“Yes...” I grip him closer to me. “Make it go away,wash it all away for me Tristan,” I whimper.
“I will baby, I will.” Tristan kisses the top of my head several times. “What do you want, a shower or a bath?”
I shiver again. “A bath I think,” I say.
Tristan kisses the top of my head once more. “Feel like eating anything yet?” He asks. I still feel nauseous, so I shake my head at him. “Ok.” Tristan drains the Brandy out of his glass. “I’ll go get the bath ready.”
I do not want to be on my own.“I’m coming with you,” I say jumping off his lap, but I haven’t had this much to drink in a while, not on an empty stomach, so I sway slightly. “Whoa!” It makes me giggle.
Tristan catches me by the elbows. “Drunken bum!” He teases.
“Oh ha ha ha!” I titter.
Tristan turns his back to me and crouches down. “Wanna hitch a ride?” He asks. He’s trying to be playful, to lighten the moment, and I so love him for it.
“Yes,” I chuckle and jump up on his back.
He slowly stands as I wrap my legs around his waist, and hug his mighty fine shoulders and chest with my arms. I kiss his neck over and over as he walks us steadily into the en-suite.
Reaching the built-in sinks, he sits me down, then turns and gently pecks me on the lips. Then he takes my face in his hands, gently stokes my hair out of my face and kisses me, hard.
“You’re so brave Coral.” I smile up at him, blinking more tears back.
With another kiss to my forehead, Tristan swiftly turns around and I watch him turn on the taps, get the water to the right temperature, then add some bath bubbles. Smells like cinnamon!
“Tristan, I don't feel like going out today. Will you stay in with me?”
“Of course I’ll stay in with you,” he snorts. “What did you think I was going to do, swan off to the beach as though nothing’s happened?” He says, shaking his head at me.
I roll my eyes at him. “You know what I meant,” I retort dryly.
He walks back over to me and places his hands either side of my face. “Why don't we have a day of lounging around. We can get back out on the beach tomorrow if you want to, if you feel like it?” He says, then gives me a soft chaste kiss.
“Ok,” I say, feeling lighter.
Tristan freezes, he looks like he’s just had a light bulb moment. “I bought the Phil Collins DVD with me, we could watch that if you like?” He says, beaming brightly at me.
“Good idea,” I say.
“We could draw the blinds and curl up in bed, watch it on my laptop,” he adds, his cheeks flushing red.
“That’s twice you’ve mentioned that,” I say. “Does it have some kind of significance for you?” I question.
His brow furrows, then he smiles shyly at me and shrugs. “I’ve never done that before,” he murmurs, then swiftly turns away from me and switches off the taps. “Bath’s ready,” he quietly says, but he doesn’t turn around to me, which I find strange.
So I scoot down of the sinks, and reaching him, I try to turn him around so I can see his face, but he won't budge, he doesn’t want to look at me – Why?
I reach my hand around so it’s resting on his cheek, and try to coax him to look at me. He finally relents and turns to gaze down at me, his cheeks are still blushed, his eyes dark, he looks like he’s hurting.
He’s so tall when I have nothing on my feet. I gaze up at him. “Tell me why?” I ask, stroking his cheek.
He sighs heavily. “Coral, I...” He stops and runs his hand through his hair. “Olivia had...it doesn’t matter,” he sighs. His broody look is back.
“Ok,” I say, pretending like I’m letting this go, but I’m not. “Help me get my hoody off?”
Tristan helps me undress. When I’m naked, I pin my hair up then Tristan helps me into the bath. I scoot into the middle and curl my arms around my legs. I watch him silently undress, wondering how I’m going to approach this. Then I think maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I should just wait and see if Tristan says something.
“Front or back?” He asks before he climbs in.
“Back please, if that’s ok?” I ask, looking up at him – He’s still brooding.
I lift up my left hand, it’s my good shoulder, and offer it to him. Tristan gently places his hand in mine, I feel no pressure on my hand as he nimbly steps into the water.
Releasing my hand, he slowly sinks down behind me, his legs either side of mine and gently pulls me back so I’m resting against his chest.
He silently picks up one of our new Sea Sponges. It’s mustard yellow, delicately soft, but looks like fungus spores to me – Tristan thought it was hilarious when I said that aloud in the shop. But I have to admit, it is a great sponge, it feels really, really nice.
Tristan dunks it in the water, they slowly massages it across my shoulders, down my arms, across my breasts and my stomach. And I suddenly realise, he’s washing me clean, like he said he would – God I love this man.
I close my eyes and savour the moment. After everything that’s happened, last night and today, it feels absolutely wonderful. Like Tristan actually is washing it all away, with each stroke I feel cleaner, less angry, and more myself. I take a deep cleansing breathe and slowly blow it out.
I am melting like chocolate, my troubles drifting away...
“Olivia had very singular tastes,” he says, pulling me out of my relaxing moment. I feel him kiss my temple, then he continues washing me.
“I don't understand?” I whisper, not really sure if I should push, or if I actually want to know.
Tristan sighs again. I think this is painful for him to say. “As far as she was concerned’ – he kisses my temple again – ‘beds were for fucking and sleeping in.”
My eyes are wide open now, and I feel very alert.
“But you said you’d had breakfast in bed’ – “Not with her Coral, a couple of other women I dated. It only happened a few times.” I swallow hard. I’m not sure if I want to hear this. It seems very odd to me that you can live with someone, yet never do anything sweet like that together. I mean, Justin was no angel, but we did that plenty of times. In fact, most Sundays were spent nursing our hangovers, eating junk food and watching our favourite films in bed.
“So...so you never...she never wanted to do nice things like that?” I tentatively ask.
“Nice wasn’t in Olivia’s vocabulary,” he says, kissing my hair this time.
I try to work it out. Edith hated her, that’s obvious. And Tristan’s made it very clear to me that he was wrapped up in her web, blinded by her, walking around with rose coloured spectacles on – god knows I’m guilty of that, I thought Justin walked on water when I met him.
Yet, he’s said that she was cold, that she never did anything nice for him, not cook him something, or spontaneously buy him something, or just treat him well, and now this!
I don't understand how he could have been with such a cold stone, heartless bitch, when he’s so sweet and gentlemanly and charismatic and – “What are you thinking Coral?” He sounds worried.
“I’m just trying to get my head round it Tristan.” I mumble.
“Get your head round what?” He softly says, still washing me and planting a soft kiss on my cheek.
“Why you were with her,” I whisper. “She sounds’ – Shut up Coral!
“Go on baby, speak your mind,” he pushes.
“No, I don't want to,” I murmur.
“Why?” He asks, kissing my cheek again.
“Because it’s disrespectful. I didn’t know you back then and I don't know Olivia, so who am I to judge?”
“Good point, but I’d still like to know,” he says, adding another kiss to my cheek, and moves the sponge to my legs, gently washing my troubles away.
“I just...I guess I just don't see what you would have had in common. Like, well, did you ever do this? Take a bath together? Or take a walk, or watch a movie together?” I ask.
“No,” he scoffs. �
��Definitely not.”
“But, didn’t you want to?” I ask, completely confounded by this conversation.
“It never crossed my mind.” He says. “Did you?” He asks.
“I never showered or bathed with Justin, no. But we had lazy days in bed,” I say.
“What’s it like?” He asks, his voice soft and croaky by my ear.
“Nice Tristan, it’s really nice.” I frown down at the water, this makes no sense! All I’m doing is getting frustrated and I just want to relax.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” He says, his hand stilling on my leg.
“I just...what the hell did the two of you do together?” I ask, feeling really irritated, but I don’t give him time to answer and start rambling at top speed. “I mean, Justin and I had some things in common, one of those was partying, hard. We’d get dressed up, go out on the town, his mates would join us and Harriet’s other friends would too, and we’d all have a blast. We’d do a pub crawl, end up in a nightclub and then the chipy or pizza place on the way home. When we were sober, it was the cinema, or bowling, or renting a film and staying in, or just hanging out on the beach.” I take a deep breath. “Sorry. That was uncalled for.”
“No baby, it wasn’t. You’re right, and to answer your question, what we had in common was success’ – “You mean money!” I snap.
“No, well, yes for her.” Tristan chuckles, then his tone is serious again. “I was consumed with success, she was addicted to wealth. She came from old money and had very high standards, she liked things done...a certain way, her way.” He says, as though it’s a painful reminder. “When I did well, she would congratulate and encourage me’ – “You mean boost your ego!” I say with sarcasm. Shut up Coral!“Sorry, I won't interrupt again.” I add.
“That’s ok baby.” Another sweet kiss on the cheek. “But yes, you’re right. She was very good at making me feel even more...obsessively inspired let’s say. And as you know, being successful and having all the things I didn’t get in my formative years was extremely important to me. She wanted more power, more money. I wanted more of everything I suppose. Once I got a taste of the good life, what’s it’s like to be wealthy, to have whatever you want, whenever you want it, I just wanted more.” Tristan sighs heavily. “I think, looking back on it, I really was quite obsessed, and blinded by it all. I think it went to my head a little bit,” he adds with a dry titter.
“Sounds like it did,” I snort dryly. “I don't think I’d have liked you back then Tristan.”
“No, I don't think you would have either. I was accused of being rather arrogant in my late twenties, and I suppose into my early thirties too. Strange really, I think I started to mellow out once Olivia was gone. I guess I didn’t realise how much of an effect she was having on me, on who I was, and what I really wanted to achieve. I started doing the charity and affordable housing projects about six months after we split.”
“You became a better man, the man you are now. But maybe she was supposed to be with you, you know, to take you to your extremes, so when she’d gone you could come back down to earth with a big bump and reassess your life.” I say.
Tristan chuckles, wraps his arms around me and kisses my temple. “I think you might be right Coral. You know, I think you know me better than I know myself.”
“Ditto,” I snort, trying not to laugh.
“I think you are the brightest, sweetest woman I have ever met,” he whispers, making my heart expand with love.
“And I think you’re a pain in the arse sometimes, but I love you very much Tristan Freeman, with all of my heart.” I retort dryly.
“Ditto,” he teases.
“Hey!” I playfully slap his hand. Tristan chuckles. “Do you think you ever really loved her Tristan?” I wistfully ask.
“Maybe...I don't know...I think looking back on it, I was afraid,” he says.
“Afraid?” I gasp. I couldn’t imagine Tristan being scared of anything.
“Yes.” He squeezes me tighter.
“Of what Tristan?” I turn and look up at him.
“Being alone,” he answers, his eyes boring into mine.
I reach up and softly caress his cheek. “You never have to be afraid of that again,” I softly tell him.
“I know, I have you.” He says, reaching down to kiss me.
Desire – full on heavy in my belly, hits me like a sledgehammer – Desire.
I’m glad it’s there, and I haven’t lost what I have with Tristan, but for the first time, I don't want it; not right now anyway. I’m tired, hungry, and I’m still feeling a little odd.
“Hungry,” I murmur against his lips.
“Are you?” He croaks, his lips brushing softly down my neck.
“Not like that Tristan,” I whisper.
“I know,” he says, still kissing my neck. “Shall I go and get some lunch ready?”
“No!” I freeze. “Don't leave me alone Tristan, please...” I say, my voice trembling again.
“Hey, I won't. I’m right here baby.” He wraps his arms around me again, and kisses my temple. “Want to help me with lunch?” He asks.
“Yes, I do, but can we just stay here a little longer?” I ask, holding him tight.
“Baby, we can do whatever you want,” he says, kissing my temple once more.
That was a very odd conversation. I’m sure there’s more to it, to what Tristan was actually trying to say, I try to shake it off, she was one weird woman!
I take a deep breath and slowly blow it out. I close my eyes and try to focus – focus on Tristan, the wedding, our future together – as I keep breathing and concentrating on the future, I finally start to relax...
I WAKE EARLY THE FOLLOWING DAY. It’s still dark outside. I guess that’s because I dozed off so many times yesterday, but what a great day we had. Tristan seemed to be in his element, just chilling out on the bed with me. It was quite a funny day, despite what happened that morning.
We watched my favourite films, Twilight, with a lot of eye rolling from Tristan, and The Matrix, which he enjoyed. Then we watched his favourite films, Fast & Furious, with a lot of eye rolling from me, and Alien, which was awesome! – Sigourney Weaver really kicks ass in the movie, but I did hide under the covers at the scary bits, much to Tristan’s amusement.
We laughed a lot, ate a lot, talked a lot and ended the evening with soul expanding, mind blowing sex, and eventually fell asleep in each other’s arms.
I turn on my side and watch him softly sleeping. His long eyelashes are gently resting on his cheeks, his mouth is slightly open, his perfect lips pouting at me, and his hair is all messed up, he looks too cute and adorable. Right at that moment his lips twitch into a smile, I can't help smiling to myself, wondering what he’s dreaming about – I hope it’s me!
I turn onto my back and stare up at the ceiling. I still can't believe what’s happened over the past couple of days. If we hadn’t gone to Harry’s birthday function, I never would have met Simon again, and I never would have found out who was responsible for raping me.
I shudder slightly – I need some fresh air, so I decide to get up. What I really want to do, because it helps me think and gives me a clear head, is get my sweats and trainers on and go pound it out on the beach. But I can't, sill healing. So annoying!
I carefully step out of bed, so I don't wake Tristan, pull on my sweats, my support vest and hoody, then slip my feet into my flip-flops. I quietly pad along the hallway and into the kitchen. I look up at the clock – 5.40am. I’ll be just in time for sunrise if I hurry.
I scribble a note for Tristan, letting him know I’m down at the beach and head out of the house. The air is cool on my face, the air fresh. As I make my way down the steps to the beach, I take a deep breath in, I love the smell of the sea. Kicking off my flip-flops, I leave them on the bottom step. I really like the feeling of sand beneath my feet and between my toes.
It’s dawn, the sun is about to break over the horizon. The sea is calm today, just a few soft waves lapping
to the shore. I take my time walking down to the water’s edge. Thinking over everything that’s happened.
I think about how I now know who the bad men are that did those terrible things to me. And that yesterday, I wanted so badly to have revenge, for them to suffer. But where does it end?
We do something to them, they could retaliate and do something to us? So I have to ask myself the question. Is it really worth it? Do I really want all that shit swirling around in my head, always worrying if something’s going to happen, or, do I want to continue with moving on, letting it go and getting on with my life as I did when I didn’t know who they were?
I decide, like I have so many times before, that it happened, that it’s in the past and there’s nothing I can do about it. No-one has invented time travel yet, so I can't go back and change it, any of it.
Then I think to myself, would I really want to? It’s a ridiculous question to ask, of course it is, but if I wasn’t the way I am, and Tristan wasn’t the way he is, I have to ask – Would we have ever met? Would this amazing relationship have blossomed into what it is now? And the answer is no, I don't think it would have. We would be different people, living different lives.
The sun is about to break out over the horizon, so I quiet my mind and simply be.
I soak it up in silence, watching the most beautiful scene unfold before me. It’s breathtaking, truly breathtaking. Golds, pinks, aquamarines and sky blue all mixing together, creating the most awe inspiring, picture perfect scene.
And I know, in that very instance, I know – I’m done.
I don't want any part of my past hanging over me. George has always told me that I have choice. I know that I can choose to pursue this, get revenge, or I can choose to stick to my beliefs, that Karma will make it happen, not me. That someday, hopefully, it will bite them both on the ass, and that’s good enough for me; so in that very moment, that’s what I choose, to move on.
I close my eyes and imagine I have an open box in front of me. I place my mother, my father, my sister, Simon and Kane inside that box. I imagine in have a key in my hand and I lock the box. Then I open my eyes, and still pretending I have the key in my hand, I take a couple of steps closer to the water’s edge, I let the waves spread over my toes, I really like the way It makes my feet tingle, then I take a deep breath, reach back, and with as much force as I can, I throw the invisible key into the ocean.
Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him Page 126