by Nell Stark
Several fraught seconds passed. “I remember dancing with you.”
I dared to lightly brush my lips over hers. “Yes, we danced for a long time. I love being in your arms that way.”
Val was shaking her head. “I wanted you so badly, but I couldn’t have you. Why does it feel like I couldn’t have you?”
The anxiety in her voice tore at me. “I’m yours, love. I’ll always be yours. Now and forever.” I took a deep, steadying breath. “Can you remember a little further back? What brought you to the club last night?”
Val squinted down at the tangled sheets. “I was there because…because I needed to introduce Giselle to—” What little color had been in her cheeks abruptly disappeared, and I clutched her hand tightly.
“What just happened, sweetheart?” I asked, trying to keep my tone soothing. For a moment there, she had seemed to be back on the edge of unconsciousness. “You just got as pale as a ghost.”
She swallowed hard, looking everywhere but at me. “I turned Giselle,” she finally whispered. “She wanted it, and I…I think I might be sick.”
Even as my stomach tied itself into knots at the thought of Valentine deliberately turning anyone, I felt a glimmer of relief. She wouldn’t be contrite if she was still a full vampire, would she? I traced the veins that swirled beneath the back of her hand. “You’re okay. You’re going to be okay.”
She met my gaze, then, misery and confusion warring on her face. “How can you say that? You, of all people?”
“I’ll get some water,” Solana said, clearly wanting to give us time to talk privately.
As she left the room, I rose from the floor and sat next to Val on the bed. She propped herself up on the pillows and I rested my hand on her thigh, needing the contact. “Tell me what you’re thinking,” I said. “What you’re feeling. I can’t even begin to guess.”
She picked at a thread on the coverlet, her face a study in confusion. “I don’t know where to start. I have all these memories, but the emotions that go with them don’t fit. I transitioned, didn’t I? Why am I feeling this way?”
“You did become a full vampire,” I said, struggling not to betray the pain her question had caused me. Had I misinterpreted her answer last night? A knot of dread rose into my throat at the thought. “Last night, I brought you back. You have your soul again. I thought that’s what you wanted.”
Finally, Val raised her head. Her eyes looked like bruises, dark and anguished. “I never wanted to lose it in the first place. But I don’t know what to do with these feelings.”
Solana must have been able to hear us, because she took that as a cue to enter. After placing a tall glass of water on the nightstand, she rested her palm briefly on Val’s shoulder. “Your mind is more resilient than you think. Give yourself time to assimilate the past with the present.”
Val nodded warily but didn’t reply. She reached for the glass and drained it in a matter of seconds, but the tension didn’t ease from her face, and I knew the water hadn’t done much good. She didn’t need water; she needed more blood.
“I’ll be in the sitting room,” Solana said. She flashed me an encouraging smile before leaving us alone, and I took heart in her confidence. As she closed the door behind her, I leaned in to press gentle kisses to each corner of Val’s mouth. Her distraught expression was breaking my heart, and I wanted to do something that would reassure her.
“I want you to drink from me.”
“Why?” she whispered, even as thirst flared in her eyes. “Why do you want that? Do you have any idea what I’ve done?”
I shifted on the bed until I had one hand braced on either side of her waist, effectively trapping her. “I know enough. We’ll talk about all that later. Right now, I want to be close to you and I want for you to get well.”
When she still didn’t move, I cupped the back of her neck and pulled her in to the juncture of my neck and shoulder. “Taste me, Val. Please.”
With a muffled groan, she slid her teeth into me. At the jolt of pleasure-pain, I tugged at the short golden hairs beneath my fingers and she gasped against my skin. My desire for her only grew the longer she drank, but I forced myself to keep my touch platonic. We couldn’t make love until we had at least begun to clear the air between us. Tenderly, I stroked her shoulders and scalp, wanting her to feel the lack of recrimination in my touch.
She withdrew sooner than I would have liked, but she didn’t pull away. Instead, she kissed the tiny wounds until they closed, then blazed a path to my ear with her mouth. “Thank you,” she said, her breath tickling my sensitive lobe.
I tugged at her shirt collar until she put enough space between us for me to see her eyes. They were clearer now, but still sorrowful.
“I’m married,” she said suddenly. “To Sebastian.”
My stomach soured and I let my hands fall away. “Believe me, I know.”
“You saw the announcement?”
I nodded, deciding to hold off on telling her just how strongly it had affected me. Now was not the time to add to her guilt. Instead, I asked the question that had plagued me since reading that headline in the Times.
“Do you love him?”
Val shook her head like a dog shaking off water. “What? No! He came to me suggesting marriage as a business proposition. I did it to get my inheritance.”
“Did you have sex with him?”
My heart thudded painfully when Val looked away, taking a white-knuckled grip on the blanket. “Not the way you’re thinking.”
Rage tinged my vision red, and I watched my own hands tremble as I struggled to hold both it and my panther at bay. “What does that mean?”
Val blew out a long sigh, and I fought to remain patient. “I fucked him,” she said finally.
For a moment, surprise trumped my jealousy. “What?”
“He was the one who suggested the whole marriage thing, and he pitched it to me as a business proposal. But a few weeks after I went along with it, he started badgering me. For intimacy. I kept putting him off and putting him off until I got tired of listening to him whine.” She paused to scrub at her eyes with the heels of her palms. “So I gave him a choice between…ah, that way and nothing.”
My emotions were in turmoil. A part of me was still jealous, because even Val topping Sebastian—as unorthodox as it might have seemed—was still a violation of my claim on her. But I was also intrigued, and more than a little impressed. He must have been so angry. And yet…
“Did he like it?”
Shock again crossed her handsome features. “What? Alexa—”
“It’s a simple question, Val.”
She held my gaze this time, jaw clenching spasmodically. “He liked it, yes. And he hated it at the same time.”
“Do you want to stay married to him?”
“No!” She took my hands and cradled them in her own. “I don’t want anyone but you.”
Satisfied that she meant every word, I curled up along her side, tucking my head beneath her chin. When her arms came around me, I relaxed into her.
“Marrying Sebastian isn’t all I’ve done,” she said fretfully.
“I know. But I don’t want to hear any more just now. Let’s sleep for a while.”
“All right,” she whispered, daring to dip her hands beneath the hem of my sweater to caress the skin of my lower back. “All right.”
*
When I woke an hour later, Valentine was still sleeping soundly. It was a testament to her exhaustion that I was able to disentangle myself without waking her. I stepped into the bathroom to check my phone messages. Karma had texted asking for an update, and I typed out a quick answer before calling Olivia.
“Hi,” she said tentatively. “What’s up? How’s Val?”
“She’s having a bit of a hard time adjusting,” I said. “There’s a lot to discuss.”
“Anything I can do?”
“Actually, yes. She needs a divorce lawyer. A good one, equipped to handle large sums of money and who can wo
rk fast. Can you recommend anyone?”
If Olivia was surprised, she didn’t let on. “Of course. If I e-mail the names, will that be okay?”
“Perfect. Thank you, Liv. I owe you.”
After ending the call, I found Solana in the living room, sitting on the loveseat and reading. I collapsed into a nearby armchair.
“How is she?”
“Still confused. There’s a lot she still needs to work through, but she’s strong. We both are.”
“You both are.” She smiled ruefully. “The kind of love you share happens only once in a lifetime. Don’t let it slip away—especially not now.”
I wondered if she was thinking of Helen, and it suddenly struck me that I had never seen Solana feed. Perhaps she had found a willing human at the club last night. “How are you? Do you have everything you need?”
But before she could answer, Val entered the room wearing NYU sweats and a faded gray T-shirt. She looked soft and vulnerable, and it struck home that against all odds, I had gotten her back. This was my Valentine—the one who was sweet as well as sexy, rumpled as well as rapacious.
When she saw me, relief softened her features. Somehow, I was going to have to convince her that I was not going to leave—no matter what she told me next.
“Hi,” she said, looking around uncertainly. “Ah. Can I offer anyone a drink?”
I rose from the chair and went to her, resting my hand on her sternum as I leaned up to kiss her. “It’s a little early for a drink, unless you want to make mimosas.”
As I spoke, Solana got to her feet and went to the window. The room brightened only infinitesimally as she drew back the curtains to a reveal dark clouds above the cityscape. An unrealized tightness eased in my chest as the sky was unveiled and my panther purred in approval.
“I have no idea what time it is,” Val was saying. “The bank must be frantic by now.”
“Do you need to go in?”
She kissed my forehead before stepping away to grab her laptop from the counter. “Let me just check my inbox. I’ll go in later.” She sat on the vacated couch. “Will you come with me? I’d like to show it to you.”
“I’d like to see it.”
I joined Solana at the window, where she was examining the impressive view. Val had a clear line of sight from the Empire State Building to the spires of Wall Street—a breathtaking panorama of steel and sky.
“I can’t thank you enough,” I told Solana quietly. “Your generosity made this possible.”
She smiled. “I’m only paying forward the generosity that was shown to me so many years ago.”
We stood in silence for a few more moments, watching the clouds swirl over the rooftops of Manhattan. They seemed to be breaking up. Slim shafts of sunlight fell at various points throughout the city, as though heaven was shining down a spotlight.
“Have you considered going to see Helen?” I asked. I didn’t want to pry, but I also didn’t want her to feel as though she had to stay here with us.
“I have.” For once, she seemed uncertain, casting a sidelong glance at me as if unsure of how much she should say. “Truthfully, I’m concerned she might not want to see me.”
“How do you know her?” Val asked. She had closed her laptop and was looking at us curiously.
“We were lovers briefly at the turn of the twentieth century,” said Solana. “In Argentina, where she was consolidating power at the time.”
Val didn’t outwardly react, but I could tell she was surprised. “I agree with Alexa,” she said. “Helen is under a great deal of stress at the moment, and she needs every ally she can get. You should go to her.”
Solana’s expression turned wistful. “Perhaps.”
At that moment, the clouds broke above us, and a wide swath of sunshine streamed into the room. Val’s face registered horror as she instinctively raised her arm against the light. Even across the room, I could hear the thunder of her panicked heartbeat. In another second, I was at her side, triumph singing through my veins even as I tried to comfort her. She wasn’t burning. The flower had fully worked its miraculous transformation.
“You’re okay, sweetheart. Remember?” I stroked her arm, then gently pushed it away from her eyes. “The sun won’t hurt you now.”
Gradually, her pulse slowed and the harsh gasps of her breaths quieted. Wonder replaced the fear on her face. She grasped my hand tightly, then stood and led me back to the window.
“God,” she breathed, closing her eyes and turning her face fully into the light. “I hadn’t realized just how much I missed it.”
I slid my arms around her and rested my head over her heart. “Welcome back, love.”
We stood there for several minutes, simply appreciating the warmth and the brightness, until Solana turned away. “I’ll do it,” she said, and I wondered if watching Val’s return to the light had somehow inspired her. “Right now. I’ll go to see her.”
“If you need any help getting access to her, call us,” Val said as Solana collected her belongings, and I felt a small thrill at her use of the plural pronoun.
“I will. But I think, despite the dire situation, that she will see me once she hears my name.” We followed her into the foyer, where she paused to inspect her reflection. “You see, she still believes me to be dead.”
“I wouldn’t mind being a fly on that wall,” said Val as we returned to the living room. “Do you know her story?”
She propped herself against the armrest of the couch and I settled between her legs with her arms around me. It was such a familiar configuration for us, but I knew I’d never take it for granted. When I turned to meet her eyes, I could tell she was thinking the same thing.
“You feel so good,” I admitted. “There were times when I lost hope of ever having you back.”
“I’m right here. Thanks to you.” She stroked my stomach and kissed the top of my head. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough. You saved me again, baby.”
“Solana played a significant role,” I said, launching into the story of our trip to South America. By the time I had finished, Val and I were stretched out on our sides facing each other and she was looking at me incredulously.
“How long do the effects of the flower last?”
I stroked her face lightly, craving the physical contact with her. “No one knows. Up until now, Solana has eaten the roots monthly. She’s not sure what will happen to her now that she’s skipped a month.”
“And I didn’t eat the roots at all,” Val mused. “Both of us need answers, and soon. I’ll go to Headquarters and run some blood tests to see if I can figure out what’s going on.”
“Right now?” I tried to keep the dismay out of my voice. I didn’t want to move. Ever.
Val laughed. “No way. I’m not letting you up.”
I nipped at her chin. “Oh? You think you’re in charge, here?” I wriggled closer and slipped one leg between hers. “You know, we’re finally alone now.”
But instead of inspiring a kiss as I’d hoped, my words made her look away, over my shoulder. I swallowed down a surge of dread.
“What is it?”
“Something else I need to tell you.” She rubbed a strand of my hair between her thumb and forefinger. “Over the past few months, I’ve turned three people.”
“Who else besides Kyle and Giselle?”
“Tonya. She worked in the Consortium’s medical wing.”
Her confession rattled me more than I would have liked. I closed my eyes briefly, as though I could somehow escape the visions of her drinking from them. Touching them. “Did you sleep with them, too?”
“Not with Kyle. But I…with the women, yes.”
“You made them come?” I asked, unable to keep the harshness from my voice.
“Yes.”
“Did they make you come?”
“No. I didn’t let them touch me. That’s not what turning them was about.”
I sat up, and when she tentatively rested her hand on my shoulder, I stood.
“I need a minute.”
Sensing my discomfort, the panther had become agitated. I went to the window and rested my palms against the sill, watching the wind drive the clouds across the sky. Her news didn’t come as a surprise, but hearing my suspicions confirmed was a blow nonetheless. I hurt, and I didn’t know how to stop.
“Alexa,” she called softly. When I turned, I found her curled into corner of the couch, arms encircling her knees. “Talk to me.”
“I know I have to accept that you…what you did,” I said, fumbling for the right words. “But I can’t help but feel betrayed, even though it’s irrational.”
Val looked stricken, and silence reigned between us until she visibly pulled herself together. “I’m only going to say this once,” she said, “because otherwise I’ll never say anything else. I’m sorry for all the ways in which I hurt you over the past few months. Most of all, I’m sorry that I ever turned to anyone else for my needs. You’re the one I really need. The only one. You always have been.”
The earnestness in her voice and the determination that suffused her face made it impossible for me to stay away any longer. I returned to the couch and held out my hand, wanting nothing more than to move past this moment.
“I’ll do everything in my power to make sure I never hurt you like that again,” she said as she slid her palm against mine. “You’ll never, ever have to doubt how much I love you. How much I need you.”
I didn’t reply, only tugged at her hand. When she stood, I led her back into the bedroom. Jealousy still roiled in my chest, stoking my desire to claim her. I pointed to the bed.
“Sit down.”
Her unquestioning obedience ratcheted up my pulse. Feet dangling, her chiseled arms braced against the mattress, she awaited my next command with a painfully eager expression.
“No touching,” I said as I approached, before proceeding to divest her of the T-shirt and sweats.
“Please,” she said once she was naked, “let me undress you.”
“I said no touching.” I pulled off my shirt and slid out of my jeans, revealing a simple black bra and matching panties.
“So beautiful,” Val whispered.