Works of W. W. Jacobs

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Works of W. W. Jacobs Page 286

by Jacobs, W. W.


  (BALDWIN appears R. C.)

  MAJOR. Baldwin! (turns to R.)

  ALL. Baldwin!

  MRS. SMEDLEY. Oh, thank goodness!

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. (turns MAJOR to L.) I do not ask you to thank me, Major —

  MAJOR. (goes to CAPTAIN, furious) Thank you! Thank you! (turns to MANNERS) Here, Manners, here she is —

  MANNERS. (comes down R. of MAJOR) Excuse me, Major (bows to ETHEL) — you told me to withdraw, you know.

  MAJOR. Withdraw? Damme, sir, do you refuse to marry my daughter?

  MANNERS. Yes, sir. I’m engaged to your niece. (brings LUCY down on his R.)

  (ETHEL goes up L. C. and down L.)

  MAJOR. Lucy! And what about my daughter, sir?

  SETON. (comes to L. c.) She’ll be all right, Major.

  MAJOR. (crosses to SETON) Who the devil are you, sir?

  SETON. My name’s Seton Boyne. I’m a lieutenant on board the Termagant —

  MAJOR. Very well then — I’ll horsewhip you ——

  (MRS. SMEDLEY kisses LUCY. LUCY and MANNERS exeunt R.)

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. Hold ‘ard! (R. of MAJOR, in husky and impressive confidence) Only son of Rear-Admiral Sir Pumpsonby Boyle —

  MAJOR. What?

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. Har Hen!

  MAJOR. HO!

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. Bart.!

  MAJOR. YOU come home with me at once, miss. (goes to R.)

  (CAPTAIN goes on hank.)

  ETHEL. Very well, father. Come along — Seton!

  SETON. Yes — then we can talk it over quietly.

  MAJOR. (goes to SETON) If you think you can talk anything over quietly with me, sir — !

  SETON. Well, i’ll talk it over quietly.

  (SETON and ETHEL get L.)

  MRS. SMEDLEY. (on hank c., pointing to CAPTAIN) Don’t you think — ? (whispers)

  MAJOR. Eh? — Oh — well — Hum! (coughs — dig with stick) (to CAPTAIN) Thank’ee. (goes to R. on hank)

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. Grunted.

  MAJOR. What?

  CAPTAIN. Granted —

  (MAJOR goes to R.)

  MRS. SMEDLEY. (kindly, to CAPTAIN) YOU have been very kind and noble. I shall never forget you. Good-bye. (goes to R.)

  MAJOR. Ethel!

  SETON. Are you going home now, Major Smedley? MAJOR. We are, sir.

  SETON. That’s my way too. I have to pass your house.

  MAJOR. YOU — you — young —

  (AUGUSTUS helps MRS. BALDWIN on land.) MRS. SMEDLEY. William!

  MAJOR. (to her) Man — all I’ve got to say is —

  MRS. SMEDLEY. Don’t say it!

  Exeunt R. ETHEL and SETON linger behind, and are half concealed by shrubs. ETHEL seated L.) BALDWIN. Jem!

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. (C.) Good-bye, ma’am. BALDWIN. Oh — Jem! (comes down R.c.)

  DIBBS. Come along o’ me, Jane.

  (AUGUSTUS takes tray, pail, etc., on deck.)

  BALDWIN. John! Oh, John — if you knew what I’ve suffered! Like a mouse in a mouse-trap — without any cheese.

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. (L. of MRS. BALDWIN) Flirt! (MRS. BALDWIN looks at CAPTAIN BARLEY frightened.

  Exeunt MRS. BALDWIN and DIBBS R. Pause.) Augustus!

  AUGUSTUS. (miserably) Yes, sir?

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. HOW’S the tide?

  AUGUSTUS. Just on the turn, sir.

  (CAPTAIN moves up towards barge. ETHEL and SETON emerge from L., come to c.)

  ETHEL. (to SETON) GO on, Seton, I’ll follow.

  SETON. I say — you won’t bolt again? (crosses to R., stands apart and looks on)

  ETHEL. (tenderly) Captain Barley — Captain Barley!

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. (who was just crossing the plank) Eh?

  ETHEL. I — I want to thank you ——

  (Music)

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. (with dignity) No call to thank me, miss. What I’ve done I’ve done cheerful, (going)

  ETHEL. Won’t you shake hands?

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. (holding back) Lor, miss, my rough ‘ands ain’t fit to touch yours!

  ETHEL. Oh, Captain Barley — can’t you forgive me?

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. Forgive — ? There, there.

  (with sincere emotion) God bless you, miss.

  SETON. (coming forward) You’re a — you’re a brick, you know.

  (Bell ready.)

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. (furious) — Eh? — what Well! (after a manly struggle) Put it there, sir.

  (AUGUSTUS lowers leeboards, hauls up sails L.)

  SETON. (heedlessly) I say! You must come to the wedding!

  (CAPTAIN winces, going on hoard, takes plank in.) ETHEL. Sh! (crosses to SETON) Good-bye, Captain Barley, and many, many thanks.

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. You’re welcome, miss.

  (They move off L. SETON with his arm round her.)

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. (looking after them) Augustus — up with the anchor.

  AUGUSTUS. Aye, aye, sir!

  (AUGUSTUS hauls up anchor, boat moves to L. a foot.) Lower them brails.

  AUGUSTUS. Aye, aye, sir! (lowers sail c.) (CAPTAIN fastens brail rope R. AUGUSTUS looks to R., howls on mast.)

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. What’s the matter with you? (unfastens tiller)

  (Bell.)

  AUGUSTUS. (desperately? between howls) “T-t-tooth-ache, sir.

  (Boat moves to c.)

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. (taking the helm) You’re a young fool, that’s what you are. (aside) But there, so am I. Affability, that’s what it is, no harm — too much affability.

  (As the barge, borne by the tide, begins to move) THE CURTAIN FALLS.

  (PICTURE.)

  APPENDIX

  ACT III.

  (Alternative rendering when there is no room for a moving barge.)

  An open meadow. On the L. a shrub-clad cliff rises abruptly and the commencement of a path is seen winding up it. At the back an embanked river runs diagonally across the stage from behind the cliff on the L. to nearer the footlights on the R., where it loses itself in a plantation of firs. On the farther side the tops of the rushes and flags in flower are seen. Beyond the river there is a wide expanse of flat meadow landscape bounded on the horizon by downs, similar to that seen through the gap in the shrubs on the R. in ACT I. It is very early morning. Birds call off. A barge is lying at anchor off the near bank. All is still on board. (Pail of mud between embankment and barge R. c. Tree trunk down L.)

  (Enter MANNERS down cliff-path. He is in flannels and has a rough bath-towel round his neck. He sits down and proceeds to unfasten boot.)

  MANNERS, (yawning) Ha, ha, h’, h’, hum —

  Ooh! (shakes his head)

  (Enter LUCY, running down the path. As MANNERS looks up she stops.)

  MANNERS. Hullo! (springs up)

  LUCY. Mr. Manners.

  MANNERS. Good morning, Miss Dallas, (shakes hands) By Jove, you look as fresh as if you had had a good night’s rest!

  LUCY. HOW can you say such a thing, when you know I’ve been up all night crying with auntie, while you —

  MANNERS. I’ve been up all night being sworn at by the Major. He’s caught an awful cold — can’t swear distinctly. I left him snoring in the billiard-room. Even his snores are threatening.

  LUCY. And now he’s swearing again.

  MANNERS. In his sleep? Wonderful!

  LUCY. NO, of course not. Dibbs woke him up. Dibbs thinks he’s got a clue.

  MANNERS. Dibbs’ll think anything. He is all imagination, Dibbs is. What is it?

  LUCY. I couldn’t hear very well. They were both talking at once, especially uncle. Something about Ethel going on a ship.

  MANNERS. Ship!

  LUCY. Yes.

  MANNERS. What for?

  (LUCY shakes her head. MANNERS sits L. on upper end of tree.)

  LUCY. (admiringly) How calm you are I MANNERS. Well, what do you expect? — etc., etc.

  APPENDIX to page 108, line 3. (Alternative reindering when there is no room for a moving barge)

  (Exeunt LUCY and MANNERS L.)

  (Enter CAPTAIN
BARLEY and SETON on barge.)

  SETON. ‘Morning, Cap’n. Pretty place, Cap’n. The young lady’ll be able to go ashore and pick buttercups and daisies.

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. Young lady! You speak when you’re spoken to, my lad, and not afore, else you an’ me won’t talk alike. Go and wash them decks.

  SETON. Why, I washed ’em only half an hour ago!

  CAPTAIN BARLEY. It don’t matter if you washed ’em arf a minute ago. Wash ’em again.

  (SETON lowers mop down L. and washes deck.) Augustus! Augustus!

  AUGUSTUS. (coming up forecastle, yawning; sulkily) Yes! — (etc., etc., page no, line 3.)

  ACT I. LIGHTING PLOT.

  Everything full up — White.

  PROPERTY PLOT.

  Grass mat to cover stage.

  Flag-staff with Union Jack flying up stage c.

  Telescope on tripod R. of rose-bush up stage a

  Large rose-bush up stage C.

  Rustic seat down stage R.

  Rustic stool R. of seat down stage R.

  Oval flower-bed containing geraniums and hydrangeas C

  Garden chair up stage R. C.

  Garden chair down stage L.

  Rose-bushes and hollyhocks about stage everywhere.

  Wheelbarrow and rake ready off L.

  Cloak on seat R., hat on chair L.

  “Pink’un” on stage at opening.

  Novel on stage at opening.

  Tobacco, matches, paper parcel of cigars (3), coins, pipe.

  Bread and cheese.

  Hand-bag off L.

  ACT II. LIGHTING PLOT.

  Float and first batten full up.

  Lengths at all doors

  Blue lime on back cloth.

  Amber lime on perches.

  White length behind back cloth (transparency).

  Electric fire.

  Two electric underground glass globes to resemble gas over fireplace.

  Gas jet on counter to light cigars, etc.

  PROPERTY PLOT.

  Public-house counter down R. of scene.

  Practical beer engine on counter.

  Till under counter.

  Bottles, whisky and brandy, barrels, cigar-boxes, glasses, etc., etc., on shelves behind counter.

  Pewter pots, blackjacks, jugs, matches, candle in stick, etc., on counter.

  Model of ship over bar door R.

  Model of ship over fireplace c.

  Model of barge over staircase landing. —

  Model of ship over c doors.

  Model of fish over window opening.

  Stuffed dog in case over door on landing.

  Pictures of ships between models on scene.

  Kitchen table c.

  Windsor chair underneath table.

  Windsor chair down L.

  Window-seat inside circular window.

  High-backed wooden settle each side of fire.

  Pipes, tobacco, money, real beer in engine, etc.

  Tea-tray ready off R.

  Glass crash ready off R.

  Two wet umbrellas ready off up R.

  Hand-bag ready off up R.

  Stool below R.

  Two barrels under staircase.

  Red window curtain in bow window.

  Small red curtain on lower pane of each c door.

  Door mat at foot of c doors.

  Small mat at foot of stairs.

  Cheap oilcloth up stairs.

  £5 note for Seton.

  Strip of American cloth off at c doors to represent wet pavement.

  Rain barrel off L.

  China ornaments. Toby jugs (5), etc., on mantelshelf.

  Clock on mantelshelf.

  Old sporting rifle over mantelshelf and under model of ships. Concertina ready off R.

  Prop concertina on stage.

  Six-inch platform behind bar to raise Mrs. Porter up. Parcel (brown paper) ready off L.

  ACT III. LIGHTING PLOT.

  Everything full up — White.

  PROPERTY PLOT.

  Barge fully rigged. 27 ft long Log (tree) down L.

  Grass cloth Quantities of reeds and hemlocks.

  Tea-things and tray on barge.

  Milk-jug on barge.

  Mop on barge.

  Bucket on barge.

  Plank on barge.

  Hair-brush and looking-glass on barge.

  Bird call off L.

  Bath-towel for Manners.

  THE BOATSWAIN’S MATE

  A PLAY IN ONE ACT

  First performed at Wyndham’s Theatre, April 15th, 1907, with the following cast:

  BENN. Old letters. Tobacco box, pipe and matches. Pencil and sheet of paper. Pick and shovel.

  TRAVERS. Bundle tied to stick. Pipe.

  MRS. WATERS. Cash box. Two sovereigns. Double barrelled gun. Candlestick.

  THE BOATSWAIN’S MATE

  SCENE: — The bar at “The Beehive” Inn. On the L. is a counter, behind which is a door opening into sitting room. There is a wide, low window R. C and a door C which when open, discloses a view of a garden. On the R. is a door opening on to the road. There is a large cupboard down R. and a table C.

  (MRS. WATERS is discovered behind the counter. BENN is standing in front of the counter. MRS. WATERS is a pretty, buxom woman of thirty. BENN is a short, thick-set man of over fifty.)

  BENN. There’s one thing, Mrs. Waters, that I’ve told you times out of number, and I tells you again, solemn and emphatic, and that is, no matter ‘ow many times you refuse me my feelings’ll never change.

  MRS. WATERS (significantly). Nor mine either. BENN. Can’t you give me any ‘ope? (Pushing empty mug towards her.)

  MRS. WATERS (petulantly, pushing mug back). No, nor beer either. It’s a strange thing, Mr. Benn, but you always ask me to marry you after the third mug.

  BENN. It’s only to get my courage up. Next time I’ll do it, afore I ‘ave a drop; that’ll prove to you I’m in earnest p’raps. (He moves towards door R. Brokenly) Good night, Mrs. Waters. I’m pained and ‘urt at your insinivation that three mugs, or thirty for the matter o’ that, could alter my feelings towards you. Good-night, ma’am.

  MRS. WATERS. Stop a moment, Mr. Benn.

  BENN (coming back quickly). Then there is ‘ope?

  MRS. WATERS. NO, but you can do me a favour. BENN. Anything for you.

  MRS. WATERS. My girl’s gone to stop the night at her mother’s, so there’s no one to mind the bar while I get my supper. P’raps you —

  BENN. IS that all, I ‘oped it was something that’d give me a h’opportunity to show you how much I — MRS. WATERS — (cutting him short). There! I want my supper. Help yourself, Mr. Benn, while I’m gone. I shan’t be long. (Exit L. into sitting room.)

  (BENN hisses his hand to the closed door. He sighs loudly, then lifts flap of counter, and takes up his position behind the counter.)

  BENN. ‘Elp myself I (Sighs.) I don’t want any beer; I’ve lost the relish for it. (He draws a mug of beer while he is talking, in an absent-minded manner.) Some’ow it seems to choke me. I suppose it’s love. If I could only show ‘er somehow, what a chance she’s missing. (He gazes at the mug of beer with a surprised expression) Mind’s wanderin’ I suppose. Any ‘ow it’s a pity to waste it.

  (Raises it to his lips as NED TRAVERS ENTERS R. TRAVERS is a tall erect man of about thirty-eight. He betrays his military training in his carriage. He carries a small bundle.)

  TRAVERS. Evening, guv’nor BENN. Evenin’ I TRAVERS. Pint o’ four, please.

  (BENN draws the beer, and hands it to TRAVERS, who pays for it). —

  BENN. Fine night.

  TRAVERS. Yes, but dry. (Drinks beer.) Here’s luck.

  BENN. (drinking). Same to you.

  TRAVERS (Looking round). Cosy little place you’ve got.

  BENN. Cosy enough, but it ain’t mine. —

  TRAVERS. Aren’t you the boss?

  BENN. NO, friend o’ mine. A widder. She’s the boss. I’m on’y minding the bar for ‘er.

  TRAVER
S. Sly dog.

  BENN (annoyed). Eh?

  TRAVERS, NO offence, no offence.

  BENN. Granted, but there is subjects that —

  TRAVERS. I understand.’Ave you such a thing as a pipe o’ baccy, mate?

  BENN (handing him a metal box).’Elp yourself.

  TRAVERS. Thanks.

  BENN. Lobster, ain’t you?

  TRAVERS. Was. Now I’m my own commander-inchief. —

  BENN (taking box and filling his own pipe). Padding it?

  TRAVERS. That looks like it? (Holding up afoot encased in a dilapidated boot).

  BENN (pointing to a chair by the table in bar).’Ave a rest.

  TRAVERS (sitting). I’ve got plenty of time.

  BENN (looking at TRAVERS from behind the counter, aside). Wonder if ‘e’d do it? ‘E looks a likely chap, and ‘e’s down on his luck. I’ll try’im, any’ow. (To Travers) Have another? (Travers hesitates.) With me.

  TRAVERS. Don’t mind if I do. (Sitting L. of table.) (Benn draws two mugs of beer, and carries them to the table.) You seem quite at home here.

  BENN — (sighs). Wish I was. (Drinks)’Ere’s another kind, love.

  TRAVERS (drinks). And many of ’em.

  BENN. Lookin’ for a job, mate?

  TRAVERS. Been lookin’ for one till my eyes ache.

  BENN. Ain’t over and above fond o’ work, I s’pose?

  TRAVERS. I love it, but we can’t have all we want in this world; (primly) it wouldn’t be good for us.

  BENN. Would — would ‘arf a quid be any good to you?

  TRAVERS (sternly, rising). Look here, just because I asked you for a pipe o’ baccy —— —

  BENN. NO offence, no offence, I mean if you earned it?

  TRAVERS, What’s the job? (resignedly) Gardening and windows I suppose?

  BENN (stealthily, and looking at door behind bar). No. —

  TRAVERS (sitting down again). Scrubbing, p’raps? Last house I scrubbed out I did it so thoroughly they accused me of pouching the soap. Damn ’em.

  BENN. And you didn’t?

  TRAVERS (rising and knocking the ashes out of his pipe). I can’t give it back to you, because I’ve smoked some of it, and I can’t pay you for it, because I’ve only got twopence, and that I want for myself. (goes towards door R.) SO long, matey, and next time a poor devil asks you for a pipe, be civil.

 

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