by Shell Taylor
Riley studied Kollin for several moments, and Kollin would have given up dibs on movie choice at the next ten family nights for a peek inside Riley’s unfiltered thoughts.
“I have scars on my chest,” Riley blurted out. “They’re faded, but you can still see them.”
“You think I didn’t know you’d have scars?” Kollin waited until Riley met his eyes again. “I don’t care about those. I’m more concerned about the ones no one can see, Ri. I know we’re in this strange place, and I don’t mind waiting until you’ve gotten all your shit straightened out, but please know I’m ready to move forward. You gotta tell me what you need from me, though.”
Riley nodded.
“Really?” Kollin teased. “Or are you just trying to get me to shut up?”
“Yes. Okay.” Riley sounded exasperated, but at least he laughed. “I hear you.”
Only time would tell. Between Adam’s and Eli’s warnings and Riley’s shady behavior, Kollin figured it wouldn’t be that easy. But he hoped he’d at least gotten his point across. Nothing to do but wait and see.
Chapter 13
RILEY SAT in the chair that Kollin pulled out for him and then nudged the chair next to him so Kollin had room to sit too. Before Riley left for college, he and Kollin had often spent time people watching, and they decided go to a local bookstore coffeehouse and reinstate the tradition. More often than not, they ended up creating scandalous stories that gave the drama in Desperate Housewives a run for its money.
“Oooh… look at them. I bet that’s not his wife. It’s the nanny.” Kollin’s eyes widened, and he gently swatted Riley’s arm. “Did you see that? He just grabbed her ass.”
“Ass grabbing means she’s the nanny?”
Kollin shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”
“Where’s the mom, then?”
“She’s probably off having an affair too.” Kollin took a sip of his coffee and pointed to a man browsing in the New Releases section. “That guy. He’s spying on the husband and nanny so he can catch him in the act. Then the wife will have proof of his cheating ways and can sue the bastard for everything he has.”
“Wait, I thought the wife was off with her lover.”
“Well, not right now. Duh. She’s waiting in the car.” Kollin rolled his eyes. “What happened to you? You used to be good at this.”
“Guess I got too swept up in my own drama to keep up the practice.” Riley sipped his coffee and waited for Kollin’s next quip. When none came, he looked over at Kollin, who was fiddling with the top of his coffee cup. “What’s wrong? Why’re you nervous?”
“Well.” Kollin drew the word out, and Riley groaned internally. “I was hoping you’d tell me some more about your parents. Maybe I can help you figure out whether or not you want to try to see them again.”
Riley sighed. “What do you want to know? They’re parents. My mom was old-fashioned—took care of most of the cooking and cleaning but never seemed to mind. My dad was sarcastic and protective of his little girl.”
“But like….” Kollin twirled the top of his cup around as he thought. “Before you went off to college, I remember you used to say they were okay parents. They just didn’t get you and refused to use male pronouns. Did you guys talk about it a lot?”
Riley shrugged. “Some. We had a couple fights about it.”
“So they knew how serious you were about transitioning?”
“I guess.” Riley huffed. “I don’t know. It was a long time ago.”
Kollin grabbed Riley’s hand. “I’m not trying to make you mad. I’m just trying to understand.”
“I know.” But Riley didn’t love where Kollin was going with his questions, especially given how nervous Kollin looked.
“You really never told them you were quitting college or had a job or anything?”
“No. Because they had a long sit down with me over Christmas break and told me if I insisted on carrying on with dressing like a boy and acting like a boy, they weren’t going to pay my way any longer. I didn’t see the point.”
“You know I think that was a shitty thing to do. They should’ve listened to you and supported you. I’m just wondering if they would’ve been more receptive if they understood how serious you were.” Kollin drew both of his feet onto his chair and propped his chin on his knees. “Eli used to hate his dad because he didn’t want Eli to publicly date men. But Adam’s always told us at the center to cut our parents some slack because sometimes all they need is a little time to adjust. They’ve had this one perception of us our entire lives, and when it changes on a dime like that, they have to let go of all the future dreams they had for us, ones they’d been forming in their minds and in their hearts since the moment they found out we would be born—before then even—and change them.
“And you know what? Eli’s dad is fucking awesome. He was an asshat to Eli when he found out he had a boyfriend, but after some time, he came around and realized his son’s happiness was more important. He just had to let go of his expectations.”
Kollin’s words settled between them, and Riley frowned. Maybe he had a point, but weren’t parents supposed to love and support their kids unconditionally?
Kollin grabbed Riley’s hand. “I just don’t want you to miss out on something with your parents because it took them a little longer to let go of their daughter than you would’ve liked.”
“And if they have no interest in having a son?”
Kollin squeezed his hand. “Then we’ll deal with that together.”
“WHY’RE YOU acting like you don’t want to be here?” Kollin asked as he pulled Riley toward Legends. “This was your idea.”
Riley rolled his eyes. Kollin was right. He’d thought a night of dancing and a few drinks would snap him out of the downward spiral of doubt he’d fallen into. He needed to remember what it felt like to loosen up and have fun—to stop worrying all the damn time. But at that moment, all he could think about was what might happen later that night at Kollin’s house. Neither of them voiced it, but the air was heavy with expectation when they made plans to crash together in Riley’s room after their night out.
“I want to go. I’m excited.” He forced a smile.
Kollin laughed. “You really look it.”
Riley stopped in the middle of the parking lot and pulled Kollin back to him. He loved the wild look Kollin got in his eyes whenever his enthusiasm took over. Riley couldn’t resist planting a kiss on his lips. “I am. Just, you know… big crowds. I’ll be good once I have a drink.”
Kollin’s eyes lit up even more. Taking a step outside of his comfort zone always paid off when he was with Kollin. Even if his only reward was a smile, it was always worth the anxiety.
The club was packed. They’d arrived much later than before, and Riley had to wait almost five minutes for their drinks while Kollin scouted out a table. When he found Kollin, he was talking with two other guys around a small, round, standing table. One of the guys had his shirt off to showcase his impressively toned, chocolate-colored chest. The other guy looked a bit rounder, but it was hard to say for sure, since he was obscured by Kollin. What Riley could see were the guy’s hands all over Kollin.
Unsure of what to do—he and Kollin had never agreed to be exclusive—Riley held back for a minute. Surely Kollin wouldn’t ditch him to hook up with someone else while they were on a date….
Tendrils of doubt crept around the sides of Riley’s heart. He tried to listen in on the conversation, but the music was far too loud. Kollin’s smile seemed friendly. He didn’t move the guy’s hands off of him, but he didn’t reciprocate the touch either.
Then the black guy stepped closer to Kollin to grab his hand, and Riley’s stomach plummeted. He was clearly interested in Kollin, and even from the side, Riley could see the guy was far and away above his league. Riley took a step backward, but then Kollin shook his head and scanned the crowd. When his eyes met Riley’s, they lit up again, and Kollin motioned him over.
Riley let out a small sigh o
f relief and approached the table. Kollin took his drink in one hand, slid his arm around Riley’s waist, and thanked him with a kiss to his cheek.
“This is Chris and Steve.” He gestured toward the touchy-feely guy to indicate he was Steve. “Guys, this is my boyfriend, Riley.”
A smile Riley would normally have to fake when meeting new people spread of its own accord. If Riley expected Steve to back off just because Kollin claimed he had a boyfriend, he was mistaken. Rather, Steve turned his attention to Riley.
He ran his hands down Riley’s chest and back up again and finished with a squeeze of Riley’s pecs. “Mmmm… aren’t you cute as a button. And you work out too, I’d say.”
Riley’s eyes widened, and if Kollin hadn’t been holding firmly to his waist, he would’ve fled without another word. Thankfully the much more sober and personal-space-respecting Chris tactfully pulled his friend away.
“Take it easy, buddy. Not everyone’s as friendly as you.”
Steve poked out his bottom lip in an overly exaggerated pout but replaced it with a grin and a wink as he shimmied up against Chris. “Nobody comes to the clubs except to get freaky, Chrissy-poo. Don’t be ridic.”
Chris laughed. “Yeah. But not everyone comes to the club to get freaky with you.”
“All’s the more’s a pity,” Steve said and rested his head on his friend’s shoulder.
Chris grabbed the drink out of Steve’s hand and placed it on the table next to them. “I think it’s time for you to take a break from these.”
Kollin squeezed Riley’s hip and made him jump. Kollin winked. “Is your drink good?”
Riley sighed, grateful Kollin had taken a moment to check in. “I’m about to find out.” He chugged down half the drink, forcing the burn of the alcohol to warm his throat and stomach.
“That’s what I’m talkin’ about, baby.” Steve whooped and shimmied again. “Drink the rest of her down, and let’s get that cute ass out on the dance floor.”
Kollin looked at Riley, shrugged, and gulped down the rest of his drink, apparently ready to dance with their new “friends.” Panic crept in, but Riley finished his drink and set it on the table to follow Kollin. He hoped to God no one but Kollin got too close to him. He wasn’t wearing a packer in his briefs, and there was a good chance anyone who pressed up against him would know he wasn’t normal. Logically he knew it didn’t matter. He had no intention of going home with anyone other than Kollin, but any time he could avoid that awkward “what the fuck is wrong with you” look was fine by him.
Riley should’ve known better than to worry. Kollin kept Riley’s front to him at all times. He allowed the other two to dance around them, but never to come between them. Riley briefly thought Kollin probably looked the part of a jealous boyfriend, but rather than making him uncomfortable, the thought warmed him. No one had ever cared about him enough to be jealous before. Riley loosened up after a couple of songs, and a few songs after that, he even began to enjoy the feel of Kollin in front of him and one of the other two behind him.
“You having fun?” Kollin had to shout directly into his ear to be heard.
Riley nodded. “You?”
“Yeah. You don’t mind dancing with these guys? They seemed harmless enough. Drunk, but harmless.” Kollin screwed up his face and stuck out his tongue to make Riley laugh.
“It’s fun, but I’m glad we’re staying together.”
“’Course we are.” Kollin tugged Riley closer again and kissed him, not briefly but not too seriously either.
They danced for a while longer, until Chris decided he needed another drink. With a quick grope of Kollin’s ass, Steve danced away and shouted something incomprehensible over his shoulder.
“Are they together, you think?” Riley asked Kollin.
“Nah.” Kollin leaned in closer. “Chris told me Steve just got dumped, so he’s drinking away his sorrows. Chris is making sure he doesn’t do anything too stupid. Looks like he’s got his hands full, if you ask me.”
“I thought Chris was into you before. I thought both of them were, actually.” Riley avoided Kollin’s gaze. He didn’t want him to see how scared he was that Kollin would decide he wanted someone better.
Kollin shrugged, neither confirming nor denying the suggestion.
“He’s like… crazy hot.” Riley said and met Kollin’s eyes.
Kollin laughed. “Yeah. He is. But I got a man.”
Riley threw his arms around Kollin and pulled them close together as he buried his face in Kollin’s neck. The position forced them to slow their dancing some. The music hadn’t changed, but Kollin didn’t seem to care. They slow-danced while everyone around them twerked and dabbed, but Riley had no plans to back away until he could wipe the stupid-happy grin off his face.
When he finally looked up, any remnants of the smile vanished. Across the room, staring directly at him while he danced with another guy, was Tony. Riley pulled away from Kollin and moved toward the door, but it was too late. Tony was already chasing him down.
Riley grabbed Kollin’s hand and tugged him across the floor. He stumbled and almost ran into a couple dancing. When they reached the short hallway to the bathroom, Kollin spun Riley around to press him against the wall and block him off from the rest of the crowd.
“What’s wrong?”
Riley shook his head. “We need to leave. Now.”
Kollin narrowed his eyes but didn’t question Riley’s request. He grabbed Ri’s hand and started toward the door. Tony called Riley’s name, but Riley didn’t stop. Instead he sped up, but Tony caught up to them just as they were about to walk out the door.
“Hold up, Riley.” Tony grabbed Riley’s arm, and Riley flinched. “I’ve been calling you. Didn’t you hear me?”
Just seeing Tony brought back a host of unwelcome memories. But standing beneath his sleazy, scrutinizing gaze, Riley felt dirty and unworthy to even be near Kollin. Riley hunched his shoulders in a lame attempt to hide himself, but he forced a smile onto his face and hoped Tony wouldn’t catch on to his humiliation. “Hey, Tony. We were just on our way out.”
“Let me buy you a drink.” Tony jerked his hand toward the bar. There was no question that Tony expected him to follow. Riley took a step forward, but Kollin gripped his hand and held him back. Tony eyed Kollin for a moment and then pressed again. “Both of you a drink, then. What’re you even doing in Raleigh, anyway?”
Riley figured the quickest and most painless way out of the conversation would be to answer Tony’s questions until he could escape. “Drummond’s has a contract in Cary.”
“Nice. I’m visiting my cousin. Figured I’d check out the scene here. It’s way better than back home.” Tony popped his eyebrows up and down a few times, and Riley winced, embarrassed that Kollin had to see the type of man he’d given so much of his life to. “So how about that drink?”
“I don’t think so. Like I said, we were just leaving.” Riley took a step backward and bumped into someone, startling himself so badly that he jerked to his side and bumped into someone else. Both men turned to see what had just happened. Neither appeared upset, but Riley’s embarrassment tripled.
Kollin pulled him closer. “You’re okay,” he whispered in Riley’s ear. Thankful to Kollin for grounding him, Riley stared at the floor and took a deep breath.
“Come on,” Tony pressed again. “It’s been forever. Maybe we can find somewhere to go after this… you know. For old time’s sake. I’ve missed you.”
Geez, Tony was such a douche. He didn’t even care that Riley and Kollin were clearly together. Disgusted, Riley shook his head. “That’s not a good idea.”
Tony stepped forward and grabbed Riley’s hand. “Come on, Riley.”
Riley jerked away and bumped into Kollin. His voice carried a flare of anger. “I said no. Leave me alone.” He spun on his heels and hightailed his way out of the club, leaving Kollin to follow or not.
Riley didn’t stop running until he reached Kollin’s locked car. He stood next to t
he passenger door and waited. He hoped Kollin would decide to follow him, but even the brutal August heat couldn’t stop Riley from shivering as he waited. He crossed his arms over his chest in a futile effort to control his body. Kollin jogged up moments later, but Riley refused to look at him. As soon as he heard the doors click, he jerked his door open and sat in the car without uttering a word.
After several minutes of riding in silence, Riley noticed they weren’t heading back to Kollin’s house.
“Where are we going?”
“Don’t know.” Kollin sounded pissed, and when Riley peeked at him from the side of his eye, he could see Kollin’s jaw twitch each time they passed beneath a streetlight. Had Tony said something to piss Kollin off, or was Kollin mad at him?
Riley just wanted to go home, get in bed, and hide for the rest of the weekend, but clearly Kollin had other intentions. As the passing scenery became more rural, he suspected Kollin knew exactly where they were going, but Riley didn’t dare ask again. They drove for a few minutes, and then they pulled into the lot beside the very same park where Kollin had once gotten caught kissing a guy. It was late as hell, so the park would be closed for the night, but Kollin didn’t seem to care as he parked haphazardly across three spots.
They sat in silence for a long time. Riley had no intention of speaking first, and he became so lost in his own thoughts that he jumped when Kollin finally spoke.
“Why haven’t I heard Tony’s name before tonight?” A surge of guilt rushed through Riley, but hot on its heels were shame and indignation. At no point had he agreed to tell Kollin every detail of his past. “I mean, I have no idea who he is, of course, but I’m smart enough to gather the guy’s a dick, and you had some kind of romantic or sexual history with him. But that’s kind of strange because you act as if you never dated anyone. Seems like he’s important enough—and not in a good way—that I should’ve heard his name by now.”