Reclaiming Hope

by Shell Taylor

  Kollin tore his mouth away from Riley’s. “What? What’s wrong?”

  Riley shook his head, and instead of answering in words, he flipped Kollin off him and rolled on top. With Riley sitting astride Kollin and both of them in t-shirts and basketball shorts, there was no way Riley couldn’t feel Kollin’s erection. Kollin grinned up at Riley and jutted his hips.

  Riley laughed, leaned in for another kiss, and manhandled Kollin to hold his arms against the bed. He licked and bit at Kollin’s neck while squirming around on top of him, which Kollin could only assume was a successful effort to drive him insane. When Riley finally stopped kissing Kollin long enough to bury his face in Kollin’s chest, Kollin groaned. He wanted more.

  “Ri. Please. Can I touch your skin?”

  Riley didn’t raise his head from Kollin’s chest, but after a moment, he nodded quickly. Kollin wiggled his hands free from Riley’s grasp to slide them under his shirt. There was a patch of coarse hair at the base of his back, and Kollin lingered there briefly and then skimmed his fingers up.

  Riley’s back was solid, and when Riley swiveled his crotch against Kollin’s, Kollin felt those strong muscles flexing beneath his hands. Precome leaked from Kollin’s dick, and it flitted across his mind to slow down before they went too far. But then Riley’s hand slid under Kollin’s shirt. With his palm spread, Riley ran his hand up Kollin’s side and over his ribs, and with his thumb, he kneaded right over Kollin’s nipple.

  Kollin was pretty young when he discovered his nipple had a direct connection to his penis. Apparently Riley would discover it on their second date. Kollin bucked his hips, which made Riley groan. Then he swept his thumb back over Kollin’s nipple, and Kollin bucked again.

  “Oh shit,” Kollin panted.

  With a grunt Riley tugged Kollin’s shirt up and latched his mouth onto Kollin’s nipple while he teased the other one. Slowing down became the last thing on his mind. Kollin squeezed his hand between them and shoved it into his shorts. Riley rode Kollin’s hand with the same amount of fervor as he had Kollin’s shaft while Kollin gripped himself.

  The sounds that came out of Riley were nearly obscene, and between his own rough tugging and the pull of Riley’s teeth against his nipple, Kollin grew closer and closer to orgasm, until his entire body froze. In several quick spurts, Kollin came all over his hand and briefs and created an entirely too-sticky mess in his pants.

  Clearly not done, Riley continued to whimper and rub himself against Kollin. As he came down from his haze of lustful euphoria, Kollin floundered about what to do next. Touching Riley beneath his shorts was not an option, but he wanted to make Riley feel as good as he did. Having no experience with a vagina, Kollin fell back on the minimal knowledge he’d gained from watching porn.

  Kollin gripped the back of Riley’s neck and pulled him away from his now too sensitive nipples and into another deep kiss. Sticky hand be damned. Kollin tentatively touched Riley over his shorts. His concern for overstepping his boundaries and upsetting Riley outweighed his nerves, but to his relief, Riley didn’t push him away. Instead he moved Kollin’s hand farther up and showed him how to rub—sometimes up and down and sometimes swiveling his fingers around in circles. Riley’s gyrations became more unpredictable, he seemed to pull away and then come back for more.

  When Riley buried his head back into the crook of Kollin’s neck and let out a long, low whimper, Kollin felt his dick start to twitch with renewed interest.

  “Holy fuck, that’s so fucking hot, Ri.” Kollin planted a sloppy kiss beneath Riley’s ear and wrapped his free arm around Riley’s waist to keep him from squirming away. Soon Riley’s whimpers grew louder until he nearly shouted. His body seemed to curl into himself as he strained out a final moan. And then he immediately pulled Kollin’s hand away and collapsed on his chest.

  They lay like that for a few moments, panting against one another, until Kollin found the energy to loosely throw his arms around Riley’s back.

  So much for taking it slow.

  Kollin couldn’t bring himself to regret it, though. They’d kept their clothes on, and they’d gotten one big question out of the way. There was no doubt that they were sexually attracted to one another.

  “So…,” Kollin said with a slight chuckle. “That just happened.”

  Riley turned his face so it was completely on Kollin’s chest, and he nodded.

  “You okay?” Kollin asked him and trailed his hand lightly up Riley’s back.

  Riley nodded again. “Are you?” he asked, his voice muffled. “Was that okay?”

  Kollin laughed. “Are you kidding? That was hot as hell. I can’t remember the last time I jizzed in my shorts. You’re like… I dunno, man. Snails and chocolate and pineapple all rolled into one.”

  Riley finally looked at Kollin, his face scrunched up. “I’m like a snail?”

  “Yeah. They’re supposed to be an aphrodisiac. Ya know… to get you in the mood.”

  Riley shook his head. His smile was lopsided, and there was a twinkle in his eyes that Kollin didn’t get to see often enough. “I know what an aphrodisiac is, but I think you’re thinking of oysters.”

  “Oh.” Kollin threw his head back against the pillow and laughed. “I was close. One disgusting, slimy food is the same as the next. Right?”

  “If you say so.”

  Riley rested his head against Kollin’s chest again, and they lay in silence for a few more minutes, until Kollin gently squeezed his sides. “What about you? Was it okay for you?”

  Riley didn’t answer right away, but he tightened his grip around Kollin, so Kollin waited. When Riley’s eyes met his again, they were pooled in tears.

  “Hey.” Kollin cupped Riley’s face in his hand. “What’s wrong? What’d I do?”

  Riley looked down. “It’s so dumb. I’ve never…. I mean, no one’s ever…. Guys don’t usually want to….” Instead of finishing his thought, Riley burrowed back into Kollin’s chest. And as Kollin figured out what Riley was trying to tell him, anger raged inside him.

  “No one’s ever done that for you before?”

  Riley shook his head. “I told you, most guys want a dick. If they can’t get one, a quick lay will suffice, and those don’t generally come with reciprocation.”

  “Fuck, Ri.” Kollin tightened his arms around Riley. “I wish you’d told me. I would’ve….” What? What would he have done differently? Kollin didn’t know.

  “It’s okay. I wouldn’t have wanted anything different anyway.” He tilted his head to the side to rest his cheek on Kollin’s chest. “I don’t want pity or to be treated like a head case.”

  Kollin nudged Riley’s side with the inside of his elbow. “Hey. Shush. I was a head case at one point. Stop talking about my kind.”

  Kollin’s sarcasm seemed to work. Riley grinned and lightly kissed Kollin’s chest over his shirt. “So you have sensitive nipples, huh?”

  Heat flared up into Kollin’s face, and he was searching for the least embarrassing response when the basement door flew open. Feet pounded down the steps, and Elijah’s voice filtered down with it. “I said to knock first, Lizzie.”

  Riley scrambled to get off of Kollin, but it was too late.

  “You guys want some—oh.” Lizzie gaped at the two of them on the bed while Riley flopped onto the space next to Kollin. Then she did an immediate one eighty and ran back up the steps. “Daaaaad!”

  Kollin laughed but stopped when he saw Riley’s face.

  “Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Kollin.” Riley flapped his hands in the air and pointed up the stairs. “Go. Go. Go fix it.”

  Kollin grabbed Riley’s hands and kissed each of them, then placed them in his lap. “Calm down. It’s going to be fine. We’re both clothed, and there’s no way she knew what we just did. I am, however, going to wash my hands before I go up there and smooth everything over. You good?”

  “Right. Yes. Okay. I’m good. I’m never leaving this basement again, but I’m good. Just send boxes of ramen down once a
week or so.”

  Laughter bubbled out of Kollin. He kissed the top of Riley’s forehead and shoved off the bed to clean himself up. He could hear Eli’s and Lizzie’s muffled voices from upstairs, but he knew no one would come down the stairs again until they had the all-clear to invade Riley’s space. He wished he could comfort Riley more, but the only way to make him feel better was to let his parents in on their relationship. Then Riley could see with his own two eyes that Adam and Eli were happy as long as Kollin was.

  Kollin dried his hands. “I’ll let you know when we’re done talking. You can decide then if you want to join us or not.”

  Riley nodded and shrank back against his headboard. Kollin sighed. As bad as he felt for Riley, he couldn’t help grinning at the tremor of excitement coursing through him. Riley needed time to work through his issues, but they’d just passed a huge test in their relationship.

  Chapter 10

  KOLLIN OPENED the basement door and walked into the kitchen. He lightly bopped Lizzie on the back of her head and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl as he leaned against the kitchen island. “Ever heard of knocking?”

  Screwing on her best pout face, Lizzie rubbed the spot Kollin just smacked. “Ever heard of locking a door? Or, I don’t know, not making out with your supposed best friend in your parents’ basement?”

  Kollin laughed. “What’re you talking about? Riley is my best friend.”

  Lizzie huffed. “Dad.”

  Eli put his arm around Lizzie and pulled her in front of him. “Your sister seems to think she caught you two in a precarious position.” He raised his eyebrow at Kollin. “You’re an adult, so what you do is your business, but you need to remember there’s a twelve-year-old girl in the house.”

  “Oh please. It wasn’t anything worse than that time we caught you and Adam on the couch supposedly ‘keeping each other warm.’” Kollin rolled his eyes as he used his fingers to make quotes. “We were watching a movie together, and he was on top of me. We were also fully clothed and not under a blanket. If she told you it was anything more than that, she’s lying.”

  “Liz,” Eli said, exasperation heavy in his tone.

  “It’s not fair,” Lizzie huffed. “Why does Kollin get to have a live-in boyfriend, and I can’t even go on a date?”

  “It’s very fair,” Eli said, tugging on one of her braids. “As I just said, Kollin is an adult, and you are twelve. Besides, I’d hardly call Riley a live-in boyfriend. You just got confused. Right, Koll?”

  Kollin took a large bite of his apple. He twisted his face up and grunted. “Eh.”

  Eli’s eyes narrowed. “Why don’t you go to your room, Liz.”

  She stomped off with as much righteous anger as she could muster and mumbled about the injustices of living in a man’s world. Kollin held in his laughter and faced Eli.

  “She’s going to be the death of me. I have gray hairs now. Did you know that? Fucking gray hairs.”

  “I bet Adam digs the salt-and-pepper look. Sounds like something he’d like. All professor-y and shit.”

  Eli stared at him. “‘Old man’ sounds like something Adam would like?”

  Kollin shrugged. “I dunno. I was just trying to make you feel better.”

  “Don’t think I don’t know some of these are because of you,” Elijah said, pointing to his head. “Now what’s going on with you and Riley? What the hell does ‘eh’ mean?”

  “Don’t flip out.” Kollin hoisted himself onto the counter. “It’s new. Really new. We had our first date last night, and it went well.” Kollin grinned. “We just had our second date, and it also went well.”

  Eli’s mouth dropped open, and he pointed accusingly at Kollin. “Oh my God. You were messing around with him down there.”

  “I swear she didn’t see anything. We fooled around earlier”—Kollin hurried forward when Eli moved to interrupt him—“with our clothes on, but we really were just lying there when she came down.”

  “Kollin.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry. I swear it won’t happen again. Locked doors all the way from now on.” Kollin offered his most sincere smile.

  “Why’re we locking doors?” Adam asked as he breezed into the kitchen. With a loud thwap, he smacked Eli’s ass and then opened the refrigerator door.

  “Apparently your son and Riley are dating, and our daughter caught them making out downstairs in Riley’s room.” Eli’s tone was bland. He didn’t look amused.

  Adam stood from where he’d been hunched over searching for something in the fridge. His eyes were bright when he turned around. “So you decided to go for it?”

  “Wait.” Eli held up his hand. “What? You knew about this?”

  “Not really.” Adam grinned at Kollin. “He mentioned the other day he might ask Riley out.”

  Eli looked from Adam to Kollin with his mouth hanging open. “Why am I always the last one to find out about every damn thing?”

  Kollin grinned. “You were the first to find out we made out.”

  Eli narrowed his eyes. “Actually your sister was.”

  “Again, technically she only saw us lying on the bed together. You were the first one who knew for sure.”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Adam interrupted. “Can someone please catch me up with what’s going on?”

  Kollin gave Adam and Elijah the CliffsNotes version of everything that had gone on between him and Riley over the past few days. When he finished, Adam was unsurprisingly supportive but cautious. “I think it’s great. But you’ll both need to be careful. Riley has a lot going on, even if he weren’t still midtransition. He might not be ready for something serious. And just because you like doing over-the-clothes stuff with him, doesn’t mean it’ll transfer when you two get more serious. Communication is key if you guys want this thing to work out.”

  Eli, though, crossed his arms and studied Kollin, his expression serious. “You really think you could love him?”

  Kollin sobered. “Yes, sir. I do.”

  Eli nodded. “You’re going to have to fight for him. He’s terrified. I can see it in his eyes. He’s ready to rabbit, the first chance he gets. But I know Riley has a good heart, and I hope you two work it out.” He crossed the kitchen to Kollin, wrapped one arm around Kollin’s neck in an awkward hug, and kissed the top of his head. “But for tonight, don’t listen to Adam and don’t overanalyze everything and go see what kind of pizza he wants.”

  “Hey.” Adam whacked the side of Eli’s arm, but a slow smile spread across Kollin’s face. Sometimes he wished everyone could see how amazing Eli was, but at that moment, he felt awfully special knowing Eli reserved those rare glimpses of his foolishly romantic heart only for them.

  With a quiet “Yes, sir,” Kollin slid off the counter and returned downstairs.

  Chapter 11

  “YOU SURE this is a good idea?” Eli asked as he set two bags of groceries on the counter. “Don’t you like Riley?”

  “Duh. That’s why I want to do something nice for him.” Kollin pulled all of the food out of the bags and placed it on the counter.

  “Yeah, but have you tasted your cooking?”

  Kollin made a face at Eli. “You’re so funny.”

  “What time is he getting here?”

  “Said he’d get off work around six.” Kollin washed his hands. “So soon, I guess. I need to get started.”

  “Want some help?”

  Kollin glanced at Eli from the corner of his eye. In general Eli was a terrible cook, but he could grill a mean hamburger, which was what Kollin planned to make. But he wanted to fix the whole meal by himself. “Maybe you could hang out with me. Just in case?”

  “Sure.” Eli sat on one of the bar stools at the island and propped his chin on his hand. “And not that I’m telling you what to do, but it’s going to take longer to cook the potatoes than the hamburgers, so I’d start on those first.”

  “Thanks.” Kollin flashed Eli a grateful smile and got to work peeling and chopping potatoes. Eli messed around on
his phone, probably reading the news or some boring shit like that. He’d never met anyone as business-minded as Eli. He actually enjoyed watching C-SPAN and never seemed to mind when he had to work from home. Originally Kollin thought Eli just accepted that was the price he had to pay for being so involved in HOPE, but Kollin eventually realized Eli worked from home even when he wasn’t overly busy at the center. He seemed to enjoy it.

  Kollin spread the chunks of potatoes onto a baking sheet, covered them with olive oil, and then mixed in salt, pepper, parsley, and Cajun seasoning. He slid them in the oven and got to work on making the hamburger patties.

  “Any tips on these?”

  Eli looked up. “Cook them on a medium-low heat so you don’t burn the outside.”

  “Got it.” Kollin grabbed a chunk of meat and formed a patty. He cast another sideways glance at Eli. “You mind if I ask you something?”

  “’Course not.”

  “You gotta promise not to freak out, though.”

  Eli closed his eyes and put his forehead on his fingertips. “Oh, geez.”

  “That’s not a very good start.” Kollin finished one patty and started on another.

  “Go ahead.”

  “I want to preface this by saying we’ve only been dating a week, so this is a long ways off. Ri doesn’t seem thrilled with the idea of me even seeing him with his shirt off right now. But….” Kollin paused and tried to decide the best way to phrase his problem. “I don’t know what to do,” he finished lamely.

  Eli frowned as he thought, and Kollin placed the patty on the plate and grabbed a handful of meat for another. “I guess I’d wait until he’s comfortable with having his shirt off.”

  Kollin sighed. “Uh… yeah. I got that part. I meant later on, when we’re doing more stuff. Like… down below.”