by Kathy Love
She stared at him with those warm brown eyes, coffee sprinkled with cinnamon. “Please tell me what you’re thinking.”
He closed his own eyes, willing all the emotions roiling in him away, but it was hopeless. “I–I don’t want to want you, because I can’t offer you anything in return. I’m not a man—»
He sighed, wishing he could just leave it at that. He wasn’t a man, he was a vampire, and that was the reason he couldn’t be with her. But he had to go on. He had to make her understand that all this was his fault. A flaw within him, not her.
“I’m not a man who can give you the type of relationship you deserve. I don’t— know how.”
She studied him for a moment, then asked, “What kind of relationship do you think I deserve?”
“You deserve a man who can give you everything.”
She considered that. “And you can’t?”
“No.”
“What can you give?”
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
After a moment, she nodded. “Well, that is a little less than I’m willing to accept.”
He knew she meant that as a joke, but he moved his hand to capture the one at her side. He squeezed her fingers. “You shouldn’t accept anything less than everything.”
She smiled, but her eyes were sad. “So what do we do? Stay friends?”
He wanted that, but he didn’t know if he could. “I don’t know.”
“I’d like it if we could.”
He nodded. “Me, too.” Although if he were wise he’d leave tonight. Get in his car and drive as fast and as far as he could before sunrise.
“Maybe we should just sleep on all this and see how we feel in the morning,” she said. “Maybe it will all feel different tomorrow.”
“Yes.” God, he hoped so. Even just holding her fingers, he was trying to find solutions as to how he could be with her. He wanted her so badly.
But he released her and walked to the door.
She followed some distance behind. Just as he was about to step outside, she stopped him. “Christian?”
He looked back at her.
“Why did you tell me this?”
“I never meant to, it just came out.”
She nodded, though she clearly didn’t understand, any more than he did. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve been trying not to be attracted to you, too.”
He didn’t answer— but no, it didn’t make him feel in the least bit better.
Jolee watched him leave, not stopping him this time. She had no idea what that conversation had been about. It was almost as if he’d had to admit his feelings. As though if he admitted them, they’d disappear. Sort of like admitting anger or hurt. Once the emotion was labeled, the emotion could be worked through and begin to fade. In this case, she was afraid admitting they wanted each other would only make the situation more difficult to ignore, more of a temptation.
But he had openly admitted that he couldn’t give her anything aside from a physical relationship, and she wouldn’t accept that. She didn’t want to settle.
Christian did have a rather tactless way of getting to the point, but in some strange way, he was more open than most men she knew. He never seemed to stop intriguing her. What had happened to him to make him feel that he couldn’t love again? She wondered if there had been another woman—maybe there was still a woman. Maybe that’s why he was here. He was running away from someone. All the more reason to forget any feelings for him.
She wandered to her window. Lights flickered in the windows from his television. All the things they’d shared, and they were right back to where they were before they met.
She wandered back to her bedroom. She pulled back her comforter and crawled underneath it. She knew sleep was going to be a long time coming, but she didn’t have much else to do.
She wished things could be different, but they couldn’t. She was sad, but not surprised. Her life had been filled with disappointments and things just out of her reach. She wasn’t shocked that Christian was one of them.
CHAPTER 14
“Where’s Christian,” Jed asked as he ambled into the bar and pulled himself up on his barstool.
“I don’t know,” Jolee told him honestly. “I guess he’s at home.” She had woken today with a renewed promise to not fixate on a man who had openly told her he didn’t have anything to offer.
She’d dated plenty of those types, and she was done. That alone should be enough to keep her mind focused on the things that were important. The success of the bar and success for herself. She was silly to think this was the time to date anyone anyway. She didn’t have time to give to a relationship.
Of course, that didn’t explain why she kept looking at the door, hoping Christian would walk in. She told herself that the unconscious reaction was because she hoped to have karaoke tonight. Not that she truly believed Christian would show, no matter how many times she checked the door. Why should he? She wasn’t paying him, and their relationship was awkward at best. She could hardly blame him if he stayed away. She should thank him, really, for keeping temptation out of sight. She looked at the front entrance again, despite her train of thought.
Thunder rumbled in the distance. Luckily the storm had held off long enough for her to walk to work without getting soaked, but heavy rain had been falling for the last half hour or so. The stormy weather didn’t seem to be affecting business. The bar was already busier than last night, and it was only a little after seven. Groups of revelers crowded several of the tables, and a bunch of young men hung out at the pool table, laughing and ribbing each other. The room was filled with an energetic, almost electric undercurrent, as though the impending storm had everyone a little restless.
Another clap of thunder boomed, closer this time. She glanced out the window at the storm-darkened sky. She blew out a breath, and wiped the back of her hand across her damp brow. She sure hoped a nice, fierce storm would cool the temperature. Humidity weighted the air, leaving her skin warm and sticky. The heat made her uncomfortable and fidgety, too. But it also kept the patrons drinking.
She finished loading a tray with drinks and headed out onto the floor. With the heavy tray balanced on her still sore arm, she zigzagged through the tables, stopping here and there to deliver drinks.
“Thanks, darlin’.” A man with sparkly blue eyes and a nice smile grinned at her, accepting his beer.
She nodded and smiled back absently. She hurried to the next table, her arm getting a little shaky under the weight and the ache in her shoulder. She started to shift the tray a bit to make it a little more stable when the lopsided weight disappeared out of her hand.
She whipped around, confused why she wasn’t hearing a horrendous crash as the drinks hit the floor, only to find Christian holding the tray, sporting a disapproving expression.
“You shouldn’t be carrying this.”
“Well, I have to get drinks out,” she informed him, trying not to be pleased to see him.
“Well, I’ll carry the drinks. You go start your karaoke.”
She raised her eyebrow at his bossy tone, but did as he said, walking to the booth. She hated to admit it, but she really was pleased he’d decided to come tonight. And not just because she’d be able to run the karaoke.
Christian finished delivering the drinks with some difficulty, because he had no idea who they were intended for, then went back to the bar.
Lightning flashed outside, then more thunder.
“I knew you’d show up,” Jed said with a smug smile.
“Oh, you did, did you?”
He nodded at Christian. “I did.”
Christian shook his head, chuckling at the old man’s conviction. Jed was so sure that he and Jolee were going to be a couple. Too bad they were going to have to disappoint him.
He glanced at Jolee. She wore her customary T-shirt, this one lavender. But instead of being tucked into her usual jeans, the shirt tied at the side. A glimpse of flat stomach showed between the edge o
f the shirt and the waistband of her denim shorts, and her legs went on endlessly from below. He forced himself to look away.
He was here for only two reasons. To help Jolee, because she did need the help, no matter what she said. And to prove a point to himself. He scanned the room, praying that the subject he needed would be there to help him prove the new point he’d considered. Sure enough, he spotted a rather attractive, petite brunette standing near the pool table.
She happened to look over at the bar just as he spied her. He smiled, and she gave him a tentative smile back. But there was definitely interest in her brown eyes.
“What are you doing?” Jed muttered, looking back and forth between Christian and the woman.
Christian shrugged. “Just smiling at the pretty lady.”
“Yeah, well, your pretty lady is over there.” He nodded in the direction of Jolee, who was still getting the sound system ready for karaoke.
Christian’s body responded as soon as he glanced at her, but he forced himself to look away. “She’s not my lady, Jed.”
Christian busied himself filling a mug of beer for Dale, who was on his regular barstool at the end of the bar. He heard Jed grunt in disbelief as he walked down the bar to serve the beer.
Well, Jed might not believe him, but he planned to prove it to himself. He intended to prove that Jolee wasn’t anything special. That his newly discovered attraction to mortal women could happen with any woman. Not just Jolee. Then he could stop fixating on her. He didn’t plan to act on his attraction with any mortal, but once he knew that his feelings weren’t specific to Jolee, then maybe he could just get over the whole thing. He was obsessing about her, because at the moment she was a novelty. Soon, she’d be one of many mortal females who turned him on.
He walked up to a group seated near the pool table.
“Can I get you anything here?” he asked, although his gaze was on that little brunette. She was watching him, too, glancing surreptitiously over her shoulder.
The group ordered another pitcher. Christian nodded to acknowledge he’d heard, then he approached the pool table.
“Hi,” he said, coming to stand beside her.
“Hi.” She smiled at him. A pretty smile, although her lips were rather small. Not wide and full like… He focused on her body. Full breasts and flared hips. The perfect hourglass figure in her short skirt and tank top. But her legs were rather stocky and her ankles thick. Not those long, go-on-forever legs like…
He gritted his teeth. This wasn’t working.
“Can I get you a drink,” he asked.
She smiled at him, a coy little curl of her thin lips. Not straightforward and wide like…
Damn it!
“I’ll take a raspberry wine cooler, sugar,” she said in a high-pitched, almost squeaky voice.
He nodded, not even bothering to smile in response. This mortal woman was not going to be the one who proved his case. If anything, she’d made it even clearer that there was so much special about Jolee. But there were bound to be other women here tonight who would attract his interest.
“Hi, everyone,” Jolee said into the microphone, her sweet, mellow voice rising over the chatter of the patrons.
He nearly groaned as his body reacted instantly. Boom. Like the clap of thunder overheard.
Jolee glanced skyward, then smiled. God, that smile.
“As long as the weather permits, karaoke will be going on, so please come on up and join on in. I’ll be around to put out songbooks, as well as pens and request forms. Just bring the forms to me here at the booth, and I’ll get your songs on for you. Thanks.”
Christian forced himself to stop looking at her and headed back to the bar. He refused to let that voice get to him. Instead he filled a pitcher, setting it on the bar. Then he went to the cooler to the left of the tap, sliding the top open as he searched for a… Did the brunette want a raspberry or a strawberry wine cooler?
He settled for the wild berry, twisting off the cap and tossing it in the trashcan. He picked up the pitcher and headed back out to the tables.
Jolee was bringing a songbook to the table next to the one that ordered the pitcher. She laughed at something one of the patrons said. The rich, musical sound filled the air, surrounding Christian, warming his entire body.
He cast an irritated look in her direction, but she didn’t notice. She talked animatedly to a man who regarded her with hungry eyes and a wolfish grin. Let her become interested in the man, he told himself. He shouldn’t care. After all, he’d already rejected her. Sort of. Kind of. Well, whatever he’d done, he would still be better off if she wanted someone else.
He glanced over at the table again and was relieved to see she had moved on, placing books on other tables. Although—the man she’d been talking to still watched her, his eyes roaming down her body.
Irritation gripped Christian. He heard a small snap and saw that the plastic handle on the pitcher had cracked in his hand. He quickly set it down on the table, surprised by his own reaction. The men at the table didn’t notice as they refilled their glasses.
At least he hadn’t squeezed the bottle in his annoyance, he thought thankfully as he brought it over to the petite woman. Crushing glass bottles tended to garner a little notice.
The brunette gave him another coy smile as she accepted her drink, her fingers brushing his as she did so. And he felt… nothing. He returned to the bar only feeling frustrated. He wasn’t having any luck with his new theory.
A loud clap of thunder shook the bar, and at the same time the door opened. A group of four women ran in, laughing as they shook the rain from their hair and clothes.
That had to be a sign, right?
The foursome chattered, scanning the room for an empty table, until they spotted him. Then they elbowed and whispered to each other and finally approached the bar, taking seats just a few feet from where he stood. One of these women had to have the ability to arouse him with just a few softly spoken words or a rich laugh. He was sure of it.
Jolee glared across the room to where Christian stood with a line of women seated in front of him. Two of the women leaned forward on the bar, offering generous glimpses of their attributes. The women had been there since they walked in nearly two hours ago. Christian had only left them to distribute drinks, then he was right back, basking in their attention.
She stopped watching them and concentrated on the woman at the mic singing a good version of “Redneck Woman” by Gretchen Wilson.
The woman finished, and Jolee applauded along with many of the other patrons. She noticed Christian and his harem didn’t applaud. They were too busy flirting outrageously.
She rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to her work.
“Hitch, come on up here and sing us a song.”
Her loyal customer, who sat in his corner with his pitcher of beer, approached the microphone. She smiled at the odd man, finding him rather endearing, even when she didn’t get a smile back.
She’d jokingly called the man Hitch after his amazing rendition of “Hitching a Ride” last night, and since then, he’d signed his name that way on his request forms.
She put on his song, and he started another of his amazing, shouting performances. She watched him for a moment, then glanced back to Christian. He was still there— still with the women.
She slipped out of the booth and marched behind the bar.
“Christian, can I speak to you for a moment?” she asked, although she hoped her tone told him her request was really an order.
He nodded and followed her down the bar away from his harem. The women watched him leave, displeasure clear on their faces.
Good, Jolee thought, let them be annoyed. She was. And she didn’t want to be, and she shouldn’t be. After all, she definitely didn’t want to be with Christian if he was this fickle, and so openly looking for just a physical relationship. She stopped and faced him. He crossed his arms over his broad chest and regarded her with those aggravatingly unreadable eyes.
“I don’t care if you chat with the patrons,” she told him, “but not at the expense of the other customers.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just what I said. I don’t want my other customers neglected because you are too busy flirting.”
“You are jealous,” he said with one of his half-smiles.
She clenched her teeth. His little smile was no longer cute, just very, very annoying. “I couldn’t care less who you talk to— or flirt with. Just do the job that you had to have and I’ll be perfectly happy.”
He raised an eyebrow in response but didn’t say anything. She felt like screaming at his cool reaction, but instead she spun and stalked back to the sound system, just as Hitch finished roaring his way through another British Invasion classic.
She wouldn’t let Christian get to her. What was the point? His behavior tonight made it pretty clear that he wasn’t wasting any time being upset about the fact that she wouldn’t have a casual fling with him. She glanced in his direction. He was back with the women, although he appeared to be excusing himself. She didn’t care. Well, she did just a little, but that was only because he’d told her that she’d made him feel something he hadn’t for a long time. Obviously his idea of a long time and her idea were two very different things.
“Hey there.”
Jolee looked up to see one of the men who had been trying to flirt with her all evening.
She smiled. “Hi. How are you? Having fun?”
“I am,” he said with a big grin. “But I’m wondering when we get to hear you sing. You do sing, don’t you?”
“I do,” she said. “I guess I could sneak in a song.”
“Just for me?”
“Sure. Just for you.” Maybe singing would make her forget that Christian was really making her miserable.
Christian noticed the moment the guy who’d been watching Jolee all night got up and approached her in the booth.
As usual, jealousy twisted his gut, just as it had all night, every time that guy talked to her. Here he’d accused her of being jealous, and he was the one who couldn’t stand watching her talk to him.