by Shell Taylor
Kollin shook his head. “That’s not really what it felt like, though. I mean, yeah. He said he left because he didn’t want to burden me with his issues, but I don’t know. I’m probably just being paranoid, but I swear he’s hiding something.”
“Maybe Dr. Maggie can help him.”
“I guess.” Kollin crossed his arms and frowned. “I hope he keeps in touch from now on.”
“Only way to find out is to wait and see.”
Kollin rolled his eyes. “Your wisdom is overwhelming sometimes.”
Eli sat forward and ruffled Kollin’s hair. “You know I mostly like Riley. Always did. I know how much he hurt you back then, so he’s not getting a free pass from me just yet. But—” Eli paused. “—if he… if his friendship—is that important to you, you best be prepared to fight like hell for him. Neither of you has an easy road ahead if he’s struggling with something he’s trying to hide from you.”
Kollin closed his eyes and let Eli’s words sink in. A not-so-small part of him screamed that the shit was about to hit the fan, but he had no idea what he could do about it until Riley opened up more. “Guess nothing in life is ever easy.”
“Nope,” Eli agreed. “Nothing worth a damn is, anyway.”
Chapter 3
“IT’S OPEN.”
Riley twisted the knob to the foreman’s trailer and clomped inside. His appointment that morning with Maggie had sucked the life right out of him, and the long bus ride back to Boone hadn’t helped one bit. “Hey, boss.”
“Riley. Didn’t expect to see you today.” Greg leaned back in his rickety chair and waved toward an even more rickety chair in the corner.
“Figured I might as well check in. Nothing to do at home.”
Greg grunted. “So… what’d they say?”
Riley leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He hadn’t told Kollin the other reason he’d been in town. The possibility of Drummond Construction making a bid on the Home for Hope extension project seemed too good to be true, especially after Kollin had welcomed him back into his life so easily. Moving back to Cary for even a short stint would not only give him a chance to reconnect with Kollin but also put him closer to Dr. Maggie and make it easier to continue therapy.
Telling Kollin would’ve made the entire thing too real, and Riley couldn’t bear the thought of breaking it to Kollin if they didn’t pull the deal.
“Adam wants to add twenty more rooms to Home for Hope. He’s open to suggestions on the cheapest way to go about that—whether it’s duplicating the same setup they have or creating more of a dorm-like feel with one large bathroom to serve a set number of rooms. Whatever they go with, they want quality work, and they want to make sure the crew they hire isn’t going to harass the youth there, so they aren’t necessarily going with the lowest bidder.”
Greg grunted again. “The materials?”
Riley grinned. “Langley Lumber will be donating most of them, of course.”
“It’s a big job either way. Be nice to have.”
Riley nodded. Greg’s words gave away nothing, but he recognized the intense stare. He wanted that job. “I can talk to Adam again. See how serious he is about hiring us, if that’s what you want.”
Greg scratched his chin and studied Riley. “Sure wouldn’t mind it. I’m stretched a bit thin with Krazinski out. Think you could step up to acting junior foreman?”
Riley’s mouth dropped. “Are you shitting me?”
Greg cracked a rare smile. “I am not. You’ve earned it. Just temporary for now, but it’s good experience, and you’re already familiar with the building and the area.”
“Well, yeah. I’d love to. Thank you, sir.” Riley stretched his hand across the desk to shake Greg’s. “Are you sure the other guys aren’t going to be pissed, though?”
“Not up to them, but I doubt it either way. Only a couple of those guys have been here longer than you, and none of them have the leadership you do. Bigwigs won’t argue it either, especially if you help us get the bid. It’ll be the perfect way to get our name around when the new branch opens in Durham.”
“Thanks, Greg. I won’t let you down.”
“I know. Now get out of here. You look like shit. Take care of yourself, you hear me? Stay out of trouble.”
Riley grimaced but nodded. No way would he fall back into bad habits with everything he had riding on the line. “No repeats. I swear.”
Two hours later Riley collapsed into bed. He’d polished off a hearty dinner of Dinty Moore Beef Stew in record time and then eyed the top drawer of his dresser, where his last bit of weed lay, sealed tightly inside a baggie and stuffed into a Mason jar. Smoking was the only bad habit he’d kept since the grand fuckup a year before. Too worried he’d lose his job if he got caught, he rarely indulged in that anymore either. Riley kept the small stash for the occasional long weekend and cherished the short time he spent high—the only time he ever felt like he could take a deep breath and actually relax. He desperately wanted that feeling right then, but he wouldn’t dare risk even a quick puff with a possible promotion coming up.
Instead he grabbed his phone and thumbed through his short list of contacts until he landed on Kollin’s name. He pushed Send, and a smile formed before Kollin even answered.
“You actually called.”
Riley laughed. “I told you I’d keep in touch.”
“Yeah. Well, can’t blame me for being suspicious. You still in town?”
“Nah. I came home. Had some stuff to take care of.”
“Oh yeah?” Riley could hear Kollin’s interest pique. “Got a hot man there waiting on you?”
Riley guffawed. “Hardly. You’re cute if you think someone would actually want to be with me.”
“Why wouldn’t they?” The lightness of Kollin’s voice had fallen away, and Riley instantly regretted his self-denigrating comment.
“I was mostly teasing because… you know. I’m only half male.”
“Bullshit. You aren’t. Parts don’t matter.”
Riley sighed. “To some people they do, Koll. You can’t deny that. Even you. I mean, as soon as you realized who I was, you lost any interest you had in dating me.”
The line went silent, and Riley had never wanted to suck words back into his mouth more than he did in that moment.
“Ri… I—”
“Forget it. That was uncalled for.”
Kollin waited a moment before he spoke again. “But I don’t think you understood what I meant. I was—”
“Kollin,” Riley pleaded. The last thing he wanted to hear right then was some lame excuse. It was supposed to be a happy moment. “Seriously. Can we please not have this conversation right now?”
There was another bout of silence, and Kollin sighed. “Sure. Whatever you want. But you know you can talk to me about anything. Right?”
Riley closed his eyes. If only that were true. He’d accepted a long time ago that he couldn’t talk to anyone about everything on his mind. “Yeah, man. ’Course I know that. Really, it was just a stupid comment. The last guy I dated was a douche about my lack of parts, and I guess I’ve got some lingering bitterness going on. Anyway that’s not why I called. I have some potentially exciting news.”
“Okay.” Kollin sounded hesitant to drop the subject, but Riley knew he wouldn’t push just yet. He needed to watch what he said going forward. Too many slips like that and Kollin would have him spilling his guts in no time. “What’s going on?”
“Well, I wasn’t 100 percent honest with you about why I was in town.”
“Really, Ri? Really?”
Riley laughed. “I know, but I needed to talk to my boss first, so I just kept my mouth shut. There’s a possibility I’ll be back in town for a job.”
“Seriously?” Kollin squealed, and Riley cringed. “Oh my God. That’s so exciting. What job?”
“If things go as planned, Home for Hope.”
“What? How? Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“Well.” Riley dr
ew the word out and tried to inflect a hopeful cheeriness into his voice. “I’m telling you now. My company is looking to open a branch in Durham. I happened to see HOPE on a list of upcoming jobs and told my foreman I knew you guys. He asked if I could check it out. That’s what I was talking to Adam about yesterday.”
“Adam knows and didn’t tell?” Kollin shouted.
Riley pulled the phone away from his ear and only held the mouthpiece to his lips. “I asked him not to so it could come from me. Plus I didn’t want to be part of it if you didn’t want me around.”
Kollin huffed. “So that stuff about seeing Maggie…?”
“That’s true too. I was kind of hoping she’d just give me the referral on the spot, but I should’ve known better. She said she’d set me up with someone good here if I don’t end up back there, but I already have a therapist here who can do that. I just hate going to someone new.”
“Wait a second.” Kollin sounded frustrated. “Back up. Dr. Maggie didn’t give you the rec?”
Riley groaned. That. That right there was why Riley pulled away from Kollin. Whether Riley let dumb shit slip out of his mouth or Kollin picked up on every tiny little thing Riley didn’t want him to, Kollin always ferreted out everything Riley wanted to keep in.
“Ri?”
“She just wants to be sure I’m ready,” Riley said, trying to keep any sort of inflection out of his voice.
“Oh man. That sucks.” Kollin sounded at a loss for words. Riley knew the feeling well.
“Doesn’t matter. I’ll either be in town soon, so I can keep seeing her until she thinks I’m ready, or I’ll find someone here.”
“The hell it doesn’t matter.” Kollin’s indignant reaction made the corner of Riley’s mouth turn up. “Why didn’t she sign for you? That’s bullshit.”
And with that simple question, where the answer was anything but, exhaustion swept through Riley again. “Can we not get into this tonight, Koll? I don’t have the energy.”
Kollin’s anger was replaced by soft concern. “Of course. I’m sorry. It’s none of my business, anyway.”
Probably not, but Riley actually found the worry welcome after going so long with no one caring.
“Don’t even fret about it,” he reassured Kollin. “But hey, if you can sway Adam toward Drummond’s, it’d be awesome to be in town again. And my boss wants me to act as junior foreman if we get this job, which would be an incredible opportunity. Adam sounded like he’d consider us if we put in a bid, but it’s all kind of last minute too. So who knows what’ll happen.”
“Seriously?” Kollin’s voice had gotten deeper over the years, but his second squeal proved that it still rose to unnaturally high levels when he became excited.
Riley grinned. “Seriously.”
“I’ll talk to them tomorrow,” Kollin promised.
Riley closed his eyes. He didn’t love extorting his friendship with Kollin to tip the scales in his favor, but even with his mixed feelings about returning to Cary, he couldn’t help but ask. Before Riley saw HOPE’s name listed on that sheet, returning to Cary for even a weekend had been a subject he wouldn’t even let the deepest parts of his mind entertain. Dealing with all of the crap he’d left behind there seemed insurmountable, but after spending a few days there, he could see how he might have been a touch dramatic. Maybe he’d worried for nothing.
KOLLIN DRUMMED his fingers on his knee while Adam and Eli studied the information Riley had e-mailed him on Drummond Construction. He’d already looked it over himself and been impressed, but he knew shit about construction companies, so that didn’t say much. The only things he cared about were that Riley’s boss seemed like a stellar guy and Drummond’s getting the bid meant that Riley would be back in town.
Adam sat back and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know much about construction, but it seems as good a company as any we already have around here. Elijah?”
“They do good work, from everything I’ve heard, but I agree with Adam. There are several solid construction companies already in town who would probably give us a lower bid, since they don’t have to travel.”
“Yeah, but this would bring Riley back,” Kollin interjected.
Adam ran his fingers through his hair and tugged on the ends. “I love Riley as much as you do, but I’ve got to think about the youth here. We don’t have an endless supply of money to build this expansion.”
Kollin refrained from huffing and pointedly eyeing Eli. Everyone in Adam’s tiny office knew they did have an unlimited supply of money—or as good as, anyway. Instead he bounced his foot up and down and struggled to think of the words he needed to make Adam change his mind. But Eli spoke before he found them. “I know this is important to you. Maybe Adam and I can play with the budget. But they have to at least offer a competitive bid.”
Adam’s mouth dropped open, and he smacked Eli’s arm. “Elijah.”
Eli made a face back at him. “Adam.”
“You’re such a pushover. Can’t I ever be the one who gives in?”
Unperturbed, Eli snatched the papers off Adam’s desk and sat back in his chair to look over them again. “You had your chance to tell him yes. Not my fault you didn’t take it.”
Adam huffed. “So sorry I’m trying to teach our son a business lesson. I would’ve thought that would be right up your alley.”
“Ah, ah, ah.” Eli wagged his finger at Adam. “One of the most important lessons you taught me was family before business.”
“You’re impossible.” Adam crossed his arms.
Kollin scratched his head.
“Does this mean Drummond’s will get the contract?”
“No—” Eli said.
“Maybe—” Adam said at the same time.
“Who’s the pushover now?” Eli asked, his lips twitching.
“You just said—” Adam was nearly screaming until he looked at Eli’s smirking face. “You’re such an asshole. Why do you insist on getting me riled up like that?”
Eli laughed and nudged Adam’s shoulder. “Because it’s so easy, and I love seeing that vein in your forehead—yep, that one right there—pop out.”
“You two are so dysfunctional.” Kollin was used to their shenanigans, but he was starting to lose his patience. “Seriously? Does that mean they have the job?”
Eli sighed and rubbed his forehead. He looked at Adam and raised his eyebrows, and the two stared at each other for several moments, apparently having a silent battle. “Seriously. After talking to Riley when he was in, we’d already decided that as long as their bid is reasonable and their references check out, they’ve got it.”
Adam nodded. “What I said earlier is still true. I’d love to help Riley out, and I can’t think of a more perfect way than this. Riley mentioned Drummond’s is itching to get this contract so they can get their name out, but if he’s wrong and the numbers don’t match and the company isn’t a good fit, there’s nothing I can do. Ri’s foreman sounds like a great guy, and I’d love to have him out here. If he’s unavailable, someone’s going to have to vet whoever they send. These workers will be around my kids for months. I won’t have a bunch of homophobic assholes throwing slurs or even murmuring them under their breaths.”
Eyes wide, Kollin held in his urge to squeal like a little girl. Instead he jumped up and hugged both of his parents. “Thank youuuuu.”
“Like we wouldn’t do everything we could to help Ri out,” Adam said as he returned the hug. “Do you not know us at all?”
“I know,” Kollin agreed and glanced at Eli. “Four years is a long time, though.”
“He tell you anything yet?” Eli asked.
Kollin shook his head and looked at Adam. “He say anything to you?”
Adam winced and shifted in his seat.
“He did,” Kollin said, his eyes growing big with accusation. “What happened to him? Is he okay?”
“Koll, you know I can’t—”
“Bullshit.” Kollin smacked his hand down on the desk. “Y
ou can tell me. This isn’t some random kid. Riley was my best friend.”
“Kollin.” Eli’s tone was sharp, and Kollin knew he was treading a thin line.
He crossed his arms over his chest and squared his jaw. “I’m sorry I cursed at you, but the sentiment remains. Maybe I can help him.”
Adam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Kollin knew then that he wouldn’t be getting any answers. Adam was searching for the right words to let him down gently.
“He specifically asked me not to tell you anything he told me. I’m sorry.”
Kollin deflated. “Can you at least tell me if he’s okay?”
Adam winced again, and fear raced through Kollin. “Being near the center and people who accept him will be good for him.”
No. That meant no. Something terrible had happened to Riley, and Kollin had no idea what.
Chapter 4
RILEY RAN his forefinger over one of the jagged, bright red scars on his chest as he looked in the mirror. Some days—most days—he hated these scars. They remained an angry reminder of the flawed body he’d been born in. On those days he covered up quickly, unable to look at himself for longer than strictly necessary. That day, thankfully, his scars reminded Riley of everything he’d survived. Maybe he hadn’t been given the right body, but someone or something thought Riley would be strong enough to endure the constant battle he had with himself.
Since reconnecting with Kollin a month earlier, days like that came more frequently. Kollin had a way of making him look inside his soul to see the good parts—his wit, his intelligence, his determination. As welcoming as it felt to be relieved of his own demons, Riley knew that relying on Kollin for his happiness was entering dangerous territory.
Riley’s phone rang and pulled him out of his reverie. He grabbed a T-shirt, jerked it over his head, and picked up the old flip phone.
“Ready, kid?” Greg asked before Riley even had a chance to say hello.
“Yep. Be there in a minute.”
Greg clicked off without another word, so Riley shoved his feet into his construction boots and picked up the two duffel bags he’d packed. Drummond Construction was set to begin the addition to the inn the following morning. Riley’s landlord, who happened to be Greg’s mom, refused Riley’s offer to pay his meager rent during the three-months-plus they were going to be in Cary. So Riley had shoved everything he wasn’t taking with him into a corner, in case she needed to use the space. Rather than return home on the weekends, like most of the crew, Riley planned stay with Adam, Elijah, and Kollin. The thought left him both excited and terrified.