“Thanks for having so much confidence in me to stay away from men who are unavailable,” I shoot, tongue sticking out at her.
“That’s not that I meant, and you know it,” she admonishes, sighing deeply. “It’s just that you two have crazy chemistry. And I know that’s cheesy as hell, but anyone at our mixer could see that. You met your match with that one, Perrie.”
“He’s a lot more than my match, but thank you.”
“But, wait, I do have one question,” she states, halting her movements just before we’re about to step out of the building. “Does this mean you were sleeping with Zane while you were hooking up with Sterling?”
I crinkle my nose and twist my lips. “Not my finest moment, but yeah, that’s exactly what it means.”
“Good for you.” She nods her approval. “I mean, for all we know he was bumping uglies with Rachel the entire time also. Pregnant, sadistic, selfish Rachel.”
I laugh out loud. “You sound a bit hostile, Blakey.”
“Oh, I am. That woman is one of Satan’s many spawns, and I look forward to the day she’s taken down several pegs.” Her hands move animatedly as she speaks, and I can’t help but laugh at her character. “So, since you clearly regret the way you treated him earlier and how you responded to his request, are you going to fix things?”
I sigh, a breath of exhaustion and nerves leaving my body. “I want to, but it might be too soon. I need to close a few doors before I go to him again, and he clearly has some shit he needs to work through also.”
“Is he worth it, Perrie?” she asks curiously, head tilting to the side. “Don’t think too hard about it, just be honest.”
“Yes, he’s worth it,” I confess quietly. “If he wasn’t, I wouldn’t have put myself through this and risked so much.”
“Maybe he thinks you’re still worth it too. I’m sure his parting words were said more out of anger than anything else.”
“How can you be so sure? You weren’t even there,” I grumble sadly.
A pinch in my bicep is her response to my attitude, and I smile in apology. “I’m so sure because he put himself through the same and risked just as much as you did.”
“What if someday we decide to give this a real shot and we fail? Then all this trouble would be for nothing.”
“It wouldn’t be for nothing, Perrie. He said he could love you, right? That’s something right there. That sliver of possibility makes it more than nothing, even if it does fail. But how are you going to know unless you try? There are enough regrets in life, don’t let this missed opportunity be one of them.”
I pull her into a tight hug, thankful for her friendship. “Your words of wisdom will someday be framed in a museum, mark my words.”
She pulls away and shakes her head, giggling at my suggestion. “Yeah, yeah, I’m a smarty-pants, what can I say? So, are you gonna go get your man?”
“He isn’t my man,” I object.
“Yet.” She smiles deviously. “He isn’t your man yet.”
“Okay, hopeless romantic.” I roll my eyes playfully as we continue our way out of the building. “There’s actually something I need to do first, and it’ll probably bite me in the tush at some point, but guilt is starting to eat at me, especially now that I know there’s a possibility Sterling and I can have something more.”
“Do what you need to do, just as long as you’re doing it for you,” she comments. “Sure, an affair is terrible, and I don’t condone it by any means, but I know you. This is the most selfish thing you’ve ever done for yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over it too hard.”
“Thank you, I needed that. You’re the best friend a girl could ever hope for, you know that?”
“Of course I do,” she replies, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I know my amazingness has no limits. Now, go do what you gotta do, I’ll see you soon.”
I let my phone fall on the couch cushion beside me and breathe in a sigh of relief. That went a lot better than I thought it would. It was a short, to the point conversation that helped alleviate some of the pressure weighing down on my shoulders.
As soon as I got home, I called Zane and explained I had been sleeping with someone else while we were together. His response?
“That’s chill,” he had said in his usual calm, lazy demeanor. “We weren’t really exclusive, Perrie.”
He said a little more than that, but that was the base of it. I let out a light laugh, surprised at how smoothly things are unfolding. Who knew revealing the truth would be so easy?
A knock sounds at my front door, and I’m slow to reach it, but the insistent knocking persists, and I look through the peephole, shock causing my body to straighten at the person on the other side.
I clearly spoke too soon.
“I know you’re home, Perrie, I can see your car.” Her voice is muffled, but I hear her words clear as day.
I open the door slowly, and before I can greet her, she’s pushing her way in. “I have something to ask you. It took me a while to figure out, and it still doesn’t make any sense, so I’m just going to ask you straight out.”
I remain stoic and silent, a prickle of fear tingling my palms and feet.
“What is it, Rachel?” I keep my voice level, waiting for what I know will come out of her mouth next.
“Are you screwing Lawrence?” she emphasizes each word, and I flinch back at the ferocity in her tone.
I could lie, could play it off, but if she’s here it means she has already figured it out, and whether I confirm or deny it, she already knows the truth. It’s written on the hate firing behind her eyes and the slight sneer she’s sending my way.
I sigh and straighten my posture, telling her the truth. “Yes. But something tells me you already know that.”
That last part has more bite than I intend, but I don’t care.
A slap to my face is her response, and even when I feel the stinging sensation no doubt marking my face with her imprint, I don’t budge, and I keep silent. This only seems to fuel her on.
“Are you happy with yourself?” she screams at me. “You’re a homewrecker, and I’m going to let everyone know it. You deserve to burn and crumble for what you’ve done, Perrie. He was my future, and now I don’t even have that. Thanks to you, he doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“What are you talking about?” Her words should sting, but I’m focused on the last part of her angry words.
“Like you don’t know.” Her eyes nearly roll to the back of her head. “He left me and the baby, but who the fuck cares, right? The baby isn’t even his. But it should have been. He should have stayed, and he would have if it wasn’t for you.”
I can’t hold back anymore. My own anger is starting to boil, replacing the embarrassment and guilt I felt when she first stormed in.
“Are you sure about that?” I question in a rough tone. “You just admitted that you’re carrying someone else’s child, and you thought that would seriously keep him around? He isn’t clueless, Rachel, he would have figured it out eventually. Do you even care about him at all?”
“I care about his status, name, and money. The rest would have been an added bonus.” Her voice rises with each word. “Except for his freakish needs in the bedroom, that’s one thing I’ll never understand.”
I can’t help the harsh laugh that escapes, which cues another hard slap from her.
I pull on my lower lip, restraining my own anger. “I’m sorry for what I did, for what he and I did, but I feel sorry for you. You need to leave. Our friendship, whatever was left of it, is over. You’re not a good person, Rachel.”
“Yeah, well at least I’m not a homewrecker,” she spits, repeating her earlier words. She turns on her heel, slamming the door on her way out.
Tears I had been holding back fall freely, and I swipe at them angrily. I’m in shock, but it answers the questions I had asked Sterling before. It all makes sense now. He knew, he must have.
“He left her,” I say out lo
ud to myself. “He left her and because I decided to be impatient, I might have lost him, too.”
I should give him space, I know I should, but I can’t. I’ve felt off since our argument earlier, and I don’t like knowing that he’s probably written me off by now.
No. He cares, he all but begged me to wait, to give him a chance, and I was too selfish to give him that. Maybe I deserve this pain, this uncertainty building in my head and heart.
Either way, I need to see him, so I’ll suck up my pride and go to him with my head held high. I’ll apologize and bare my heart to him the same way he did with me, but I’ll give him space first. It’s still too fresh, and as casual as he was when he left, I know he had to have been fuming.
Yeah, but did you see his resolve? He was more disappointed than anything.
Okay, you can leave, I flick the devil on my shoulder away.
I’ll give him a few days to cool off, and then I’ll ask for his forgiveness.
It isn’t a conversation I’m looking forward to, but it’s one that needs to happen. I messed up, and I’m woman enough to own up to that. I only hope he gives me the chance.
It took an embarrassing amount of time for me to muster up the courage to walk into his building and ask his receptionist to see him. It also took a sad amount of time for him to give her the go ahead to let me in. I almost walked out and accepted defeat, but she gave me a small nod of permission, and I was on my way to his office.
Now, I’m standing outside of his office door, fear preventing me from knocking and entering his space—the same space we’ve hooked up in several times before. My body wastes no time reminding me of that fact as it buzzes to life at the close proximity. Or maybe it’s just him, maybe it’s been so long that my body feels deprived and can sense his closeness. Whatever the case, it isn’t doing much to calm my nerves or slow my overbeating heart.
Finally, after who knows how much time has passed, I lightly knock on his door.
“Come in,” he says, his voice gruff.
I slowly open the door and leave it that way, afraid of what will happen if I close it behind me.
“Sterling, I—” I start to say, but he cuts me off.
“Why are you here, Perrie? To waste more of my time?”
I glance up to see that his eyes are trained on the stack of papers in front of him on his desk. He doesn’t even have the decency to look at me while I do this.
“Look at me, please,” I plead quietly. “I need you to hear me out.”
“I can hear you just fine without having to look at you,” he continues with his cruel tone. “I’m a busy man, Esperanza, so say what you came here to say, and then get out.”
I swallow back the tears begging for release and open my heart to him, hoping he doesn’t toss it into the middle of a zombie den.
“I’m sorry, Sterling. For the way I acted, for the things I said, it wasn’t fair to you,” I start slowly, taking in a breath of courage. “Rachel came to see me, and she explained that you left her and that the baby isn’t yours. She’s an evil human being, and we weren’t any better, but unlike her, I need you for real, for more than what you can give me financially or whatever. I need you, the guy beneath the status and name, Sterling.”
He remains quiet, and I’d think he was still unfazed if not for the slight bob of his Adam’s apple and clench of his hands against the edge of his desk.
I take that as my cue to go on.
“I’m in like with you,” I say with a soft laugh, swiping at a stray tear. “And I know how silly that sounds, but it’s true. I could love you, too. Hell, I’m already on the road there. You’ve lit me up in more ways than one, and if you can find it in yourself to forgive me for brushing you off and not giving you a chance and for so many other things, then I’ll be here waiting. Well, not here here, but you know what I mean.”
He’s silent, his eyes trained on the words in front of him, and my awkward attempt at lightening the mood goes unacknowledged.
“Well, that’s all I came to say,” I force out past the tightness growing in my throat. “I won’t take up any more of your time.”
I turn on my heel and quietly shut his door behind me, leaving his building as quickly as I can. A mix of relief and hurt filter through my chest, but I ignore those emotions.
My pride is wounded, but the truth is out, and as sucky as I feel now, I know I’ll be okay, no matter the outcome.
30
Sterling
I’m not sure what type of person it makes me, but I’ve taken immense satisfaction in witnessing the downfall of Rachel’s precious social standing. She’s ruined, just like I promised, and I didn’t even have to get my hands dirty to do it. Without the Montgomery name or our connection to help elevate her, everyone who matters quietly followed my example and turned their backs on her. It happened faster than even I anticipated once the whisperings of what she’d done started to circulate among the socially elite, and she’s been cast from the limelight she so covets into the shadows. Rachel derives a lot of self-worth from how others perceive her and how she believes she’s better than them, and I know that fading into the background as if she never existed is the worst possible outcome in her eyes.
Thankfully, my family’s personal and business relationships with Walter are still intact, and everything in my world has seemed to right itself in the span of a few days. Well, almost everything.
“You sure about this, son?” my father asks, his question drawing my attention away from my thoughts.
With a smile, I reach out and clap him on the back as we walk across the hot tarmac. “Yeah, old man, I’m sure. I’m overdue for a vacation.”
“I’ll say,” he snorts. “Enjoy your time with your mother’s side of the family. I’ll keep things running while you’re gone. It’ll keep me young.”
Laughing, I draw him completely into a hug once we reach the private plane ready to take me to Sweden for a month. “Thanks, Dad. I appreciate it.”
He squeezes me tightly, and when I pull back he places his hands on either side of my face. We look over each other fondly. He’s the older, darker version of me, and the feeling of admiration I have for him will never wane.
“I’m proud of you, Sterling.”
I huff out a breath when I think of what I’ve done. What he’d never do. “You shouldn’t be.”
His brow wrinkles just a bit at my words, but it smoothes out when he realizes what I’m referring to. “Don’t beat yourself up too bad. We’re all human, therefore we make mistakes, but you learned from them and tried to do the right thing. Even more than that, you put yourself out there, and that’s all we can do in life. We couldn’t be prouder of you as heads of the Montgomery family or as parents. Now, go relax, enjoy yourself, and take the time to do things for yourself again. Be selfish. We’ll be here for you when you get back.”
“I love you, Dad,” I say with a crooked smile to mask the tightness in my throat.
“I love you too, son. For real though, go, or your mother will insist we make this a family trip.”
With one last hug and a few shared chuckles, I board the family plane and prepare for my time away. I’m beyond grateful for their show of solidarity throughout this hectic time in my life, and I push back thoughts of what won’t be waiting for me when I return. I’m only looking forward now.
31
Perrie
“This, this is my idea of a perfect night,” I say, breathing in the scents of freshly baked sweets. “Or day really. I can’t believe we spent the entire day stuffing our faces and binge-watching what seems like every zombie movie ever made.”
Blake laughs, plopping down on the couch beside me. “With the way you’ve been busting your ass off at work lately, you deserve this sliver of heaven.”
I grab a warm brownie from the assortment we’ve laid out on the coffee table in front of us and swallow my bite with a sip of wine.
“Yeah, honestly, burying myself in work has proven to be quite therapeutic.�
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“I’m not sure how, considering that most of our clients are ungrateful and needy, but you always seem to brush it off so seamlessly.”
“Anyway, seriously, thank you for today,” I say earnestly. “Since everything that went down and the nonstop work after, I needed this day to breathe. Any longer, and I’m almost positive I would have suffocated.”
“How are you handling everything that’s happened?” she questions, brows dropping low over her eyes.
I nibble on the corner of my lip and think about all that’s happened since my scene in Sterling’s office. Sure, I busied myself with work, but I don’t live under a rock. Most of my clients are all too willing and eager to gossip about the elusive Rachel and Sterling and how quickly their seemingly perfect future fell apart. A small part of me feels sorry for her, but she got what she deserves. With any luck, she’ll learn from this and hopefully grow.
Ha. Yeah, I don’t think so, either.
“I’m feeling good, calmer, more free,” I answer honestly. “It was a crazy situation, and the fallout after wasn’t any better, but everything has a reason, isn’t that what people say?”
“Yeah, that’s because it’s true, and someday you’ll look back and be grateful for this experience, I already know it.” She sounds so sure of herself, and that’s how I know she really means what she’s saying.
“Let’s hope so,” I say with a smile. “No pasa nada, that’s what my mama and abuelita always say. It basically means no big deal, and it’s practically our family motto. I can’t believe I didn’t hold it closer to heart when things were really going down.”
“No pasa nada,” Blake repeats, struggling with the accent a bit. A small smile transforms her face as she says, “Huh, I like that. I just might have to steal it from you.”
“Go for it,” I encourage. “We could all use daily reminders that when things seem life-altering or earth-shattering, they usually aren’t. Hence, no pasa nada.”
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