it consume my arms. I might be the daughter of an Archangel, but I was also the daughter of a fire demon, one who must have been powerful to get my father’s attention. I was all of this and more, and I would not let these Archangels force me to be something I was not.
I would not let them force me to stay here. I would not let them force me to fight a fight I did not believe in anymore. The battle was down on earth. I had to return there, not only to find the bodies of my fellow fallen and give them the send-off they deserved, but to be the protector the earth needed, to fight for humanity, to be the only guardian angel they truly had.
“Well then,” Laura said, raising her eyebrows as she looked up into my face. “That expression is one I’ve seen before on you. Determination. Ferocity. That’s a lot better than all this moping about you’ve done until now. I’m glad to see you’ve got your mojo back. Now, keep that in mind when you go convince the Archangels that you deserve to get back your wings.”
“I will,” I said, giving her a smile. “One request though. I need a few minutes to gather my thoughts so that I can present the best argument possible. But I kinda need a few minutes alone for that to happen. Would you mind if I walked there by myself? It’s not far, only across the road.”
Laura’s eyes flickered, and for a moment, I thought she would insist that she go with me. But then she gave a nod. Of course, she wouldn’t think that I could lie. Angels never lie.
As soon as she turned her back on me, I scurried down the hall and out the door. Across the silent street, the building of the Archangels rose high, its white exterior glistening underneath a glowing sun. I could go there or I could go two blocks down to a little hidden door that would take me straight to the Halfway Zone. I might not be able to send myself back to hell to find out what had happened to everyone I cared about, but I knew there would be some fire demons in that pub. Hopefully, they wouldn’t be trying to eat a rat.
* * *
It was déjà vu pushing through that same old door and entering that same old pub. The place looked exactly the same, small wooden tables scattered throughout the dark, reddish room. The same bartender, the human one who looked like a grizzled bear, still stood behind the long bar that smelled of stale alcohol and farts.
Just like I’d expected, there were a few fire demons scattered around, and they all turned to stare at me when I walked through the door, their eyebrows raising. I met each of their gazes in turn, not even blinking an eye. Already I felt a hell of a lot more like myself. My father had been right. My demon powers were muted while I was in Celestia, and now that I had left, I could feel the heat buzzing underneath my skin again. And it actually felt…good. Like a comfortable, well-worn pair of gloves.
The bartender rose his eyebrows as I approached the bar, and he pressed his palms flat against the rough surface as he leaned forward. “Well, I certainly didn’t expect to see you again. What happened to that rat you stole from the demon? And didn’t you get sent to Lower Realm?”
“The rat survived.” Thank god for Harry. Mr. Whiskerson was probably beside himself, worrying about what it happened to me. At least I could rest easy knowing he was getting some care and love. “And things got interesting in Lower Realm, to say the least. That’s actually why I came here. To make a long story short, I don’t want to be in Celestia anymore, and I need a demon who can send me to hell.”
“To hell?” a female voice said. I turned to face the owner of said voice and found a petite blonde death demon standing before me. I knew she was death because, well, I could actually smell it on her. It was a distinct aroma. Like ash and… well, death. “I’m surprised to see an angel in here asking to go to hell. That’s a bit out of the ordinary.”
“I’m not an ordinary angel. I’m Nephilim. As I’m sure you can smell,” I said, twisting my mouth into a smile.
She raised an eyebrow. “So that’s why you smell different. What kind of demon?”
“Fire,” I said. “And you’re death, right?”
“That’s right,” she said with an appreciative nod. “You mind telling me why it is you want to go to hell?”
For a moment, I didn’t say a word. I wasn’t entirely sure how to explain everything that had happened to me. And, to tell the truth, I wasn’t entirely sure I should. I’d already told her a hell of a lot. Soon, word would begin to spread, though I was ready to take that chance. If the Archangels wanted to come for me, then so be it. I would fight them if I had to.
But first, I had to find my way back to earth, by way of hell.
“I have some unfinished business in hell, as unlikely as that sounds. Some people I care about were killed there, and I want to retrieve their bodies. After that, I’ll go back through the portal to e
arth where I’m going to do whatever I can to help humanity survive.”
It might have been dumb of me to tell the demon exactly what I was up to, but I was done dancing around the truth with anyone. Secrets had caused so many problems in my life. If she didn’t want to help because I wanted to save humans, then I’d find another demon. Lilith wasn’t the only one out there who cared about the worlds.
The death demon gave a slow nod and cast a furtive glance behind her. “You know what? I can get you partway there, but I can’t send anyone to hell. I’ve been banished from there because of bad behavior. Apparently, having empathy for humans makes you an outcast. That said, I can still send you to earth. That’s the best I can do.”
My heart tripped in my chest. This demon was actually going to help me. “Seriously? You’re a lifesaver. Just send me to the Tower of London, and that will get me to the portal. From there, I can just go straight into hell.”
She gave a nod. “Good luck, Nephilim. I hope you’re able to save the world.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Erela
The demon had sent me to the Tower of London just like she had promised. The portal buzzed in front of me, the evil rippling from it in waves, scratching at my skin, tempting me to come closer. Which was fine with me. That was where I wanted to go, after all. But as I made a step toward it, something else prickled underneath my skin, something familiar, something I knew.
My soul throbbed deep within me. There was something nearby. Someone nearby. My soul, the demon part of me, was responding to a call that reached out toward me. My eyes widened, and I stumbled back. There was only one person my soul had ever felt that way around. There was only one person in the world who felt familiar in that particular way.
Nebulous: Order of the Fallen - Book Two Page 14