by Tom Vitale
Tony went on to recount how during our Hazardous Environment Training the crew was advised to continue performing CPR long after someone had died. When Tony asked the point of expending the energy, the answer was so that you would be able to truthfully say you’d done all you could. “I did NOT want to go back to any of these people’s wives or girlfriends or children and have to have that conversation,” Tony wrote.
I was overcome by the uncanny realization that in a very literal way Tony’s voice was speaking to me from beyond the grave. But it was what was written on the last page that hit me the hardest. “I DO want to tell you the story of Tom’s birthday in Iran,” Tony wrote. “… It was an extraordinary moment.” He stopped shortly afterward, the setup to something never finished.
It was a powerful metaphor for Tony’s life—incomplete and interrupted. Even more powerful, the writing expressed the feelings Tony had struggled to communicate while he was alive, the same feelings I’d had such difficulty accepting when I’d heard them. Here was my longed-for missing clue, and yet, finding it, I only felt a deepening emptiness and regret. Faced with tangible evidence that Tony had cared, would I finally have to admit that I’d convinced myself he hated me so I wouldn’t have to accept the magnitude of the loss?
Maybe the real question was, how do you end a story that you don’t want to be over? I’d assumed writing this book was an attempt to process the last two decades of my life. Was it possible instead I’d figured out a way of keeping Tony alive? The more I mulled it over, the more the realization sunk in that I’d been living in a delusion, surrounding myself with artifacts from a world that no longer existed. There are consequences to living in the past, however. The boundaries between my life and work were less defined now than they’d ever been. That’s the danger of a ghost: it follows you wherever you go. Trapped, simultaneously overwhelmed and left longing, it turned out I was the hungry ghost.
My good friend Alicia, who’d regularly offered her perspective on my writing, had to continually remind me to include myself in my own memoir. Convinced I’d just poured my heart out on the page, Alicia would say to me, “Okay, so that was Tony’s experience. What was it like for you?” I usually didn’t know how to answer that question. I didn’t even realize most of the time unless it was pointed out that Tony’s experience wasn’t the same as my own. Alicia was right. Ultimately this is my story; it begins and ends with me.
So what did I learn from my time traveling around the world? What meaning have I found in writing this book? I’ve learned that it’s time to put away my pictures, souvenirs, and shiny objects and figure out who the fuck I am. But I’ve come to the realization that moving on doesn’t mean giving up all my extraordinary experiences. They were mine all along, even if it didn’t always feel like it at the time. Clearly I still have a lot to unpack.
Tony on the Mekong River. Luang Prabang, Laos, 2016.
Tony and I after the scene. Bahia, Brazil, 2014. Todd Liebler
Parts Unknown crew and I enjoying a moment of laughter while filming. Seoul, South Korea, 2014. Helen Cho
A few palliatives to ease my fear of flying. Somewhere over the Pacific, 2015. Jeff Allen
Tony flipping off the camera. Jaffna, Sri Lanka, 2017.
Behind the scenes. Bali, Indonesia, 2018.
Filming the food scene with Ma Thanegi on the pilot episode of Parts Unknown. Yangon, Burma, 2012.
Josh, a.k.a. “Magical Giant,” acting as food insert hand model after the scene with Ma Thanegi. Yangon, Burma, 2012.
Zach climbing up a doorway to get the shot while filming a walking beat. Yangon, Burma, 2012.
Tony, Zach, and Todd after the scene. Bagan, Burma, 2012.
Questioning the wisdom of my career choice. Night Express to Bagan, Burma, 2012. Josh Ferrell
Me in Congo. Our jeeps were marked “T.V.” to identify ourselves as journalists while filming in conflict zones. Kisangani, DRC, 2013. Erik “Moose” Osterholm
Tony in Congo. DRC, 2013.
“Queen Victoria’s Flying Wardrobe.” Goma Airport, DRC, 2013.
Tony watching the Weginia fishermen. Kisangani, DRC, 2013.
Tony preparing his “jungle-style coc au vin.” Somewhere down the Congo River, DRC, 2013.
Filming at a traditional tea house. Tripoli, Libya, 2013.
A destroyed market. Misrata, Libya, 2013.
Josh at Margaritaville. Ocho Rios, Jamaica, 2014.
Crew meal at Margaritaville. Ocho Rios, Jamaica, 2014. Margaritaville Staff
Mr. Papers behaving badly. Oracabessa, Jamaica, 2014.
Dr. Hoe’s Rum Bar at James Bond Beach. Oracabessa, Jamaica, 2014.
Filming at Winnifred’s Beach. Portland, Jamaica, 2014.
Tony’s birthday: rum cake on the beach. Portland, Jamaica, 2014.
My birthday: sandstorm atop the Milad Tower. Tehran, Iran, 2014.
Tony sitting by the Skrang River. Borneo, Malaysia, 2015.
Tony surrounded by cameras. Borneo, Malaysia, 2015.
Tony and Asia Argento at the EUR. Rome, Italy, 2016.
Massive ARRI cameras required for filming anamorphic. Rome, Italy, 2016.
The Angry Cousin restaurant. Rome, Italy, 2016. Frank Vitale
Tony waiting nervously before the scene with President Obama. Hanoi, Vietnam, 2016.
President Obama arriving to film with Tony. Hanoi, Vietnam, 2016.
Meal scene with President Obama. Hanoi, Vietnam, 2016.
Crew photo with the president. Hanoi, Vietnam, 2016. Pete Souza / White House
Tony’s favorite: low plastic stool and bowl of noodles. Hanoi, Vietnam, 2016.
Pool scene. Bali, Indonesia, 2018.
Camera setup for beach meal with Lawrence. Nusa Penida, Indonesia, 2018.
Lights, Camera, Action! Jaffna, Sri Lanka, 2017.
Tony fulfilling his cowboy fantasy. Ghost Ranch, New Mexico, 2013.
Tony and I on Ipanema Beach. Rio, Brazil, 2012. Todd Liebler
Panavision cameras used on the “Heel of the Boot” episode. Fasano, Italy, 2017.
“Parking lot time” before the scene. Jaffna, Sri Lanka, 2017.
Crew meal. Bahia, Brazil, 2014.
Tony and director Darren Aronofsky doing some souvenir shopping. Punakha, Bhutan, 2017.
Tony getting a tattoo for the episode. Chiang Mai, Thailand, 2014.
Between takes. Fasano, Italy, 2017. Jeff Allen
Me in Halong Bay near the start of my travels. Vietnam, 2006. Rob Tate
Me in Halong Bay ten years later. Vietnam, 2016. Do Hung Phi
Tony getting “mimed.” Paris, France, 2012.
Tony waiting by the Colosseum while filming The Layover. Rome, Italy, 2011.
Layover wrap party at the Tonga Room. San Francisco, 2011.
The “unblinking electric eye.” Seattle, 2012.
Getting a ticket for filming without a permit. Rome, Italy, 2011. Nari Kye
Market scene. Seoul, South Korea, 2014.
Goat head soup. Tehran, Iran, 2014.
My birthday / wrap party. Colombo, Sri Lanka, 2017. Jeff Allen
Ferran Adrià’s El Bulli kitchen. Roses, Spain, 2011.
Molecular gastronomy peanut snack at El Bulli. Roses, Spain, 2011.
Crew meal behind El Bulli. Roses, Spain, 2011.
Tony getting photobombed after winning his first Emmy. Los Angeles, 2013.
View from the stage while Tony accepts an Emmy. Los Angeles, 2015.
Getting ready for the Emmys. Los Angeles, 2017. Jeff Allen
My dad, Chris, Lydia, and I at the Emmys. Los Angeles, 2014. Todd Liebler
Proudly grasping my Emmy. Los Angeles, 2013. Joe Caterini
Tony in the therapy session filmed for the episode. Buenos Aires, Argentina, 2016.
Suitcase full of production cash (and a flask). The money changer asked Jeff if we were purchasing land. Antananarivo, Madagascar, 2014.
Dried squid and M&Ms, a popular karaoke drinking snack. Seoul, Korea, 2014.
Asia Argento with Tony at the Chateau Marmont. Los Angeles, 2017.
Tony managing his empire while waiting for our boat to arrive. Asunción, Paraguay, 2014.
Josh being Josh. Istanbul, Turkey, 2015.
Tony offering me a glass of amaro at the end of the shoot. Amalfi Coast, Italy, 2011. Frank Vitale
Tony and Darren Aronofsky eating before an archery tournament. Phurjoen Village, Bhutan, 2017.
Crew meal. Chiang Mai, Thailand, 2014.
Cameras film the meticulous preparation of a dessert course in the Noma kitchen. Copenhagen, Denmark, 2013.
Gammel Dansk (Danish bitter) flavored ice cream made from dehydrated milk and soy, garnished with sorrel leaves. Noma. Copenhagen, Denmark, 2013.
Excess baggage. Kuching, Malaysia, 2015. Jeff Allen
Testing an experimental camera rig before filming with Tony. Seoul, South Korea, 2014. Helen Cho
Jeff and local crew. Dochu La Pass, Bhutan, 2017.
Tony and I on the Cajun Mardi Gras shoot. Lafayette, Louisiana, 2018. Todd Liebler
Village meal scene. Luang Prabang, Laos, 2016.
Tripas lunch scene. Porto, Portugal, 2017.
Scene with director Francis Ford Coppola. Bernalda, Italy, 2017.
Lost at sea. Naxos, Greece, 2015. Jeff Allen
Tony and I take a break while filming the funeral scene. This is the last picture I took of him. Bali, Indonesia, 2018.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I’M FILLED WITH GRATITUDE FOR THE PRIVILEGE OF KNOWING SO MANY wonderful people who have shown me kindness and guidance throughout my life. There’s no way to include everyone, but in the brief space I have I’d like to thank a few particularly instrumental people.
Thank you Catherine for the inspiration, encouragement, and counsel!
I genuinely appreciate the support from my agents Steve and Jamie as well as my editor Lauren. I never would have made it without my dear friend Alicia who worked with me tirelessly up to the bitter end.
All my love to my mother Ann, father Frank, sister Katie, brother Ed, uncle Michael, aunts Jean, Betty, Cindy, Sheryl, and cousins Mathew, Andrew, Anna, Tessa, and Wendy. Same goes for David, Samantha, Tom, Priscilla, Kristina, Pat, Barbra, and my muse Andrea.
Out of the multitude of influential educators who played an outsized role in making me who I am, I would like to express my appreciation to Mr. Hearn, Mrs. Ivayni, Mrs. Circosta, Miss Hayes, Mr. Ryder, Mrs. Ovino, and Professor Cohen.
Thank you to Michael, Rob, Nigel, Paul, Sandy, Chris, and Lydia for encouraging my career and giving me a shot.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Cheers to my collaborators and friends at Zero Point Zero including Nicola, Anna, Joe, Nick, Meghan, Adam, Sally, Alex, Tracey, Diane, Rennik, and Mike.
Stunning cinematography was one of the defining features of our work. Zach, Todd, Alan, Alex, Fred, Jeremy, Josh, Jerry, and Mo, you guys are the best in the business. The shows were truly made in post.
I will be forever indebted to the hard work and brilliance of Hunter, Jesse, Mustafa, Chris, Yeong-A, Angie, Tim, Hannah, Shawn, Parker, Julia, Benny, Brian, Pat, Andrey, Lou, Steve, Manny, and our composer Mike who provided the soundtrack to my life.
There wouldn’t have been anything to shoot, edit, or score without the input, expertise, grit, and talent of our local producers and fixers. Sara, Yin, Raja, Natalia, Lucy, Ishan, Ivan, Inky, Girlie, Bindu, Ayman, Camelia, Carleene, Lisa, Laura, Hary, Nok, Esra, Joe, Shinji, Carola, Gus, Susana, Ha, Phi, Matt, Emong, James, Carla, Mariana, Oliva, Shoba, Paddy, Hulya, Annika, Razan, Marcello, Annalisa, Emanuela, Patrick, Dan, Jigme, Jason, Yeganeh, Joe, and Desak you will always be in my heart!
Last (but certainly not least!) I would like to send an extra special thanks to Jeff, Josh, Jared, Helen, Jon, Ottavia, Chris, Laurie, Philippe, Fuen, Nari, our faithful travel agent Lorraine, and of course Tony.
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