by S. K. Lessly
Noelle took my hand in hers. “Okay, then what do we do? Because, Ayana, you can’t do this anymore. I’m afraid that if you go fight again, you might not come back.”
I smiled, trying to reassure her, but I couldn’t pull it off. I was thinking the same thing, which was why I was scared shitless.
“Can you trust someone else? Maybe Brad?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I can’t bring him into this. I just need some time to figure out something.”
“What about your brother? I mean, have you heard from him?”
I mentioned before that my brother was in hiding well. I hadn’t seen or heard from him in weeks. He gave me Martins’ number and just disappeared. No one on his side of the fence knows about me, except for the guys upstate and they promised, on their creed or something, that they wouldn’t reveal that Terrence had a sister.
I closed my eyes, trying not to let the tears fall, but it was hopeless.
Noelle put her arm around me and pulled me to her chest. She rocked me back and forth and tried her best to reassure me.
“Don’t worry, okay? We have all night to try and figure out something. Everything will be fine. Trust me.”
*****
For the rest of the night that’s exactly what we did. We talked out every scenario we could think of to get both of us out of this mess and before dawn, we came up with a viable plan that I thought would work. I had to get things started and I had an idea on just how to do it. The plan was risky, but if I did this right, in the end we would be okay.
In between coming up with a way to save my life – hell, both of our lives- I couldn’t stop thinking about Brad. I’d texted him all night and into the morning. I told him I was staying at Noelle’s, that I loved him and I just asked that he didn’t give up on me. I kept looking at my phone and no matter how hard I prayed, he never responded.
When I finally left Noelle’s, I went home. The moment I opened the door to my apartment, the memories of him flooded my senses. I missed him as if he’d been gone for days instead of hours. I’d royally screwed this up. I’d asked for a second chance with him, he’d given it, and I was messing it up already.
I can’t lose him again. I just can’t.
I jumped in the shower and threw on a pair of black tights, an oversized t-shirt that came just to my hips, a jean jacket, and flats and ran out of my house. I needed to speak with him, and I knew of only a few places he would be; the gym, basketball court or Ice’s.
After a few hours had passed, I had no luck as I drove around to the places I thought he would be. I, finally and reluctantly, drove to his brother’s house. I willed his brother not to be home, but as I turned the corner of his street and I saw Lock’s F250, my wishful thinking was shot to hell.
I didn’t see Brad’s Audi but that didn’t mean anything. Most times, he parked his car in the garage.
As I walked to the house, dread started to consume me, but I swallowed the negative thoughts. Once I got to the door, I rang the bell.
Please be home. Please.
The door opened and a light-skinned black woman with impeccable beauty stood before me. I mean, I don’t go for the opposite sex, but this chick was hot. She had that aura about her that screamed, “I’m from money and prestige. Who the hell are you?” Her hair was brown and pulled back into a ponytail that, despite the up-do, the end of the ponytail reached to her shoulders. Her eyes were slanted slightly and her makeup was flawless. She wore a form fitting, long sleeve shirt that contoured her upper body and jeans that flattered her lower parts. She was very put together with not a hair follicle or strand of clothing out of place.
Of course, the same amount of scrutiny I gave her she gave me, except she smirked at me as she did it. I cleared my throat. “Um, is Brad here?”
Her smirk turned to a sneer, but before she said anything to me, I heard Lock say, “Was that him at the door?” as he barreled down the steps.
At this point, the woman opened the door wide for me to walk inside the house. However, once Lock’s eye fell on me, I so wanted to be any place but here.
“Where is my brother?”
The woman answered for me.
“She doesn’t know where he is either, and she’s also looking for him.”
Who is this woman?
Lock moved on me quickly. “What the fuck did you do?”
I frowned instantly in defense and said, “I didn’t do anything.”
“I find that hard to believe. My brother’s been up your ass since he’s been home. Now all of a sudden you’re looking for him?”
I folded my arms incredulously. “First of all, he hasn’t been up my ass since he’s been home. Secondly, how do you know what’s going on? You’ve been drowning in your own shit for too long to notice anything else.”
A very red-faced Lock stalked up to me, and I backed away from him, as he fussed, “You think this is all fun and games, don’t you? You think I wouldn’t destroy you if you’ve hurt my brother in any way?”
I didn’t answer his questions. My eyes returned to the woman that was now sitting at the dining room table. She looked bored as shit if you ask me, and I wondered again who the hell was she?
Lock, sensing my question suddenly smiled at me. “You’re dying to know who that woman is? Well, let me do the honors of introducing my brother’s fiancée Nora. Nora this is my brother’s waste of time, Ayana.”
Our eyes then met again, and I couldn’t control the surprise that was evident all on my face. I never would have imagined Brad was engaged to a black girl. I just knew he was with some snow bunny from some rich tycoon in Houston and here he’d landed a debutant black woman.
When Nora smiled at me, it honestly scared the shit out of me. It was as if she never did it often, so it didn’t suit her.
“Wow, Ayana, I’ve heard so many good things about you from, Braddock. You two were quite a pair growing up.”
“Yes we were,” was all I could say.
I looked at a satisfied Lock as he headed toward Nora. “Why are you here anyway? Why don’t you just call Brad and see where he is?” he asked.
I said hesitantly, knowing what Lock’s end game was, “I have tried to call him, but he hasn’t returned my calls.”
“Wow, you two fighting?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No, we’re just having a little disagreement, that’s all.”
Lock’s door suddenly opened and in walked the man of the hour. I watched Brad’s eye move to me first and he narrowed them at me. I couldn’t move nor could I speak. He looked so tired, angry, and hurt. I noticed he had a semi-formed five o’clock shadow that told me he’d been up all night; he hated having facial hair.
As Brad closed the door, he turned his attention to the dining room and Nora. He stared over at her and she stood and smiled.
She hesitantly moved toward him and he shook his head. He took a deep breath and said, “I don’t have shit to say to anyone in this room, so you’re wasting your fucking time. Go home,” was all he said as he moved to the back of the house and slammed his door.
Shit, this was far worse than I imagined. He was beyond pissed; he was livid.
Lock and Nora looked in the direction Brad went, stunned. I, on the other hand, was more worried than anything else.
None of us moved for a beat, then finally Nora ran her hands down the front of her and announced, “Well, I think I should go knock on the door and check on him, talk to him.”
She started for the room and I said to her, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. He’s not going to open the door, much less confess his feelings to you.”
She scoffed. “Um, thanks for the advice, but I know my fiancé better than you. I know what’s best for him and what’s not, and I don’t need his ‘gal pal’ telling me otherwise.”
Gal pal?
I smiled. “By all means then princess, go ahead.” I folded my arms and looked at her.
For obvious reasons, she was engaged to what belonged to me, but
the whole “gal pal” and “I know my fiancé better than you” comment was eating at me. I’d known him a whole hell of a lot longer than her and I knew she knew that. For her to arrogantly say she knew him better than I did was slap in the face.
I watched her look at Lock before she moved to Brad’s door. I heard a faint knock, then her voice called his name. “Braddock.”
Honestly, what was his mom thinking when she named these two Lockhart and Braddock? It seems Mrs. Candice Mills-Lacy – That’s right. She hyphenated her first ex-husband’s name with her eighth husband surname– was into Harlequin romances back in the day.
I looked over at Lock. “You know he’s not letting her in.”
We heard her knock again, then I heard a door open and heard Brad’s voice. I have to tell you, my lip dropped to the floor.
Lock looked at me with a smirk. “Well, it seems you’re no longer needed, so why don’t you just go home?”
We then heard a door slam and finally saw Nora emerge from the back. She looked a little pale and in shock. Lock’s smile quickly dropped but mine emerged. Nora refused to look at me, but I know she felt my eyes on her.
“What happened?” Lock asked.
She cleared her throat and ran her hands down the front of her body again as if she was wiping something off her, like perhaps dust from her face plant.
“He said he wants to be alone and asked that I leave,” she replied, stuttering as she spoke.
Yeah, I bet he used those words.
“I told you,” I said, not caring how it sounded.
Her head swiveled quickly to me and she frowned. “No, you said he wouldn’t open the door and well you were wrong; he did.”
I rolled my eyes and moved to Lock’s coat closet that was off the front door. I found what I needed and began straightening the wire. I walked purposefully to the back, ignoring the skeptical looks I received and headed to Brad’s door. I didn’t waste time announcing myself. I just stuck the wired hanger into the hole of the doorknob and unlocked the door. I walked in quickly and closed the door behind me.
Brad had his back to the door, looking out on the patio with one arm resting above his head. He turned as he heard the door open and then closed his eyes and shook his head. When he opened his eyes, he just looked at me. Still unshaven and in wrinkled clothes, he watched me. His eyes bore into me, making me nervous, self-conscious, and anxious.
I moved a little to him, but his voice stopped me in my tracks.
“Why the hell are you still here?” His voice was harsh and laced with more hurt than anything else.
“Where do you expect me to go?” I replied.
He shook his head slightly. “You really don’t want me to answer that.”
I exhaled and closed my eyes to try and gain strength. This shit was going to be hard.
“Bradley, I’m sorry okay?” I started.
“Yeah, I got those text messages…”
“Okay, so did you get that I have a plan that can get me out of helping Noelle?”
Brad’s eyebrows furrowed and, as he moved toward me, I instinctively moved back.
He roared, eyes blaring red, “You think I give a shit that you’re helping someone?! Ayana, that’s not the issue here. The issue is you keeping shit from me, lying to me.”
“I haven’t lied to you!” I quickly responded.
“Really? So you’re taking kickboxing classes?”
Oh shit!
I sighed inadvertently, admitting my guilt and he shook his head. “See? That’s the shit I’m talking about; you keeping things from me and for what? Why won’t you just be honest and tell me what you’re into?”
“I can’t, Brad.”
“Yeah, well, I can’t either.” He grabbed my arm and started to open the door. He was going to kick me out. I couldn’t let that happen.
“Brad, can you just trust me this one time?”
He stopped and dropped my arm. “Trust you? Are you kidding me?”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Bradley, okay, I didn’t completely lie to you. I have taken self-defense classes. I did use that to help keep me clean when I was really struggling. I do fight on occasion, but it’s for a reason that, I’m sorry, right now I can’t tell you. I promise you though, I will. After I do what I need to do, I promise you on my mother’s grave I will tell you everything. I just want you to…” I stopped and moved closer to him trying my best to make him see and understand my desperation. “Baby, please, I just need you to not lose faith in me. That’s all I ask. I just… I can’t lose you again. I promise you there are no drugs. There never will be any. I give you my word. I’m doing what you mentioned, okay? I’m getting her the help she needs. You’re right, I can’t do this on my own. Noelle won’t let me anymore anyway…” I laced my fingers together and rested my hands on my chin.
I know I looked like I was begging, and, hell, maybe I sounded like I was too because, damn it, I was. I would do whatever I could to get him to trust me, to have faith in me and believe in me.
“All I need is forty-eight hours, okay? Don’t give up on me. Forty-eight hours; can you give me that?”
I brought my hands to his face and lightly rubbed them. I was hoping I could soften him up, but the look in his eyes didn’t relax. When he brought his hands to my wrists and pulled me off him, I knew I’d lost him.
I stepped back from him and blinked several times, trying my damnedest not to cry, but as my eyes started to water, I knew I needed to get out of this room quickly. I don’t cry in front of people. I rarely cried as it is, so you know I was more shocked that this has happened twice now in a twenty-four hour period.
I backed up from him, tried to smile at his now very blurry face. Tears were threatening to fall so I turned, and left his room, fighting the lock on the doorknob before I could exit. I wiped at my face a few times, then straightened up and headed right for the front door. I wouldn’t look to my right as I felt two pairs of eyes sitting heavily on me. I started to give them both the finger just because, but I was too numb to do anything. I was going to crumble if I didn’t get out of here soon.
“Ana!”
I stopped just as I got to the door and turned to my left, still shielding my face from the other two in the room.
Bradley moved into the living room eyes bearing down on me.
What does he want? Does he want to see me crumble? Is that it?
I started to ask him that very question when he sighed heavily. He shook his head.
“I must be an idiot for doing this but…” He took a deep breath. “You want forty-eight hours; you got it, but that’s all you get. Just don’t disappoint me or, I swear to God, this will be it. Do you understand me?”
I leaned back against the door and nodded, the weight that tied to my ankles, making me unable to move, suddenly lifted.
Brad looked at me without moving, without giving me any ounce of emotions. Then, as if something snapped in his brain, he moved quickly to me. He slowly brought his hands to my face and as I looked up in his eyes finally. At that moment, I saw the emotion in them, the resolve, the pain I had caused but, most importantly, I saw the love.
He caressed my cheek and just stood in front of me, close to me. I gripped his shirt along his hips and remained focus on him.
He said to me, voice low but strong, “Do you have any idea what you mean to me?”
I couldn’t reply. I had a huge boulder stuck in my throat. Brad didn’t take my silence to mean anything. He just shook his head from side to side slowly, moved closer to me, and gently brushed his lips against mine. He trapped my bottom lip between his, then my top lip, then he caressed my tongue with his own.
We didn’t kiss very long, but enough for me to understand what’s at stake if I mess up. I whispered to him, “I’m not going to lose this chance, I promise.”
He rested his forehead against mine and swayed us both slightly from side to side. “I love you, Ayana.”
I finally found my voice. “I lo
ve you too, Bradley,” I said, softly. “More than I know how to express.”
He pulled back from me. “Go do what you have to do, baby, but be careful and promise me the moment you can’t do this, you promise to call me.” I started to answer, but he instantly gave me this hard look in his eyes. “I’m serious, Ayana, don’t bullshit me.”
“Okay, Brad. I promise you the moment I can’t do this, I will call you.”
Seemingly satisfied with my answer, he kissed me again, then backed away slowly, just enough for me to open the door and walk out. I walked slowly to my car trying to get my bearings. I looked back at him standing in the doorway and just said a silent prayer that this second chance He was giving me wouldn’t be the last time I would ever get to see Brad. But deep down in the pits of my stomach, doubt started to rise, threatening to suffocate me. If I’d listened to my past, my actions would result in me never seeing Brad again.
God, I pray that I’m able to break that cycle. I deserve to be happy, and I deserve to be happy with him.
I got in the car and reached for my phone in my bag on the car floor. I dialed Noelle’s number. “Be ready. The seed has been sown.”
Chapter 9-Lock
Lock watched his brother stand there long after she drove away. Finally, he closed the door and just said aloud, “Do you know what she’s into?”
“No,” Lock stated.
Brad turned to face him, void of emotions. “Don’t you think it’s time that you do?”
He then left Lock in the dining room, still sitting next to a fiancée that he hadn’t acknowledged the whole time he was there.
Lock waited until he heard the door close before he addressed Nora.
He shook his head. “What happened between you and my brother?”
At first, he felt sorry for Nora, but after seeing the way his brother treated her when he walked in, he started to rethink this whole meddling thing. He still didn’t like Ayana for his kid brother, but he was beginning to like the idea of Brad being by himself forever even more. Something was off with Ayana, he knew, but he couldn’t figure out what it was.