by Claire Adams
“Tell me the truth, you two. I’m not a child. I’ll worry about it more if I don’t have the details. At least with the information, I can worry about the right things.”
I looked to Jordan for support in my quest for information, but she appeared to be hiding something as well. There was a secret looming over the three of them, and none of them wanted to tell me exactly what was going on.
“I’m here; there’s nothing for you to worry about. And when I leave, you can go to Chase’s house. He just put in a top notch security system that’s better than Fort Knox.”
I felt the fear as it started to build up from the pit of my stomach and then moved out to my fingertips. The blood didn’t seem to be reaching them and they all started to tingle. My chest was getting tight and my vision a little blurry as I took in a deep breath and tried to calm myself down.
Up until that very moment, I had been on a road to recovery and I knew it. But the way my body reacted to the news that Nate was leaving and I would either have to stay alone at the house or go to live with Jordan; well, my reaction was a clear sign that I wasn’t getting any better at all.
I couldn’t talk and I didn’t want everyone staring at me as my panic attack started to set in. Without saying a word, I turned and made my way to the house. Sure, I knew it would get some sort of reaction from everyone. I knew they were going to be worried about me, but I had to get away from them. I had to get away from the conversation and all thoughts of change.
Change wasn’t my friend at that moment. All I wanted to do was the exact same thing every single day. I wanted to get up and have a few sips of a protein shake, then head out on a long run. I wanted to take my shower and sit on the front porch while Nate did his jobs around the house. Then I’d read one of the many romance novels Jordan had provided for me until afternoon when we’d have lunch. This had already become my routine in the last week and I didn’t want to change it. My body felt relaxed from the day-to-day boringness, and that was exactly how I wanted it to stay.
“You’re going to have to learn how to deal with your anxiety sooner or later,” Nate hollered after me when he realized I had walked away.
“Shut up!” I screamed back at him.
“See, she’s getting better,” he joked with Jordan and Chase.
I had barely closed my bedroom door when there was a knock at it. It was going to be Jordan, I knew it. She couldn’t just let me be for one minute, she had to be there to help me.
“Go away, Jordan, I don’t want to talk.”
“It’s not Jordan, and I’m not going away,” Nate said as he opened my door.
“Hey! I could have been getting undressed or something.”
“You need to get your ass back out there. We are trying to talk about what to do when I’m gone. This is your life, Ana, you can’t just walk away from it.”
“Get out of my room!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Jordan! Chase!” I hollered.
“I told them to stay outside. I know what this feels like right now, Ana. I know it. But you need to let it come. You have to let the fear come so you know you can handle it. Now walk back out there.”
He stood with the door open and his hand pointed toward the front of the house. The determination in his eyes was infuriating. Who did he think he was? He didn’t know what it was like for me. Nathan Foster had zero idea what it was like to be held captive and drugged by a man. His cute smile and adorable eyes weren’t going to convince me of anything. He didn’t know what I was going through.
“Get out of my room and leave me alone,” I continued to scream as I tried to push him out of my bedroom.
My hands pressed up against what felt like solid stone as Nate stood still and didn’t move, not even an inch. His feet were firmly planted on the ground as he looked down at me with a flat expression.
“I’m not leaving, Ana. Get back outside.”
“No!”
“Then you’re going to spend a lot of energy trying to push me out of this room. Because I’m not leaving until you get your ass back outside.”
“You don’t know what it’s like for me. You can’t possibly know. I had drugs forced into my body. I can’t remember several weeks of my life. I have nightmares about waking up and not knowing where I am. You don’t know!”
My screams turned into cries as I started to pound my fists on Nate’s chest in an effort to get him to leave me alone. But instead of leaving, Nate wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him. His firm grip on me prevented me from continuing to hit him and I was forced to rest my head on his chest as I cried.
“I know what this is like right now, Ana. I know the out of control feeling. I know what it’s like to wake up from your sleep sweating and urgently looking around to make sure you’re safe. I know more than you give me credit for.”
Nate’s words were gentle, calm, and firm. I released everything that was inside of me. The tears poured out as my sobbing continued. I hadn’t been hugged like that in a really long time. No expectations from Nate. No wanting me to be someone I wasn’t. He just held onto me and let me release everything that had built up over the past months.
I probably cried for a good ten minutes with Nate’s arms around me. It felt insanely comforting. When I couldn’t cry anymore, I pushed myself away from him and looked up into his eyes. I expected to find compassion, but what I found was pain and tears.
“Thank you,” I said as he released me and I went back outside.
The four of us spent the rest of the day talking about what was coming up. We worked out a plan for me to come stay with Jordan and Chase and see how things went. If things didn’t turn out, then I’d come back to the house and give it a try on my own. I didn’t feel like either decision was the right one. In fact, I would rather go with Nate to Syria than stay and battle the demons inside my head alone.
Chapter Ten
NATE
The curve of her body haunted me at night. I had behaved myself for the last week and not done the things my mind was constantly thinking of. Since she had kissed me on that first night, I wanted Ana. But I wanted her in a way I wasn’t even familiar with.
Of course I wanted to have her naked in my bed. But I was able to hold back my lust better than I had thought I would be able to. Watching Ana get better each day she was at my house made me proud. Being there as her friend and not pushing her into something more physical was exactly what she needed.
We only had two days until it was time for me to head out on my work trip and I had to keep focused on what was best for her. At the moment, it was teaching her self-defense and attack skills that would build up her own self confidence. I wanted to leave and feel like Ana really was going to be all right.
I had thought about cancelling my trip. It had crossed my mind more than once, but I needed to prove to Resolve Oil Incorporated that I was their man. They had facilities in Syria and their new facility in Dubai, but they also had several, small contract facilities that they hired my firm to help protect. If I could land them as a client, my new company would be guaranteed to do well. This job wasn’t just about my new company though; there were at least a dozen people and their families who were pretty much trapped in Damascus, Syria. These people were certainly going to get murdered by the rebels if they didn’t get out of there soon.
“Should we try the back kick?” I asked Ana as we worked on the heavy bag in my makeshift gym.
“I always feel like I’m going to fall over when I’m doing this one.”
“Spread your legs apart a little more. This one is essential to learn. If someone is coming after you with a knife or something, you can kick them easier than you can hit them. Give me ten.”
Ana was much better at all the tasks we had tried than she would give herself credit for. She moved around expertly as she kicked the bag. I, of course, couldn’t help but watch the curve of her ass as she lifted her leg and thrust it toward the bag. She had power, more than anyone her size normally would have. Plus, Ana w
as determined.
Ever since Jordan and Chase had visited last, Ana had amped up her determination to get better. She still had episodes where she seemed really paranoid, but they were getting farther apart. Just that morning, I had found her looking out the window and intently watching the woods. She said it was nothing, but I knew better.
The two of us didn’t spend much time talking about what had happened with her or what her nightmares were about. I didn’t feel like it was necessary and I knew I hated to talk about those things in my own life. Instead, we enjoyed the quiet together. It seemed odd that being quiet could be so helpful, but I honestly felt like it had helped her in her healing process.
“Did you just tell me to spread my legs?” Ana joked.
“Oh, come on now. Pay attention to your form. If that dude was trying to kill you, he would have already grabbed you. Eyes on the bag.”
Oh, how I would have loved to spread those legs of hers though. The idea that I could have her naked in my bed flooded my brain and my body reacted with a pulse. I couldn’t remember a time that I had been so attracted to a woman and not had her by then. Usually, if I wanted a woman, I went after her and sooner or later she was mine.
This situation was much more complicated though. I wanted Ana, I wanted her very much, but I also didn’t want her. I didn’t want me to be the reason she didn’t get better. So, no matter how many fantasies and dreams I had about her naked in my bed, I pushed them down and ignored them.
In recent days, I felt like Ana was flirting with me. Not just the comment she had just made, but other things she had done. But then again, she had already kissed me and I had turned her down. Everything was a bit confusing for me now.
My eyes glazed over as I watched her kick the bag over and over again. Each swing of the leg followed by her grunting at the bag as if she would kill it if it dared come any closer. Her kicks were strong and her focus determined. Of course, she still had a lot to learn, but I started to feel more and more confident that she would be able to protect herself if anything were to happen to her again. Well, that was if she could get past the mental suffering of another traumatic event.
“How do you strangle someone? Can you kill them that way or will they just pass out?” Ana asked with her last kick.
Her body glistened with sweat as she grabbed a towel and started to stretch her legs in front of me. She wasn’t purposely teasing me, but I felt like her body was still tempting me as she stood only a few feet away.
“You’ve got to really hate someone to kill them that way. It takes a lot of strength, and for you, probably a lot of adrenaline as well.”
“Trust me, if Stephano or any of his men attack me, I’ll be filled with plenty of hate. Teach me what to do.”
Her fascination with killing people didn’t bother me at all, although I was positive that Jordan wouldn’t like the things I was teaching Ana. But Ana was still in danger, and I had no problem teaching her the things she needed to know. I would much rather have her be able to hurt or kill someone than to feel helpless. Even if she never used a single skill that I taught her, they were helping her confidence grow.
“Come here,” I said as I stood up.
As Ana stood in front of me, I twisted her around and pulled her body up next to mine. My arm wrapped around her neck gently and I began to show her the process she would have to know if she wanted to kill someone by strangulation.
“You need to hook your arm like this,” I said in her ear. “Then secure your arm with the other hand. Do you feel that pressure?”
“Yes.”
“All I would have to do is squeeze. The longer you squeeze the more likely you can break their windpipe, and that is how they will suffocate to death. You can also just cut off their oxygen for long enough that they die, but this takes much longer.”
“Okay, let me try it,” Ana said without hesitation.
Throughout the last week, she had been very eager to learn everything I was teaching her. She didn’t worry if she was strong enough or if it would work; Ana just paid attention and tried her best. I liked her attitude. The way she was willing to go all in, even if she couldn’t complete something—that would serve her well in life.
“I’m taller than you, so you need to figure out a way to get your body above mine…” I started to say, but then felt Ana’s body jump onto my back.
Before I knew what was going on, she had her legs wrapped around me from behind and her arms positioned just right around my neck.
“Like this?” she asked as she started to squeeze.
“Yes. Now squeeze as hard as you can.”
“I’m not going to kill you. What are you, crazy?”
“Trust me, you won’t kill me.”
“Okay, but don’t come back and haunt me when you’re dead,” Ana teased as she tightened her grip.
I felt the pressure on my windpipe as she squeezed. She had the technique down perfectly and certainly would be able to defend herself well if she ever got a grip on a bad guy. But I was about to shake things up a little.
I moved slowly over to the mat in the corner of the room as I slid my fingers between my neck and her arm. She tried her hardest to get me to pass out, but she just didn’t have the strength she needed to take on a guy my size.
In a quick movement, I sat down on the ground and pressed Ana into the mat. The surprise movement caught her off guard and she released her grip enough that I flipped around to try and get away. I was basically on top of her with her legs wrapped around me tight as her arms tried desperately to hold onto my neck.
“You have to expect everything, be prepared for everything. Anyone who is bad enough of a person that you want to kill them shouldn’t be underestimated.”
My face was just inches away from hers as I looked into her eyes. She was a fighter, that was for certain. I wouldn’t want to be her enemy.
“You’re so handsome,” Ana said sweetly as she looked at me.
Her words caught me totally off guard. I paused and looked down at her and remembered what her lips had tasted like. The sweet touch of those lips were only a few inches away if I dared to try their delicious taste again.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” I replied.
“Having your hard body on top of me…well, it just makes me think about all kinds of things.”
Her voice was seductive, and Ana licked her lips for emphasis at the end. My body reacted with a throbbing need for her and I knew she felt it. I knew she felt my hardness pressed up against her.
*WHACK*
Suddenly, I felt some of the most excruciating pain I have every felt. She had kneed me right in the testicles. Then, Ana pushed me over onto my back and jumped on top of me. Her hands wrapped around my throat and she squeezed my windpipe.
“How’s that for being prepared?” she said with a proud smile.
My testicles throbbed, and I pulled my legs up to my body in an effort to get some relief. Ana slowly let go of my throat and then pulled me up so I could sit, but the pain was so excruciating, I didn’t want to sit. I didn’t want to lie either. I just wanted to curl up in a tiny ball and wait for the ringing pain to dissipate.
“That was very prepared,” I managed to get out.
“Do you want to try it again?”
“No,” I said firmly.
There was absolutely no way I wanted to try that again. Ana was a force to be reckoned with and I wasn’t interested in testing out her skills any longer.
“Do you need some ice?” she said with a smile.
“You’re not even sorry. Not even a little bit?” I joked.
“Well, you wanted me to try and hurt you. You just didn’t think I would use a different maneuver. You’ve got to be prepared for everything.”
“You could probably just stay here while I’m gone. I think you’ll be pretty damn safe.”
At least the thrust to my member had stopped the throbbing desire for Ana. Instead, I was left with a whole different kind of throbbing.
/> “Your phone is ringing,” Ana said as she jumped up to get it for me.
I hadn’t even heart it ring at all. My ears were buzzing and my pulse throbbing in my eardrums from the pain the rest of my body was going through.
“Hello,” I answered as I tried to hold back the pain.
“I tried messaging over your pre-trip packet, but they said they couldn’t find you. I don’t feel comfortable with a digital connection. Can I send it to your brother’s house?” my boss said on the other end of the phone.
“Yes, that will be fine. I’ll go over there and grab it shortly.”
“Please take a look at the blueprints and the streets. It’s going to be essential that you know those like the back of your hand. Most of the mission will need to be completed at night.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“I’ll meet you in D.C. before you all take off. See you then.”
“Okay, Sir. Thank you, Mr. Blankenship.”
When I got off the phone, I did my best to stand up and walk off the remaining pain that was going on. I had to give it to Ana; she certainly had caught me off guard. It was a great lesson for me. I hadn’t been out on a job in a few months, I needed to remember that anything could happen at any time.
“I’ve got to run over to Chase’s house; do you want to come?”
“No, I’m going to take a shower and get dinner started. How long do you think you’ll be?”
We were starting to sound like an old married couple, but the logistics of our day-to-day life were necessary to discuss. I hadn’t really left Ana home by herself very much. And as the night was coming, I felt awkward with her being home when it was dark. But at least I knew she could fight off her attackers if anyone happened to show up.
The truth of the matter was, no one ever showed up unless they were family. Even the mailman dropped the mail off at the main road. It was much too difficult for him to get his car down the dirt road that led to my house.