I mean, I know I’m normally a little under the weather after a heavy night, but I think everyone is. Today, I just feel like there’s a dam waiting to burst and I haven’t cried since...I close my eyes trying to push the feeling away, and take a few deep breaths.
“You’re a hard one to work out Coral.” Tristan murmurs.
“Back at you,” I whisper, keeping my eyes closed. This is crazy!
I need to start avoiding him as much as possible, create an impenetrable thick glass wall between us. Be smart, and not get more involved than I already am. Maybe even get another job? Then I think about never seeing him again and I’m suddenly overtaken with a feeling of despair.
I’m having a really hard time ignoring how I’m feeling for him. A fleeting thought passes through my mind of just going for it and sleeping with him, then I remember what my last sexual experience was like.
I shiver internally.I haven’t been with a man since....
“Come back to me Coral,” he whispers against my ear, bringing me out of my reverie.
I open my eyes and stand there like a statue, staring up into his warm chocolate eyes. I can see now that I’m so close to him that he has tiny flecks of hazel in his eyes, and the blazing sun is making all his natural highlights shine brightly, burnt copper and a hint of reddish brown. I can’t decide which one I like best?
“Come on, let’s get you home.” Tristan says.
Home – It’s a strange word. What does it really imply? Is it the people that you love, a house, your hometown? Or is it a feeling? A sense of safety, belonging?I’ve never really known where home is, that is until now – I quickly push the thought aside and nod at Tristan, he puts his arm around my waist and we head back to the car.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
STUART DRIVES AWAY FROM THE RESTAURANT AND we head back to Brighton. I relax into the coolness of the leather seats.
“Are you going to tell me what you said to her?” I ask nicely.
Tristan turns to me and grins.“I told her that you’re a food and restaurant critique, and I was simply a friend joining you for lunch. And that I would try my very best to get you to change your mind about the awful review you were going to put up, simply because the waiter was rude and flirtatious.” He grins even wider, his dimples deepening.
I shake my head at him and start chuckling.“What did she say?” I ask.
“The meal was free, and that she would be having words with the waiter.” Tristan smiles back at me.
“That’s so cool,” I laugh. “What a great story to come up with. I may have to use that one in future.”
“You don’t like it when you don’t get your own way, do you?” He asks.
My face falls. “It’s not that, I just don’t like things being kept from me. I don’t like secrets.”
“It wasn’t a secret,” he argues.
“I know…I just wanted you to tell me.” I offer by way of explanation. “I’m sorry I walked out on you,” I add.
“Don’t be.” He answers.
“What are you doing for the rest of the day?” I ask casually. But what I really want to know is who he’ll be with?
“Working,” he tells me.
“You’re going back to the office?”
“No, the hotel.”
“Oh…is it nice?” I ask. Hoping he’ll tell me what hotel he’s staying in.
“Yes, I suppose it is,” he smirks at me, his eyebrows raised - Of course it’s nice Coral!
I try to think of the best hotel in Brighton. I wonder if it is that one?
“You wouldn’t be staying at The Hilton by any chance?” I ask dryly.
“Yes.” I raise my eyebrows in astonishment, I am right! And it is really nice; Debs had her wedding there.
“It’s a nice hotel.” I agree.
“You’ve been in there?” He asks a little confused.
“My step-sister had her wedding there, it was really lovely. The whole day was great, the food, the staff, and Debs said the Wedding suite was gorgeous.” I look across at Tristan. “Oh...let me guess you’re staying in a suite aren’t you?”
“Yes.” He sighs.
“Which one?” I giggle.
“The best one.” He shrugs.
“Really?” Oh to live in luxury!
“Yes, the double Hilton.” He sounds bored.
“Is that the top suite?” I ask teasing him.
“Yes.” He sighs again.
“If you don’t like hotels, why did you bother getting the best room?”
“I always book the best suite.” He answers bitterly. Ouch!
“Sorry.” I whisper.
“Let’s get you home,” he says. And for some reason I know the conversation has ended for now, so I turn and look out of the window, feeling broody and confused.
We sit in silence for about ten minutes, when I suddenly realise what Tristan meant, ‘let’s get you home’– Shit, he’s taking me back to the Marina!
“Aren’t you going to ask me where I live?” I mutter to break the silence, knowing full well we are nearly there.
Tristan silently shakes his head at me. God damn it! He knows where I live!
I remain silent for the rest of the journey…
WHEN STUART PULLS UP OUTSIDE THE GYM, I quickly unclip my seat belt, and I’m about to pull the door handle when Tristan’s hand covers mine, sending tingles all the way up my arm.
“Let me,” he mutters, and then jumps out.
I watch him walk around the car and open my door for me, helping me out with his hand again. He shrugs out of his jacket, and leaning into Stuart he hands it to him, then he takes off his tie and hands him that too, muttering something as he does.
I watch in panic as Stuart pulls away, leaving me with Tristan who has taken his cufflinks off and is rolling up his sleeves.
“Aren’t you going with him?” I ask breathlessly.
“No.”
“Why not?” I question.
“I’d like to walk you home,” he says, unaffected by my brooding.
“Tristan, I’ve been living here for two years. I’m fine, this place is safe; I feel safe here.” I say defiantly.
“Still.” He shrugs unapologetically.
“No!” I bark and step away from him.
“You don’t want me to walk you home?” I shake my head at him. I don’t want him to see where I live, I know it would seem ridiculously small to him.
Tristan moves closer to me again.“I know you live in one of those floating studios Coral’ – “How?” I snap taking another step back.
Tristan backs off with his hands in the air.“Joyce told me,” he states truthfully. “I wasn’t sneaking around asking Coral. I’m not some crazy weird stalker, although I could easily get your personal details from H.R.” He adds.
I sigh heavily, of course he could, but he didn’t. Then I think he will soon have access to every member of staff’s personal file, so it’s inevitable that he’s going to know where it is, eventually!
“Why did Joyce tell you?” I ask feeling a little betrayed that she must have been discussing me with Tristan.
“You came up at dinner last night. Joyce was saying that, well...that you haven’t had it easy, and that you’ve pulled through really well. She was saying that she’s really proud of you, and pleased that you finally got on the property market.”
I feel sick. Susannah was dinning with them last night.
“As you know I’m looking to buy, so out of interest I asked where you were...what?” He asks seeing the look on my face.
“Joyce was discussing my private life in front of Susannah?” I squeak, feeling mortified.
“Good god no!” Tristan pulls me into him, crushing me to his body and kissing the top of my head. “Susannah had the meal then went back to her hotel room, Joyce and I stayed on.”
He pulls back and lifts my chin so I have to look up at him.Oh crap!Please don’t kiss me; I don’t think I’ll stop if you do!
“Coral don’
t you know? Joyce would never divulge personal information about you to just anyone. She knows I need to be filled in about the staff, you came up.” He says softly.
I nod feeling a little better, but I need to get out of his arms, his lovely strong arms.
“Ok, it’s hot,” I say struggling out of his arms. I smile tentatively at him, then march away. “Are you coming?” I shout not looking back.Tristan is next to me again in no time at all.“I’m sorry about lunch.” I say still feeling guilty.
“There’s no need’ – “Yes there is. It’s something about me that you’re going to have to get used to Tristan, as your future P.A. I do something on the fly, without really thinking it through, then I mentally castigate myself for it, the guilt trips are well...” I wave my hand in the air and laugh sarcastically at myself.
“I was the one to blame there.” He argues.
“Doesn’t matter who’s to blame, point is I would never forgive someone for throwing a wobbly and storming out of a restaurant on me. I’m surprised you’re still talking to me, and that I still have a job. When people are nice to me after doing something bad I...I don’t understand it, I don’t get why they don’t just tell me to fuck off out of their lives.”
As we reach the steps to the concourse, I stop and look up at him.“I really did mean it Tristan, I’m way beyond complicated. I’m a complete fuck-up, and you’re a fool to want anything to do with me.”I march on down the steps leaving Tristan standing there with a look of shock spread across his face.
He catches up to me again, pushing his hands into his pockets.“It is lovely here,” he says sounding genuine, not commenting at all about my little outburst. “Do you like boats Coral?”
I turn and smile up at him.“I don’t just like them, I love them.” I answer.
“What kind do you like?” He asks.
I shrug, unsure.“All of them, I guess – I’ve never really thought about it, can't afford one so...” I drift off again.
“You’ve never been on one?” He asks.
“No.” I sigh.
“Not even a dingy?” He chuckles.
“No.” I try not to smile. “Why?”
“Just curious,” he says shrugging his shoulders. “So, you don't know if you’d like say...a wooden schooner, a catamaran or a modern yacht?”
I stop walking and stare up at him.“No I don't. Why are you asking?” I'm already suspicious.Tristan shrugs again. I narrow my eyes at him.“Do you like boats?” I ask.
“Yes.” His tone is clipped.
“What kind do you like?”
“Yachts.” Figures! He’s rich, he can afford one!
“Let me guess, a big ass luxury one?” I question sarcastically.
“That’s not a bad idea,” he says, stroking his chin. He’s laughing at me.
“Tristan!” I scold.
He smiles a slow, sexy smile at me.“If you like boats so much why haven’t you taken a sailing course or something?” He questions.
My mouth pops open, he has no idea.“Tristan, do you have any idea how expensive it is?” I say my hands on my hips.
“No, do you?”
“Yes.”
“How much?” he asks, his smile still visible – Ok, I'm getting wound up again.
“Half my monthly wage for one day out, I'm sure you know how much I earn, so work it out for yourself.” I huff and walk off. Oh, I'm mad at him!
He thinks this is funny, well it’s not – He has no idea how fucking crushing it is to have something that you really want to do, that sits in front of you every day, but can't afford to do it – Rich bastard!
Reaching my patio door, I unlock it and walk inside. I’m instantly bowled over by the heat. I march straight over to the bathroom, and yank open the window.
Tristan follows me in, casually looking over the place, his cheeks start to pink and I wonder if he’s going to pass out, he looks really hot.
It feels very strange having him in here, I want to tell him to go, that I got back safely so he’ll leave, but I feel like I should refresh him with something...?
“Come outside,” I say. “Its cooler on the sun-deck,” I add.
Walking back outside I see Bob, he’s leaning back in his chair with his sunglasses on. I can't tell if he’s sleeping, and I can't believe I missed him when I got here – My brain is definitely not working properly.
“Know you’re there,” he shouts making me jump just as Tristan joins us.
“Bob, meet Tristan.” I chuckle. Tristan wonders over and they shake hands.“Anyone for lemonade?” Bob loves Gladys’s homemade lemonade. “It’s homemade,” I tell Tristan, he nods in approval.I walk back inside feeling instantly zapped from the heat, get three tall glasses from the cupboard, add lots of ice from my tiny freezer, then top them up with lemonade.
Taking my wedges off, I quickly pad back outside and hand the drinks out. Bob drinks his down in one go and hands me back the glass, I put it on the little table next to him.Within a couple of minutes, Bob is softly snoring.Guess I’ll be asking him to Lily’s party later then.
“Excuse me a moment.” Tristan gently touches my arm and walks back into my studio.
I watch him pull his mobile out of his pocket and make a call. I can't help wondering what that’s all about? I lean on the railing and stare out at the boats. I’m so lost in thought that Tristan makes me jump when he rejoins me.
“Jesus Coral, it’s like an oven in there,” he says, dabbing his top lip and his brow with his hand, then he leans against the railing, his body mimicking mine.
“Well, I’m not normally home till late, and by then it’s really cooled down – and I have my electric fans.” I add, although I’ll probably spend the afternoon in the pool at the gym; it’s too hot to stay indoors.
“Like that’ll make much off a difference.” He answers dryly.
I laugh and look out over the water - there are so many boats out today.I’m jealous!
“So why boats?” Tristan softly asks.
I shake my head not wanting to tell him.
“Is it that they can give you adventure, travelling to different places?” He asks.
“That’s a huge bonus.” I reply.
“What then, escapism?” My eyes widen. How is he doing that? Hitting the nail on the head all the time. He’s starting to make me feel like I’m easy to read.
“That’s it.” He says, grinning triumphantly.
I nod solemnly.
His face falls, turning away from me he looks out at the boats bobbing on the water. “Must have been pretty bad for you to want to escape Coral,” he adds darkly.
“You know why I bought this place?” I say. Tristan turns and looks down at me.“When I first came here’ – I take a deep breath – ‘to Brighton I mean, Gladys used to take me to all these different places, the beach, the parks, the pier, it didn’t matter what she did, I was...uncontrollable. Then one day she brings me here, I remember it clearly. We sat right over there’ I point to the wall ‘and sat eating ice-cream, three ice-creams actually. We were here so long. Gladys was astonished, it was the only place I was calm and still, and as far as she knew...happy.”
I shake my head remembering how I used to be.
“So after that first day, we came back every day, no matter what the weather.” I can't help chuckling at myself. “I think more so that Gladys could get some peace and quiet for the day, but the more she did it, the better I got. I think it’s because I had my place to escape to, I would get lost in thought imagining I was on one of those boats, sailing to distant islands having an adventure. It still feels like that to me...” I drift off.
Tristan nods once, staring down at me with those captivating eyes of his. He puts his arm around my shoulder and squeezes me tight. Then leaning in, he softly kisses my temple.
I melt, that was so sweet!
“I don’t want to leave you,” he murmurs.
I grin widely at him.“Have you been listening to a word I’ve said?” I tease, bumping his
shoulder, trying to ease the magnetic pull I can feel resonating from him.
“I have to go back to Leeds tomorrow, it’s going to seem so dull compared to this place.”
I chuckle loudly. “Yep...Brighton certainly has charisma!”
“I wasn’t thinking about Brighton,” he says gazing affectionately at me.
“Tristan,” I admonish softly, and try to pull my gaze away, but it’s just so difficult.
He’s looking at me that way again, as though I’m the air that he breathes, so I give in. I close my eyes and rest my head on his broad shoulder. I really don’t understand why this feels so...so, right?
I’ve never felt this safe with a heterosexual male before, not even Justin, took me weeks and weeks before I even kissed him, and I know nobody really liked him.
Gladys didn’t trust him at all, even told me so ‘he’s not to be trusted that one, be careful Coral’ in fact, I would go so far as to say she secretly hated him, of course she was right.
I push the memory away, I don’t want to think about him, not while I have Tristan here with me, for some reason it seems insulting to do so.
A fleeting thought enters my mind – I know Gladys would really like Tristan, and approve of him. I huddle even closer to him feeling safe and peaceful, knowing somehow, that he’s completely and utterly who he is.
There’s no mask hiding any monsters, he’s honest and up front.
God, I must be confusing him so much by now…I think through the day we’ve had, the truths, the disputes, yet he’s still here, he hasn’t run for the trees, even though my behaviour has been pretty despicable.
I’m reminded of my rudeness towards him on Monday night, which reminds me…
“Were you following me Monday night?” I ask opening my eyes to gauge his reaction.
Tristan shakes his head slightly.“No, I was headed to the gym.”
We gaze at each other for a moment I really like the fact he loves swimming as much as I do.
“For a swim,” he spookily adds. “I wanted to offer you the courtesy of a lift.” He smiles.
“But you didn’t know where I lived then?” I say surprised.
Tristan shrugs. “Wouldn’t have mattered, I’d have still driven you wherever you needed to be. It would have given me peace of mind to know you were safely there.”
Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him Page 16