She sat there, unsure what to say. Edward detested Rush—that was obvious, and she had been confused since the accident. But if what Rush told her were true, then her involvement with him began long before the coma. The old Elle had been dating Edward and sneaking around with Rush. She briefly thought about admitting as much to get everything out in the open, but she didn’t want to hurt Edward any more than was necessary. It wouldn’t change anything, and she was a different person now. She was starting to realize that she would most likely never get her memories back and that the only way she could gain an ounce of self-respect was to start fresh, accepting the person that she’d become through all of this. The sparkling lights, combined with the velvety night around them provided a protective cocoon in which she could share her thoughts openly. The wind picked up, and she hugged her arms and instinctively moved closer to Edward, seeking his warmth.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Edward. I’ve done things I’m not proud of.”
“I understand,” he said tersely. “We all make mistakes—do things we wish we hadn’t.”
She turned and looked him in the eye so that there would be no misunderstanding. “I wish I could sit here and tell you that I had zero reservations about the two of us. I wish I could tell you that I’m the same girl who wrote that wonderful letter you showed me.” She paused, knowing the next part would sting. “But the truth is, I can’t.” The words settled like boulders between them. “You are a wonderful person and will always be an important part of my life. I just don’t know that I can make a commitment to you right now.”
His eyes went hard. “Is this because of Rush?”
The accusing words encircled her heart like a vice. Would there ever be any escaping Rush? She was starting to seriously doubt it. “I’m not really sure,” she admitted.
The space between them seemed to grow empty and large as he stared out into the distance.
She glanced at his rigid profile. “Say something,” she implored. Anything would be better than the silence.
A sad smile flittered over his lips. “I guess I was just hoping that we could put everything behind us.” He gave her a pleading look. “I’m here and you’re here. I love you, Elle.” His voice broke. “I always have.”
“I care about you too,” she said tenderly.
He surprised her by putting an arm around her and pulling her close. It felt good to be protected from the wind. She leaned her head against him. They sat that way for a few minutes until he spoke. “See, this feels right.”
Did it? Yes, it surprisingly did.
He turned and looked into her eyes. “Elle,” he murmured, caressing her hair. He leaned in, and a tingle ran down her spine the instant before his lips met hers.
He pulled her into his arms and gave her a tender kiss that unearthed something Elle couldn’t quite pinpoint. It was a combined feeling of security, longing, and heartache. Then his lips grew more demanding, and she felt a flicker of desire as her arms went around his neck. When the kiss was over, he put his forehead to hers. “I’ll wait for you,” he whispered, brushing the curve of her cheek with his hand.
Her eyes misted. “Are you sure? I’m so mixed up right now. I can’t make you any promises.”
He put a finger to her lips to silence her. “Absolutely.”
It would later be hard for them to fully understand what happened next. They felt more than heard a movement behind them and then a cold black shadow slithered around them, cloaking them in darkness.
A paralyzing terror seized Elle, and she could hardly breathe. She sputtered and coughed, hungry for air, but it was no use. Her lungs were being squeezed by an invisible force that was snaking around her, and she was losing consciousness. Then the scene changed as a vast wasteland appeared before her. In the distance was a stone castle, shimmering against the gray landscape. She began walking toward it, but then the ground groaned and started to split as a deep chasm cut its way through the rock. She gasped in terror at the river of fire running below. Her foot slipped, and she fell back in an attempt to keep from falling into the fire as strong arms caught her. She looked into the face of her rescuer. Fair-haired with a kind look in his golden eyes. Edward. She smiled up at him, but then he vanished, and she was standing alone in the wasteland once more.
In the distance, she saw him, beckoning to her. He was yelling something she couldn’t hear, but she recognized at once the fierce look in his blue eyes, the determined set of his jaw. She knew him as well as she knew herself. “Rushton!” she screamed, but the words got sucked out. A feeling of overwhelming love burned through her with such intensity that she could hardly bear it. Then her heart clutched as a terrible sadness overcame her. His expression twisted to hatred, and there was a condemning look in his eyes. No matter how much of herself she gave to him, it would never be enough. She would never be enough. She fell to her knees in anguish. Then a terrible screeching sound rent the air. She covered her ears and looked up as a hooded figure loomed over her. The faceless shadow lifted an arm, wielding a razor sharp knife. It slashed through her, gutting out her fears, leaving her raw and exposed. She felt the confusion of not knowing who she was, the anguish of realizing that she’d been a terrible person before the accident. She was weak, a coward. This was her worst nightmare incarnate—her greatest fear. This was death. She struggled to fight, but it was no use, the abyss was too great.
A white light shot through the gloom, blinding her. The monster shrieked and recoiled as if in pain. Then it retracted into itself as the light grew brighter, dispelling the darkness. The absence of fear was the first thing Elle became aware of as a familiar voice penetrated her consciousness, followed by soft laughter. Adele stood before her.
“You saved me,” Elle said simply, tears filling her eyes. “I was weak and afraid.”
Adele gave her a wise smile. “You are stronger than you think, dear. The power lies within you to do great things. You only have to look inside yourself to find it. Cast your fear away, and the darkness won’t be able to overtake you.”
Elle reached for her, but she grasped only air, and then she was floating in a soft bed of daisies.
“Elle! Elle!” She opened her eyes. Edward was kneeling beside her. He was clutching her arms. There was a frantic expression on his face. “We need to go, NOW!” He pulled her to her feet and grabbed her hand, dragging her behind him as they ran down the path. They jumped in the car. He started the engine and peeled out of the parking lot. He raced down the canyon road at record pace, his hands clutching the steering wheel, and all the while, Elle was battling her own thoughts.
When they reached the bottom of the canyon, Edward pulled into a gas station and turned off the engine. He turned to Elle. “What the heck happened up there?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know.”
He rushed on. “One minute we were sitting there, and then that black thing circled around us.” A crazed look came into his eyes.
“That black shadow thing!” she added. The world began to spin as the paralyzing fear returned with a vengeance. Elle gulped, fighting hard to get a good breath.
Edward caught her arm. “Hey, are you okay? Take a deep breath. Elle! Look at me!” he commanded.
Her eyes met his.
“Relax. Take a deep breath. Whatever it was … it’s gone now.”
Blessed air filled her lungs, and she willed herself to relax. Edward began rubbing her back. A full five minutes went by before Elle’s breathing returned to normal. “I’m sorry,” she finally said.
He gave her a weak smile. “No need to apologize. That thing was … it was …”
“Evil!” she inserted.
“Yes.” A stupefied look came over him. “I don’t believe in the supernatural.”
Neither had she before getting to know Adele. Then a peculiar thought struck her. Adele had been there in the vision or whatever that was. She’d saved her.
Edward gave her a pained look. “What do we do? Do we tell anyone what happened to us?” His voice
was hushed, and his eyes were darting around like he was afraid someone was going to hear them.
“Who would we tell?”
“No one would believe us,” he uttered.
“No,” she agreed, “they wouldn’t.” Although she was pretty darn sure that Adele was connected to this whole thing. She was going to confront her, and this time, no matter how crazy Adele acted, she would pressure her into telling the truth! Then she got a good look at Edward who looked like he was on the verge of passing out. She realized then that as traumatic as the experience had been for her, she was okay now, and he was the one that was jolted to the core. For the first time, probably in his life, his ordered world had orbited out of control, and he was struggling to make sense of it. She chuckled inwardly. Welcome to my world. She felt a surge of strength. That was one good thing that had come out of all of the strangeness. She was becoming more adaptable, growing accustomed to the unexplainable. She placed a hand on his arm. “Edward, what happened to you up there?”
His face drained, and he shook his head. “I-I’m not sure. I couldn’t breathe.” He rubbed his neck. “I must’ve passed out.” A haunted look settled into his eyes, and he looked away.
Elle knew then that he’d experienced horrors too—horrors that were too personal to share. She understood, for she felt the same way. The image of Rush had been so real. A knot formed in the pit of her stomach as she remembered the condemning look on his face. Before that, she’d felt that all-consuming love, followed by intense sorrow. Strange. Then she stopped. She’d called out to him, but she hadn’t said Rush. She’d said Rushton. That was the name she’d called him the night he came to her house and took her to the homecoming game. Something shifted inside of her, and she felt a flitter of memory, almost as though someone were pulling aside a dark curtain and letting in a beam of light. Rushton. She mulled over the name. It was definitely familiar, and that castle she’d seen … she’d been there before, but how? More questions for Adele. She could hardly wait until the next day to ask her! Her thoughts went back to Rush … Rushton … Rush. Whatever the heck his name was! As frightening as that dark vision was, it had let her know one thing for sure—her future was intertwined with Rush in some deep, inexplicable way that had started long before the present. She frowned. Had she really just thought that? She paused, sorting through her feelings. Maybe it was time to stop running from the inevitable and face it full on. She and Rush were meant to be together. She cringed. And then a calm settled over her, reminding her how she’d felt, floating in the field of daisies. An image flashed through her mind, and she saw Rushton, kneeling before her and holding out a daisy. They were dressed in strange clothes. He looked up and smiled at her, and she thought her heart would burst from sheer happiness. Life was simple … happy … and he was her everything. Her everything? Really? Where were these thoughts coming from? She shook her head ruefully. Now she knew she was imagining things because the Rush she knew was intensely complex—demanding her undying loyalty and love. And when she couldn’t give him want he wanted, what did he do? He turned his back on her in a New York second and started dating Lynessa! Her face twisted into a scowl as a hot jealousy stabbed through her. In that moment, she hated him. She hated him because he was rejecting her, and she couldn’t get him out of her head!
“Elle.”
Edward’s voice jerked her back to the present. He gave her a quizzical look. “You had a really irritated look on your face.” His voice became grave. “Were you thinking about what you saw?”
“No,” she said quickly, “I wasn’t thinking about that. Something else.”
“Well, do tell. I could use a diversion to take my mind off of whatever that thing was.” He shuddered.
She nearly laughed out loud at the irony. No, he definitely didn’t want to know what she was thinking! “I wasn’t thinking of anything worth talking about, I can assure you of that.”
He started the engine. “Okay, I guess we’d better head back.” He looked at her. “Elle, do you mind if we keep what happened between us … until we can figure out exactly what it was that happened?”
She hesitated, not wanting to be dishonest with him, but she didn’t want to make him anymore stressed than he already was. Finally, she nodded. “Sure.” She would keep it to herself … sort of. But she was telling Adele, and Adele had better have some answers this time!
Chapter Five
The Letter
Rushton was going to be Cinderella’s undoing! Her future with Prince Edward, life in the palace, any hope of saving the manor and paying off her family’s debt. It would all end because she was weak. No matter how hard she tried to get away from him, the pull was too great.
When she first arrived at the castle, she’d mentally prepared herself for a confrontation with Rushton—a confrontation that never came because he’d left. When she’d casually asked Edward about him, Edward told her that Rushton had left the kingdom on a quest of self-discovery in order to come to terms with the dragon attack and the fact that he’d survived when everyone else died. Her first reaction had been panic that she would never see him again, but over time, her sorrow turned to relief. She didn’t know how she could’ve managed to live in such close proximity to him and not be with him.
Edward was attentive and kind, and thus far, her time in the castle had been spent mostly by his side as they took long strolls in the garden, went on vigorous horseback rides, and had candlelit dinners by the water. Edward was so different from Rushton. Whereas Rushton was free-spirited and impulsive, Edward was regimented and controlled, always choosing every word and action carefully. At first, Cinderella had felt stifled by Edward’s stiffness and predictability, but then she realized that a steady routine was helping her manage her heartache over Rushton. She’d even felt a few moments of lightheartedness where the clouds would part, dispelling the gloom. It was in those moments that she felt hope—hope that perhaps she really could return the love that Edward was showering on her.
As fate would have it, just as she was starting to open herself up to Edward and accept her new life, the letter came. Rushton was back, and he was asking her to meet him!
If only Rushton had stayed away then she might’ve had a chance at happiness. It was so infuriating! He couldn’t keep disappearing and randomly showing up! What was she going to do? Think! She had to think! Just because he’d written a letter asking her to meet him didn’t mean she had to do it. She could resist him, couldn’t she? Even as she thought the words, the vapor of him settled around her, and she felt a wave of dizziness coming on. Being around Rushton was so intoxicating that she couldn’t think clearly. That crooked smile that drove her to distraction. The way she wanted to rip his hair out one moment and then fall at his feet the next. Rushton’s steady hand, guiding her. His lips on hers. Fire. Incredible, burning fire. She clenched her fist. Stop it, Cinderella! Enough! She had to think rationally! Everything was unraveling. She was on a runaway horse, headed for a cliff, and couldn’t muster the strength to pull the reins and make it stop.
Such thoughts were getting her nowhere. She took a deep breath, willing herself to remain calm and then scooted her chair closer to the fire in an attempt to stave off the chill in the drafty room. The thick palace walls retained moisture, making it impossible to get warm. Edward had been her only comfort in the palace, and she wondered how long it would take, if ever, to feel at home here in this giant conglomerate of courtyards, tunnels, and never-ending rooms. Upon her arrival at Aandover Castle, Edward insisted that she occupy the large bedchamber overlooking the North Courtyard or “Bailey” as he called it with its manicured gardens and intricate maze of hedges.
“It’s the same room that my mother used before she married my father,” he said.
How she was supposed to feel at home in this enormous bedchamber was beyond her. Her eyes ran along the walls and upward to the monstrously tall ceilings that made her feel so small. No detail was left undone. Admittedly, when she became a lady in waiting, she’d da
ydreamed about what it would be like to be a princess and live in the castle, but she’d always pictured Rushton at her side, not Edward. Now that she was here, it felt overwhelming. The castle was beautiful beyond her wildest imagination, but everything was so lavish that being here amongst such decadence was making her feel starved for normalcy, like she was living on a diet of sweet rolls and cake when what she really wanted was a hearty bowl of porridge and brown bread. She looked at the silk bedspread with its delicately woven design and the heaps of pillows, the stately windows that were flanked with velvet drapes and tassels, and the plush rug made of bearskin. Her gaze went to the only familiar piece of furniture in the room—the milky white mirror and dressing table that had once belonged to her mother. At her request, Edward had it brought from the manor to the castle. Loneliness settled over her, and she longed for the manor and her simple room.
When Edward brought her to the palace, Queen Loreena let her know in no uncertain terms that she disapproved of Cinderella’s behavior the night she fled the ball. It was obvious that Queen Loreena despised her. She was too stately to say the words out loud, but her every action conveyed her distaste for Cinderella. To Edward’s credit, he’d insisted on personally showing Cinderella her room, despite Queen Loreena’s protest that it was “improper” for him to be in the bedchamber of his betrothed. “You finally have a room that is fit for you, my princess,” Edward said, a touch of pride lighting his handsome features. He smiled, and she had the impression that his smile radiated the light of the sun. She had to keep reminding herself that of all the maidens in the kingdom, Edward had chosen her. She was the lucky one. She hugged her arms, remembering how on that first day in the castle, Edward had come up behind her and whispered in her ear, his breath sending tiny shivers trickling down her spine. “You complete this room, my darling.”
She turned to him, wondering how a prince, someone as perfect as Edward had chosen her. “Oh, Edward. There is so much about me that you do not know. I am but a simple—”
Love Spell: Book 2 of The Grimm Laws Page 6