by Rolf Nelson
Camera pans to the First Sergeant, who has suddenly gotten something in his eye.
FADE TO BLACK
Secret Agent
FADE IN
INT - NIGHT - Top deck passageway, just down from the Captain’s Cabin
Quinn sneaks along in the red light of the night shift, and peers around a corner, narrating his actions as if in a movie. He’s wearing his “uniform” and a small backpack.
Quinn: Secret agent Quinn on a super-secret special assignment. All clear. No enemy troops in sight.
He scampers down the hall, stopping in front of the captain’s cabin. He looks this way and that. The security panel next to Helton’s door flips from a soft red light to green, and a click is heard as it unlocks. He didn’t touch it. It opens slowly and silently. Quinn peeks in. Helton is not seen. Quinn sneaks in, goes to the desk, and looks at the three reddish crystals on it.
Ship AI: (OC, female voice, whispering) Yes, those.
Quinn quickly takes off the pack, puts the crystals inside, closes it up, shoulders it and heads for the door. He peeks around the corner to check the hallway, then steps out into it. The door closes silently behind him and softly clicks locked as the light changes to red. Quinn slips down the passageway holding his hands up and pointing his index finger as if he’s holding a pistol at high ready.
DISSOLVE TO
INT - NIGHT- Quinn’s cubby
He takes the crystals out of his pack and holds them up to the camera/screen he was watching earlier.
Quinn: Now what?
On the screen a diagram appears of the dozen socket holes next to the computer screen, it shows an animation of removing the socket covers, inserting the crystals, and putting the socket cover back on. Quinn does as the animation indicates, biggest on top, smallest on the bottom.
Ship AI: (Very friendly female teacher voice) Thank you very much, Quinn. Now remember, I’m keeping it as a surprise for them, so please don’t tell anyone about this. It’ll be fun.
Quinn: Ex voto. Keeping secrets is what secret agents do. When’s my next assignment?
Ship AI: All in good time, Quinn. Soon. In the mean time, what story would you like to hear?
Quinn: How about the one where you met the first starship captain?
Ship AI: Ah, one of my favorites. I was based at Luna Base Four, when…
As the AI talks, Quinn snuggles down into a small beanbag chair with a blanket, watching pictures of Old Earth and a moon base pass on the screen.
FADE TO BLACK
Quirks
FADE IN
INT - DAY - Engineering
Helton, Stenson, and one of Stenson’s new hires, Erikson, are working at a cradle holding a three-meter hunk of machinery with its guts spread out around them. They all have their hands in it, looking at diagrams and parts, and turning wrenches and screwdrivers. Visible in the background is an open hatch to the passageway.
Stenson: Yeah, that one right there.
Helton: OK. Got it.
Allonia walks by the door, stops, and sticks her head in.
Allonia: Seen Quinn recently?
Helton: He was in here a little while ago. Took off all of a sudden.
Allonia: He needs a bath. Know where he was headed?
Stenson: (To the ship AI). Tajemnica, location of Quinn?
Ship AI: (OC) Unable to locate.
Allonia: Won’t tell me, either. Says it would be cheating; Quinn is playing hide and seek.
Helton: Follow the tracks, then.
Allonia: Tracks?
Stenson: (Skeptically) We are on a spaceship, you know.
Helton: And he’s a five year old boy in need of a bath.
Helton waves his slightly greasy hand at the surrounding clutter. Both Stenson and Allonia nod and shrug in agreement. Allonia ducks back out.
DISSOLVE TO
INT - DAY - A-Deck passageway
Allonia walks quietly, looking around carefully. She examines a bulkhead closely and smiles.
INSET - A small waist-high hand-print, slightly greasy and shiny.
Allonia: (Quietly, smiling) Ah, the garden. Gotcha!
CUT TO
INT - DAY - Engineering
Helton, Stenson, and Erikson are still working in engineering. They are focused on screen diagrams and their own small part of the repair work. Without warning music starts playing over the ship’s PA system. Fast banjos playing something like “Foggy Mountain Breakdown.” The three pause in their labors and look at one another, confused. The volume picks up. Helton opens his mouth to say something. Suddenly Quinn goes streaking by the open door, stark naked and sprinting for freedom, with Allonia in hot pursuit.
Allonia: Quinn, come BACK HERE!
Stenson and Helton chuckle.
Erikson: Ship’s computer is few bits shy of a full memory bank.
Helton: More than a few. ‘Quirky’ is an understatement. Try querying “plumbing diagram.”
Erikson looks skeptically at them.
Erikson: Tajemnica, “internal plumbing diagram.”
On a nearby screen, an image of the female reproductive system appears, including ovaries and uterus. Erikson’s face shows surprise.
Helton: That’s new. I got a schematic for an early hydropower dam last time. Just have to be very specific.
They resume work silently as the music fades. The high-speed tune ends suddenly with a screech. They exchange glances. Moments later Allonia walks by the door with Quinn tucked under her arm, struggling futilely.
Quinn: But I DON’T WANT A BATH!
Allonia: Tough. It’s time, want one or not.
The sounds of struggle disappear down the corridor.
Erikson: Little guy doesn’t know what he’s missing.
Helton and Stenson grin and nod agreement.
They go back to work.
FADE TO BLACK
Rule Two
FADE IN
INT - DAY - A-Deck passageway, looking past a stairwell
Voices can be heard indistinctly in the background. Recruit Darch cautiously sticks his head out of the top of the stairwell, glancing both ways. He furtively steps into the passage and in through a nearby hatchway, carefully closing the hatch behind.
CUT TO
INT - DAY - A-Deck hydroponics garden
Allonia is alone near the back, wearing her newly made blue ship uniform. It has more pockets, a belt with several small pouches and knife; both functional and flattering. Allonia stands by many racks of bright lights and growing plants, a workbench to one side and racks of growing supplies on the other. She is intently using a soft brush to pollinate flowers on the bench. The sound of the door to the garden room being shut gently can barely be heard over the hum of the air system. She keeps working.
Darch: (OC) Hello, beautiful.
Allonia jumps and spins around. Darch looks at her with a hungry, lustful expression. He’s wearing light body armor, and carrying a pistol and large fighting knife on his belt. He talks as he approaches her.
Darch: You know, you really are too gorgeous to be alone in the world. How about we not be lonely together?
He steps toward her, starting to undo his body armor with his left hand, intentions clear. She shrinks back, fear on her face.
Darch: I think your flower needs some pollinating, too.
He reaches for her. She knocks his hand aside, hard, and his face shows surprise, then an ugly snarl.
Darch: A pretty but poisonous flower.
He draws back his hand for a hard slap.
CUT TO
INT - DAY - Officers’ Mess
Helton, Lag, Harbin, Kaminski, Kat, and Kwon sit around the table. A diagram of the ship is displayed on the table surface. Kwon is pointing to the mid-deck area.
Kwon: If we can open this up, maybe move this door here, to there?
Helton: No, Stenson says we still don’t know what’s in there. It’s sealed up ti-
BLAM! A muffled but distinct shot rings out, followed in very rap
id succession by BA-BA-BLAM!
Instantly all the Plataeans have guns drawn covering the door (Kaminski and Harbin have the compact rifles they normally carry). Kaminski jumps to one side of the door to cover the hall one way, Harbin jumps to cover it the other, Kat steps back to aim down the middle of the doorway with her pistol, Lag is looking at his forearm-mounted display and talking fast into it.
Lag: All units! Flash Status! Unknown shooter A-Deck! Squad up where you are and hold!
INSET - The screen on his forearm shows a simple ship diagram with a bunch of yellow dots representing the locations of people. They rapidly flash from yellow to green as people report their status, and some of the green dots move into defensive clumps where they are. One dot turns red, in the garden room, just down the passageway. No other dots are closer than the people with him.
Lag: One down in the garden, far corner! Cover and bound!
Harbin and Kaminski, intense looks on their faces, go out the door with lightning speed to cover the hall both ways, then Lag (pistol pointed down at low ready, finger off the trigger) and Helton go out between them, and they hustle as a group down the passageway. Kwon draws a small lock-blade knife and hurries to the side of the door in crouching stance. Kat covers the doorway with her pistol, back from the door, ready.
CUT TO
INT - DAY - Garden, view of the door
Kaminski and Harbin fly through the garden door like the high-speed pros they are, clearing the room and getting to the back in a flash, covering both sides while Lag looks forward, heading for the back corner of the garden. As they arrive on the scene, they stop. Allonia stands with a blank expression on her face and Darch’s pistol in her hands, pointing it at him. He’s lying on the floor, partially on a heap of gardening equipment near the side of the workbench. His head, neck, and whole body are at very unnatural angles, armor askew, four bloody holes in a tight group in his chest, the hilt of his fighting knife sticking out the side of his ribs. The Plataeans are unsure who to cover for a brief moment or what to do as they take in the sight.
After a pause that feels like forever but is only a fraction of a second, everyone simultaneously decides on an action and starts moving. Guns are secured, Lag and Kaminski talk into coms, and Harbin does a quick check of the rest of room. Helton steps carefully forward and gently takes the gun from her hands.
Kaminski: Lieutenant Kat needed in the Garden.
Allonia: (Sounding flat) He… he was going to… to… he-
Helton: It’s all over Allonia. It’s over. You’re OK.
Helton drops the magazine from Darch’s pistol and clears the chamber, then sets them aside.
Lag: (Into wrist com) Stand down. All units stand down. Squad leaders, check and clear weapons. Come-as-you-are inspection and announcements in the cargo bay in ten minutes.
Allonia: (Shock and fear turning to rage) He was, was going to, he… the BASTARD was going to rape me. HE WAS GOING TO RAPE ME! YOU, YOU…
Kat comes in and takes in the situation at a glance, heads over to Allonia. She takes her by the arm and leads her gently away.
Kat: Come on, let’s go outside. It’s over, it’s OK. You did what you had to do. Not your fault. You’re safe now.
Camera view follows the four men going to look at the body. Kaminski leans in to examine it more closely. The workbench behind Darch is dented and bent, things that had been on it scattered or crushed by his impact.
Kaminski: …Damn.
Lag: …Impressive.
Harbin: …Good group.
Helton: Ah, crap.
Kaminski looks closely at the knife in Darch’s side. It’s placed in the armpit just above the armor at an angle likely to miss the heart but puncture a lung. The armor is partially pulled aside from his chest, where there are four bloody holes.
Kaminski: Deep and clean. Sucking chest wound isn’t the quickest way to stop a guy, but definitely fatal without a fast medic.
Harbin eyes the scene critically, like a grudgingly appreciative instructor when an unknown student does very well, looking for minor nits to pick.
Harbin: Easiest recruit in the lot to kill.
Kaminski examines things under and around Darch, the bent metal workbench; when he puts some weight on it, it barely flexes at all.
Kaminski: Hit hard. Didn’t secure his armor correctly, or was unsecuring it.
Harbin: (Sounding increasingly disgusted as he goes on) Alone… and no restraints with him, major target selection failure, improperly equipped, poor location, wrong time… bad idea, no planning, pathetically poor execution.
Kaminski: Looks like an unusually vigorous application of rule number two.
Harbin: Not very efficient. Killed him three times. Four if you consider the two pairs center-mass separate. More than strictly necessary-
Kaminski: But for an amateur, any style points she lost in efficiency I think she more than made up for in thoroughness and clarity of communicating ‘leave me ALONE.’
Harbin grunts grudging agreement
Lag: (To Harbin) Background?
Harbin: Councilman Darch’s second son-
Helton: (Sarcastically, throwing up hands) Great. Wonderful!
Lag: Ah. That Darch.
Harbin: (Dryly) Minor criminal history, but shockingly, no convictions.
Kaminski: Kid might still be alive if he’d learned crime and stupidity have consequences earlier. Instead he learned his parents can bail his sorry ass out.
Harbin: (Giving Kaminski a sharp look for interrupting) So-so shot. Poor self discipline. Marginal physical condition. Chronic poor judgment. About as useful as running out of ammo… Would have been cut in the first round next week on psych.
Lag: Hell… Connected family. Attempted rape. Broken neck. Air conditioned with his own pistol and playing scabbard. Cosmically bad execution of an attempted crime. In violation of both direct and general orders, as well as common sense and decency…
They all look at Lag, wondering what he’ll decide. Lag takes a hard look at the body, the others standing around. He scratches the back of his neck absently, thinking.
Lag: One of the more spectacular training accidents I’ve seen in a long while… Corporal!
CPL Kaminski: (Looking pained) Ahhhh, shit, sir!
Lag looks and sounds matter of fact.
Lag: He was in your squad, and you have a way with words. You and your team have the afternoon off to clean up the mess and write up one of the most epic death-by-stupidity reports of all time. I look forward to reading it. On the bright side, it looks like your training program passes inspection, Corporal. Or else you have an extraordinary student. Please see about setting her up with her own gear. Next time her attacker might not be so incompetent. (To Helton) Kat’s a good counselor, as well as a lawyer. She’s helped a lot of people after high-stress encounters and will help her work through it. With the support she’ll get around here, I’m sure she’ll be fine, but it’s always good to be careful for a while.
Harbin grins wickedly at Kaminski’s discomfort and Lag’s solution. Kaminski’s face dissolves into a resigned expression. Helton lets out a sigh of relief that things look like they’ll get taken care of.
FADE TO BLACK
Liftoff
FADE IN
INT - DAY - Engineering
Stenson is looking at readouts, while a pulsing hum of machinery fills the background.
Helton: (OC, over the intercom) How’s it look?
Stenson: All in the green, if only barely. Main power is just about ready to kick on. Annnnnd…
There is a powerful, deep change in the background sound, and a slight lurch.
Stenson: -Online! Main power is live! Drives arrrrree… Feeling the power. Drives are yellow, rising toward green. Looking like she’s alive again! Three drives nominal. You are now the Captain of a ship, not a shop project!
The tone of the background drive noise starts to throb and vary, like God’s own Harley is driving by, in need of a valve job and new p
lugs.
CUT TO
INT - DAY - Tajemnica bridge
Cooper, a dashing-looking young man in a blood-red jacket, sits at the pilot spot. Helton is at command. Kaushik at copilot/navigation, Allonia at sensors/com.
Helton: Captain. I like the sound of that.
Cooper: I can’t believe you have a printed preflight checklist!
Helton: You knew when we hired you this ship was older than any five of us put together. The AI is quite adamant that we go through it all.
Cooper: You pay the bills, you call the shots. OK, starting at the top! Ramps up?
Kaushik: Up!
Cooper: Ground feeds, power, disconnected?
Stenson: (OC) Disconnected!
Cooper: Ground feeds, water, disconnected and secured?
Kwon: (OC) Disconnected, hoses stowed!
DISSOLVE TO
Bridge, everyone in the same spots. The drive noise has settled down to a steadier throb.
Cooper: -annnd, that’s it. All systems nominal or acknowledged noncritical. Are we cleared to lift?
Allonia: The tower says no; they say we have a land-lock.
Cooper: (Exasperated) You have got to be… Why wasn’t I told about that earlier?
Helton: Land-lock? They never told me about it.
Cooper: You didn’t know? A giant lock around a landing strut bolting us to the ground, and you didn’t know? We can’t lift.
Helton: Are you sure?
Cooper: (Sarcastic) Who are you paying to be the pilot?
Helton: I don’t remember the port saying anything about a land-lock. Must be a mistake. Try lifting slowly, just a tad, see what happens.
Cooper: Are you crazy?
Helton: So I’ve been told.
Cooper: You are nuts.
Helton: We need to know if we can. Try it. Just a little bit. Not really flying, just… sort’a move us up into the air a little bit.
Cooper: OK, but if something breaks, it’s not my fault, right?