I'm with the Band
Page 24
We both gave Mom a sheepish expression. At the same time, we both quietly said, “Okay, Mom…”
* * *
“Mom... you really should have gone to the concert,” I said as Mom set the hamburger and chip laden plate on the T.V. tray in front of me. “After all, it’s our first real concert.”
“I didn’t want you to be here all alone,” Mom said as she headed back towards the kitchen.
“I’m fine, Mom! Really!”
From the kitchen Mom called, “The doctor said you need to stay off your feet a few days.”
The day before, during rehearsal I did a misstep and fell off the stage and twisted my ankle really bad. The pain was such that I couldn’t help but cry and everyone was sure I’d broken something.
Thankfully, nothing was broken, but every time I tried to put weight on my foot, the pain would rocket through my leg. It was decided I wouldn’t be able to go to our first real concert. I tried to pretend the pain was gone, but I just couldn’t do it. And I hated every second I was missing being on-stage.
John asked one of the backup singers we were using for one song if she could fill in. She did have a nice voice and knew the words to my parts of the songs. With the studio’s, Mr. Winters’ and the girl’s agent’s blessing, they made a deal for the concert.
“I wonder how my substitute is doing?” I asked after I finished a bite of the burger. “I wonder if the fans are mad.”
As she sat next to me on the couch, Mom said, “Your fans will certainly be disappointed. Hopefully they’ll understand. After all, you did make the news yesterday.”
Mom and I sat up watching movies while waiting for the concert to end. John said he’d come by and tell us how it all went.
It was starting to get fairly late when we heard some fumbling at the front door. A moment later it opened and John and the rest of the band entered.
Both John and Fritz let out a loud “Whoop!” as they bounded into the living room.
“You should have been there, Mom!” exclaimed John. “It was awesome! All those people yelling and screaming — just fuckin’ awesome!”
Laughing, Fritz said, “He’s right, Mrs. G. You definitely should’a been there!”
Mom said, “I wish I could have been there guys. I know Michelle was wishing she was there too.”
“Oh I know!” I cried. “I wanted to be up on that stage so bad! Looks like the concert went well?”
“Oh yeah!” exclaimed Fritz. “It was the biggest experience of my life! Beats playing in the bars back home.”
“And I had to miss it!” I sighed.
That’s when I noticed that it wasn’t just the guys in the room.
“Who’s that?” I asked pointing. “Is that my substitute?”
John rushed over to her and led her up to us. While still holding her hand, he said, “Meet the newest member of the band, April O’Conner! The crowd loved her.”
Mom said, “Newest member? You’re adding another female vocal to the band?”
John laughed and said, “Not adding... replacing. Michelle was always just temporary, right? Until we found a replacement for Sammy’s ex-girlfriend? Well, here’s the girl I’m replacing Michelle with!”
* * *
Chapter 18
“What?!” Mom and I both shouted together at the same time.
John just smirked as he said, “I said, this is your replacement, Michelle. You don’t have to thank me for finally freeing you up so you can go back home. April here is our new female singer. Ain’t she somethin’?”
April smiled nervously at Mom and me. Hesitantly she said, “They, uh, they didn’t know?”
Scowling, I said, “No. We didn’t know. John! How the fuck could you do this to me!” Jumping to my feet and causing April to take a step back, I screamed, “Don’t you care anything about the sacrifices I’ve made for the band?”
Irritation in his voice, John said, “Well, now you don’t have to sacrifice any more. You can go back to who you used to be. Like I said. I’m doing you a favor.”He put his arm around April.
Before I could say anything else, Mom said, “John. You can’t do this to her. You can’t do this to the band!”
Frowning at Mom, John said, “The last time I looked Mom, the name of the band is “John Gray’s Band”. I think that means it’s my band. I can do whatever I want with it. I want April.” A sudden excitement flashed in John’s eyes as he continued, “Mom! You should have seen it! The chemistry we all felt on stage with April was awesome! It was electric! We felt it. The fans felt it. It was incredible! Right guys?” John glanced over at the other band members. There were nods and affirming grunts, but they all looked uneasy.
I stepped right up to John’s face and said through gritted teeth, “You’re not doing me any favors John. I’m not going to just go home.” I turned towards April and said, “I’m not mad at you, but I do intend to get my place back on the band.”
Turning back to John I said, “It’s always bothered you, hasn’t it John, that the only reason the record company wanted you was because of me!” I turned around and hurried back to my room before John could see my flow of tears.
* * *
“Don’t take that tone with me, Mr. Winters!” Mom said into the phone. “John took us by surprise. We had no idea.”
I could hear Mom on the phone as I walked through the living room to the kitchen. I was still in my nightgown. I glanced at the clock and noticed it was about a quarter past eight in the morning.
Mom continued, “Okay, Mr. Winters. I’ll have John at your office by ten.” She paused a moment, and then spoke again, “He’ll be there. Even if I have to hog-tie him, he’ll be there!” She hung up the phone.
As I opened the refrigerator door, I unnecessarily asked, “Who was that?”
Mom sat down on the kitchen counter and sighed. “It was Mr. Winters. I called to inform him of John’s staff change. He’s not any happier about it than we are.”
I set the jug of milk down on the counter as I said, “Good. Maybe he can talk some sense into him.” I plodded over to the pantry to pull out a cereal box.
Mom stared at the wall, not focusing on anything. She said, “I certainly hope so. However, there’s not a whole lot he can do.”
I set a bowl down and started filling it with cereal. I said, “Why not? Isn’t he the boss?”
Mom shook her head. “No, the contract we have with him and the studio is with the band as a whole, not with individual members. John, as the band’s leader can fire and hire whomever he wants. He doesn’t need the studio’s or Mr. Winters’ approval.”
Pouring the milk into the bowl, I said, “Oh, that’s just great. So what’s the point of going to his office this morning?”
Frowning, Mom said, “He’s going to try to talk some sense into John. John can make changes, but if the band fails to meet obligations, or if we lose sales, Mr. Winters can cancel our contract. And he won’t hesitate to do so.”
Mom fell silent for a few moments while I took a few bites of my breakfast. Finally, I looked over at Mom and asked, “Do I have to go home?”
Mom smiled and took my hand. She said, “No Honey. Don’t be silly. You have a contract as a solo act. Mr. Winters thinks you’ll still be around long time. But he does have a lot of time and money invested in the band, and he feels you’re the main draw for the fans.”
* * *
“There’s nothing Winters can say that will make me change my mind, Mom!” John announced loudly in the elevator as we rode to the floor where Mr. Winters’ office is located. Fritz had tagged along with John. April, Juan and Sammy elected not to come.
The doors slid open and as we exited the elevator Mom said, “He has a vested interest in the success of the band, John. He wants to make sure you’re aware of the impact on the business end.”
John looked back at me and said, “You always take up for Mike, don’t you? I appreciate the help he gave me on the band’s success.
But Mom, we need a real girl in the band.”
Fritz said from behind, “He’s right, Mrs. G. Michelle... Mike... is a great singer and all, but he can’t really wear any sexy outfits to really rock out on the stage. Hell, he’s only fourteen! April is nineteen.”
We stopped outside Mr. Winters’ office door. John said, “That’s right. And, April isn’t in the tabloid press every day like some people I know.” He glanced back at me.
Mom opened the door and said, “Well, let’s see what he has to say, shall we?”
* * *
Mr. Winters had kept us waiting for almost twenty minutes before the secretary finally told us we could go in.
As we filed into the room, Mr. Winters, who leaned back against the front of his desk, motioned for us to take seats.
Folding his arms and looking at John, Mr. Winters said, “I’ll get straight to the point. Mr. Gray, have you taken leave of your senses? Why on Earth would you possibly want to replace one of the major reasons for your band’s success?”
John shifted uneasily in his chair, his bravado fading under Mr. Winters’ intense stare. “Well, um... uh, it is my band. I never wanted Mike to be there anyway. I admit that he helped some in launching the band, but that’s past. Honestly, we need a more adult singer. And a real girl.”
Fritz elbowed John and said, “Someone who’s really sexy and with big boobs, man!” He laughed.
Mr. Winters sudden glare cut Fritz’ laugh short. Pointing at me, he said, “Michelle has tremendous potential for success as a solo artist. I’m not so sure the same can be said for you if you replace her.”
“I don’t see a problem...” John started to say.
Mr. Winters cut him off saying, “Have you even considered the business side of this decision?” John shrugged. Mr. Winters continued, “There’s a lot of promotional material we’ll have to redo. Do we scrap the sessions we’ve recorded for your next CD and re-record them with this new girl? This will cut into the studio’s bottom line and trust me; the execs won’t exactly be thrilled.”
“Details Mr. Winters,” said John. “Details. That’s what you’re here for.”
Mr. Winters shot John a withering glance that practically shouted “you insignificant little toad.” Instead, Mr. Winters calmly said, “I can’t stop you from replacing Michelle. I advise strongly against it, though.”
Scowling, John folded his arms and said, “Duly noted.”
Turning back towards his desk, Mr. Winters picked up what appeared to be a newspaper. He said, “You might want to read this article before making any lasting decisions.” He tossed John the paper.
John caught the paper and looked at the article that had a big circle drawn around it. After reading a few minutes, he passed the paper over to Mom. He said, “That’s just one guy’s opinion. And besides, he didn’t say April was bad.”
I took the paper from Mom’s hand and looked at the article. It was a review of the concert that I had missed.
John Gray’s Band held their first concert to a packed auditorium since releasing their self-titled CD last month. Disappointing many fans was the absence of the beautiful and talented Michelle Grayson, who couldn’t perform due to injuries from an accident earlier that day. A studio singer, April O’Conner took Ms. Grayson’s place for the concert.
The band played songs from their CD as well as covers of other bands’ recent top hits to a cheering crowd that filled the auditorium.
A few factors however, caused the concert to be less than what most fans expected. With the notable exception of Juan’s excellent performance on the drums which was mostly responsible for keeping the band together, the over-all performance was more reminiscent of your neighbor’s kid’s garage band than a group of professional musicians.
While there certainly was a lot of energy on the stage, and adequate vocals, that magic spark that you can sense on their CD was missing. And Gray’s obvious fawning over his substitute female vocal led to him tripping on the stage a few times and forgetting his own lyrics on more than one occasion.
And while O’Conner’s performance was competent, she lacked the stage presence and vocal strength to fill Michelle Grayson’s shoes.
* * *
The article went on for a few more paragraphs, but I stopped reading to listen to the heated conversation between John and Mr. Winters.
“... aware that O’Conner’s voice appears on many of my other clients CDs,” Mr. Winters sighed. “She’s an excellent background vocal.”
“She’ll work out!” John asserted. “She has everything we need to move forward as a band. She has talent, she’s beautiful, and she brings a sex appeal that Mike just can’t deliver.”
Mr. Winters chucked and said, “Odd then, that those posters of Michelle alone are selling faster than posters of the band as a whole. She has more references in teen magazines as well.”
Frowning John said, “I’ll grant you that Mike has a way of getting in the news, but you can’t build a career on sex scandals with movie stars.
“You know, Mr. Winters,”John continued, leaning forward in his chair and suddenly looking very earnest. “I’m really not comfortable seeing my brother dressed up as girl, hawking everything from lipstick to tampons. And he never even looked at guys before. This whole girl thing is messing up his mind. I’m trying to help him get back to normal.
“Don’t you know that he hates having to dress up as a girl? I’m ashamed to say I forced him to do so just so we could get a record deal, but he hated it and I made him do it.” John turned towards me and said, “I don’t know what I was thinking, Mike, but it’s my fault and I’m truly sorry. I’m just trying to help you get back to normal because I know how much you hate having to dress up like this.”
Bristling, I jumped up and shouted, “Bullshit! You never wanted me in the band! It was the other guys who begged you to let me join. And yes, at first, I hated having to dress like this. But I… but now I…” My anger slipped away as I looked over at Mom.
“But now, this is who I am.”I said quietly, looking intently at John. “There is no Mike any more. I’m Michelle. In fact…” I swallowed audibly. “In fact… I… um… I’m going to get a sex change.”
* * *
You could have heard a pin drop.
Everyone except Mr. Winters sat there with their mouths gaping open.
Mom looked at me and said hesitantly, “Honey, what are you saying?”
I sat back down and said, “We’ve discussed this before, Mom. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought lately.”
John seemed almost angry as he said, “Mike! That’s just crazy! We’ve been over this before! Just because you don’t have balls doesn’t mean you’re a girl! You just need to get away from here. Go back home, relax and get in touch with who you really are.”
“This is who I really am!”I shouted. More quietly I said, “I can never be fully one or the other, but I feel that as a girl I’m closer to being whole.”
As tears began to well up in my eyes I sat back down next to Mom. “Don’t you get it?” My whole body shook as I began to cry uncontrollably. “Don’t you understand? This is the first time in years I’ve actually been happy!” I buried my face in Mom’s blouse as I cried.
“I’m sorry,” said John. “But you don’t have to get a sex change, Mike! Mom, tell him! He can’t make that kind of decision!”
Mr. Winters said, “If not her, who can? She knows who she is, John and what she needs to do to be successful – better than you, apparently.”
John stood up suddenly and pointed a finger accusingly at Mr. Winters. “You! You put these ideas in his head! You see him as potential income, not as a person!”
Casually leaning back on his desk, Mr. Winters calmly said, “I see a talented young woman with great potential professionally as well as personally. Like I said, she understands what she needs to do to be a success. Do you?”
“Yes I do!” John asserted. “We need
a real female with real sex appeal. I really don’t want our fan base to be a bunch of thirteen year old girls and pedophiles.”
Folding his arms, Mr. Winters said, “Well, both those groups buy CDs. Have you not been reading any of the statements we’ve sent you? Your band appeals to a broad demographic. Older teens really like your sound and you’re also Mom approved. That’s rare and your sales figures show it. Without Michelle, you’ll probably lose the Mom vote which also costs you that thirteen year old girl market. Which is huge, by the way.”
John took a step towards Mr. Winters. With a hint of anger in his voice, he said, “I’m not changing my mind! April stays. And you’re not turning my little brother into a girl.”
Bowing his head slightly, Mr. Winters said, “As you wish, John. I think it’s a mistake, but we’ll see. Keep in mind that if this decision turns into a train wreck, I will sever our business relationship.”
John turned to leave the office. Fritz stood and started to leave, too.
Clinging to Mom, I cried, “John! Please don’t kick me out of the band! Please!”
Turning towards me John said, “Sorry Mike. I’ve made my decision and I’m sticking to it. And if I have any say, you’re not getting a sex change!”
Shaking I stood up and cried, “You don’t have a say! I’m a girl John! I’m a girl! You don’t care about me! You just don’t want more guilt because of what you did to me! Yes John. I’m a girl because of you.”
John started to say something, but instead, turned and walked out of the office with Fritz close behind. I collapsed back on the couch and cried as Mom held me close.
* * *
“No, sorry,” Mr. Winters shook his head, “you can’t have the surgery until you’re eighteen. But the shrink I’m going to send you to will be able to provide you with hormones. He’s very discreet and I don’t think he’s always inside the law, but he’s good and he can get you what you need and monitor you. In a few years, we’ll make a quiet trip to Thailand.”