by Seana Kelly
When I turned out the light and climbed into bed, the tears finally came. Hidden in the dark, I allowed myself to mourn for what could have been. I loved him, but I’d get over it. Eventually.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Aiden
THE GUILT WAS CRUSHING. I drove along the dark, cliff-side road where I’d found her weeks ago, sitting in her car, unsure of what to do. Pulling over into the exact spot she’d stopped, I followed her lead and reflected on my choices. I’d taken a woman who’d been cheated on, stripped of money and communications, struggling to live in a house I’d let fall to seed, and I’d decided she had it a little too good.
I couldn’t remember ever feeling this level of shame. I liked thinking of myself in heroic terms, the way Katie had described me to Pops. She was right, though, what she said today. Being heroic when there was little cost to you isn’t heroic. As soon as my heart was on the line, I turned cowardly. My chest constricted. I was a bitter, lonely coward. But I didn’t want to be. I wanted to be the hero she deserved.
I drove to Pops’s place. He’d been trying to give me relationship advice for years, and I’d been brushing him off. I was an idiot. He and Grandma had been married for forty years. Happily, lovingly married for forty years. He grieved her passing, his heart broken, but he never wallowed in the pain, didn’t blame the world. He eventually fell in love again and had another wonderful relationship. I should have been taking notes.
The lights were on, but Pops may have fallen asleep in front of the TV. I’d raised my hand to knock when he opened the door.
“What’s the matter?”
“Why would you think—”
He waved me in. “You wouldn’t be showing up unannounced this late for a chat. So, what’s the matter?”
He sat in his chair and I took the couch. “I panicked and fucked up.”
He nodded slowly, thoughtfully. “And how are you going to fix it?”
Blowing out a breath, I said, “I don’t know. That’s why I’m here.”
“Well, you better tell me the whole story, so we can figure it out.” He stood and headed toward the kitchen. “I think we’re going to need a couple of beers for this.”
After he returned and handed me a bottle, I went over all of it. I skated over the sex, but judging by the way he was glaring at me, he’d put two and two together. The man wasn’t stupid. By the time I’d finished, he was up and pacing.
“You’re my grandson and I love you, but I can’t remember wanting to punch a man this much, not for a long time.”
“Feel free to take a shot. If I could, I’d punch myself.”
“On one hand, I want to help you get your girl. On the other, I want to protect her from you.” He studied me. “I guess it depends on who I’m looking at. Are you the Aiden who took a slap from a mean old woman to protect another kid, or are you the Aiden who led Katie on and then dumped her?”
I sat, elbows on knees, my head in my hands. “I don’t know. I want to be the first, but I’m afraid I’m the second.”
“It’s our choices, Aiden, that show who we truly are. Who are you choosing to be?”
I looked up at him, grinning. “Did you just quote Dumbledore to me?”
His face reddened as he gestured to the TV. “I was just watching—doesn’t matter! It’s true.” He crossed his arms defensively, waiting for an answer.
“I love her, Pops. I want to be someone she can rely on. Someone she could love.”
“And how are you going to prove to her that you’re worth taking another chance on?”
I dropped back, sprawling on the couch. “Why do you think I’m here, old man? You’re the expert. What should I do?”
Smiling, he sat down. “I am, aren’t I? It’s about time you realized it.”
“Well?”
“Well, what? This is your mess. You figure it out.” He got back up, went to the door and opened it. “If you love her, then you’ll know what she needs. It’s not a question of how you can get her to love you. You need to decide what you can do to love her.” He opened the door. “And you need to do that on your own.”
I scrubbed my hands over my face. “You’re right.” I stood. “Thanks for listening. And for the kick in the butt.” I walked past him and stopped on the porch. “‘What she needs.’ I’ll work on that. Thanks, Pops.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Kate
THE CLOTHES I’D kicked off in the middle of the night lay on the floor. The pillow was still damp with tears, but it was a new day, the beginning of a new life, one I was going to embrace. I had my own house. Thank you, Gran. I was going to open a restaurant. Thank you, Connor. I had access to a handyman with an unlimited supply of kisses and inappropriate butt grabbing. Thank you, Bear. I had a full woodpile. Get bent, Aiden.
When I took Chaucer downstairs for breakfast, I found a letter taped to the pantry door. Points to Aiden for knowing the first place I’d go, but again with the breaking and entering? I was getting his ass arrested. And I wanted my key back, freaking pushy cop!
I fed Chaucer and then let him out, all the while staring at the envelope with my name in Aiden’s handwriting as though it were a rabid snake.
After a cup of coffee and a piece of toast that I couldn’t choke down, I womaned up and tore the letter off the pantry door. I swore that, if he made me feel like crap again, I was telling his grandpa on him.
Dearest Katie,
I can’t begin to apologize for how I’ve treated you. I was so sure, you see. So sure I was right. I think, looking back, I felt wronged—through no wrongdoing on your part. I’ve been in love with you since I was five years old. You were the one all girls and then women were compared to and found wanting. You’re gorgeous, but that’s not it. Well, not all of it. You’re funny and kick-ass. You’re kind and so smart. Every woman has paled in comparison. As a kid, I waited for summer like it was my birthday, Halloween and Christmas all rolled up together. Summer meant you.
But then you stopped visiting, and all the light and color in my life drained away. I waited for you, assuming you’d be back, that it was just an off year. I spent that first summer planning what I would say or do to get your attention, so sure that the next summer you’d be back. But you weren’t. I felt abandoned. I know that’s stupid, but it’s how I felt.
Alice used to complain that she didn’t think I was fully committed to her. After she took off, I assumed that was how she justified leaving me for another man, but maybe she was right. I’d lost my heart to Katie Gallagher a long time ago.
Even now, after I’ve hurt and betrayed you, I can’t stop thinking about you. Working, driving, sleeping, eating, it doesn’t matter what I’m doing, thoughts of you bombard me, my hands on your soft, freckled skin, your flame-colored hair fanned across my chest, your kiss-swollen lips, your giggles and moans...
I’ve been a COMPLETE ass. I’m sorry for every time I mocked and doubted you, every time I left you to fend for yourself with no food or money. Honestly, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I’m counting on you being an infinitely better person than me, and hoping you’ll take pity on my lovesick ass.
And I do love you, Katie. Make no mistake. You stole my heart early, and it’s been yours ever since. If you can give me another chance, I’ll spend my life grateful that such a kind, funny, strong and glowing woman allows me to worship at her feet. And cupcakes! I promise a lifetime supply of cupcakes. And dog treats. What I’m saying is, name your price.
Love,
Aiden
A key dropped out of the envelope.
Tears blurred my vision. Chaucer plopped his head in my lap. “He’s promising a lifetime supply of dog treats. It’s a pretty good deal.” He snuggled in. “He says he loves me.” I scratched Chaucer’s furry, bearlike head. “What do you think? You’re an e
xcellent judge of character. Do I risk it? Again?”
A car pulled up in front of the house. I checked the clock. Six ten. Who the heck? I went to the living room and looked out the front window. Aiden’s truck. I hadn’t decided yet. Chaucer trotted over to the front door. His tail wagging a mile a minute. When I didn’t rush to open it, he jumped up on the door, his front paws against it.
“Yes, fine,” I said, pulling him down. “You’ve made your point. And I’m sure it has nothing to do with all those doggy biscuits he gave you. But he will have to wait a little bit longer.”
I needed a shower and some think time before I saw him. Thirty minutes later, I walked down the stairs, my hair in wet ringlets, my face clean and freckled, wearing faded jeans, a black thermal tee and Grandpa’s fisherman’s sweater. I sucked in a deep breath and opened the door.
Aiden was standing on a ladder, installing something.
Heart squeezing at the sight of him, I asked, “What are you doing?”
Aiden startled. He turned to look at me, climbing down the rungs. “Sorry. I know I should have asked first, but I needed to get started, to be doing something other than sitting here, waiting, making myself crazy—er.” He motioned to my front yard. “So, Pops gave you his Bronco,” he said, nodding his approval.
“Loaned. I’ll give it back.”
“No. It’s a good rig for you two. Pops doesn’t drive anymore. I’m sure he told you to keep it.”
Yeah, he did. We’ll see. I pointed at the eaves over the porch. “Seriously, what are you doing? To my house. Without my permission.”
He fumbled with the box, his cheeks coloring slightly. “Motion sensor security lights. I just, uh—” he shrugged “—I wanted to make sure you’d be safe.”
I turned away. He looked so contrite, I wanted to hug him, but I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t decided. His truck was overladen with gardening supplies. I motioned to it. “Did you just rob a garden center?”
He watched me apprehensively, before speaking. “No. You said once that you liked the idea of adding flower boxes along the porch rails—”
“When did I say that?”
“When we were in bed, talking about our homes growing up. I described mine, and you said you’d always wanted a pretty little house with flower boxes, overflowing with blooms.”
“I did?”
He grinned. “Well, I might have been running my hands all over you at the time, but you did say it.”
“Oh.” I felt my cheeks heating.
He stepped closer. “I know the first frost will be hitting us soon but... Well, I didn’t know which flowers were your favorite—” he shrugged again “—so I got all of them.”
I stared at the truck, willing my brain to make sense of what Aiden was doing. I walked down the steps and leaned over the side of the truck bed. It was a veritable mobile nursery, and that wasn’t even all of it. He’d already off-loaded some flowering trees, which were sitting on the ground by the open truck gate. There were even more wedged into the cab. I turned to him, gesturing vaguely at the truck. “You want to make me flower boxes?”
“No. I’m not a carpenter. Bear’s doing the actual building.” He put his hands in his pockets. “I haven’t slept. I was doing some soul-searching, trying to figure out how to get you to care for me again, but I was hitting a wall. I went to see Pops and he helped me shift my thinking. It isn’t about me. It’s about you. What could I do to show Katie I see her, I know her and I love her?
“I thought about the flower boxes you wanted, so I sketched ideas. I woke Bear up before dawn—he’s unhappy with me right now—to show him the sketches. He said my design ideas sucked, but that he knew exactly the type of flower boxes this house needed. I made him get up and start working on them. He’ll bring the first set over when he’s done, make sure you like them. Although he said he didn’t think you knew any better than I did what design would be complementary to the house. Or something like that. He might have used the word organic. Honestly, I stopped listening. He can be pretty snotty if you wake him up too early.”
That made me smile. “Like a bear.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, exactly.”
I turned back to him, bracing myself. “Aiden, I get it. You’re sorry, but this thing—” I motioned between us “—I don’t know if I can do this again.” He started to speak, but I cut him off. “To be completely honest, it would make it a lot easier on me if you didn’t do stuff like this.” I turned back, waved at the truck bed. “The grand romantic gestures are hollow when there’s nothing backing them up. You said you love me, but what happens when you get cold feet again? Do I get dumped again? I was with a man for ten years who never loved me, who constantly made me nervous and uncomfortable in my own skin. And with you, I feel like I’m always preparing for the rug to get pulled out from underneath me.”
“Katie—”
“No, really. You should take all these back.” I reached into the truck and pulled out a pot of sweet peas. “Except this one. I love sweet peas. I’m keeping this one as payment for emotional damages.” I turned and walked up the steps, never looking back at Aiden.
“Katie, can I say one more thing?”
I didn’t turn around. “I really wish you wouldn’t.”
“Please.”
“Can you wait until I get in the house and close the door? You can talk all you want then.” I reached for the front door.
“Will you go out to dinner with me tonight?” His voice was a low rumble.
Instead of opening the door, I leaned in and banged my head against it a few times. I was cut short when a hand appeared, cushioning my head from the hard door.
“Please, don’t do that, sweetheart. I love that head and all the hilarious, ridiculous, profound thoughts rolling around in it.” He spun me to face him, took the flowerpot from me, setting it on the porch, and then held up a bakery box. “I also brought lots and lots of cupcakes.”
“Don’t. I’m not strong enough for this.” Against my will, tears fell.
He put the box on the porch next to the plant, before his hands dived into my hair as he tipped my head back. “Please, don’t cry. It kills me.” He leaned forward and kissed away my tears. “I love you, Katie Ann Gallagher. I always have. I can’t live without you. I thought I could, but I’m a stupid, stupid man. You are my heart. Please, say you’ll give me another chance.”
I blinked rapidly, trying to see him better. “But—”
“Forget what I said.” He shook his head. “I mean forget what I said before about my not doing love. Remember what I’m saying now about loving you wholeheartedly and not being able to live without you.”
“Seriously, Aiden, lithium. I really think you need some kind of prescription mood stabilizer.”
He pulled me toward the steps, went down one step and then found my mouth with his. He nibbled and soothed, his lips brushing softly against mine, drawing me back to him, willing me to forget the hurt, to embrace the love. Could I?
I’d spent much of last night trying to talk myself into hating him, but I couldn’t. He’d screwed up, but he’d owned it and tried to make up for it. I thought about the security devices and the flowers dripping from his truck. The man knew how to make amends, I’d give him that.
The sound of tires on the drive disturbed the stillness. Aiden held on to me, one hand possessively covering my butt. He shook his head. “Worst timing ever.”
Bear climbed out of his truck. “Katie! What the hell? I thought I was the only guy you made out with on a regular basis.”
I started to laugh, but Aiden gave me a fierce look. “Not anymore, you don’t,” he said and kissed me again, and I forgot all about our visitor.
“Ahem. Right in my way, people. Move it indoors.”
I broke away from Aiden, laughing and smacking away his searching hands. �
�Ooh, let me see!”
Bear held up one of the flower boxes. It was perfect, with rounded edges that mirrored the rounded stones of the cottage. “I left it unpainted so you could see the box, but I was thinking either a whitewash to match the rail or a soft, muted blue gray to match the hues of the rocks themselves. Which would you prefer?”
I clapped and grabbed his arm, pulling him down for a kiss on the check. “It’s beautiful, Bear! I love, love, love it! And I want the blue gray.” I spun back to Aiden and hugged him, resting my chin on his chest and looking up. “Thank you for doing this for me.” I stared into his eyes and felt my heart lurch. “I love you, too, you know.”
He let out a breath and held me tighter. “Good.” He tilted his head toward the house, lifting his eyebrows. “Do you want to take this inside now?”
I laughed and smacked him in the chest. “No way. We’re gardening. I need to go get my gloves and a trowel.” I turned to Bear. “How long before you have them up, and I can start adding plants?”
Bear paused in his measurements and shrugged. “Maybe a week? Aiden said you wanted them all around the house. I need to build and paint them first, then I’ll install them.”
“Oh, okay. Thanks, Bear. Well, then, have a good one.” I grabbed Aiden by the wrist and dragged him through the front door. “Our plans for the day have changed.”
He kicked the door closed. “Thank God.” He shoved me in front of him, and we ran up the stairs, desperate to find one another again in the violet room at the top of the steps. “Move faster, woman. I’ve got plans for you, and they’re going to take a while.”
I giggled and ran faster.
When we got to the bedroom, he pulled my sweater over my head, throwing it at the door, closing it. He kissed me senseless and then picked me up and tossed me onto the bed. “Welcome home, Katie Gallagher.”
EPILOGUE
IT WAS A FRIGID, snowy morning in Bar Harbor but Nellie’s Kitchen was warm and crowded. Neighbors ate and chatted, calling out to one another. Katie was cooking in the back, Chaucer lying in the doorway to her office, watching her.