He drank in my words, my breath. “Never,” he whispered in a breathless promise. He thrust deep into me, rocking my body, my hips, upward.
Cayden’s body, his muscles tensed gloriously strong against my body. He whispered my name in a quiet sense of desperation. Liquid warmth flooded me, marking my body, making me his. Cayden’s arms held me even tighter before he relaxed, never leaving me, never letting me go.
I lay breathless, completely languid, wrapped tightly in Cayden’s arms. My cheek against his chest. With a pleased smile upon my face, I listened to the slowing of his overactive heart. Our bodies glistened, covered in a light sheen of well-earned sweat. He kissed the top of my head and ran his long fingers like silk over my naked shoulders then down the length of my spine following the curve of me. My right arm stayed draped around his tight waist while my fingers outlined the ripples of the muscles beneath them.
“Are you all right?” he asked softly, his voice warm and smooth.
“Yes.” I breathed still outlining the muscles of his stomach with my fingers.
Cayden’s voice was hesitant. “Winter….”
“Yes?” I asked, worried at the hesitation.
“I need to tell you something, but I don’t want you to get mad.”
“Tell me,” I said, pulling my face to see his in the breaking light of the early morning.
Cayden looked at me, his blue-gray eyes blazing. As he looked, his eyes turned a darker shade of silver-gray. “I love you, Winter.” No sense of hesitation only straight forward truth on his part.
I smiled. “Why would hearing you love me make me mad?”
He was serious, almost pained looking.
“I know you love someone else. I know sometimes in the heat of the moment we do things, say things we regret later.”
I felt my face break into an expression of sadness. “So are you saying you regret this?”
A smile so wide and beautiful crossed over Cayden’s perfect face then his fingers outlined the pout of my lip.
“Absolutely not. Making love to you was beyond anything I can tell you. I have no words.” He paused to touch my cheek, softly.
“I know what you mean. There are no words,” I agreed.
“Winter, you need to know last night was the best night of my life. I have always wanted you. As crazy as this sounds, it is true. I have missed you and dreamed of you. I have dreamed of touching you, making love to you, but I can assure you the reality was better than the dream. You have no idea how hard it was for me to leave you alone in your suite the night we found each other. I wanted to take you into my arms that night and never let you go. And yesterday morning, when I found Chandler there in your suite.” Cayden paused. “I needed to feel you, love you, but…. I was unsure of how you really felt until last night. When you touched my face in the club and almost kissed me, I knew with no doubt you desired me in the same way. God, Winter, I could not wait any longer. I have waited a lifetime for you. I could never want anything more than you. It’s just I hope you don’t regret giving yourself to me.”
I kissed his fingers which still outlined the shape of my lips and said, “I can promise you I do not regret this.”
Cayden’s face became serious again. His dark blue eyes flashed. “Then do you think maybe someday you might love me? I know it could never be the same for you as it is for me. I understand it could never be what you feel for Austin, but I am hoping for just a little bit of that love, a small part of your heart.”
I ran my fingers over the scowl upon his forehead and watched his brow smooth with my touch.
“My Cayden,” I said and kissed his chest.
“Do you mean that, Winter?”
“Yes.”
“Then—”
I interrupted him by scooting up his body until I could place my lips upon his. “You asked if I may someday love you. I think it is far too late for me. I have waited so long for you, longer than you will ever know. I know I love you, and it is more than a little bit. Cayden, I love you with every particle of my being. This might sound insane, but I have always wanted you, loved you, missed you. My heart, all of it, is yours. I know no other way to love you,” I replied with the knowledge I spoke the truth.
The tears streamed down my face. Before last night, I had fought myself over Cayden, fighting the urge to want him. I fought against the truth which was impossible yet was in fact accurate. The fear of leaving Austin behind, betraying him, did not apply because I could never betray Austin and in betraying my own feelings for Cayden I was doing that. Someway, somehow, without a way to explain this, Austin found a way to save me again through Cayden. I knew with no doubt, as crazy as it might be, my past, my present, and my future where finally one, in sync and whole. In a flash, Cayden Cain had blinded me, but my eyes were open.
All of my indecision, washed away. My entire struggle became nonexistent. I could never stay away from Cayden, just as I could never stay away from Austin. They were one in the same, no separation between the two. Every hole, every pain, every broken piece along with every fault line was gone from me. I would always want Cayden, always love him, so all of my internal battle, the fighting against what I knew was true, had been done in vain.
Cayden’s face beamed. His smile wide, bright, and dazzling. He closed his brilliant blue eyes for a moment then slowly he opened them to look back at me. He looked at me as though I had saved his life, instead of him saving mine.
He wiped his hand softly across my tear laden cheek. “You have no idea what you do to me,” he said.
These words, Austin’s words, Cayden’s words, should haunt me but they did not. I knew what I would say.
“I know what you do to me,” I countered as Cayden pulled my face to his and pressed his longing mouth to mine.
Epilogue
I woke in a panic. The light, too bright, shined outside the windows of my room. I knew I fell asleep within Cayden’s arms, but I was alone. I turned to scan the bedroom and didn’t see him. Did I really make love to Cayden last night and again this morning? I saw my garments lying on the floor, my dress, black stockings in addition to my panties were strewn across the floor in disarray. The black silk popped brightly vivid against the cream colored carpet.
Yes, real. Complete joy rushed me. I loved him unconditionally. I knew without doubt every breath I took, along with every beat of my heart, had been taken, waiting for him to finally arrive. However, I could not explain this, how Cayden and I were possible. I pulled my hair back from my face, wrapped myself in the top sheet of the bed then walked over to the bathroom. Empty. He was gone. With this realization something worse than pain washed over me. Get a grip, breathe.
I heard low voices in the hallway so I walked over to the door of my room. Cayden. I would know his voice anywhere.
“We have to do something,” he said, his voice low, even, but angry.
“You can’t see her face in the pictures, not completely. You see me and the side of her face,” Chandler said.
Zander’s booming voice broke into the conversation saying, “The press is linking Winter with Chandler. Listen.”
I heard Zander as though he were reading something.
“The allusive Cayden Cain strikes again, spending a night out on the town with his brother and a beautiful mystery woman. Cayden was spotted at a trendy club in the East Village, but not alone. Sources tell us Cayden spent the night with his brother and a beautiful woman who no one knew. Sources further confirm the woman arrived with Chandler Cain, but one must wonder if this is truly the case. Our source reported Cayden to be much more interested in the mystery woman than he may have let on. Sources report Cayden watched her with evident speculation and lust in his eyes. Some say Chandler has found himself another love interest of his own. However, Cayden may be doing more than coveting his brother’s significant other. It could be the rumors about Cayden and his last co-star are true, their fling only lasting during filming last year. Or it is possible that our most eligible bachelor has eye
s for another, which may or may not belong to his brother. We love the idea no matter how taboo. You can be sure our readers will be updated as information arises. We will stay on top of any new romantic developments in the life of Cayden Cain. And for all of those women out there, breathe, don’t panic. We have no confirmation Cayden Cain is off the market just yet.”
Cayden’s voice remained low as he said, “I need to protect her. Winter is much too fragile and much too important to drag into this crazy life. She can’t live in the spotlight of my life.”
“Then stop dragging her into it!” Chandler snapped.
“I cannot be without her, Chandler.”
Chandler’s husky voice broke in again and said, “You cannot have both things. You can’t protect her from your life and still keep her in it.”
“I know.” Cayden’s voice broken. “But you need to understand, Chandler. I love her. You of all people know how long I have waited for her.”
“You do not know her. You have a preconceived idea of her from a book, Cayden. She is not even who you think she is. Winter Wells is the name she uses to write. Her last name is not Wells it is Perri, but you—”
“I love her, Chandler. You know this.”
“And what does she want? How does she feel?” Zander interjected.
“Excellent question,” Chandler replied. “Winter cannot be in love with you. This whole thing is getting out of hand, Cayden. You just met her.”
“Winter does love me,” Cayden assured.
“She is in love with a ghost, with a memory, and you, you remind her of that ghost. You cannot compete with the memory of a dead man, Cayden. She will never love you for you.”
Chandler’s words reached out and slapped me.
Cayden asked, “Dead man?”
Chandler’s voice became harsher, sharp. “Yes. Austin did not leave Winter in the way you believe. He died. Winter was going to marry Austin Carlyle.”
I heard Cayden gasp. A pause.
“I have heard of him,” Cayden said. “Wait, isn’t he the actor who was killed in a car crash?”
“Yes,” Chandler replied.
How did Chandler know all of this?
“Winter would not want us to talk about this,” Zander interjected. “She has tried very hard to bury the pain she’s suffered from his loss.”
“Zander,” Cayden said in a pleading voice. “You need to tell me everything you know about Austin Carlyle.”
I reached for the door, turned the knob then stepped out of the room, stopping their conversation. They all looked at me as though they were caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Chandler’s face seemed to smooth into a mask of smugness. Zander glanced down at the floor, and Cayden gazed at me with such sadness the expression wrenched at my heart.
“It is true,” I interjected.
I held onto the fabric in my hand with such anger I felt my nails press through the material.
“I did and still do love Austin Carlyle,” I announced, only to witness pain rage across Cayden’s face.
I clutched at the necklace around my neck for strength.
“And it’s true. I was going to marry him. He died in a car crash on the night before our wedding. I survived, if that is what you want to call it. While I wanted to die, to join him; he found a way to save me. I should have died on December nineteenth, sixteen years ago. But my body went on against my better judgment.”
“Winter–” Cayden said.
“Cayden, you need to hear this, you need to know who I am.”
“Winter, I know who you are,” he replied.
“But you don’t know who I use to be, Cayden. I became unrecognizable. You can never see the scars which rendered me useless on the inside. And I only have one wretched outward scar of the event.” I held out my leg from beneath the sheet, twisting my right ankle to expose my marred flesh to three pairs of eyes. “This is all I have to show Winter Perri did not survive that crash. Pathetic, isn’t it?”
I turned my attention back toward Cayden’s face. His brow creased but I persisted. “It’s also true that you look like Austin. I would be lying if I didn’t say it is hard to understand all of the similarities.” I scanned the face of Zander and Chandler. “I suppose I must also admit I find those likenesses difficult to see, especially to witness Cayden take the same path which was to be Austin’s path. I have no explanation for how these similarities exist, but I do have an explanation for how I feel. Let me assure all of you, there is no competition with a ghost. Chandler, you are totally incorrect when you say I cannot love Cayden, because I do love him. I will always love him. You can never understand what Cayden means to me, what he has done for me. Cayden has saved me, pulled me out of a faint echo of a life. I love Cayden Cain. I love the man who is standing there by your side, and for some unfathomable reason, he loves me.”
“Winter!” Cayden called out. He bounded to me and pulled my body into his arms. “Please forgive me. I never want to cause you any pain but it seems that’s all I do.”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” I whispered in his ear.
Cayden picked me up. My feet dangled from the ground. He held me so tight it was hard to breathe.
“I love you. I truly love you,” he said.
“And I love you.”
“I am sorry for upsetting you,” Chandler said, remorseful. “But I don’t know how to protect my brother or you.”
Cayden put me down but kept his arm secured around my waist. He pulled me into him, tucking my body into his side. I fit.
“We will find a way to keep Winter out of the craziness. We have to,” Cayden said.
Zander shifted his weight. He placed his hand inside of his pant pocket and proceeded to jingle his pocket change around.
“We may already have a solution,” he said. “If the press thinks Winter is with Chandler, well then, let them. There is no need to set the record straight. While the press does cover Chandler, they don’t cover him as much as you, Cayden. It could be possible to keep them focused on you as they always are and keep Winter out of things for the most part.” Zander moved to lean casually up against the wall. He placed his thumb to his chin, considering.
“What’s running through your head, Zander?” Chandler asked.
“I do think it is a bad idea to work at keeping Winter out of the spotlight,” said Zander. “That will only make the Indians circle the wagons. They smell blood, and they will go for the throat, digging until they find something or make something up. It would make things much worse to intentionally hide her from the press. If we tell the press who you are, Winter, they will lose the interest of the kill.”
“What would we tell them?” I asked.
“Well,” Zander said. He paused to look at Cayden then at Chandler. “We will tell them the truth as far as you were brought in to assist with a script. You are Winter Wells, the author, of course. We need not tell them anything further.”
I glanced at Cayden before I returned my attention back toward Zander. “And the situation about Chandler and I being a couple?”
Zander said, “We will let the press think what they will. But you will need to be careful, Winter, and Cayden, you will need to be careful as well.”
“Chandler?” Cayden asked.
Chandler stared at me with a sense of remorse or possibly even anger. I found his expression hard to fully read. He quickly moved his eyes to his brother. “Whatever you need, Cayden. You know I will agree if it makes things easy for you, bro.”
Cayden looked back at me. “Winter, can you live with this decision?”
I glanced away from his eyes and diverted mine to the floor. I thought about it for a moment. I love Cayden, hopelessly. As much as I wasn’t this person either, the kind of person who lived a lie in order to live a dream, I knew I would have to compromise something. Even if I did not belong, I must find a way to live in his world, deal with the press. I had to. So Winter Wells would no longer be a recluse, only a small price to pay. Cayden couldn’t w
alk away from his obligations, leave his world behind. There was no choice really; there never had been a choice. I loved Cayden Cain beyond all reason and beyond all explanation.
Cayden placed his hand beneath my chin, lifting my face to his. He looked almost unsure, pained, as if he were afraid of my answer. Oh yes, I love this man. “Winter,” he said quietly. “Can you do this? Will you stay with me?”
I gazed into the blue eyes of my love and simply gave the only answer that made sense. “Yes.”
The End
www.londonsaintjames.com
Other Books by London Saint James:
Master of Mine
Enchanted (Heart of Winter, 1)
Midnight Seduction
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Requiem Page 17