by Seana Kelly
I smiled, but didn’t say anything.
He ran lips along my other arm. “You planned to attend an orgy on your drive East, but weren’t sure of the colors and sizes necessary to properly cover all your partners.”
“That totally happened. I had to restock afterward.”
“Please, tell me these are not the same condoms you threw off the Fourth of July float fifteen years ago. Because if so, we’re in a lot of trouble.”
“They’re fresh!”
“Thank God. You lost a bet and—”
I slapped my hands over his mouth. We could see each other now. I moved one hand over his eyes and kept the other over his mouth. I felt him kiss my palm. I took a deep breath. “When I found out Justin had been cheating on me, I panicked. Aside from how incredibly crappy and betrayed I was feeling, I was also terrified he’d given me an STD. I made an appointment at a clinic to get screened.”
I shook my head, recalling the experience. “It was fairly horrible. I’d never had to get tested before. I felt so dirty.” I felt Aiden trying to say something, so I clamped my hand down tighter. “I know. I know. It’s the mature, responsible thing to do, but that’s the way I felt. Justin’s the only person I’ve ever slept with—huh, I guess I can’t say that anymore.” I felt another palm kiss.
“Anyway, the doctor was totally nice and understanding. I was freaking out and told him everything, but he was gentle and calming. When I was leaving, he picked up the bowl of condoms they kept on the counter and tipped it into my purse. He said, ‘Don’t let embarrassment make you unsafe.’”
I let me hands drop, gauging his reaction. “I’m clean. I wouldn’t have slept with you otherwise.”
He leaned down and kissed me softly. “It sucks, doesn’t it? I did the same thing when she left.” He cringed. “But in the interest of full disclosure and no secrets, I went on a tear after she dumped me. I slept with quite a few women in a short amount of time. Not too proud of that, but there you go. And, yes, I’ve been tested since. Still clean.”
He kissed my neck and said, “How long before you think we’ll need to replenish the drawer?”
I glanced over at the pile of shiny wrappers. “Probably a week.”
He laughed. “That’s my girl.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Aiden
I WOKE IN the gray light of predawn. Katie lay curled up next to me, her hair fanned out on the pillow. Just looking at her made my heart ache. Her hand rested by her cheek, fingers twitching as though reaching for something in a dream. I considered how I was going to wake her up this time. When she let out a soft, barely audible mewling sound, I hardened in reaction, slowly pulling the sheet down to expose a hip in need of kisses.
I couldn’t get enough of her, couldn’t touch enough, couldn’t taste enough. I could do this. I could. For Katie, I could try again. For her, I’d do anything. I lov—no.
My heart raced and I started to sweat. Shit. I thought I’d protected myself against this. I didn’t want to feel this way again. Never again. I didn’t want to ever feel that kind of pain again. What the hell was I doing? When Alice betrayed and dumped me, I was hurt. Looking back on it, though, I think I was mostly humiliated. If Katie were to leave me, I’d be done. There’d be nothing left of me.
I picked up my clothes in the dark and sneaked out like the pathetic human being I was. Hero? No. That wasn’t me anymore.
Kate
I WOKE TO the first hints of pink light filtering through the filmy sheers on the windows. I stretched and felt a twinge of soreness, spurring memories of the night before. Aiden and I couldn’t get enough of each other. As soon as we settled down to sleep, one of us would kiss or stroke the other, playfulness turning quickly to mindless passion, lust turning to something much deeper. I got very little rest, but it was the most profoundly erotic night of my life.
I shifted, cautiously looking over my shoulder for Aiden. He wasn’t there. Chaucer was snoring on the floor by the door, which meant Aiden wasn’t downstairs making coffee either or Chaucer would be with him, trying to mooch food. I spied the nightstand and bureau. No notes. It was early Sunday morning. Where had he gone?
I slid my hand over to the other side of the bed. It was cold. Aiden had left a while ago. Grabbing my phone, I dialed his cell first. When I received no answer, I texted.
Morning! We never discussed terms of endearment. Are you good with Scooter Pie because I’ve always wanted a fella I could call Scooter Pie. Listen, Scooter Pie, you should have told me you needed to work today. I almost feel bad for keeping you up all night. Almost. How about if I bring you muffins this morning? What’s your favorite kind?
When he didn’t get back to me right away, I decided to take a quick shower and then start baking. If he was too busy to respond, he’d get what he got.
An hour later, I packed up a basket of chocolate chip and pecan muffins and headed into town. The little parking lot at the police station was mostly empty, but Aiden’s truck was there. When I walked in, there was a new person at the front desk, an older woman.
“Hi, I’m Kate. I’m here to see Aiden. Is he available?”
She nodded, picking up the phone. “Let me check, dear. You can have a seat if you’d like.”
When she hung up, she said, “I’m sorry, dear. He’s in a meeting.”
“I don’t want to bother him. Could you just give him these?” I placed the basket on her desk. “They’re still warm, so he should eat one soon.” I waved over my shoulder on my way out. “Have a good one.”
I left my car in the lot, wandering down Main Street, window-shopping and feeling very lucky in my new life. I grinned, thinking about Aiden’s butt. He had an amazing butt, and I could totally grab it anytime I felt like it. Mostly. You know, not while he was on duty or anything.
I was considering the possibilities of other girlfriend perks when I realized I was standing in front of Mo’s shop. She had a gorgeous, watercolor wraparound dress displayed in the window. I wondered if it would look good on me, if Aiden would like it.
I saw movement inside the darkened store. The silhouette of a woman waved. I waved back, hoping it was Mo and not a thief. That’d be awkward. It occurred to me, as I watched Mo walk toward the door, that I liked Aiden’s family, too, and they liked me. The joy I was feeling, turned warm and fuzzy. A real family that loved each other and wanted to spend time together, I missed that so much.
Mo was just opening the door when I heard my name shouted. I turned to find Aiden jogging toward me. He’d said he wanted to be my fella, and he seemed to mean it.
I moved toward him. He stopped, but I kept going, walking into him, hugging him tightly. “Did you run all this way to thank me for the muffins?” I tilted my head back, my chin resting on his chest. “Did you like them?”
He looked aside, gripped my arms and pushed me away. His expression closed off.
“Are you allergic to pecans?” My head began to pound. “Am I not supposed to hug you when you’re on duty? My hands were nowhere near your butt. Honest.”
“I need to talk to you.”
My stomach dropped. “Okay.” I turned. Mo stood in the door, looking as confused as I felt.
“Go away,” he said to his sister.
Mo ducked back in the shop and closed the door.
He dragged his hands through his hair. “I can’t do this.”
“Can’t—which this? Eat muffins? Talk to me while you’re at work? Hug me? What can’t you do?”
He appeared shocked at my words. Shaking his head, he regrouped. “Us. The friends with bennies was a failure, and I’m not boyfriend material. I don’t do love anymore. I can’t, you know that.”
“A failure?” I was a failure. Again. I’d fallen for a man who couldn’t or wouldn’t love me back. Again.
“Yes.”
“I see.” I wanted to slink away, to hide. I wanted to pack up my dog and hit the road. Again. Not this time, though. I was so angry, I fisted my hand and punched him right in the face. He blinked, unfazed. I was pretty sure I’d broken my whole hand, so the fact that he hadn’t felt it just made him that much more of an asshole. “I can’t believe I thought you were a hero.” My hand throbbed painfully. “Boo-hoo, Aiden. Did you have your heart broken once? You think that gives you license to be an asshole the rest of your life? A coward, Aiden. That’s what you are.” I walked away, back to my car, my broken hand cradled to my chest.
Okay, it wasn’t broken but it hurt like hell! I’d need to get ice on it as soon as possible. After the swelling went down, I planned to punch him again. With a bat. That would hurt my hand less.
When I got home, Chaucer whined and tried to lick my hand, sweet boy. I put ice in a waterproof bag, wrapped it around my hand with a dish towel. I didn’t want to sit and think, so I took Chaucer for a walk along the cliffs, overlooking the surf.
I pulled Gran’s rain parka close across my chest. I should have made a sling for my stupid hand. It would have been easier than carrying a homemade ice pack.
The bitter winds coming off the whitecaps seeped right through the fabric, chilling me to the bone. Dark storm clouds were moving to the south. Chaucer, however, was in his element. He stood at the bluff, his head up to the driving wind, looking like nothing so much as the figurehead on the prow of a ship. He was quivering in anticipation.
“Okay, boy, go!” I shouted over the wind. He didn’t need any more encouragement than that. He crouched, tipping his weight back before cannoning off the ledge, dropping six feet toward the teeming water below. He surfaced a moment later, sounding a deep bark of joy.
Seagrass waved in the wind, tickling my legs through my jeans. I plopped down at the land’s end and watched my baby swim in the ocean, rolling with the waves. Black clouds, heavy with rain, sped across the sky, blotting out the sun. A storm was coming. I could have called Chaucer, made him come to me so we could avoid the pelting rain, but I didn’t. Instead, I sat in the deluge.
I loved Aiden, had poured out my heart to him, and he called it a failure. That’s what he thought of me. A failure. If I’d been better, smarter, prettier, maybe I could have made him forget the one who broke his heart. But apparently, I couldn’t even make him want to forget the hurt. A failure.
The storm battered me but I withstood, my anger and shame running in rivulets down my face and body, soaking into the ground.
When I stood on my front porch an hour later, chilled to the bone, my teeth chattering, what remained was the suffocating pain of rejection.
* * *
“KATIE, ARE YOU UP THERE?” The stairs creaked under Connor’s weight.
I bolted upright in the cooling water. When we’d returned from the rain, I’d needed a hot bath to warm up. I looked down at my naked body. I didn’t even have any bubbles left to hide beneath. “I’m in the bath.” Panic was clear in my tone.
His voice came from the hall, right outside the open doors to my bedroom and bath. “Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t have barged in. I just thought we could go over plans for the diner this morning. Maybe drive down to the property and do a walk-through. And then I thought when we were done we could have lunch in town, if you don’t already have plans today.”
Good things—my life was filled with good things, like this man right here. “I’d love to do that. Can you give me a couple of minutes to get dried and dressed?”
“Take your time. Chaucer and I will keep each other company.” At the sound of his name, Chaucer stood and padded out of the bathroom. Funny, he must already know Connor’s sounds and smells. He didn’t even start at the sound of Connor’s voice.
I wasn’t feeling up to makeup or much grooming for that matter, finger-combing through the wet curls and calling it good. My hand still hurt, but the swelling had gone down, thankfully. I had a towel wrapped around me when I stepped into the bedroom from the attached bath. I could hear Connor’s voice, but it was coming from downstairs. It sounded like he was talking to someone.
“Aiden, can you meet me for lunch today?...Good. I was thinking maybe Geddy’s at about noon...Hmm...Yeah, Katie’ll be with me...What’s that?...Well, couldn’t you rearrange it?...All right. Maybe another time.”
I closed the door to the bedroom, not wanting to hear any more. We slept together and he chewed off his arm to get away. That’s right. Katie Gallagher, the human equivalent of a bear trap. Screw everyone who thought I wasn’t good enough, that I’d be acceptable if only I’d... Whatever! This was me. I was done apologizing for who I was. Don’t like me? Get bent and move along. I had better things to do than worry over your disapproval.
I pulled out a pair of jeans, new but worn-looking. I was going to embrace my new life philosophy with comfy clothes. I pulled on a light green, long-sleeve thermal top and Grandpa’s button-up fisherman’s sweater. It was cream, hung down almost to my knees and had leather patches at the elbows. It was perfect.
I glanced at myself in the mirror. My face was clean. My freckles were more obvious, and my hair was pulling up into my natural corkscrew curls. Yep, I was ready to go.
Connor rounded the corner from the kitchen and stood at the base of the stairs, a huge grin breaking across his face. “There’s my little Katie Gallagher,” he said as I stepped down to the floor. “Where have you been, my girl? I’ve sorely missed you.”
I was unaccountably choked up by his greeting. I swallowed. “It’s good to be home,” I said as he leaned forward and brushed a kiss across my forehead.
He held out his elbow for me to take. I grabbed my bag and slapped my thigh, inviting Chaucer to join us before taking Connor’s elbow, letting him lead me out the door and down the front steps.
We all got into my car, and I drove into town. Luckily, I found street parking just two doors down from the leased property. Chaucer jumped out and followed us. Connor pulled out his keys and then a small notebook from his shirt pocket, waving it at me. “We’ll take notes on any changes you think the place needs. Where you want your new seating to go, et cetera.”
The space smelled musty. “How long has it been vacant?” I asked.
“Oh, let’s see. It freed up four or five months ago now. I’ve had a few people inquire, but the rent is expensive, and I’m picky. I don’t rent to just anyone, you know.” He winked.
Good point. “You know, Gran left me some money, but I don’t know if I have enough to make this happen. We might be getting ahead of ourselves.” Businesses cost bank to start up. “How much is the rent, anyway?” Shit, a prime location on Main Street just two blocks from the pier in Bar Harbor, Maine. There was no way I’d be able to afford this place. It was probably five thousand or more a month, and then there were the renovations to consider, licenses and permits... My stomach started to cramp.
“Well—” he strolled to the window, looking out “—this is a great property, excellent location, the owner has kept it clean and safe. You’d only need to make cosmetic changes. Let’s see, taking all that into account, how about if I charge you...one dollar a month?” He turned, taking in my stunned expression before patting my shoulder as he walked past.
“Connor, you can’t charge me one dollar. That’s ridiculous!”
“Too much? I did love your grandmother, but I have a business to run, you know.”
“No, that’s not right. If you picked another tenant you could be making five thousand times that amount—”
“Probably. I guess it wouldn’t make much sense, me settling for only a dollar, then. Would it? Strange, since apparently I’m going to.” He smiled and cut me off when I opened my mouth to argue the gift was too great.
“Katie, honey, I’m an old man. I own my house as well as a couple of other properties like this one. I don�
�t need the rent money, or I wouldn’t have left it empty for five months. I had a feeling I should wait, and it turned out I was right. I want to do this. I want to be a part of this new venture, and I’m asking if you’ll let me. This is what I can do. I can’t cook and I’m not much for waiting tables, but I can do this. All right?”
My throat burned. I crossed to him and buried my head in his chest, hugging him tightly. He held me, and I realized that I was wrong. Aiden wasn’t home; this was. This man, this town was my home. I nodded, my head still against his shirt. “All right.”
“Good.” He patted my back. “Now, let’s go look at the kitchen, see if we need to make any changes in there.”
An hour later we were sitting in Geddy’s, baskets of fish and chips on the polished wood table before us; a large group of noisy tourists in lobster bibs sat across the main room. It was lively and fun, servers joking with the customers as well as among themselves. Eclectic decorations lined the walls. I smiled at the flirty mermaid who watched over our table. The energy of the restaurant matched my own, as ideas for Nellie’s Kitchen whizzed through my head, one barely taking hold before another pushed it aside.
“So, will the kitchen do or should we make some changes?”
“Connor, I know I’ve said this before, but I don’t think you’re listening. I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve never done anything like this before. My opinion means nothing, less than nothing.”
“Don’t be silly. You’ve cooked for people before. This will just be on a larger scale.” He stopped to think for a minute. “Maybe we should do a test run. Buy whatever ingredients you’ll need for a few different breakfast items, and then you can cook for me and Aiden, maybe some of the kids from the police station who have some free time, so we can see how the kitchen works for you and what we need to do to make it better.” He smiled at his ingenuity and took out his cell phone, beginning to text.
I mumbled. “This ought to be good.”
“Hmm?” He looked up inquiringly.
I shook my head. “Nothing.” I played with the remaining fries on my plate, making designs by swirling them through the ketchup. Aiden wouldn’t agree to this, and I’d forgotten my bat at home. I needed to start carrying that thing around with me.