by Claire Adams
“That is smart,” I said faintly, moving to sit on the sofa in the “living room” area of the suite.
Janice came and nodded to the seat across from me. “May I?” she asked. “I wanted to ask you about Emma.”
“Of course,” I said. “What do you want to know?”
“Well, since I'm sure I'll be helping you out with her quite a bit, I just wanted to check in with you about some things. I know you said she doesn't have any food allergies, but does she have any other sort of allergies? Laundry detergent or wool or animals or anything like that?”
“Nothing,” I told her, shaking my head.
“Good,” Janice said. “I was also thinking that I could pick up some coloring books for her, and other things to keep her occupied while you're looking for work and her father is away at work. What does she like?”
I blushed. “Uh, I don't know. Animals, I guess. Usually, she just colors things that she imagines. I don't think she's ever had a coloring book before.”
To be honest, I wouldn't have been able to afford something that frivolous. Usually, she just colored on the backs of used printer sheets that I got from the recycling boxes at the local schools.
“Animals,” Janice mused. “Probably flowers as well. Maybe some pictures of people while we're at it.” She smiled at me, taking the sting out of the fact that I had never been able to afford these things before. “How are you holding up, Mama?”
I sighed and shrugged. “This isn't quite what I imagined for my life,” I said bitterly.
“Having a kid?” Janice asked.
“No, no, Emma's great,” I said quickly. “Just the rest of it.” I grimaced. “To be honest, I feel humiliated. I had to come crawling back to the man who used me and then tossed me aside like I was nothing.”
“You know he didn't mean it that way,” Janice said with a sigh. “He's just overwhelmed. In the course of an afternoon, you've managed to rock his entire world. Can you blame him for being defensive?”
“I had to beg him to help me out with taking care of my daughter. I had to sit there and listen to him tell me about how other women were able to do this, listen to him tell me that I must be lazy, or that I must not be trying hard enough.”
Janice was quiet. “Andrew's had trouble with women in the past,” she finally said. “He's starting to get better, but he's still not fully there.”
“I hear he's got a girlfriend,” I said.
Janice made a face. “He has a girlfriend,” she agreed.
“You don't like her?”
“Renée can be difficult,” Janice said simply, shrugging her shoulders. “But it is a step forward for him. A small step, maybe, but a step nonetheless.”
I sighed and shook my head. “I'm twenty-six years old. I would have thought that by now, I'd have a successful career and a decent place to live, and maybe I'd have a serious boyfriend. I didn't expect to have a kid, and as much as I love Emma and I'll never regret her coming into my life, it's just strange to be staying here with someone who I don't actually like, relying on him to take care of me and my daughter. But I don't have any other options.”
“Andrew can be difficult,” Janice said. “But he really is a good guy. He's not going to let you and Emma go without.” She was quiet for a moment. “I have one last question that I wanted to ask you regarding Emma. Does she know who Andrew is?”
I shook my head. “At the moment, given that we don't know what's going to happen in the future, I think it's best that she doesn't know. She's still so young, and I don't want her getting attached. For all I know, Andrew could change his mind in a week and ask us to leave.”
“He wouldn't do that,” Janice said.
I was quiet. “We can't stay here forever,” I said slowly. “Even if Andrew doesn't kick us out, eventually, I'm going to get a job and get back on my feet, and I'll have to find us someplace to live, someplace for just the two of us. I'm not sure what happens to Andrew at that point. I'm not sure what he's going to want to have happen at that point. If he's going to want to continue to be involved in Emma's life, or if he's going to pretend that none of this ever happened and that Emma doesn't exist.”
Janice sighed. “That does make sense,” she said.
“It's bad enough that I've had to bounce her from house to house,” I continued. “I don't even know how to explain that one to her, that we're not going to be living with Aunt Misty anymore because we're going to come live here. She's going to be so upset, even if I take her to see Misty once or twice a week. Not that I don't think she's going to enjoy it here. I know she had a good afternoon with you, and thanks again for that. But she's a child, and children should have a routine, shouldn't they?”
“There is something to routine,” Janice said pensively, nodding. “But it's just for a little while. It's not like you're going to keep moving her from place to place forever. And I really don't think Andrew is going to make you leave here until you're ready to find some stability on your own. Moving your kid a couple times is pretty normal. She's at an age where she probably won't even remember it very clearly.”
“That's what I'm hoping for,” I sighed. I took a sip of my tea. “Do you think being here is what's best for her?”
Janice raised both her hands. “I don't know what your situation is,” she said, and I gave myself a mental kick, because of course she didn't know all the reasons that we were going to be staying there. She'd been in the kitchen with Emma while Andrew and I had been discussing that.
“Despite the fact that Andrew doesn't really know what to do when it comes to children, he wouldn't have asked you and Emma to stay here if he didn't think that it was a good idea,” she said. “If you have any concerns, I'd talk to him about them, but I wouldn't be too worried. Renée is the person that you're more likely to get some side-eye from, but that'll be because she's jealous of you and because she really doesn't strike me as the kind of person who likes kids.”
I laughed a little, even though that gave me a whole new panic to worry about. Of course, Andrew was only part of the battle. Who knew what would happen if Renée really didn't want me to be there. Even if she didn't convince Andrew to make us leave, she could make things uncomfortable.
At least, it seemed that I had Janice on my side. And Andrew, even if it was just for now.
“Thank you so much for everything you've done so far,” I said to Janice.
She laughed. “Honey, if you think I've helped you out a lot already, you've got another thing coming,” she assured me. “I'm here for whatever you need me for, whether you need someone to watch after Emma, even if it's just so you can have some personal time, or if it's a friend to talk to. Or if you need something around the house, just let me know as well. Plus, I know all the comfort food recipes.” She winked at me, and I couldn't help laughing.
“I'll have to keep that in mind,” I said. “Dinner tonight was delicious, by the way.”
“I'm glad you enjoyed it,” Janice said. “We could do with getting a little more meat on your bones.” I blushed, but she didn't dwell on that. Instead, she stood up. “I need to be getting home for the evening. The hubby will be waiting for me. But I'm around during the day, so remember, if you need me...”
“I'll let you know,” I promised.
“Good, good,” Janice said.
I took another sip of tea as she slipped out, smiling to myself. Maybe this was the end of my streak of bad luck. I could only hope so.
Chapter Twelve
Andrew
I normally showered pretty quickly in the morning. Showers were just another step in the routine of getting ready for work, and there was no reason to dwell in there soaking up the steam. But the morning after Lexi and Emma arrived on my doorstep, I took my time and thought things over.
Unfortunately, the night had given no clarity to my chaotic thoughts and feelings regarding the situation.
A part of me wanted to write Lexi a check and be done with this whole mess. I had enough money in the bank t
hat I could really pay for everything the both of them would need for the rest of their lives. A place to stay, college money, and everything else. They would want for nothing. And I had lawyers on call who could draw up a contract for us to sign, saying that she would never come back to bother me again.
Lexi would probably be thrilled with that course of action. She'd made it very clear that she didn't want me in Emma's life, and I knew I couldn't blame her for that. I definitely wasn't ready to be a dad.
But something about that plan didn't sit right with me. My own upbringing had been cold, between my mother's lack of interest in her children and my father's total focus on work and only things related to his work. The only person who had shown me any love was Katherine, and despite my flakiness when it came to some of our current get-togethers, Katherine was still the only person in the world that I knew I loved.
I knew Emma's situation wouldn't be exactly the same as mine. I could tell that Lexi loved the girl, probably more than I ever would be able to. But at the same time, there was something about the idea of writing them a check, of having nothing to do with her, that made me feel just like the kind of parent I'd always sworn I would never become. It didn't sit right in my gut.
The thing is, for all that I liked to have my fun and do things on my terms, I was never totally opposed to the idea of having children. I just thought that stage of my life would come later. But I wanted to have that. I wanted to have a daughter who grew up knowing who her father was and respecting him.
The fact remained, though, that I wasn't ready for it now. Soon, Emma was going to be at the age where she was going to school. And she'd be learning how to ride a bike and read and do all sorts of things. I wasn't ready to teach her those things. What's more, I didn't have time for that now.
It was best that I get rid of Lexi and Emma quickly, before anyone caught wind of this and turned it into some scandal. If I was lucky, maybe I could even get rid of them before Renée caught wind of this and things got awkward between us. The problem was, I had a big business trip coming up in a week, and I needed to concentrate all my energy on that. I couldn't afford to divert my focus to a one-night stand and a child.
But maybe if I focused on the business trip for now, it would give Lexi time to sort her life out. They could stay at the house while I was busy at the office, and then they could continue to stay there while I was out of the country. After that trip was over, I could get them settled someplace else.
I nodded resolutely to myself and got out of the shower, toweling myself off quickly, dressing in one of my blue work suits, and heading down to have a quick breakfast.
When I got to the dining room, Lexi and Emma were already there, chatting away with Janice, who had joined them with a cup of coffee.
“I used to not like 'nanas, but then we went to the zoo with Aunt Misty, and we saw these monkeys, and they were eating 'nanas, too, and Aunt Misty bought one, and I was s'posed to throw it to the monkeys, but I eated it, and it was good!” Emma was babbling as I came into the room.
I paused for a moment, watching the three of them. It was the perfect scene of domesticity and somewhat unnerving to walk into. It almost felt as though I'd suddenly found myself on the set of some play or in someone else's house. And yet, this was my dining room, that was my maid, and this was, well, my one-night stand and my daughter.
I took a deep breath, forcing a smile onto my face, and went to take a seat at the table.
Janice jumped up. “I've got a plate all ready for you, and a cup of coffee, too, just the way you like it,” she told me. “Let me just grab it from the kitchen. I left it there to keep it warm.”
“Thank you, Janice,” I told her, shaking out my napkin and putting it in my lap.
“G'morning, Mr. Goldwright,” Emma said to me, her face scrunched up like she had to think really hard about the greeting.
I chuckled a little. Whatever my feelings were toward her being my daughter, she was adorable. “Good morning, Miss Emma,” I said to her. “How are you today?”
“Good!” she chirped. “I sleeped the whole night.”
“You did?” I asked, glancing towards Lexi, who beamed at her daughter.
She looked a lot less exhausted than she had when she'd arrived the previous day, clearly having had a good night's sleep as well. I wondered how long it had been since she'd been able to let go of her worries and sleep soundly for a night. Too long, from the looks of things.
“Thank you again for letting us stay here,” Lexi said quietly.
“It's not forever,” I said, taking a sip of the coffee that Janice set down in front of me.
“I know that,” Lexi said defensively.
“I have a business trip coming up in about a week,” I told her. “I don't want to even begin dealing with this situation until I get back from that. There's a lot of work that I need to do in the lead-up to the trip. We're hoping to expand Orinoco to a couple offices in Europe, and that takes careful planning and brand management. So, you won't be seeing me around here that much.”
“Okay,” Lexi said.
“When I get back from that trip, when everything has calmed down somewhat, we'll sort out another place for the two of you to live. I have some connections that could be useful. We'll get you a good place downtown where you won't have to worry about commuting to work. And Emma could go to a great daycare.”
“I hope you're planning on paying for all of that, because I certainly won't be able to, even if I get hired on to something today!” Lexi said.
I rolled my eyes. “Of course, I'll be paying for that, since you have apparently let your life descend into absolute chaos,” I said to her.
“Sorry, we couldn't all be handed a flourishing company and a trust fund when we came of age,” Lexi said sarcastically. “Don't get me wrong, I know that Orinoco has flourished with you at its helm, but most of what you've got, you got because of luck. Don't try to pretend that you're any better than me.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “I think I'm being more than generous to you, especially given that you showed up totally out of the blue. If you don't want to be here, enjoying the benefits of that trust fund and that flourishing company, you can always leave. Although, I don't know where you would go. But if you are going to stay here with me, I'd prefer that you be a bit more civil. This is, after all, my home.”
Lexi snorted. “You've been more than generous to me?” she asked.
“I've just offered to put you up in an apartment downtown, a nicer place than you could probably ever hope to afford, and I've offered to put Emma into one of the best daycares in the city. In the meantime, before we can get you settled there, I've offered to let you have the run of the house, up to and including the services of my maid, who has agreed to look after Emma while you're busy finding work. What part of that doesn't strike you as generosity?”
“That's not generosity,” Lexi said heatedly. “That's your responsibility. Given that, oh yeah, Emma is—” She broke off sharply, glancing over at the child, but those unspoken words hung in the air between us. Given that Emma is your daughter.
Lexi took a deep breath and let it out slowly, visibly trying to compose herself. Emma was looking back and forth between us, clearly uncertain, and I wondered where Janice had disappeared to. Lexi didn't want to bicker in front of the child, and I had a grudging respect for that resolve. I knew a lot of parents who didn't care what their kids overheard, and I'd always hated that method of parenting.
There might be no love between Lexi and me, but for Emma's sake, we had to at least pretend to get along.
Unfortunately, I wasn't sure how much getting along I could do right then, not when Lexi was insisting on being so rude to me, right there at my own breakfast table. I had a few choice words for her regarding responsibility as well. Regarding her responsibilities to Emma.
But I bit them back and stood up instead, grabbing my jacket off the back of my chair and shrugging into it.
“You've hardly eat
en your breakfast,” Lexi protested, and at that moment, for the briefest second, it was as though she put aside all her other feelings towards me and was strictly focused on my well-being. I filed that away for later consideration.
For now, I just grunted. “I'll grab a bagel to take with me or something,” I said when Lexi looked like she was going to protest again.
Lexi ducked her head, pushing her eggs around on her plate. “Thank you for letting us stay here,” she said again, her voice barely audible.
I nodded curtly at her and strode quickly from the room, forgetting in my haste to even say goodbye to Emma. I wasn't entirely sure why that bothered me so much, but it was all I could think about during my whole drive to work.
Fortunately, once I arrived at the office, the usual chaos, compounded by the potential expansion, was there to greet me, and I didn't have a spare moment to think of anything else.
Chapter Thirteen
Lexi
I smiled over at Emma as we colored side-by-side in one of the books that Janice had bought for the girl. “That's a very pretty flower,” I said to Emma, pointing to the smear of red that she was coloring.
Emma shrieked with laughter. “Mama, it's not a flower,” she said. “It's an apple.”
“Sorry, pumpkin,” I told her. “You're right, of course it's an apple.” I hid my grin, coloring in the sun that she had imperiously told me to color in bright pink.
I still felt a little uneasy about this whole thing, especially the idea that Andrew wanted to keep tabs on my job search. I'd already applied to fifteen jobs that morning, but I still felt guilty taking a one-hour break to play with Emma. That wasn't fair. I didn't want to be one of those mothers whose kid never saw her because she was too busy with work.
For better or for worse, though, that wasn't looking like it would ever be an issue, since I'd have to get work in order for that to be the case. And that wasn't happening.
I was drawn from my gloomy turn of thoughts by the sound of my phone ringing. I rolled to my feet and grabbed it off my bedside table, quickly answering the call when I saw that it was Misty.