“Today or in the larger sense?” I asked slowly, and my dad gave me a pointed look.
“The larger sense. Tom and I talked the other day about the letter we both received from your leasing office asking if you were going to renew or not. Have you and Marley talked about your plans for when school starts? Tom wasn’t sure if she was going back this fall. I guess she said something to him about taking time off this semester when they talked last week. Were you thinking the same thing? Or did you want me to renew the lease?”
I tried as hard as I could to mask the look of shock on my face as my dad told me what Marley’s dad had told him. I had no clue she was considering taking time off. We hadn’t talked about what our plans were for when school started in the fall, but I was already planning to live at home and take more classes at the community college. I’d even gotten a second job as Andrea’s research assistant, which I was really excited about. I’d talked to her two weeks earlier about possibly majoring in child psychology, and she encouraged me to spend more time researching the field before I made a final decision.
So I’d signed up for two other classes in psychology to see if I liked them, and I’d also be able to earn credits helping her with her thesis. I figured after a year working with Andrea and a few classes I’d know for sure if psychology was the way I ultimately wanted to go.
All in all it seemed like a solid plan. And I had about seven classes left before I finished my AA, so the timing would line up perfectly. Maybe in a year I’d be ready to go back to Coleman, but I wasn’t sure. All I knew was that I wasn’t ready to go back yet.
Jared and I were driving up for Evan’s graduation that weekend. It was just going to be a quick trip, but even that had me unsettled. I couldn’t imagine being back on campus for any real length of time. The dining hall where the shooting had taken place was right smack in the middle of campus. I’d walked past it multiple times a day on my way to and from classes for two years. I wasn’t sure when I’d be brave enough to walk by it again, so going back to school there wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.
I swallowed hard. “I think you can go ahead and cancel the lease,” I said softly to my dad.
He nodded. “I had a feeling you’d say that.”
“Dad, I just don’t think I can go back right now,” I said, biting my lip as I watched his face to see if he was going to be upset.
It was one thing to take classes over the summer, but I knew my parents, who’d worked so hard to make sure I went to a prestigious college, wouldn’t love the thought of me finishing my AA locally. They were concerned about how it would look on a law school application since that had pretty much always been my plan. We’d had many conversations about choosing the right school for undergrad a few years back when I’d been sorting through colleges, trying to figure out where to apply. My mom had gone to Coleman for undergrad, so I knew she was secretly happy that I’d chosen to follow in her footsteps. I hoped she wouldn’t be upset that I might not finish my degree there.
“I understand,” my dad said, his tone all business, but there was a softness to it that told me he really did understand how I was feeling. “It makes sense. I’ll cancel your lease. Are you going to take time off like Marley and work? You know you don’t need to do that. Tom and I talked about you girls maybe taking a semester to travel. You had fun in Europe the summer after high school. Would you want to go again?”
My face morphed into a look of confusion. I couldn’t help it. Was my dad seriously suggesting that I take time off from my degree to bum around Europe? Hadn’t I taken enough time off earlier in the year? But I knew he was worried about how I was rebounding from everything that happened. He was protective, and I couldn’t fault him for that. He didn’t want me to do anything before I was ready.
“Dad, that’s a generous offer, and I’m sure Marley and I would have a great time, but I was sort of thinking about just staying here. I can work at Dawson’s and take the classes I need to finish my AA. And I’m going to be working with one of my teachers, doing research for her thesis, so I don’t think taking off for Europe is the best idea.”
“Which teacher?” he asked, and I was dreading talking to him about this.
“Um, Andrea French. She taught my Intro to Psych class this summer. I’m, uh, actually, well, after everything that happened, I’m, uh, I guess, I’m exploring my options for what I want to get my degree in.”
Jesus, it was like I couldn’t spit out what I wanted to say.
My dad raised his eyebrows. “You want to be a Psychologist?” he deduced, and I shrugged.
“Maybe. I don’t know, but possibly.”
He nodded. “I think that’s great. I want you to do what makes you happy. I know being a lawyer was always the plan, but plans change. I was going to be an accountant.”
I smiled, unable to imagine my father sitting behind a desk crunching numbers for hours. It would drive him crazy. He loved the drama and the intensity that came from working case law.
“Yeah, so anyway. I need to take some pre-requisites and finish my core classes, but I should get my AA by the end of next summer. Maybe then I’ll be ready to go back to Coleman. I don’t know.”
He nodded, surprising me. “I think that sounds like a good plan. See how things go, and then maybe in a year you can go back to school.”
“I hope so.”
“And at that point, Jared can go with you.”
He caught me off-guard when he said that. “What do you mean?”
“Cassie, I’m an observant man, and I have pretty good intuition when it comes to my only daughter. I see how you look at him and how he looks at you. You like him a lot, don’t you.”
I bit my lip. “I love him, Dad.”
He nodded, as if he already knew I was going say that. “And he loves you?”
“Yeah, he does.”
He took a deep breath. “Well, then, I’m glad you found each other. I know what you both went through wasn’t easy. I’m sure it must be less difficult to get through each day with someone who knows what you’re dealing with.”
I nodded. I wasn’t honestly aware that my parents knew Jared had been a victim at Coleman. We’d never talked about it before, even though they’d met him a dozen times, but it didn’t surprise me. They would have paid more attention in the aftermath of the shooting, watched the news reports, remembered his name.
“It does make it easier,” I told my dad. “But there’s so much more to Jared and me than what we went through. He’s this incredible, sweet, caring guy who loves me for me. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“And you don’t want to leave him, do you?”
I hesitated before shaking my head, wondering if my dad was going to be upset that I was putting my life on hold for a guy, but that’s what I was doing. I knew I could do what Reese was doing and change schools. I could go to school at Northwestern or the University of Illinois. My parents had connections at both schools, and I had no doubt that with a large enough donation, they could pull enough strings to get me admitted at the last minute. But I was happy where I was. I was happy with Jared. I didn’t want to go anywhere without him, and if that made me a stupid girl for choosing a guy over college, than I was an idiot in love, because I was doing just that. But I couldn’t leave him. I wouldn’t do it.
“Dad, I know that wasn’t the plan we talked about. I know I should be looking at other four year schools if I’m not going to go back to Coleman, but I can’t leave him.”
My dad nodded in understanding, which surprised me. He was the strongest advocate for a solid education, and I was sure he’d chastise me for finishing my AA at a community college.
“Cassie, did I ever tell you how I got your mother to marry me?”
I shook my head. “I know you guys met in law school at Illinois, but that’s it.”
He nodded and smiled. “This is a good story. I think you’ll appreciate it.”
The gleam in his eye made me smile, and I tri
ed to imagine him and my mom twenty-five years younger, back when they were dating. It was hard to visualize.
“When I met your mom, it was at the end of our second year of law school. I’m pretty sure I fell in love from the first second I laid eyes on her. I asked her out on the spot, and she said yes. And that was it. I was hooked. But I had an internship lined up in Chicago that summer, and she had an internship back home in Boston, so I made the last minute decision to follow her. My dad just about came across the country to kill me after he found out I’d turned down interning at one of the biggest firms in the city, but I didn’t care. I knew your mother was the girl I was going to marry, and I wasn’t letting her out of my sight. She thought I was crazy, but she didn’t tell me not to come with her. Financially, things were pretty bleak for me since my parents had cut me off. The only position I could get was as an unpaid clerk at the DA’s office, but I didn’t care. I took it, and then I worked a night job as a valet so I didn’t have to sleep in a cardboard box. I shared a two bedroom apartment with five other guys. It was sad, let me tell you, but every night off I had, I took your mother out. I asked her to marry me the night before we went back to school. I couldn’t even afford a ring, but at that point she didn’t care. She knew I’d go to the ends of the earth for her, and she was right, I would.”
“That’s a great story, Dad,” I said, thinking it was sweet, but I wasn’t sure how it pertained to my situation.
“Cass, my point is that when you find the right person, you do what you have to. If Jared’s the one, and he can’t leave here until next year, then you stay. It’s simple.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you serious? Aren’t you the guy who told me that school comes first and going to a good college is everything?”
I was kind of at a loss for how to process what was happening.
“Are you giving up school?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No, I’m not.”
“Then it doesn’t matter. As long as you graduate from somewhere credible, you’ll be alright, but if you give up someone you love, you might never get him back. I see how Jared makes you smile. He makes you light up, and to tell you the truth, kid, there were a few months when I wasn’t sure I’d ever see your face light up again. He made you shine again.”
“Dad,” I said, blushing as he said something so cheesy. Even if he was right.
He threw his hands up. “Hey, I’m just saying, I like the guy. Go to Boston for him.”
I sighed. “Yeah?”
He shrugged. “Or don’t. It’s your decision, but just know that if you decide you want something different, I had lunch with Rob McGregor last week.”
That would have sounded completely random had I not known who Rob McGregor was, but since I was well-acquainted with the fact that he was my father’s fraternity brother at Northwestern and also a professor at the University of Illinois, I wasn’t surprised that he’d interjected that factoid into our conversation.
“Oh yeah? What did Rob have to say?”
He shrugged innocently, although I knew it was all for show. “I was telling him how you were doing after everything that happened and how you might be looking at alternative options for next year. He just said that if you happened to want to live somewhere in the vicinity of the University of Illinois next year, he could make it happen. I know the start of school is only a few weeks away, but we could find you an apartment near campus if you wanted to do that.”
I knew he couldn’t have been so calm about me giving up a four year school in favor of a community college. He’d played it cool, probably because he didn’t want to push me if I wasn’t ready to leave home, but I knew what he really wanted me to do. It was written all over his face.
“Dad, I just told you I want to stay here,” I reminded him.
“I know. I know. But if you change your mind, you have another option. I’m just saying. You have an excellent GPA. The school would be lucky to have you, and I know how much you love the campus.”
I sighed. He was getting crafty on me. I’d actually considered going to Illinois for undergrad, and we’d visited the campus. I’d thought it was beautiful, but I’d had my heart set on Coleman.
“I’m staying here,” I told him firmly, and he just shook his head as he consented to what I wanted.
“I guess you wouldn’t be my daughter if you weren’t so decisive.”
I shrugged. “Genetics, Dad. They’re a crazy thing.”
He laughed. “You’re so right.”
He got up from the table, leaving me sitting there pondering how easy the conversation had been. I’d been dreading telling my parents my plan to stay in town for another year out of fear that they wouldn’t be okay with it. It felt like a weight I hadn’t realized was sitting on my shoulders had been lifted, and I smiled to myself as I took another sip of my coffee and thought about Jared. It felt like we had all the time in the world to be together, and it was exactly what I wanted.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jared
Coleman College.
Just seeing the name on the signs heading into town and then at the edge of campus gave me chills. I couldn’t believe I was back there, back in the place where I’d almost died the last time I visited. It was incredibly surreal. The last time I’d gone up to visit Evan I’d had big plans of finally shaking off what had happened with Brooke. It had been six weeks since she’d dumped me, so I figured it was time.
It was funny to think that at that point in my life, my biggest issue was being pissed and hurt that my girlfriend had cheated on me. So much had changed since then.
Evan and I had gone to a party at his frat house, and I’d hooked up with a girl at his insistence, hoping it would take my mind off of my ex, and it had worked – until the next morning. I’d drank too much, I’d been hung over and throwing up in the frat house bathroom, and by dinner time I finally felt ready to put food in my stomach, so Evan suggested the dining hall because they had killer mashed potatoes. I couldn’t think of anything that sounded better, so we headed over there. He called his girlfriend, Tiffany, to meet us and had gone outside to wait for her. The next thing I knew I was on the ground, bleeding and terrified.
It had been eight months, but in an instant I could be back on the floor of that dining hall whenever the memory struck. I wished my memories had faded over time, but I hadn’t been that lucky.
And now we were within a hundred yards of where the shooting had taken place. Cassie and I had gone to Evan’s frat house to say hi and drop Austin off since he was staying in Evan’s room, and then we were going to Cassie’s apartment to stay the night. On Monday, the movers were coming to take her stuff to her parents’ house, and she was turning the apartment back over to the leasing office, but for now it was going to be a place for us to stay in lieu of a hotel room that was out of my price range or the second couch in Evan’s frat house room. I’d never make Cassie stay in a place like that. It was kind of a craphole.
“Your brother’s nice,” Cassie said as we walked back to my truck.
I watched her glance to her right, her gaze lingering on a frat house up the row from Evan’s.
“Yeah, he’s good guy,” I told her.
“You guys don’t really look alike,” Cassie said then. “I mean, I’ve always been able to tell that you and Austin are related, but Evan looks completely different than you two. Except for the eyes. He has the same blue eyes as you.”
I nodded, but my attention was more focused on watching her gaze as it zeroed in on the frat house up the row. I could make out the words Alpha Pi Beta above the door.
“Evan and I have our mom’s eyes, but other than that feature, we don’t really look related. For the longest time, I didn’t think I looked like anyone in my family. I truthfully wondered if I was adopted, but I know that’s not true. Austin and I have started to look more alike as we’ve both gotten older. We both take after our mom.”
Cassie nodded. “Yeah, you guys do look alike,” she sai
d distractedly. Then she took a deep breath. “Can we walk up there?”
“Sure,” I said, not sure why she wanted to do that, but based on the look in her eyes, I wasn’t going to tell her no.
“Thanks,” she said as we set off up Frat Row.
We turned down the walk that led to Alpha Pi Beta, and Cassie took my hand in hers. I followed her to the front door, and she knocked hesitantly.
“It’s weird,” she said, turning to me. “I’ve never knocked on this door before. I’ve always just walked in.”
A few seconds later a guy came to the door holding a slice of pizza. “Cassie?” he said, recognizing her as he pulled her into a hug. “Holy shit. How the hell are you?”
“Hi Noel. I’m good. How are you?” she said, and I could hear the forced cheer in her voice. Noel didn’t seem to notice it.
“Can’t complain,” he said jovially, taking a step back to let us into the house. “I was just grabbing pizza with Maxwell before we head out to the bars. Man, I haven’t seen you in forever. Are you still living at home?”
She nodded. “Yeah, we just came up for graduation. Noel, this is my boyfriend, Jared. His brother’s graduating tomorrow.” She turned to me. “Jared, this is Noel. He was Will’s little brother.”
Will. Will Stephens. Her ex. This was his brother?
“Fraternity little brother,” Noel clarified as he shook my hand. “Although it would have been cool to be related to Will. He was such an awesome guy. Come on inside, you guys.”
We stepped across the threshold and into a large common area that looked a lot like Evan’s frat house – kind of dingy, industrial looking furniture, big-ass TV and in need of a good cleaning. It made my little pool house look like a palace.
“Oh,” Cassie said, stopping short in front of two framed pictures.
We’d been following Noel into the house but something had caught her eye. I realized they were pictures of Aiden Keller and Will Stephens with the dates of their births and death beneath them. Seeing that date in print made my stomach twist.
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