by Shell Taylor
To my younger self:
Please know that it will get better. You’re going to make some truly colossal mistakes you wish you could take back, but you have the best friends in the entire world. They’ll pull you through. Learn from them. Trust them. Believe them. And never, ever forget to love yourself.—R
PS—Kollin is a better kisser than you ever dreamed.
When Riley put the top back on his pen, he looked back at Kollin, who was staring out at the sea. “Do I get to read yours?” he asked.
Kollin raised an eyebrow and glanced down at Riley’s notebook. “Do I get to read yours?”
“Not a chance in hell.” Riley would never hear the end of it if Kollin read his postscript. He rolled the notebook back up and stuffed it in the mailbox.
Kollin winked and shoved his notebook in on top of Riley’s. “Guess I’ll just have to drop by on my own one day and see if it’s still here, then.”
Riley wouldn’t put it past Kollin, but he figured if Kollin went to all that trouble, he deserved to know about his phenomenal kissing skills. “What happens to the used up notebooks?” Riley asked.
“Dude keeps some of them.” Kollin walked to where the sand formed a step and sat down on the edge. “I think some are in a museum or library or something somewhere in North Carolina.”
“This is really amazing. I definitely want to come back sometime.”
Kollin rested his head on Riley’s shoulder. “I think we can make that happen.”
They watched the ocean for a while, on their little perch in the sand, until Kollin squeezed his hand. “You ready?”
Riley laughed and looked at Kollin. The wind blew Kollin’s hair straight up, and his smile crinkled his eyes with the depth of its sincerity. He didn’t know what Kollin wanted him to be ready for. Ready to leave the beach? Sure. Ready to move forward with him? Definitely. Ready to say good-bye to everything and everyone that had dragged him down for so long? Absolutely.
“For what?” Riley asked, his voice softer than he intended because of the wealth of emotions that suddenly flooded him.
Kollin shrugged, and his eyes twinkled. “For it all, I guess.”
Riley squeezed his hand. “More than anything.”
THEY’D ONLY taken a few steps when Kollin wiggled his hand free. “Hold on one second. There’s something I forgot to write.”
He jogged back to the mailbox and grabbed the notebook he’d written in. Kollin found his previous entry and read it again.
Dear Kindred Spirit,
The last time I wrote to you, I told you about my best friend, Riley. I told you some pretty great things about him, but that he’d disappeared. I told you how angry I was with him, how much he’d hurt me, and how scared I was that he’d disappeared not because he wanted to but because something terrible had happened. It was a pretty bleak entry and not my best moment. But I walked away that day feeling considerably lighter. Something about being in this place gave me the hope to believe that Riley was okay, wherever he happened to be.
I brought Riley here today. He’s okay. More than okay, really. He’s sitting next to me, writing his own entry. I’m tempted to peek at what he’s writing, but I fear that would break the magic of this place. Whatever he’s writing, I doubt Riley’s giving himself enough credit for everything he’s accomplished over the past several years, and I felt like you needed to know. He overcame feelings of abandonment, rejection, ridicule, loneliness, and addiction to drugs, and he did it all with little to no help. It’s so easy to fail at something, especially life. Disappointing friends, family, even ourselves can be second nature, but it takes a special kind of person, someone with strength and integrity and hope, to admit their faults, to reach out for help, to ask for forgiveness, and to claw a way out of the chaos of his reality. I’m so proud to say Riley kicked his demons’ asses. He’s whole, and he’s beautiful, and he’s mine.
And just in case, if there’s anyone reading this who feels like maybe they don’t have the strength to go on, please know there’s someone out there rooting for you. If no one else, there’s me. If you think you’ve got nothing else going for you, know that I’m glad you’re here and that I believe in you. If you need proof that there is someone, multiple someones even, who want you to succeed, look up the Center for HOPE in Cary, NC. My dad founded it years ago because he wanted to give the next generation hope. There you’ll find acceptance and friendship. You can watch people’s dreams come true, and you can see lives being saved, and all you have to do is reach out, and the same love and support will be given to you.
-Kollin
Kollin glanced up at Riley, who had wandered down to the water to give Kollin his privacy. Riley stood with his hands in his pockets as he stared out to sea. The wind blew his hair and clothes to the side. He bent down to pick up a shell and then pocketed it. The sight of Riley, so carefree, made Kollin’s heart swell, and he knew he didn’t need to make the entry after all.
In the spirit of the mailbox, though, Kollin leaned back over the notebook and hastily scribbled.
Dear Riley,
It’s been months, and for some reason, neither one of us has found the courage to express our “big feelings” to one another. That’s going to change tonight. I don’t know why I’ve been so nervous to tell you how I feel. Maybe because things have been going so well, I didn’t want to ruin everything by making it bigger.
Sometimes loving someone else as much as I love you hurts and not always in a good way. That can be pretty damn frightening when the rest of your life is laid out before you. Do I? Don’t I? What if? It’s so difficult to let go and become vulnerable to this type of soul-crushing love. But it’s time. After everything we’ve been through, the ups and the downs and the in-betweens, I wouldn’t change a thing if it means I get to say I’m so incredibly head-over-heels in love with you.
Yours always,
Kollin
More from Shell Taylor
Home for Hope: Book One
Fifteen years ago Elijah Langley’s world came to an abrupt halt with the death of his high school boyfriend. He keeps his past—and his sexual orientation—hidden until he attends a fundraiser for The Center for HOPE, an LGBT youth center, where he meets Adam Lancaster, HOPE’s infuriatingly stubborn and sexy founder.
A survivor of a turbulent childhood, Adam understands better than most the challenges his youth face. He’s drawn to Elijah’s baby blues and devilish smile but refuses to compromise his values and climb back into the closet for anyone—not even the man showering time and money on HOPE. Months of constant flirting wear down Adam’s resolve until he surrenders to his desires, but Elijah can’t shake his demons.
When a youth from the center is brutally assaulted, Elijah must find a way to confront the fears and memories that are starting to ruin his life, so he can stand strong for those he loves.
Sequel to Redeeming Hope
Home for Hope: Book Two
Adam Lancaster can’t imagine how his life could possibly get any better. He’s on the cusp of moving in with his boyfriend, Elijah Langley. Their charge, Kollin Haverty, finally has a loving, stable home environment, and Home for Hope is up and running, keeping over fifteen LGBT youth off the streets at night. But one phone call from his birth mother, Jessica Lancaster, is all it takes to unravel Adam’s carefully constructed new life.
Informing Adam his grandfather has died, Jessica expresses remorse for abandoning Adam to the state and begs him for a chance to be part of his life again. Jessica’s true colors eventually shine through her façade, and Adam is devastated all over again when he discovers she is only using him to get her hands on the valuable inheritance his grandfather left him. Jessica’s betrayal forces Adam so far inside his own hell, not even Elijah or Kollin can keep him from abandoning all of his responsibilities and running away. Adam will have to dig deep to find the strength to confront his birth parents, heal once and for all, and earn back his place with his new family.
Readers love the Home fo
r Hope series by Shell Taylor
Redeeming Hope
“I really enjoyed this story. It was so deep and pulled me in. I couldn’t put it down.”
—Molly Lolly
“A first for me by this author and I think she did a great job with the character development.”
—Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words
Resurrecting Hope
“…this was one of the most uplifting and sweet reads that I’ve read in quite a while. I highly recommend!”
—Joyfully Jay
“I highly recommend this series to fans of angsty reads with real characters and strong emotions.”
—The Blogger Girls
SHELL TAYLOR is a full-time mother of three exuberant and loving kiddos and one fur baby, a tiny but fierce Yorkie-poo named Rocco. As a Christian who practices love and grace and humility rather than hatred and judgment, she tries her best to instill these same virtues in her rowdy kids. She just recently learned how to crochet to start bombarding new mothers with matching hats and booties. She is a huge Marvel fan and, because of the superhero-plastered tees paired with jeans and Chucks, has been told when helping out in her son’s classroom that she looks more like the students than a parent. Her favorite way to procrastinate is to binge-watch entire seasons on Netflix. Best of all, she’s been married ten years to a man who’s turned out to be everything she never knew she needed.
By Shell Taylor
HOME FOR HOPE
Redeeming Hope
Resurrecting Hope
Reclaiming Hope
Published by DREAMSPINNER PRESS
www.dreamspinnerpress.com
Published by
DREAMSPINNER PRESS
5032 Capital Circle SW, Suite 2, PMB# 279, Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886 USA
www.dreamspinnerpress.com
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of author imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Reclaiming Hope
© 2016 Shell Taylor.
Cover Art
© 2016 L.C. Chase.
http://www.lcchase.com
Cover content is for illustrative purposes only and any person depicted on the cover is a model.
All rights reserved. This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of international copyright law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines, and/or imprisonment. Any eBook format cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press, 5032 Capital Circle SW, Suite 2, PMB# 279, Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886, USA, or www.dreamspinnerpress.com.
ISBN: 978-1-63477-787-2
Digital ISBN: 978-1-63477-788-9
Library of Congress Control Number: 2016913578
Published October 2016
v. 1.0
Printed in the United States of America