“Yeah, he’s really good.” I say smiling shyly at him.
Tristan leans down and sings a little of it to me, just like last night, then kisses my hair and returns to his food.
I smile nervously at him.“So I wanted to ask you something,” I say, my heart instantly hammering against my chest and my throat going as dry as a bone, I pick up my orange juice and take a long draught.
“I’m all ears.” Tristan smiles and caresses my cheek.
I clear my throat.“So...I think, stop me if I get this wrong, that you and I are kind of like...well for life?” I say a little breathlessly.
“Yes, we are.” Tristan is gazing at me that way again, I have to look away or I’ll never get this out. I stare ahead, out through the windows, the sunshine making me squint. My leg is jigging up and down with nerves.
“Ok, so...I was just thinking about...well kids.” I take a bite of croissant which I shouldn’t have done as I can no longer swallow, a lump has formed in my throat that I can’t get rid of.
“Kids?” Tristan’s voice sounds off, so I turn to look at him.
He’s gone as pale as a ghost.Oh no!
I swallow hard.“Hey, are you alright?” I ask touching his arm.
“You want kids?” he asks, his eyes wide.
“Well I...actually, I was asking you that question. I just think it’s important to get it straight what both partners want. I mean, I don’t see the point in two people being together especially if one wants kids and the other doesn’t....” I trail off, and look outside again, hoping and praying Tristan will say he doesn’t want them –Then I'm off the hook!
“It is an important question.” Tristan’s voice pulls me from my musing. “A very important one, and I completely agree, no point two people being together if they want opposite things.”
I stare back at Tristan with wide eyes, my stomach sinking.
“Honestly, I’ve never really thought about it. No partner, no need to think about it I guess,” he adds, shrugging nonchalantly.
I frown back at him. “Ok, but what do you see when you look to the future? Do you see yourself as a father?”Just as I say that the strangest thing happens, I instantly picture Tristan throwing a little two year old boy in the air and catching him as the kid screams in delight. He would make a really great Dad.
“I don’t know Coral, like I said I’ve never really thought about it before.” I nod and look out at the window again. “What’s brought all this on?” he adds.
“I don’t know. The question just popped up while I was in the shower, and I thought I don’t know the answer to whether you do, and it’s an important one, so I thought I’d ask.” I stop there, my voice sounding far too high pitched for my liking.
Tristan narrows his eyes at me as he assesses what I’ve just told him.“And if my answer had been yes?” Damn it, he’s too shrewd!
I shrug nonchalantly at him, his cocks his head to the side scrutinizing me even further.
“And no?” I shrug again not wanting to give anything away, although the question has not been answered.
“And you Coral?” Damn it to hell!
I gaze straight ahead trying to think of an answer, then I decide to lie, I can’t do it. I can’t tell him the truth, it’s too scary.I turn and look at him, trying to make my eyes look all melty and warm like he does with me, leaning forward I brush my lips against his.
“I don’t know,” I whisper.
Tristan frowns then takes my face in his hands.“You don’t know?” he repeats.
“Uh-huh,” I murmur against his lips again.
“Well that’s odd,” he chortles. “But then there’s nothing that’s traditional about you Coral,” he says kissing the tip of my nose.
I pull back from him, sniggering to myself.“Fuck up,” I say tapping my head.
“Confused more like, and I’d say lack of home life and a sense of feeling grounded. Maybe with time, the answer will become clearer.” Tristan says.
I exhale loudly.“How do you do that?” I instantly feel relieved and take another bite of croissant.
“Do what?” he asks sipping his coffee.
“Make all my worries feel like they disappear,” I breathe. “Oh and sound so wise, older than your years, like you have all the answers,” I add, keeping my eyes on my croissant.
“Guess I’m just lucky,” he says, his voice all husky and deep. My heart booms and the butterflies return, appetite gone –Fuck a duck!
“You’ve gone pale,” he says frowning at me. “Are you feeling unwell?”he asks, placing his hand on my forehead.
“No, you make me feel a bit woozy sometimes,” I answer honestly.
He visibly relaxes, and smiles shyly at me.“I do?” he says, removing his hand from my forehead. Tristan sounds proud of himself and a little smug.
“You want me to lose two stone?” I gripe.
“No – I absolutely do not – I love your curves.” He tells me firmly.
“Then stop being so...so perfect and sexy and brilliant and nice.” I stop talking and force the rest of the croissant into my mouth – it’s not attractive, really it isn’t– then take several gulps of coffee to help me swallow.
Tristan is really chuckling to himself now, evidently finding my squirming and suffering amusing.I finish my coffee and turn in my seat so I’m facing him.
“Ok, George is always telling me I worry too much about the future, well about everything but’ – “He’s got you nailed down to a tee,” Tristan interrupts, still chortling.
I glare at him, he instantly stops laughing so I continue.
“So the whole kid’s thing isn’t something to worry about? Or is it? I’m trying not to, but what if you decide you do and I don’t, or vice-versa? People change their minds with stuff like that all the time, and I can’t…I just…I don’t want to lose you Tristan. But at the same time I’d rather cut the cord now, so to speak, than get totally and utterly wrapped up in each other’s worlds, only for it to come crashing down.” Jeez, I feel like I’m having a session with George!
I burst out laughing at myself,it kind of helps, a little.
Tristan turns and takes my hand in his.“Ok, first things first. You are overworrying about things that may or may not happen that you can’t change. Secondly, if in the future you decided you want kids, your wish, my darling is my command’ –“But’ – “Oh no you don’t. No interruptions,” he says shaking his head at me.
I purse my lips and stare back at him.
“If I decide I want kids and you don’t, I would not leave you Coral. I would accept that I already have everything I want in the palm of my hands, as in you. If I did want kids and you do too, they would be…an added bonus. The difference of being a couple to being a family, so whichever way either of us goes, we will still be together. Does that help you feel more relaxed?” He softly asks.
“Yes...and no!” I reply.
Tristan smiles down at me.“Ok, what’s the no part?” He’s so patient with me.
“Resentment,” I answer clearly.
“Resentment?” he questions frowning at me, trying to understand.
“Yes, you’ll totally resent me if I say no and you want them, surely?” I squeak out.
“No I won’t Coral. Don’t you understand? You’re the cake, the amazing rich, sweet chocolate cake. Kids would be the icing on the top.” He tells me firmly.
I chuckle at that one.“I like your analogy of it.”
Tristan smiles his sexy smile.“Yeah me too, that kind of worked,” he says surprising himself.
I chuckle even harder.“Yeah it did.”
“Ok now?” He asks, stroking my cheek again.
“Yes.” I swallow hard.Tristan sighs in relief, picks up another croissant and rips it open, and I die a little inside. I have to find the courage to tell him the truth, something else to talk over with George…
CHAPTER EIGHT
I AM SAT IN THE DRIVER’S SIDE OF TRISTAN’S F-TYPE AND I’M buzzing with e
xcitement. Tristan has driven us to a quiet country road so I can get a good feel for it. The sun is blasting down making the roads nice and sticky – although the car is as cool as a cucumber as Tristan wanted the roof up – and the sky is a perfect blue, not a cloud in sight.
“Comfortable?” he asks, looking a little worried.
I beam at Tristan. He looks so good, sitting there, looking fresh, clean, and sexy as hell with thoseaviators on.
“Love these bucket seats,” I say looking around at the rest of the interior.It has that new car smell, and I'm surprised Tristan has chosen black leather interior; I feel like I'm in the kit car from Knight Rider.
“Concentrate Coral!” Tristan admonishes.I hear him speak, but I'm drawn to the song playing in the car.
“Who’s this?” I ask innocently.
“Coral!”Tristan balks.
“I want to know!” I moan.
“Fine! It’s Agualung, Strange and Beautiful.”I raise my eyebrows at him.
“Is that what you think of me?” Tristan instantly looks uncomfortable – Great he thinks I'm strange!
“Before drawing any conclusions, I think you should listen to the words,” he drawls sarcastically.
“Oh!” I frown back at him.
“Coral!” Tristan is getting really annoyed with me.
“Right, sorry.” I look straight ahead.
“Now remember, it’s a rear wheel drive car, you get it wrong, the back flips out we’ –“I know we go for a spin,” I interrupt.
“Which we don’t want,” Tristan adds, shaking his head.
“Definitely not,” I scoff, agreeing wholeheartedly.
“Ok I’m going to put it into Auto, keep your foot on the brake.”
“Can’t we have Sports mode?” I whine, Tristan look says it all. “Ok, ok Auto,” I stifle a giggle, he’s taking this all very seriously.
“Now release the brake and gently push down on the gas.” I lift my foot, and touch the gas, but a little too much and we lunge forward, I panic and hit the brake.
“Try again, but really gently this time.” Tristan encourages.
I do so, and this time it works and we gently pull away.The feeling is amazing, the car sounds awesome, and I feel totally cocooned. I keep my speed down, getting a feel for the car, I don't want to get it wrong and go skidding out of control, plus, I haven’t driven a car in ages.I see a bend coming up, I know the handling on this car is meant to be awesome, so I don’t brake, I just let the car glide round.
“Nice Coral, not bad at all,” Tristan says, nodding his head in approval.
“Thanks,” I squeak with excitement, glancing across at him.
“Eyes forward!” He barks.I panic and stare straight ahead. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea with Tristan in the car, when I look at him, I find it hard to look away.“Wanna go faster?” He asks.
“Hell yeah!” I giggle, glancing across at him again.
“Well go on then,” he says, gesturing with his hand, smiling widely at me.I grin, a Cheshire cat grin and push my foot down on the gas. The car growls as it picks up speed, making me smile even wider – Ok maybe Tristan can buy me one of these!
As we whoosh around the country roads, the car effortlessly eating up the miles, I realise I’m having the time of my life. Not only am I in a very sexy car, but I have a very sexy man besides me to boot. I take the next bend with a little more enthusiasm than Tristan likes, but the car makes it, effortlessly.
“Careful baby,” Tristansays his voice low.
“Ok,” I answer mulishly, but I don’t slow down.
He puts his hand on my knee and squeezes tight, which does not help my concentration at all. “This is the first time you’ve driven her, take it easy ok?” Her?
“Your hand on my knee is not helping me concentrate,” I retort.Tristan instantly lifts his hand from my knee, which makes me smile.As I continue to drive, my confidence grows and I really feel as though I’m getting to know the car, so I push harder.As we hit a straight, I see Tristan in my peripheral vision, he looks as though he’s getting more and more nervous by the minute. I fight the laughter that wants to burst out of me, my lips twitching into a smile.
“Happy?” Tristan asks.
“This is amazing!” I screech, whacking it into another bend.
“Ok baby, let’s not wrap us around a tree,” he says, gripping his hands together. Jeez, he really is nervous!
“Ok,” I titter.In the distance I see a lay-by and start to slow down, finally pulling in so Tristan can take over. Tristan puts the car into park and puts the handbrake on, leaving the engine purring beneath us.
“Fun?” he asks, his eyes wide with excitement.
“Amazing,” I reiterate.
“Want one?” he chuckles which makes me roll my eyes at him. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Tristan leans in and kisses me forcefully, his lips molding perfectly to mine. It’s like his lips were made just for my lips. Whenever we kiss and make love, it feels as though it’s always in such synchronized symmetry, which makes me wonder if Gladys is actually right and there is a Soul-Mate out there for each of us? A car pulling in behind us stops us from our little bit of fun - There goes our car sex, maybe later?
We giggle at nearly being caught, then Tristan steps out and comes round to the driver’s side. With wobbly legs I step out of the car using Tristan’s hands for support. Then he walks me round to the passenger side,and helps me slide into the low seat and shuts the door.
I watch him jog round the car, open the driver’s door, lean down and press a button, the seat starts to move back so he has enough room for his long legs, then he slips inside.Damn he looks sexy today, and even sexier behind the wheel of this baby!
He starts driving again. He really is very good at it, and very fast – which again I’m surprised at. My control freak tendencies don’t make for a very good passenger, but with Tristan, I feel safe, I trust he won’t fuck it up.
Which makes me go back to this morning, and thinking about the whole wedding thing. I mean, it’s too early, of course it is, but I can't help thinking that Tristan should know that he’s changed my view of it all. So I decide that tonight, I’ll talk to him, tell him how I feel.
Deep in thought, I hadn’t noticed that we are heading east out of Brighton.
“Going somewhere?” I ask.
“Indeed we are.” Tristan beams at me and clutches my hand.
“Will you tell me where?” I ask, feeling a little apprehensive.
“Hastings.” Tristan turns to see my reaction. “Ever been?” he asks.
“No, I haven’t actually, you?” I say, staring at his profile.
“Just once for the day, I was a kid I don't remember it much.” He tells me.
“Did you plan this?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.
“Yes.” He smiles widely at me.I knew it!
“When?” I ask, smiling back.
“Last night while you were preparing dinner,” he says smiling coyly. I didn’t think he was working!
“Why Hastings?” I ask.
Tristan smiles warmly at me.“Because it’s got culture, history, and great beaches.”
“What, and Brighton hasn’t?” I say dryly.
Tristan chuckles at that one.“What are you thinking? Do you want to go, or turn back?” he looks worried.
“No way, I’ve never been. I’d really like to see it,” I tell him.
“Good.It’s meant to have some really quaint little shops. I thought we might find something for the house.” Tristan looks across at me and smiles sweetly.
“Good idea batman,” I banter.
“Thanks Robin,” he chuckles.
I lean back into my plush bucket seat and enjoy the scenery.
Leaving Brighton behind actually feels quite invigorating, refreshing; but more than anything, I’m just in awe to be spending the day with Mr Moneybags; he really is quite something…
IT HAS TAKEN US AN HOUR TO REACH HASTINGS. Tristan
has spent the whole time throwing questions at me, all random stuff that comes up in everyday conversations likefavourite colour, clothing, music, films, books and food. He’s been very careful not to ask questions about my past, which I really appreciate, I really want to enjoy today.
I sigh inwardly. I am doing my very best to block out the fact that we’ll both be back to work tomorrow, and Tristan will be gone all week. I can't even begin to think about how I’m going to feel when he’s gone. A shiver runs down my spine making me shudder – I stamp on that line on thinking, I want to enjoy today!
Then I remember I have legs-that-go-on-forever Susannah to deal with.I tried to convince Tristan as we got into bed last night that I was sure to work out the new programmes by myself, that Blondie didn’t need to come and train me, but he disagreed –Stupid Millionaire Mogul!
“I have one more question,” Tristan says, pulling into a car park right on the seafront.
“No!” I pout – I told him no more questions until I get a drink of some sort; my throat is so dry from talking so much.
We find a parking space away from all other vehicles, right at the far end.I notice two security men patrolling the car park.I have to wonder if Tristan purposely found this one because of that. Then I wonder if you can search car parks on Google. I bet you can, I shake my head at my over-active imagination.
“Why are you parking so far away?”I ask.
“I don’t want any fucker scratching my car,” he growls.
“Oh!” That’s understandable, it’s not cheap.
Tristan gets out the car and walks around to my side, opening the door for me.
“Please, just one more,” he asks, as he takes my hand and helps me out of the car, it’s so low it’s not exactly easy to get in and out of.
“Fine!” I huff.
Tristan takes my hand and we start walking.“When we first met, you looked like you knew who you were meeting. It could have been Craig or Pete, but you knew who I was. How?”
Holy crap!Of all the questions to ask me – I decide to lie.
“Joyce showed me a picture of you,” I squeak, looking anywhere but at Tristan’s face.
We stop walking as we’ve reached the pay meter, Tristan puts the money in and the ticket pops out. Another security guard I hadn’t noticed appears out of nowhere making me jump as he greets Tristan.
Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him Page 54