I believe that part of the reason why we were all able to heal as we did from Hilary’s death has to do with the nurture. We were already a part of healthy community, and we had good social structures and communication in place, so we had a lot to work with. Surely our dispositions contributed to how we all ended up, too, but we’re all really very different people. I’m working from the belief, then, that if we beef up the environment, and if we really pay attention to how trauma is handled, then the environment can handle whatever we bring to it. It has so much to do with how we manage the trauma. If we could have public systems set up and have some structure available for people, this would make a huge difference, because most families aren’t going to have this set up already.
What I’m most excited about with our program, and what is fun for me, is the work that I do with the providers and former trauma patients. We take our trauma patients out of the patient role and put them in the educator role, in the role of expert, and have them talk to all kinds of medical providers as well as fire and rescue about what their experiences were like. Through this process they are able to transform the way they see themselves, as well as experience the gratification of being listened to by service providers. This is very connected to what I’ve learned in my own development, and to me it’s some of the most exciting work we do.
When you bring both trauma survivors and service providers to the table and give them the tools to talk about what has happened, in a brief hour you can get a lot out of it. One of the most powerful aspects is that the paramedics and firefighters and other providers are able to see the parallels between the survivors’ experiences and their own experiences. They are able to hear the survivors talk about the impact trauma has on their lives and their families, and whereas before, the providers may have felt it would be too much or too hard to recognize how they, themselves, are impacted by trauma exposure, when they hear the survivors share their stories, they can see how their experiences are so very similar. This experience and the awareness gained then opens up the possibility for the providers themselves to think,“Hey, maybe I can deal with this differently.”
Another very exciting piece of this is that, when providers realize how much impact their work has on others, it helps them to feel unburdened. They see that they can make a difference. They hear directly from the trauma survivors how important it is. They really get that it matters how well they take care of themselves, and it matters how well they do their work.
Practicing Compassion for Myself and Others
If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.
Jack Kornfield, American Buddhist monk and educator
As we soak up the benefits of a microculture that is both loving and willing to hold us accountable, we are experiencing compassion in action. As obvious as this may seem, it may be helpful to remember and use as a model. Many people may have difficulty imagining what compassion for themselves might look like, and at times it may feel almost impossible to imagine practicing compassion toward those whose views are starkly at odds with our own.
“Some of us are unsung heroes.”
Nevertheless, maintaining and cultivating compassion for oneself and for others is a necessary part of trauma stewardship. It keeps us connected to our most loving values, from which our best selves can shine through. Qigong, which is said to be the most ancient of Eastern healing systems, sets forth the primary intention to transform all thoughts, feelings, and experiences into compassion. Compassion is connected to humility, to recognizing the ways in which we are both powerful and vulnerable, and to understanding how we are interdependent with one another.
For most of us, it is easiest to access compassion when we perceive no threat to ourselves. We can really feel for that dog with a broken leg or a friend who lost her job or the victims of flooding in India. But where does our compassion go when our boss yells at us? When a family blames us for the death of their loved one? When a government official lies to us?
When I talk about compassion in those circumstances, I am not talking about condoning others’ behavior or having low expectations of ourselves and others. Rather, I am evoking the spirit of the Sufi wisdom that says, “Overcome any bitterness that may have come because you were not up to the magnitude of the pain that was entrusted to you.” Throughout my experiences in life, personal and professional, I have found that meeting another’s struggle with compassion, instead of getting our back up, decreases the suffering of all involved. We must understand that when humans act in damaging, unethical, harmful, or heinous ways, they are suffering enormous destruction internally. And so, instead of responding to conflicts as I previously did, by thinking, “Oh you did NOT just go there” and—figuratively—taking off my earrings for a fight, I try to call up the Dalai Lama’s request of us: Practice internal disarmament.
As both Pema Chödrön and bell hooks, an American author and social activist who focuses on the roles of race, class, and gender in systems of oppression, have written, sometimes compassion may mean taking firm or even severe steps. Acts of fierce compassion can range anywhere from reporting unethical behavior in your boss to demanding that a colleague seek drug treatment. The force behind such compassion is never self-righteousness. Our intentions are based in humility and knowing that we’re in no way beyond reproach ourselves, even if our own shortcomings fall at a different place along the continuum. Our compassion comes from a desire to do no harm and have no harm done, not from a place of blaming and judgment. We’re not thinking, “I’m good over here, but you’re jacked up over there.” When I am most challenged in this area, and find myself at a loss with a person or situation, I ask myself: “Have I ever knowingly or unknowingly caused suffering of another living being or of this planet?” Immediately I am overcome with how often I have—I can start with the half-dozen things I did this morning even before getting my children off to school. When I get to this place, I can exhale, and I’ll often drop into repeating this version of the buddhist loving-kindness meditation:
May I be free of suffering and the roots of suffering.
May you be free of suffering and the roots of suffering.
May we be free of suffering and the roots of suffering.
May I find peace and the roots of peace.
May you find peace and the roots of peace.
May we find peace and the roots of peace.
May I find joy and the roots of joy.
May you find joy and the roots of joy.
May we find joy and the roots of joy.
May I find wellness and the roots of wellness.
May you find wellness and the roots of wellness.
May we find wellness and the roots of wellness.
May I be free.
May you be free.
May we be free.
We are powerful people, and what we contribute to the world has profound ramifications. The world does not need more hostility; it does not need more judgment; it does not need more walls between people, species, or nations. And so we can always contribute to the betterment of the world if we initiate compassionate action in the face of wrongdoing. We remember that we are fundamentally connected to this earth and its life, whatever the circumstances. As Chief Sealth, leader of the Suquamish and Duwamish tribes, said in 1854, we are all part of the same “web of life.”
I’ve deepened my compassion so as to keep from numbing. I just try to look at every person as an individual and within a larger context of generational trauma, and it helps me connect. I’m grateful for that deeper compassion. It keeps me feeling.
Indian child welfare services social worker
If we are able to be compassionate toward those we passionately disagree with, we can be incredible students throughout our lifetime. We will greet each mistake or hardship we encounter as an opportunity to learn, and we will understand that we can learn just as much from another’s path as our own. Since we know firsthand what it’s like to fall down and slowly get back up, we can easily
extend our compassion to others who do the same. Compassion provides us the breathing room we need to keep on keeping on. It also allows us to evolve: When we lack compassion, we become significantly stifled in our ability to connect with ourselves, with others, and with our lives.
The Buddha says,“When one is about to admonish another, there are five qualities to attend to. In due season will I speak, not out of season. In truth will I speak, not in falsehood. Gently will I speak, not harshly. To their profit will I speak, not to their loss. With kindly intent or with compassion will I speak.”
1. Think of someone from early in your life who showed you a great deal of compassion. Hold them in your thoughts for a moment while you allow yourself to remember what it felt like to be in their presence.
2. Recall a time when you were particularly hard on yourself. Ask yourself what your deepest fear was at that time. Close your eyes and replay the situation in your mind, imagining how you could have responded to yourself more compassionately. Notice how this shift in response feels.
3. Generate a list of six people or situations in your life where you think an increase in your compassion could significantly alter the dynamic. Make an intention to approach one of these people/situations with increased compassion each month for six months. Pay attention to the difference in your life.
What Can I Do for Large-Scale Systemic Change?
When I’m not at work, I focus on the cohousing community where I live. It really helps me to remember that while I am surrounded by so much pain in my work, I am also a part of something larger. I am a part of a larger movement of socially and ecologically conscious people who are thinking about how we live, and for me, it makes all the difference.
Public health worker
For some people, the internal focus of a daily practice may at first seem like a distraction, another excuse to privilege individual self-absorption over a collective push for global social change. As it happens, the opposite is true. Buddhist teachers often talk about compassion as moving in an ever-widening circle. We start with ourselves, and then extend our compassion to those who are close to us, and finally extend it to people all over the world. The deeper our compassion, the clearer our sense of how we can take action is likely to be.
In every trauma stewardship workshop I facilitate, participants ask me, “What can I do to change the systems I work in?”The “system” may be a small rural health clinic, the environmental movement, or perhaps the Democratic Party. As I begin my response, I often remind my colleagues that we may unknowingly influence systems simply by altering the way we interact with them. We must never underestimate the power of changing ourselves, of committing to being a force for liberation, light, wellness, justice, and right action wherever we go. On one level, this is the only thing we can ever really control—ourselves.
That said, if we have energy, if we are inspired, and if we feel that we can interact with larger systems while preserving our integrity and a healthy and hopeful sense of self, then we have the choice to support transformation on a larger scale. It is my experience personally and professionally that the most difficult tasks for individuals lie not in high-profile, macro efforts to shift something externally, but rather in the smaller moments of moderating our own behavior: letting someone merge in front of us on the freeway, being meticulous with our way of talking to loved ones, reaching out to a neighbor who belongs to a different political party, forgiving someone we feel has done us wrong. It takes great commitment to bring this level of mindfulness and compassion to large-scale reform—but if we are to create change with integrity, we must be willing to question our actions. As Archbishop Desmond Tutu says, “Our means must be consistent with our ends.”
“Can’t we just dye the smoke green?“
For those who can enter into large-scale reform with their wits about them, how to go about it? Behaviors that are meant to serve others eventually emerge as a natural element of any mindfulness practice. As Connie Burk has said, “Because we are agents who benefit from and are enfranchised to create the political, economic, and material conditions of the actual external world, we are responsible for it. We are responsible for and implicated in and obligated to its transformation.”
For some people, taking responsibility means not gossiping in the workplace; for others it means boycotting a certain shoemaker. Some people volunteer weekly in inner-city after-school programs; others go into politics. Almost without thinking, we may translate our compassion into action.
Jill Robinson founded Animals Asia, an animal welfare organization that operates in six countries. She says,“Over the years of working on animal welfare issues in Asia, I have become a more serious and more focused person, but I am by nature an optimist. This has enabled me to keep on track when we see such utter devastation to animals during the course of our work. I personally use these visions of horror towards creating change. This may take the form of simply purging in writing—almost channeling those animals in essays that hopefully will reach the hearts of decision makers, of the media, or our supporters. Progress is a driving force—it is empowering and addictive as we see the fruits of our work translate into solid help for the animals of Asia. Of course, the most positive impact is not only seeing the progress in our work and goals, but being with animals that have so completely put their misery behind. They teach us, heal us, and rescue us as surely as we rescue them. If I have a hard day, for example, I’ll smile and talk into the walkie-talkie telling the team I’m off to have a meeting with Jasper (’my’ bear). Many of my colleagues do the same with ‘their’ bears.”
Marianne Knuth founded Kufunda, a learning village in Zimbabwe. Its purpose is to “inspire the co-creation of strong, life-affirming communities in Zimbabwe and beyond by living and sharing the wisdom, practices, and social systems that are required for such communities.” While Zimbabwe remains enveloped in a socioeconomic crisis, Knuth believes that “the beginning is to support people to reclaim their sense of wealth and wisdom. Great energy is released when we stop focusing on what we don’t have, and when we begin to pay attention to what we do have and build on this with each other in innovative and creative ways.” As the Arundhati Roy quote featured on the Kufunda Web site says, “Another world is not only possible. She is on the way.”
Cameron Sinclair and Kate Stohr founded Architecture for Humanity, whose mission is to “promote architectural and design solutions to global, social and humanitarian crises.” They have lived and worked in some of the most devastated places in the world. Every day, they face people in desperate need of shelter. Yet they remain hopeful, inspired by an unwavering conviction that “where resources and expertise are scarce, innovative, sustainable and collaborative design can make a difference.”There is no end to the myriad ways to be engaged in repairing the world, or tikkun olam, as it is called in the Jewish tradition.
1. Think of an area in your life where you are part of the dominant group (race, class, sexual identity, or another area). Generate a list of four ways that you could be an ally to someone. Dedicate one action per week to using your privilege for good. For example, if you are a U.S. citizen, research a group working for the rights of immigrants and refugees and see how you may be able to lend a hand.
2. Identify a system you are involved in, and think of three ways you could work toward positive change in that system. Remember that you must avoid any approach that will leave you feeling more bitter, more jaded, or more isolated.
3. Develop a relationship with someone in leadership and do something once a month to provide direct support to the person, whether you share a meal, offer to shoulder some of his/her workload, or arrange for him/ her to get an acupuncture session. You might choose the director of a nonprofit, a principal of a nearby elementary school, or an elected official. Remember how often leadership is isolated, unsupported, and set up for failure. Through reaching out, you are making every effort to keep your leaders as tethered and grounded as possible.
A DREAM REALIZED POLL
Y HALFKENNY
PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA
Polly Halfkenny began to be politically active as an undergraduate student and became a mother while going to school full time. Figuring out how to combine family, work, and politics began early for her. She was an activist engaged in the antiwar, civil rights, and anti-repression movements in the 1960s and early 1970s, participating in the Northern Student Movement and Freedom Stayouts, the Committee to Free Angela Davis, and the National Alliance Against Racist and Political Repression. She also worked full time and returned to graduate school to get a master’s in special education in 1969. In 1967, she joined the Communist Party, of which she was a member until 1991, when she joined the Committees of Correspondence for Democracy and Socialism (CCDS), which was formed by many who left the Communist Party in the United States and other Marxists or Democratic Socialists. Most of her jobs throughout her career have combined politics and work: urban planning, education, child advocacy, policy analysis, and child therapy.
Often the work I was involved in was dealing with immediate repression that people faced, including our family. We were living in a low-income family housing development and there were real issues going on, including police repression and racist reactions to the desegregation of Boston public schools. My children were going to public school; as a biracial family we faced racist violence as well as reactions within the African-American community to attacks by whites. The Communist Party was essential for me because I was looking for an organization that put all these pieces that I was dealing with in some context as well as a larger framework, and something that said that what we need is systemic change. A lot of the debate about what to do was going on in the student movements and in antiwar and community organizations. The Party enabled me to think about how all these elements we were facing fit in the big picture, how can we deal with these things day to day, and how can we make systemic change.
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