by C. A. Szarek
Janet needed to be alone with him so they could talk.
Dread and loss churned in her belly.
They were home.
Should this not be a joyous occasion?
“Come, come. Alana is anxious to see you both,” Alex said.
“Come to me, lass,” their father called from the ridge. “I’ve yet to see ye!”
Janet obeyed, hugging her father when she reached his side.
“I’m glad yer home, Janie.”
She smiled, and it was genuine, but the childhood nickname only made her think of when Xander called her by it.
“Let’s go home!” Angus pumped his arm with his shout, and the men chuckled.
* * * *
Her family was smothering her. Again.
Janet dislodged from all the hugs and love, her eyes searching her husband out. He’d hugged his cousin, but then stayed in the corner whilst everyone fussed over them both.
“Everything okay?”
She tore her gaze away from Xander, meeting Claire’s green eyes. Forced yet another smile. “Aye. Glad to be home.”
Her sister-by-marriage rubbed her distended tummy and nodded. “I’m glad. I missed you. And Duncan was beside himself with worry.”
“He needn’t have worried. I was with Xander.”
Claire nodded. “I know. I trusted he’d bring you home. Are you excited about the wedding?”
Janet reared back. “Wedding?”
A blush lit Claire’s high cheekbones. “Uh oh…” Her sister-by-marriage shifted on her feet. “Um, I guess no one told you? Mairi and Alana planned everything. Even had a gown made. It’s tomorrow. I probably wasn’t supposed to spill the beans.”
“Nay, it’s fine. Perfect.” Or, it would be if everything was right with Xander. Janet smiled, because she didn’t like the way Claire was looking at her.
“You sure you’re okay? You’re flushed. Maybe you should take a bath and get some sleep.”
“I’m well, but tha’ sounds heavenly.”
Claire visibly relaxed. “Good. I’ll have Mairi order you a bath.”
“Nay, nay, I’ll do it.” Movement took her attention, and Janet saw Xander slip from the room. “I will see you at midday meal.” She hurried out of the solar without waiting for Claire’s answer.
He ignored her first call to him in the corridor. Janet jogged to catch up, following him into his quarters. Her husband whirled on her when she shut the door with a thud, a slam she’d not intended.
“You shouldn’t be here. Your brother will kill me,” Xander said.
“I’m no’ concerned about Duncan. I’m concerned about you. And me.”
“All is well.”
“It isna’, and you well know it. Talk to me, Xander.”
He reared back as if she’d hit him. “Lass—”
“Don’ shut me out. We’re home. We can wed and move on with our lives.” Her ring glowed a pale blue, as if it agreed.
Her husband fell silent, but he closed his eyes.
Although she felt nothing but an echo from the bond, she could sense his pain. Janet closed the distance between them and reached for his hand. Hurt rebounded back when he pulled away. “Xander, wha’—?”
“How can you want to touch me?” His fair brows were drawn tight, a frown marring his handsome face.
“What?” It was Janet’s turn to frown.
“After—” His voice broke on the word and it dawned on her what he was referring to.
Xander had passed out when she’d been naked in front of the two Fae Warriors. Before his father had stormed into the bailey.
“They didna rape me.”
His violet gaze searched her face. He said nothing.
“They didna. I promise.”
She’d expected relief, but he didn’t show any. Janet wished the bond was open, so she could get a sense of what he was feeling. She got no clues from his expression.
“I should’ve protected you.”
“You did. You got us home.”
Xander’s mouth was a hard line. He shook his head and took a step back, averting his violet eyes.
“I don’ understand,” she whispered.
“You should just…go.”
Hurt and anger boiled up from her gut. “You pushed me away in the dungeon when all I wanted was you. All I could see was you. You hurt me more than they could have. Over somethin’ you assumed. Mayhap you shoulda asked me instead of pushin’ me away.” She waited for him to answer, but when he still wouldn’t look her way, she planted her hands at her sides so she wouldn’t smack him.
“I failed you.” The words were so low she almost missed it.
Her stomach flipped. “Shouldna I be the judge of tha’?”
“Nay. I shall.”
“You’re throwin’ us away, for some weak self-pity?”
He winced, but didn’t defend himself.
Desperation hit her in waves. She refused to lose the man she loved over some misplaced sense of pride. But she wasn’t ready to put words to him aloud, either. Not when he wouldn’t look her in the eye.
Janet pictured the golden mating bond. She imagined picking it up, holding it close, clung to the memory if seeing it disappear into her chest, watching it do the same to Xander. She sucked in a breath and called the magic to her, feeling warmth rush her chest, envelope her like when they’d bonded.
Then she focused on Xander, mentally offering him the bond, throwing it at him in her mind.
Her husband’s violet eyes went wide. Xander shook his head.
He’s rejecting me.
Rejecting our bond.
Pain crashed down, squeezed her chest and stole her breath. “Nay,” Janet whispered. “You said we were fated. You said we were meant ta be. You said you wouldna fight this. Wha’ of your vow now?”
“It’s better this way, lass.” Misery saturated his voice, but she didn’t care.
“Lass? I though’ I was your angel?”
The apple of his throat bobbed, his lips parted, but he didn’t speak.
A sob threatened but she wouldn’t cry in front of him. “You care nothin’ fer me?”
She waited what felt like a lifetime.
Still the man who was supposed to be hers for the rest of their lives said nothing.
Janet swallowed, but she couldn’t keep the tears at bay. She fled his room, where she shouldn’t have been alone with him in the first place.
She ran down the corridor, seeking her own room, not stopping when Duncan called her name. Janet passed the solar, and her father’s ledger room, finally reaching the solace of her chamber. She slammed the door and leaned on it, her chest heaving from agony, as well as the sprint.
The gorgeous pale blue wedding gown laid out on her bed, right on top of the MacLeod tartan, made her heart ache. The fabric shimmered in the sunlight streaming in through the window.
Tears fell freely and her vision blurred.
Suddenly her rooms weren’t any place she wanted to be.
How could fate have failed me so badly?
Chapter Twenty-One
The knock on the door jarred her awake, and Janet rolled over in bed. The sun was no longer streaming into her rooms. She must’ve cried herself to sleep…hours ago? She was on her feet with the second knock, and her stomach fluttered.
Xander?
“Janet?”
Her heart sank as the door opened. The last person she wanted to see was her sister-by-marriage. Alana entered the room without permission, but took one look at Janet and froze just inside. Her violet eyes were wide. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothin’.”
Her sister-by-marriage shook her head. “Magic, remember. I feel your pain. Your loss. What did Xander do?”
“Nothin’.” Repetition did nothing to clear the princess’s expression.
“I came to see if you liked your wedding gown.” Alana pointed to the dress, which was balled up on a chair by the fireplace.
“Doesna’ look like I’ll be needin’ tha
’.” Janet swallowed the sob that accompanied her words.
Alana frowned, straightening the pale blue shimmery gown, and laying it on Janet’s bed. “What are you talking about? Tell me what happened.”
Janet shook her head, but her sister-by-marriage sat on the bed and patted an open space of MacLeod tartan beside her. Her body responded against her will, and before she knew it, Alana had slipped an arm around her waist and squeezed.
“I love him,” she blurted. Tears formed and spilled. She sniffled, but more flowed.
Alana rubbed her arm. “I can feel it. And I’m so glad.”
“He doesna’ want me anamore.”
“What?” Her sister-by-marriage’s eyes flashed.
She launched into everything that happened when they were in the Realm of the Fae. Janet omitted their lovemaking, but Alana was astute. Probably wouldn’t fool her.
The former princess winced when she retold the near-rape, and shared her astonishment regarding Xander’s parents helping them escape.
When she explained subduing the bond, and Xander declaring how he’d failed her, Alana wore a scowl like none Janet had seen before.
“I shall have a word with him.”
Embarrassment hit Janet and she pulled away from the comfort of Alana’s arm, grasping both of her hands and tugging. “Nay. Please…just leave it. I’ll…be fine.”
“Mating bonds do not operate like that, sister.”
“What?”
“You can shut the magic out, but only for so long. Subduing is the same as denying. You will both be miserable, perhaps physically sick.”
Heat crept up Janet’s neck and she averted her gaze. “We…consummated the bond.”
Alana’s low laugh had her meeting violet eyes she wanted to avoid, because they were too much like Xander’s. “I figured.”
Janet’s cheeks burned even more.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell Alex, let alone Duncan. Tis none of their concern. However, neither will take to postponing the wedding.”
Her heart skipped. “I don’ want to postpone it. I want ta be his wife,” Janet whispered.
Alana’s smile was soft, empathetic. “You already are, sister.”
“I’m no’ Fae. My brothers—and my father—willna accept that. We need a priest.”
“Aye, I know it. We’ll have one. He’s to arrive tonight. The wedding and the feast are all planned for the morrow.”
“I doona’ have a husband.”
“Yet, you don’t want me to speak to my cousin?”
“I donna’ want his hand forced.” Janet’s voice broke. She wiped her face.
Alana hugged her tight. “But sister, fate has already done so. The two of you belong together—quite literally.”
“Well, if only Xander realized that.”
Her sister-by-marriage’s mouth set in a determined line Janet didn’t like. “Please donna’ speak with him.”
“I’ll see you at evening meal. Come down to the great hall.” Alana rose from the bed and inclined her head. The princess ignored Janet when she called her name, shutting the door quietly.
* * * *
“I’m goin’ ta kill him. Move ou’ of my way. I don’ want ta have ta contend wit’ my brother if I move ye myself, Alana.”
“I’m taking care of this, Duncan.” His cousin’s firm voice made Xander snort.
Dinner had been a horrid affair full of glares from the MacLeod twins. They probably didn’t know what exactly had happened between him and Janet, but they knew all was not well. They’d seen his wife crying, no doubt.
He should tell Alana to allow their brother-by-marriage into his room. Death would be a blessing.
Nay. Then I’ll fail her even more.
His magic—and his wings—were gone again. He’d been torn bare. Vulnerable in a way other than the hurt concerning his fated mate. He’d lied to Janet when he’d denied mourning his wings.
Xander was trapped in the Human Realm.
“Alana—”
“Give me a moment, Duncan. Please.”
The large man uttered what sounded like a growl, but soon Xander heard the door to his quarters shut.
“Xander, I never thought I’d have to call you a fool, but you are worse than that, cousin.” Alana whirled on him, hands on her hips. Gone was the false calm she’d offered Duncan. Her violet eyes flashed, and a scowl marred her pretty face. “You march down that hall, tell that lass you’re sorry and assure her you’ll be at your wedding on the morrow.”
“Wedding?” Mixed emotions hit him in the chest and he fought the urge to crush his eyes shut.
That explains the presence of the priest.
“Aye. Did you not see Father Bartholomew in the hall? Mairi and I have it all planned. As a surprise for you both, as well as to appease Duncan and Alex, because I know damn well Janet is no longer a maid.” Her un-princess-like curse should’ve jarred him, but it didn’t.
Xander mustered a smirk. “How are you so sure?”
Alana gave him a long look. “She told me. Besides, I sense the completed bond. But shutting out magic is not good. It feels wrong, Xander.”
He waved his hand. “All is well.”
“All is not well. My sister-by-marriage is sobbing. My cousin, her fated mate has rejected her. What if she carries your child?”
Xander startled. “Does she? Your magic can sense it.”
Alana frowned. “I have not tried to sense it. It does not matter, cousin. You’re crushing her heart.”
“Her heart?” Xander closed his eyes. If his cousin’s empathic magic had sensed something, he didn’t want to know.
“Your heart,” Alana whispered. “You love her.” His cousin’s voice was breathless.
Xander was grateful she said nothing of his wife’s feelings. Of his own, there was no use denying. “Aye.”
Empathy glowed from her violet gaze as she took a seat beside him on the bed. “Then why are you doing this?”
“I don’t deserve her.” His voice broke, so Xander cleared his throat. “I failed to protect her.”
“Foolish man.”
“What did she tell you?”
“Everything, Xander. She’s fine. She doesn’t hold any concerns of what happened. Janet just wants to marry you.”
“I…”
“You cannot live forever with a rejected bond.”
“We solidified it.”
“Aye, but you can still get weak. Sick.”
Xander shook his head.
Alana squeezed his forearm. “Go. Tell her you love her if she doesn’t know. Marry her. Set the bond—and your marriage—right, cousin.”
He averted his eyes, studying the stone floor around his boots.
“I wish you weren’t a soldier.”
“What?”
“You have stupid notions of pride that do not matter. I understand it’s who you are. And your sense of duty is one of the many reasons I love you, but it also makes you a fool. Because you cannot move past your own failures—or what you see as a failure—”
“Alana—”
“Let me finish.”
Xander frowned, but nodded.
His cousin took a breath. “You found your fated mate. The lass you’re supposed to be with for the rest of your life. You fell in love with her. That is all that matters.”
“It’s not.”
“It is.”
“I failed my duty as her mate to protect her.”
“She is home safely, is she not?” Alana’s stare was pointed.
He clenched his jaw. “No thanks to myself. My mother rescued us both. It was my father’s plan. I could not save us.”
“Is that what’s bothering you? That you couldn’t manage alone?”
“Nay.”
Was that it?
Xander was afraid to answer the question.
Alana shook her head. “I will not sit here and argue with you, cousin. I suggest you meet your bride in the chapel at the appointed time. If not, I shall
tell my husband to allow his brother to beat you to a pulp for taking her innocence.” She arched a delicate eyebrow that dared him to call her bluff.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The longer he remained in his room, the more the walls closed in on Xander. He needed out, needed some air. He mourned his wings, longing to launch into the air, to have the ability to stretch his arms and legs and float, or ride thermals that mussed his hair and cleared his head.
He settled for a long run—he’d been lucky to sneak out of Dunvegan and avoid contact with Duncan or the laird.
Xander had gone far down the beach, stopping when he neared the cave that contained the Faery Stones. He’d reveled in the tingle Alana’s Keep Out spell shot down his spine. He’d run until his lungs and legs burned, then jumped into the frigid salt water to bathe. The cold ocean had cleansed him more than the run, but his chest—his heart—was still heavy.
He stared hard at the door to his room. If he went back inside, he’d feel just as trapped as he had earlier. Glancing over his shoulder, he thought of Janet in her room, down at the other end of the wide corridor.
Is she crying?
She hadn’t even looked at him at supper.
He’d allowed Alana to block everyone’s thoughts from him magically, because he couldn’t cope with that as well as his anguish over the woman he loved.
I could go to her.
Xander shook his head. He placed a shaking hand on the door handle and pushed it open. Shock rolled over him and he forced one foot in front of the other so he could enter the room and close the door.
Janet was sitting on his bed. But her diaphanous chemise wasn’t what made his heart skip. He’d seen—and tasted—every inch of her gorgeous body before, after all.
She looked up, a small smile on her beautiful face.
Xander’s heart skipped. How could she smile at him after he’d rejected her?
Was she a vision?
A dream?
He blinked, but when he opened his eyes, she was still sitting there, as if she belonged in his rooms.
She does belong here.
Hair brush in hand, she made long strokes of her dark locks, spreading them out into a long curtain as she moved her hands. As if she’d sat on his bed every night to brush out tangles as a part of her routine.