by Dean Murray
"I left the arena because I was having a hard time being down there in the same place where I'd killed Nicolas and the others."
"I don't understand. You didn't have any other choice. Trust me when I say that everyone you killed today had it coming."
I nodded. "I know, but it wasn't just that I killed them, it was how I killed them. Draining someone like that is euphoric, and being full of all that energy made me feel unstoppable. I want to do it again and again, even though I know that it's wrong. Right now I want to find the Coun'hij and kill them and their enforcers until the corpses are piled up taller than this house."
"They all have it coming too, Isaac."
"I know that, but that wouldn't be the reason I'd be doing it. I'd be doing it because their being evil gives me a convenient excuse for doing what I already want to do. But then what? What do I do when all of the bad guys are dead and I'm still craving the high I get now from killing?"
I could see the understanding dawning on her face and I couldn't bring myself to look at her.
"I know I'm asking a lot, Celeste, but I really need someone around who can treat me like a normal person. I need someone to keep me grounded and make sure that I don't forget why I came here in the first place."
"Why did you come here, Isaac? Did you know this was going to happen?"
"No, I had no idea. I thought I was going to die at Onyx's hands."
"Why then? You could have let me come back here by myself, there was no need for you to die."
I still couldn't look at her.
"I couldn't stand the thought of you coming back here and being tortured, Celeste. It wasn't right, you didn't deserve that. I thought maybe if I put on a good show that it might make Onyx think twice about hurting you. Originally I was hoping that Alec could just fly down and kill him for us, but there's something wrong there and by the time we left the enclave I knew he wasn't going to be coming."
"That is what you get for trusting a Graves!"
"No, he would have come if he could have. I shouldn't tell you this, it would cause the rebellion major problems if it got out, but I need one person that I can be completely honest with. There's something wrong with Alec. I don't know what it is, but he's sick or something. He needs to be seen out in the trenches soon or everything will start falling apart."
Celeste reached out and patted me hesitantly on the shoulder. It wasn't how things used to be, but it was a start. Maybe things could never go back to how they'd been, but that simple touch gave me hope that maybe they could.
"Isaac, the rebellion has you now. If Alec needs some time to get his head back in the game, then you can give him that time. You may not be quite as powerful as he is, but you're still a major power in our world now. Knowing that you will be fighting beside them will make wolves and hybrids flock to Alec's banner who otherwise would try to sit this war out."
She was right, and knowing that made me feel less like a monster.
"That's why I need you by my side, Celeste. You know what I need to hear. You see the other side of things—the side that I need to consider if I'm going to stop myself from going back to being the guy I used to be, the one who thinks that I don't have any choices in anything. I need you to stay with me and bring me down a couple pegs from time to time like you used to do back in the enclave."
"I'm not sure I can do that, Isaac."
My world had been balancing on the blade of a knife and now I felt it start to come crashing down. I stood to go, but she grabbed onto me with the same desperate strength that she'd shown right before we'd left the enclave. It was a small thing, but I grabbed onto those memories with both hands and held my breath.
"I can't do that because I'm not that same person, Isaac. To be honest, I stopped being that person from almost the first time I met you. I tried to deny it, tried to tell myself that you were weak, but every time I turned around you proved me wrong.
"You say that you haven't been willing to accept enough responsibility, that you haven't always been willing to do what needed to be done, but I had the other problem. I was willing to accept any evil in the name of expediency. I was willing to do anything to save my people and only sheer dumb luck saved me from doing something even worse than the things that I did end up doing.
"I've been in love with you for weeks now. I'm sorry that I was willing to sacrifice your friends and the future of the rebellion to try and save my family, but until I met you I didn't realize that there was any kind of higher cause than protecting what was mine.
"I understand if you can't bring yourself to forgive me. I can't ask for your forgiveness, not after all you've done for me and my people out of nothing more than your inherent goodness, but I hope that someday I'll be able to earn it regardless."
I was so stunned that I couldn't find the right words to respond, and Celeste took my silence to mean the worst.
"I'm sorry that I burdened you with my feelings after everything you've been through today, but I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I'd left this room without telling you how I really feel. It seemed like we came so close there at the enclave, but there was still always some kind of wall between us."
She let go of my arm and turned to go, but I reached out and stopped her before she could take a second step.
"The wall was the fact that you'd said you were going to ask the queen for a way to save your people instead of a way to save Kristin and end this war. I couldn't bring myself to fully trust someone who would use me like that when I was putting my life on the line to get us the chance to ask that question."
I could hear the tears in her voice as she responded.
"I'm sorry about that, Isaac. I wish I could have done things differently, but I didn't."
"That's just the point though, Celeste. You did do things differently. When we finally got a chance to talk to the queen you asked our question rather than how to save your people. Regardless of what you said, your actions were all that I could have hoped for.
"I've been in love with you for weeks too. I'm sorry that I couldn't just come right out and tell you what was making me hold back, but I felt like if I did that then you'd only be doing the right thing because it was what I wanted."
She turned to look at me and there were tears in her eyes, but they'd transformed into tears of happiness. I stepped closer and raised her chin up as I bent down to meet her.
The feeling as our lips met was incredible in ways that I'd never before experienced. It was more than just the feeling of her taut waist under my hands or how soft her lips were as they brushed against mine. It was more than just gorgeous blond hair or perfect skin. It wasn't because we'd survived a close brush with death, although that added a certain euphoria to the experience.
It was a double measure of gratification that had been delayed until the timing was perfect. It was shared trials and being part of a relationship where we'd already helped each other become more and better than we'd been before we'd met.
It was about being with someone who had been through terrible things and used them to grow stronger, who'd made those terrible things part of her strength rather than just papering over the hole inside of herself.
As much as I'd loved Jess, I knew that what I'd had with her was a pale shadow of what I already had with Celeste.
—The Story Continues in Marked—
Curious how all of the pieces of the Reflection Universe fit together? Check out the Reflections Reading Order Diagram on my blog.
Publisher's Note:
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Author's Note:
Writing the author's note to any given book is generally one of the last things I do b
efore loading the book up for preorder. In a way that's good because it means that by the time I sit down to write the author's note I've had a few months to distance myself from the writing process. It means I can look back on the book with a little more clarity than I'd be able to otherwise.
Lost was an incredibly challenging book. For the first time ever I was juggling three separate timelines. I had to make sure that what was happening to Isaac matched up with the story from Driven and the nebulous events from the Reflections book that would be following Lost.
Not only that, the introduction of the lamias required I defined a lot more of the history of the world I've been writing about. To be honest there are times in most books where I am really tempted to throw in the towel and go back to an accounting job, but that urge was at least ten times worse with Lost than it had ever been with any previous book.
It's fortunate that when I have those kinds of decision points that I have an amazing support system to rely on. When everything hung in the balance I knew that there were lots of readers out there eagerly awaiting the next installment in the Sanctuary Pack's story.
If you're reading this then you're part of my most dedicated readers. You're one of the amazing fans that have followed me through an epic story that has spanned more than 1.1 million words so far. You are part of the select group that I write for. Your reviews and your efforts to spread the word about my writing mean more than you can ever know. I hope you'll continue to tell your friends and family about the Reflections and Dark Reflections books so that I can continue to write them.
Thank you all!
Dean
Acknowledgments:
As always, I'd like to thank the group that helps make all of this possible. My editors, RJ Locksley and Amy Jirsa-Smith continue to work very hard to catch all of the typos and occasional plot holes. Likewise, my advance readers continue to serve as valuable sources of feedback and a very important safety net that I couldn't do without. In no particular order they are: Mom, Dad, Shalese, Matthew, Lachele, Mark, Mimi, Britney, Kim, Heather, Janelle, Jenine, and Mei. Thank you all for all of your help and support.
Even with all of the help from all of those other people, these books still couldn't become a reality without the help of my wife, Katie. She edits, provides feedback, and creates beautiful covers while still being an excellent mother to our two beautiful daughters. Thank you, Katie!
About the Author:
Dean Murray is a prolific author with more than 25 titles across multiple pen names and more than 400,000 copies of his work currently in circulation.
Dean started reading seriously in the second grade due to a competition and has spent most of the subsequent three decades lost in other people's worlds.
Things worsened, or improved depending on your point of view, when he first started experimenting with writing while finishing up his accounting degree. These days Dean has a wonderful wife and two lovely daughters to keep him rather more grounded, but the idea of bringing others along with him as he meets interesting new people in universes nobody else has ever seen tends to drag him back to his computer on a fairly regular basis.
Keep up to speed on Dean's latest projects at deanwrites.com. If you want to interact with readers who love the series as much as you do, please consider checking out the Reflections Facebook page or Dean's Forum.
The image used in the creation of the cover for this book is copyrighted by Kylee Ann Photography (www.kyleeann.com) and is used with permission.
Other Books by Dean Murray
The Greater Darkness
(Writing as Eldon Murphy)
Something powerful is stirring in the darkness. Something so ancient that even creatures who've been alive for hundreds of years have long since discounted this new threat as nothing more than myth.
Normal humans will be caught in the crossfire, but then that's always the way of things. Geoffrey has no memory of his past life or any idea how to survive in the violent, dangerous world in which he's trapped. Despite his best efforts, he's about to find himself in the middle of a conflict that threatens to sweep away everything, and everyone he's been fighting so hard to protect.
Bound
The only thing worse than having no family at all, is having a family that is out to hurt you. That would all be bad enough for a normal 17-year-old, but it's even worse for Alec Graves. A shape shifter's pack, his family, is the only thing stopping the other preternatural creatures out there from killing them.
Alec's pack isn't just neglectful, he's pretty sure that his father wants him dead. Alec is about to be sent to the front lines of a war between his people and everything else that goes bump in the night. His only chance of survival is to convince everyone around him that he's the perfect soldier, but there are lines that Alec won't cross, not for any price.
Publisher's Note: Dean Murray's ongoing Reflection Series has been a stunning success with hundreds of thousands of copies in circulation, and a rich, complex world where choices—right or wrong—have real, profound consequences. Unsatisfied with the restrictions imposed on him by writing inside of the conventional series structure, Dean has returned to Sanctuary and the characters so many fans have fallen in love with.
Bound is the first in Dean's new Dark Reflections novels, an alternate timeline set in the same world and featuring many of the same characters, but with a profoundly different backstory.
Dean finally answers many of the questions that his most dedicated readers have been asking themselves for years. What would have happened if Alec's father hadn't been murdered by the Coun'hij, how would Adri's life have changed if her family hadn't been shattered in a horrific accident?
The answers may surprise you, but one thing is for sure; you'll see new sides of familiar faces and when all is said and done, you'll never be able to look at some of them the same.
Readers new to Dean Murray's writing can start with Bound in the Dark Reflections Series or Broken in the Reflections Series.
Frozen Prospects
The invitation to join the secretive Guadel should have been the fulfillment of dreams Va'del didn't even realize he had. When his sponsors are killed in an ambush a short time later, he instead finds his probationary status revoked, and becomes a pawn between various factions inside the Guadel ruling body.
Jain's never known any life but that of a Guadel in training. She'd thought herself reconciled to the idea of a loveless marriage for the good of her people, but meeting Va'del changes everything. Their growing attraction flies against hundreds of years of precedent, but as wide-spread attacks threaten their world, the Guadel have no choice but to use even Jain and Va'del in their fight for survival.
CHET: Whispers From the Past
By Larry Murray
Meet Charles Tucker, he has spent nearly 30 years living in denial, trying desperately to hide from his past and the events that shattered his heart beyond any possibility of healing. He can't let anyone close, for doing so would open him up to being hurt again, and there's no way he could survive another wounding.
Meet the Saunders family, new to the neighborhood and teetering on the verge of bankruptcy. Mark, the father, talks a good story but is that all he is? His plan could hold the key to reversing his family's financial misfortunes, or it could wipe out everyone involved.
Meet Chet, a battered old '64 Chevy pickup that was there on the night Charles' life imploded. For nearly three decades, he has been locked away in an old barn, safely out of sight if not completely out of mind. For 29 years Charles has blamed the old pickup for the destruction of his life, now he's about to find that the vehicle that destroyed his life might be the key to his healing and a journey of unexpected miracles.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
> Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Other Books by Dean Murray