by Shell Taylor
Kollin prepared to defend Riley, to tell him there was no need to reassure them, that of course they knew he wouldn’t leave again, but Eli spoke before he could.
“Thank you, Riley.” Kollin looked at Eli, who was smiling toward Riley with a hint of admiration in his gaze. “It’s not easy to say something like that, but I appreciate hearing it.”
Riley nodded and looked at Adam.
“We’ll help any way we can,” he said. “If you need a place to crash when you get back, let us know. And if Drummond’s doesn’t work out for some reason, I’ll put some feelers out for other job opportunities if this is where you want to be.”
Kollin opened his mouth once again to add his reassurances, but Riley’s hand clamped down on his leg. Rather than look at Kollin, Riley stared at his plate, intentionally avoiding eye contact with him. So Kollin closed his mouth and sat back in his seat.
The rest of dinner passed much more pleasantly, if somewhat strangely. Riley interacted with Kollin, but he didn’t allow Kollin an opportunity to direct the conversation. Kollin had no idea why Riley was so determined to prevent him from asking about his plans, but he tried not to let it bother him while they were all out together.
When Adam and Eli started making noises about rescuing Adam’s sister, Kirsten, from watching Lizzie longer than necessary, Riley attempted to pay for dinner. Eli just rolled his eyes and handed the waiter his card. Once they parted ways, Riley didn’t give Kollin time to say a single word. Instead he pulled them close together and rested his forehead against Kollin’s.
“I know you have something to say to me, but I didn’t want to have to talk about this with you in front of them.”
Kollin smiled softly. “You could’ve warned me what was coming, then.”
Riley tilted his head down to look at the ground, but he stayed connected to Kollin. “I know. But it felt important. It felt like something I should tell you guys together. I don’t want your parents to be worried about me or about us—or for you to worry about us, for that matter.”
Kollin tilted Riley’s head back up and pressed a firm kiss to his mouth. He wanted to vocalize what he hadn’t been able to say during dinner, to reassure Riley he had full and complete faith in him. But once the moment had passed and he had time to think about Riley’s words, his gut reaction was gone. Kollin wanted to more than anything, but he didn’t quite trust Riley’s promise just yet. He couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling that, at the first sign of something difficult, Riley might run for the hills. Whether it was something personal in his own life or something between the two of them, Kollin didn’t know. But that uncertainty only made his hesitation stronger.
Kollin felt Riley’s smile against his lips, and a small pang of guilt shot through him. He needed to talk to Riley about his concerns, but doing so when Riley seemed so happy felt cruel. He shoved it all aside and kissed Riley again. He was ready to suggest they head back to his house when a woman walking by with her date scoffed, “Can’t you do that in private?”
Kollin rolled his eyes. Though never pleasant to endure, he’d heard worse over the years. Riley, on the other hand, jumped back. His eyebrows rose as he watched the retreating couple walk into the restaurant, and he took another step backward.
“Ri?” Kollin asked.
“Shit,” Riley whispered and covered his mouth with his hand.
“What’s wrong?” Kollin looked back toward the door, but the rude woman and her date had already disappeared inside. “That wasn’t another douchebag ex, was it?”
Riley shook his head. “No. But I think the guy she’s with is on my crew.”
“Oh.” Kollin stared back at the restaurant door for a moment and then back at Riley, who looked positively terrified. Surely he wouldn’t bail an hour after his little speech? Out of all the issues Riley had overcome in the past few weeks, Kollin knew coming out at his job wasn’t one he felt ready to conquer yet. “He probably didn’t even see who you are, you know? The girl was just being a bitch. Most people who pull shit like that don’t afford us more than a passing glance.” Kollin waved his hands around. “Besides, it’s already dark.”
Riley cut a withering glare at Kollin. “It’s light enough for me to recognize him.”
Frustrated, Kollin snapped. “Well, he wasn’t sucking face with his date like you were with yours, so maybe he didn’t get a good view.”
Clearly taken aback, Riley let his shoulders slump. Without another word he turned toward Kollin’s car.
Heaving a big sigh—and refraining from shouting in frustration—Kollin followed. Once they were both in the car, Kollin immediately started driving in the direction of his home. He was halfway there before he spoke again.
“Please don’t leave.”
“What?” Riley asked. He sounded confused.
“Don’t bail on me just because that guy might have seen us. There’s a big possibility he didn’t, and if he did, we can deal with the fallout together.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Now Riley sounded angry. “Didn’t I just tell you in front of your parents that I wouldn’t run again?”
“Well, yeah, but—”
“Do you not trust me at all?” Riley asked, apparently unwilling to hear Kollin’s side of the story.
“Of course I do, but—”
“Then what the hell, Koll? I thought we were finally on the same page, but it sounds like you expect me to flee any second.”
Kollin growled. “Stop putting words in my mouth.”
“Am I wrong? Were you thinking something else when you asked me not to leave?”
Kollin sighed. Riley wasn’t wrong. And the worst of it was, even listening to Riley’s ire didn’t erase Kollin’s doubt. He managed to ignore the pit in his stomach most of the time, but the anxiety over whether or not Riley would be there the following morning always lurked.
“I just need some time.” Kollin spoke softly, determined not to become defensive or accusatory. “I want to believe you’ll always be there, but please take a moment to look back over my life. I know you’ve had it worse than me. I know you’ve been alone for years, and I had two amazing people save me the second I lost my birth parents. But I was still not only abandoned but also beaten by two of the people who were supposed to love me unconditionally. Adam promised he’d never leave me, but then he did. And you might not have made any explicit promises, Ri, but damn it, I didn’t think we needed to say the words to believe we’d never just flounce our friendship. I’ve gotten pretty fucking adept at covering up my insecurities about my abandonment issues over the years. Just… give me time to see you’re not leaving me again, and I promise I’ll get there.”
The words tumbled out—confessions he’d only uttered to his therapist for fear of upsetting Adam or Eli. Kollin knew Adam would never leave them again, but it had taken him nearly a year to trust that. He had to see Adam stick around and struggle through his issues before he truly started to trust him, to believe that nothing would ever keep Adam away from him and Eli again.
Kollin wanted to forgive Riley the moment he’d walked back into his life, and in a way he had. But he hadn’t forgotten his feelings of despair when he wondered where Riley was, if he was okay or not, and what part Kollin might have played in making him leave. He hadn’t forgotten that, for years, he’d held on to hope that Riley would come back or that he finally accepted that he’d never see his best friend again.
They were nearly home, and Kollin hoped like hell that Adam and Eli had stayed at Kirsten’s for a while when they picked up Lizzie. One of their father and son talks was the last thing he wanted. If he and Riley could retire to their respective rooms without being seen, Adam and Eli would never know their night had taken a turn for the worse.
Relief washed over him as he pulled into the empty drive. Riley hadn’t said anything, but Kollin didn’t know if it was because he was pissed off or because he was trying to give Kollin the space he’d requested.
Kollin got out of th
e car but stopped at the sidewalk and waited for Riley to catch up. He grabbed Ri’s hand and forced Riley to look him in the eye. “You have to know how important you are to me, Ri. And I feel like it’s pretty obvious that I’m falling in love with you, which is terrifying all on its own. Add in the fact that we’re best friends and how much I stand to lose if this doesn’t work out and my own abandonment issues, and the terror factor multiplies by about a bajillion and a half. Not to mention all the shit you’re going through. I mean, hell, I’m amazed we’ve made it this far.”
Riley’s eyes were solemn, but he smiled at Kollin. “I get it. I’m willing to take the time to prove to you that I’m serious.”
“I want that more than anything.” Kollin scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t know what I thought would happen when I bullied you into going out with me, but this wasn’t it.”
Riley laughed, but it didn’t hold any humor. “I was certain it would end in disaster.”
Kollin tilted his head and grinned. “There’s always still a chance, I guess.”
Riley shook his head. “No. Not anymore.” He grabbed Kollin’s other hand. “Maybe it turns out we can’t make the romantic part of our relationship work, but I believe in us, and I know we won’t let us be ruined. And I’m willing to believe enough for the both of us until you catch up.”
Kollin dropped Riley’s hands, wrapped his arms around Riley’s neck, and tugged him in for a tight hug. Riley couldn’t have uttered more perfect words.
When Riley’s arms circled around his waist, Kollin had never been more grateful for a hug from his best friend. He pulled away but left one arm over Riley’s shoulders. Suddenly being alone in his room didn’t sound like such a great plan after all. “Wanna watch a movie in the living room? I bet they’ll be home soon. We can make popcorn, and maybe Lizzie will want to join us.”
Riley rested his head on Kollin’s shoulder. “Sounds perfect.”
Chapter 18
“OH GOD.” Kollin tried not to shout as he slammed his head back against the wall. Riley held both of Kollin’s hands in one of his and Kollin’s pants were down around his ankles. With Riley’s mouth engulfing Kollin’s dick, Kollin had run out of outlets for expressing how fucking amazing he felt. Riley cupped Kollin’s balls and rolled them around while he circled Kollin’s tip with his tongue and then plunged his mouth back over Kollin’s dick and forced the head to squeeze down Riley’s throat.
Kollin closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip. Riley’s mouth felt like sin and sweetness rolled into one gloriously wet package. Even Riley’s teeth scraping along Kollin’s shaft sent shivers through Kollin as Riley sucked him in quickly and then slowly pulled out. Kollin wanted to thrust into his mouth and chase down the orgasm that he was teetering on. But Riley, who no longer had issues taking control in the bedroom, loved nothing more than to drag out Kollin’s ecstasy, to make him work for his release. Not giving Kollin time to take off his pants had nothing to do with their lusty rush to get off and instead had everything to do with Riley knowing that restraining Kollin aroused him ten times over.
Riley’s other hand, wet from jacking Kollin off, trailed up Kollin’s stomach to tweak his nipple. Electricity shot straight to Kollin’s groin and his balls tightened up, but Riley gripped the base of Kollin’s penis and held it tightly. Kollin slinked away from the edge again, and then Riley’s tongue was on his balls.
Over and over again, Riley tortured Kollin, bringing him to the brink of insanity and then pulling him back instead of letting him jump. When Kollin’s balls ached from a need to release, he whimpered out a pitiful, “Please.”
Riley released Kollin’s hands and finally allowed him to grip the back of Riley’s head and pump in and out of Riley’s mouth. Riley held still and played with Kollin’s balls until Kollin’s grip tightened. Then Riley slipped a wet finger inside Kollin’s ass, and Kollin exploded. His orgasm swept through him and drained the blood from his head so quickly that Kollin thought he might pass out. When the fuzz cleared away, he realized he was still standing with his dick inside Riley’s mouth. Ever so gently he pulled out and tugged on Riley’s shirt. “C’mere.”
Still panting, Kollin crushed his mouth against Riley’s. His taste on Riley’s mouth turned him on more and bolstered him for what he wanted to do next. So far, every time they fooled around Riley managed to distract Kollin from reciprocating. Kollin didn’t want to force himself on Riley, but at the same time, they’d agreed to move forward, and Kollin thought they were both ready.
He gently shoved Riley onto the bed, crawled on top of him, and lifted Riley’s shirt as he did. They’d done it enough that Riley no longer had issues with Kollin seeing him shirtless, especially given how emphatically Kollin appreciated his torso each time. He didn’t give Riley time to get nervous. Instead he went right for the sweats Riley wore and tugged them down to reveal a pair of dark green boxers.
Riley tensed beneath him, but Kollin climbed back up his chest and kissed his mouth. Between kisses, Kollin reassured Riley.
“I’m ready for this.” Kiss to the side of the mouth. “I’ve been ready for this for a while.” Kiss to the hollow of his neck. “Please.” Back to the mouth for a longer, deeper kiss.
Kollin ground his hips against Riley while he begged Riley to let him continue. When Riley clutched Kollin closer and nodded, Kollin didn’t hesitate. He snuck his hand beneath Riley’s boxers and ghosted over coarse hair until his fingers found what was considered Riley’s dick. He was stiff, and Kollin fumbled around as he tried to blindly get a feel for Riley’s different anatomy. Ri’s breathing picked up as Kollin rubbed up and down his length and eventually drew a low moan from Riley.
Building up his courage, Kollin ventured farther south and immediately found warmth and wetness. Holy fuck. That’s wet. Kollin’s dick ached, seeming to understand that his fingers were somewhere it wanted to be. Riley’s breathing slowed while Kollin explored, and he stopped squirming, so Kollin moved his slick fingers back to Riley’s cock.
He studied Riley’s face and searched for clues to see what felt good and what didn’t. Riley smiled at Kollin and gripped the back of Kollin’s hair, but Kollin could see he wasn’t hitting any kind of magical spot. Kollin felt like an idiot for not knowing what to do next. He’d never taken Eli’s advice and talked specifics with Riley, and now Kollin wished he’d sucked it up and just asked.
Filled with desperation to please Riley, Kollin leaned in to pepper kisses up his jawline. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do. Will you show me?”
Riley stared at Kollin for a moment, clearly unsure, scared even.
Kollin nuzzled their noses together and placed a soft kiss on his mouth. “Please.”
Riley sighed into the tender gesture and wiggled his boxers off. Kollin sat back on his haunches, his heart racing, and looked at a completely naked Riley for the first time.
Riley used the crook of his arm to cover his eyes, but he allowed Kollin time to look at him. Kollin’s heart sank. He grabbed Riley’s other hand and linked their fingers together in an effort to ease Riley’s anxiety. His scars, which Kollin hardly noticed anymore, stood out against Riley’s pale skin, still proudly showing promises of Riley’s strength. Kollin brushed his thumb over each of them and then trailed his hand down Riley’s side. Riley flinched and sucked in his stomach, and Kollin tucked the ticklish spot away for future endeavors. When he reached Riley’s thigh, Kollin gently massaged the muscle and allowed his thumb to drop between the crease of his leg and his groin.
Riley let out a long, slow breath and spread his legs just enough for Kollin to see his dick poking out. Kollin slid his thumb farther over to trail the length of Riley’s penis. He wasn’t as wet as he’d been earlier, so Kollin wet his thumb in his own mouth and returned to stroking Riley. He jerked his other hand free of Riley’s and nudged the inside of Riley’s leg.
Still covering his eyes, Riley spread his legs apart completely. Kollin drank in Riley’s body spread out before him
and wondered why he’d ever been so nervous. Riley was so fucking gorgeous it almost pained Kollin to look at him. Riley’s scars, his tattoo, the lip ring that sent shivers through Kollin every time Riley had his mouth on him, even that stupid nose ring that Kollin would’ve hated on anyone else—they were pieces of Riley that made him Riley. That made him a survivor.
His bottom half was no different. He might not have a “regular-sized” penis or testicles, but seeing Riley laid out on the bed, baring his entire self to Kollin, left no question in his mind whether or not Riley was male.
Relief overwhelmed Kollin, and he fell on top of Riley and pressed their naked bodies together from chest to groin to hairy ankles. Kollin tugged Riley’s arm away from his eyes.
“I don’t want this to come out wrong or ruin the mood or anything, but you’re gorgeous.”
Riley shook his head and opened his mouth to say something, but Kollin shushed him.
“I’m serious. I could’ve just kept going and not said anything, but I need you to believe me on this one. Your parts are different than mine, and it might be awkward the first few times while I figure out what to do, but I find you just as sexy with your clothes off as I do with them on. When I look at you, I don’t see anything but an incredibly sexy man. I mean it, Ri. You’re hot as fuck. The sexiest guy I’ve ever been with, by far.”
Riley pursed his lips, and, horrified, Kollin watched as tears trickled from his eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” Riley whispered as Kollin swiped a tear away with his thumb. “I’m being so dramatic. It’s embarrassing.”
Kollin shook his head. “After everything you’ve been through, I would be shocked if you didn’t need a moment to start rewiring your brain.”
“Rewiring?”