Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  “Yeah...I think you did.” I can hear he sounds concerned.

  “Maybe I bashed it on your erection.” I chuckle to lighten the mood.

  “Shit!” He hisses. I chuckle even harder and open my eyes. Tristan looks mortified, I stop laughing. “Tristan, it was a joke.” I admonish.

  “It was just a kiss, I should have had more control,” he barks, condemning himself.

  “Er...no you shouldn’t, I think we can safely say that was definitely more than a kiss.” I’m really trying not to laugh. I grab hold of his t-shirt and pull him down to me, then kiss him on the lips. “That was just a kiss,” I titter. “There was a bit of a difference, don’t you think?”

  Finally he relents, his shoulders relax, his eyes crinkle at the corners and his lips twitch trying to hide the smile. “Admit it, that was a funny joke,” I giggle.

  Tristan finally chuckles too.“Very funny,” he chortles leaning his body against mine and kissing me gently on the lips again. “Sorry, freaked out there for a second. I just don’t want you to think you have to, or that that’s all I’m after, or’ – “Tristan shut up,” I chuckle. “You couldn’t be more gentlemanly if you tried, that was passion, it happens.” I say, my eyebrows raised in amusement.

  “Well no more for now,” he tells me. “I don’t want you in pain,” he adds authoritatively.

  “Me neither,” I agree my nose pounding again.

  “Right then, movie it is.” Tristan stands and switches the music off, just as Ruby Turner starts singing Stay With Me Baby.

  I pick up the controllers, find the movie and purchase it. Tristan leans back into the sofa and pulls me into him. I rest my head against his shoulder, and that same peaceful feeling swells inside me. So much so, that I have to fight back the urge to cry, but I have another feeling, one that’s just as strong, and it’s screaming at me to end this, to never see this man again, because it will, inevitably, go wrong – and I know I won’t survive that, my stomach churns.

  I look up at Tristan and sigh inwardly.

  What am I getting myself into?

  I close my eyes and push the negative feelings aside, then I snuggle closer to him – How can I let him go? I’ve finally found the answer to the empty ache I’ve always had, I know it, I feel it,

  He is here. I finally found my home...

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  I WAKE FROM THE MOST PEACEFUL SLEEP, surprised to find I’m in my bed. Then I hear soft breathing next to me, I panic for a moment and turn my head only to find Tristan fully clothed, sleeping next me. I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. I think I could stare at him forever and never get bored of his beautiful face.

  His long eyelashes are gently resting against his lower lids making him look cute and sexy at the same time. I want to stroke his eyebrows, his cheeks, his full lips, but I stop myself, I don’t want to wake him – besides my bladder is protesting.

  I slip out of bed as quietly as I can and tip-toe down the stairs, as I’m making my way to the bathroom, I can’t help thinking how rapidly life is changing for me and how good it feels to have Tristan in it.

  Once I’m done and I’m washing my hands at the sink I stare up at myself. My nose looks better, the bruising under my eyes has almost disappeared, all that’s left is very slight yellow markings. Thank-god for that!

  I sleepily make my way back up the stairs, trying not to make them creak, but as I reach the bedroom, I see Tristan is wide awake watching me.

  “Hey,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” I climb back into bed facing Tristan.

  “You fell asleep, missed the end of the film.” He tells me as he strokes my cheek.

  “You put me to bed?” I stare at his lovely sleepy eyes.

  “Um...yeah,” Tristan frowns.

  “It’s ok, I could get used to this,” I say snuggling closer.

  “Me too,” he croaks and kisses me lightly.Now I feel wide awake.

  Tristan chuckles at me. “What?”

  “Nothing I just...” I shake my head.

  “Tell me,” he urges.

  “When do you have to leave?” I ask knowing he’s going to at some point.

  Tristan sighs heavily. “Wednesday.” I close my eyes for a second. “I’ll come back Friday,” he tells me stroking my cheek, looking at me in awe.

  I suddenly feel really scared and I have to ask myself. Is that normal? Should I feel so enraptured by this man? Is this what love feels like? Or is this something else? Is it that I’m just hanging onto him because I don’t have anyone at the moment?

  “I’ll miss you like crazy,” he tells me. “Not really sure how I’m going to get through one day to the next.”

  I stroke his cheek. “I’m scared Tristan.”

  He wraps his arms around me and grips me tightly.“Of what?”

  “You,” I tell him softly. “Of how I feel for you, I’m afraid of being close to anyone in case they leave,” I admit.

  “I’m not leaving you.” He tells me and I can see he’s sincere.

  “Have you ever…felt like this before?” I ask hoping and praying he’ll say no.

  “Never,” he answers shaking his head to emphasise his point. “Coral...I know you want to take things slowly, build trust with me, but I give you my word, I’m not going anywhere. You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you, longed for you...if I...” Tristan breaks off, sighing heavily.

  “What? Tell me,” I whisper.

  “I swear to god I’d marry you tomorrow if that’s what it took to prove to you that you have me for the long haul.” I gasp in shock.

  “M-marry me?” I stutter. I can see Tristan is regretting what he’s said.

  “You don’t want to marry ,do you?” He says spookily reading me.

  “I don’t know,” I answer truthfully, staring down at his chest.

  “Coral.” He lifts my chin to look at him. “Whatever you want, however you want this to work is fine with me. As long as I get to be with you, that’s all that matters.” Tristan strokes my cheek, instantly calming me.

  “Marriage is just a piece of paper to me. I’m sorry Tristan, I can’t help feeling like that. What I feel for you is far stronger, more eternal than that.” I tell him.

  “I understand,” he tells me, softly kissing my lips again. “I just want you Coral, forever.”

  I smile back at him.“Forever,” I say.

  We kiss each other softly again, and I have to admit, I am building trust so fast with Tristan that it’s taking my breath away.

  “Stay with me?” He asks.

  “Huh?”

  “At the house, spend the weekend with me?” Is that such a good idea…too fast?

  “Only if you want to. I don’t want to push my luck, or scare you away,” he adds, but he looks lost. His face mirrors my feelings completely, I can’t even bare to think about him leaving.

  “Ok.” I smile broadly at him.

  “You will?” He beams.

  “Yes.” I chuckle then I remember he’s only just got the keys. “Wait, do you even have any furniture in there?”

  “No,” he grins cheekily at me. “But if I remember correctly, you said you were going to help me with that?”

  I sigh. “Yes, yes I did.”

  “So will you?” He asks.

  “Yes.” I murmur against his lips.

  “Good.” He says kissing me lightly. I smile sleepily at him, then I involuntarily yawn. “Boring you?” I punch him lightly on the shoulder.

  “Shut up.” I chuckle then groan. Back to work tomorrow.

  “What’s up?” He asks.

  I sigh heavily. “Back to work tomorrow, back to reality,” I grumble knowing our little bubble will be burst.

  “Well, this morning actually.” Tristan smiles, my eyes widen. “It’s 5am,” he adds.

  I suddenly remember I have Will tonight. “Oh no!” I’m not sure if combat training is such a good idea at the moment.

  “What?” Tristan asks worry etched a
cross his features.

  “I have Will tonight,” I tell him.

  “Will?” He questions, his expression torn again. I think about winding him up but decide against it.

  “Yes. My trainer at the gym,” I tell him. I can see the relief in his eyes.

  “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” he says echoing my thoughts.

  “Me neither. I’d better go see him first thing, let him know.”

  “Doctors first,” Tristan admonishes. “I want to make sure you’re ok,” he adds.

  “Yes sir.” I tease saluting him.

  “Very funny,” he sulks.

  “Yes I am aren’t I,” I answer smugly.

  “Yes you are,” he chuckles. I yawn again. “Sleep baby.” He says.

  “I don’t think I can, not with you here,” I answer pressing the length of my body against his.

  Tristan squeezes me even tighter.“Yes you can, you’ve been sleeping all night. Now close your eyes.” I do as he asks, then his fingers start gently stroking my eyebrows, it’s very relaxing. Then he starts humming, I flick my eyes open in astonishment, I know that tune.

  “Some Enchanted Evening,” I whisper in shock.

  “Yes, now go to sleep,” he murmurs.

  “But’ – “No buts, you can ask me later,” he softly scolds. I close my eyes and smile, Tristan knows yet another of my favourite tunes. This is starting to get a little spooky, I keep feeling as though I need to pinch myself, see if I’m not dreaming.

  “Tristan?” He’s still humming and stroking.

  “Hmm?”

  “Am I dreaming all of this?” I ask.

  I feel him chuckle, it vibrates through me.“Why would you think that?”

  “B-because...it feels too good to be true, and I don’t really get why...?” I break off not really wanting to tell him.

  “Why what? Tell me Coral, I want to know what you’re thinking.”

  “I...I just feel like...” I stop myself again.

  “Like what?” he asks his voice all husky again.

  “Like…well...I don’t get it.” I say my eyes meeting his.

  “Get what?” He asks leaning up on his elbow, his face inches above mine, concern etched into his features.

  I close my eyes for a second. Come on Coral, you can do this!

  “Why me?” I ask opening my eyes and gazing into his. I want to see his reaction, see if his eyes tell the truth.

  Tristan frowns as he stares down at me.“I don’t think any of us really have a choice who we fall in love with Coral.” I frown, my heart sinking.

  “So...so if you had a choice, it wouldn’t be me?” I squeak.

  Tristan puts his hands either side of my cheeks and shuffles down so we are nose to nose.“That’s not what I meant,” he tells me sternly.

  I sigh heavily. “I just...you’re too good for me,” I blurt staring down at our bodies. “I want to say I believe that you’ll stay, but...deep down I feel like you’ll get fed up of me and leave me for someone who’s...” I want to say more fun, but I know I’m fun to be with, well most of the time.

  “Look at me baby.” I pull my gaze up to meet his. “Don’t you know? Nothing in life is for certain, not love, not the economy, the weather, things change, people change.” Tristan takes a deep breath. “Have you ever read Captain Corelli’s Mandolin?”

  “No.” I whisper. What’s that got to do with this?

  “It was one of my Grandmothers favourite novels,” he tells me. “When I was seventeen, I got dumped by a girl who I thought I was in love with’ – “Tristan,” I interrupt I don’t think I want to hear this.

  “Bare with me,” he says. “So I go to my Grandmother and I say ‘how am I supposed to know Gran? How will I know when I’ve met the right girl?’ She took one look at me, stood up, went over to her bookcase and pulled out a novel. She sat me down and quoted a passage from the book. It’s what the father had told the daughter. I don’t know why, but it made sense and stuck with me. Do you want to hear the quote?”

  I nod silently, totally enthralled by his story.

  “Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part, because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement; it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every minute of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. That is just being ‘in love’, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”

  I take a few moments to let it sink in. But it’s no good my head is spinning with so many questions and doubts.

  “But how are you supposed to know that once the in love part has gone that you’ll want to stay with me? From what that quote says, you only really know once the in love part has past, and we haven’t even begun…” I say weakly.

  Tristan kisses me again, his eyes pleading with me.“Because I already know, I don’t know why or how, I just do. I knew the moment I met you that we had something so strong, so profound that no matter how hard you pushed me away, it was inevitable that we would end up together. I was never going to give in and I will never stop fighting for you. I’ll never stop showing you how much I want you in my life, with me, by my side, through the good and the bad. I’ll never stop trying.”

  “Why?” I ask incredulously.

  “Because I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone but you,” he croaks huskily again.

  “You know it’s forever?” I ask. “You’re totally sure, one hundred percent?” I whisper.

  “Yes,” he whispers back. “And I’ll remind you every day, for the rest of our lives if that’s how long it takes to convince you.”

  I place my hands on his cheeks and rest my forehead against his then close my eyes. I want to believe, I really do. And maybe Tristan is right, I just need to build trust and keep believing that he’ll stay.

  “My Grandfather said he knew,” he whispers, I open my eyes and lock onto his.“He met Gran at a dance, he told me he knew the moment their eyes met that she was the one. She said no of course, gave him the run around for ages. Apparently he was a bit of a bad boy back then, always flirting with other girls, so Gran told me, and she knew she didn’t want to be with a cheater. Then one day she said yes to a date and well history tells the rest.

  “Gramps told me on that first date he knew he would never get to be with her unless he changed his ways, that it was time to grow up, be a man, so he did. And from that day on he only had eyes for Gran.” I nod solemnly. Their story is a lovely one, but I doubt either of them had anything close to the fears and the issues I deal with.

  “How do you feel?” He asks.

  “Overwhelmed,” I answer honestly.

  “One step at a time,” he whispers.

  “Yeah,” I gush. “I...I guess I stopped believing in happy endings a long time ago. I really struggle with it Tristan, it’s taken years for me to believe I’m even worthy of love, let alone getting my dream man in my life.”

  “I’m your dream man?” He beams.

  I shake my head at him playfully.“Oops! Guess I shouldn’t have told you that one.” I smile shyly at him.

  Tristan shrugs. “You’re my dream girl, so I guess we’re even.”

  I raise my eyebrows in surprise.“Your dream girl is a nutcase like me?” I ask dryly.

  Tristan’s eyebrows knit together, his gaze staring down at the bed, then he takes a deep breath and meets my worried eyes.“You are loveable Coral, and just as worthy of love as everybody else. So start believing it baby, cause you’re going to be getting bucket loads of it, better get used to it,” he chortles kissing me hard on the lips, then again and again, laughing as he does.

  I can’t help giggling back and p
layfully kissing him too, until we are rudely interrupted by an alarm beeping. Tristan leans over, picks up his mobile and switches it off.

  “Back to reality I guess.” I go to get out of bed, but Tristan stops me.

  “Five more minutes. I kind of like all that kissing,” he chuckles.

  I lean into him again, pressing my lips against his and we continue where we left off...

  I AM SAT DOWNSTAIRS WAITING FOR TRISTAN to come back from the hotel, he insisted he get ready there, I don’t know why? But before he left, he made me a cup of tea, which I am sat drinking, and it’s perfectly done. But he did make me stand by him, so I could show him how I like it made, and wouldn’t you know it, turns out we both like it made the same – Three squeezes of the tea-bag, a drop of milk no sugar – Crazy eh!

  I take my mobile out my bag and check to see if I have any messages, although I didn’t hear it beep last night, but I’m still hoping I’ll hear from Carlos or Rob – Niente! Damn it Rob Text me!

  Tristan said I should just give him some time, and that he’s sure to come around when he’s ready.I sigh heavily and against my better judgement, I type up a text.

  *Hey Robster – Please let me know you’re ok? I’m worried about you. I’m working from home so pop round if you want to. Love Cx*

  I press send and hope that I’ll hear back from him soon, it’s really bugging me what it could be. I hear the patio door slide open, so I put my mobile in my bag and stand up ready to leave, but all the air gets knocked out of me when I see Tristan. He’s suited and booted in his dark blue pin-striped suit, the very same one he was wearing when we met.

  “Going somewhere sexy?” I exhale.

  Feeling my blood pumping through my veins – Damn he looks hot, much hotter than the first time I saw him wearing that! Maybe it’s because I know him now?

  Tristan’s eyebrows raise and his sexy smile appears.“Sexy eh?” He says reaching me.

  He smells so good, aftershave, and Tristan scent mixed together. It’s so potent! It should be classed as a hazard to women!

  He leans down his lips brushing mine softly, and I realise that I’ve missed him. He’s only been gone half an hour and I’ve missed him, badly.