“Yep. And I did it all for you.” I nod.
“How could I not love it?” She beams at me.
“I know I call you my angel, and baby, and stuff like that, but cupcake is something that’s just for you and me. Everybody calls their girlfriend baby, lots of dudes call their girlfriends angel, but only I have a girl who’s my cupcake.”
She blushes, and I can tell she’s totally flattered.
“So now if some chick tries to hit on me, not only can I tell her I’m married, but I can show her my tattoo. Girls will be like, ‘He loves her so much that he got a cupcake tattooed on his forearm,’ and it’ll be clear that nobody else stands a chance.”
She snorts with laughter, throwing her head back.
“I’m flashing a cupcake tattoo. I’m rockin’ a beard. I’m so not porno anymore. I would not be suitable for on-camera stuff,” I continue, getting to the other reason for the tattoo. I want to show my devotion, but I also want to prove to her and everybody else that I’m done with sex on film. This is just another way to solidify it.
“Yeah, speaking of the beard,” she starts, “we’re just days away from the wedding, so I think it would be fine if you wanted to shave it.”
“You don’t like the beard?” I ask with surprise.
“I love the beard,” she backpedals adorably. “You’re so virile and sexy with it. But, babe, it’s kind of scratchy.”
I gasp and pretend like I’m outraged.
“My skin is sensitive in that region, James.” She blushes like she’s embarrassed to tell me, and it’s so cute. “You’re gentle and everything, but sometimes it can be like a fucking Brillo pad scraping against the inside of my thighs.”
I lose it, leaning onto the table as my laughter fills the room. She’s trying to look like she’s not amused, but she totally is, and she starts laughing too.
“You’ve got the tattoo, so maybe the beard can go now,” she says, trying to be persuasive.
“Or maybe I just shouldn’t go down on you so much.” I slyly grin at her.
“Well, let’s not go crazy,” she protests, giggling. “We don’t need to take things to the extreme.”
I give her a wink and then take her hand, bringing it to my lips so I can kiss her knuckles. “Hey, if the decree is that the beard must go, then the beard will go.”
“Really?” Her smile is cute and innocent.
“Of course. I’ve sworn fealty to you, Khaleesi, so I’m gonna follow your orders.”
That makes her laugh, and she shakes her head like she thinks I’m crazy.
She comes over to my side and leans down to give me a kiss. I whisper that I love her and she looks right in my eyes and says it too.
“Okay, seriously though, that tattoo is so thoughtful and sweet that you just earned extra credit on being the perfect husband.”
“I’m pretty fuckin’ good at it, right?” I boast.
“Excellent!”
“Some days I even impress myself,” I continue, leaning back in my chair with pretend arrogance.
Her smile is a little sexier than before when she kisses me again. I knew she’d love this, even if the rational part of her mind thinks it’s kind of crazy.
I’m pretty psyched to learn that getting a cupcake tattoo can earn you some crazy, passionate, appreciative sex from your hot wife. For the rest of the day, every time she looks at me, kisses me, hugs me, even just touches me, she’s got this big, wide, proud smile. I’m diggin’ it like a madman. Thank you, cupcake tattoo!
Chapter 18
Lola
“HOLY SHIT, I’M GETTING married tomorrow,” I exhale, trying to stifle a mild freak-out.
I’m in the middle of lunch with Chad, Alejandro, and Stacey when this realization strikes me. I mean, technically, I’m already married, but tomorrow I have to do the whole wedding production, and that’s nerve-racking.
“Oh, mellow out,” Alejandro says with a laugh. “It’s going to be fun, you’re going to be beautiful, and James will probably be out of his mind with happiness.”
“I know, but it’s such a big deal. Everyone’s watching. What if I trip walking down the aisle? What if I have to pee right in the middle of the ceremony?”
“What if aliens land and abduct everyone?” Chad teases. “You can worry yourself into oblivion if you try to think about every single thing that could possibly go wrong. But you know none of those things will happen.”
“I know. I’m just starting to spiral out of control,” I say, laughing at myself.
“You should try some meditation,” Stacey advises, enjoying her turkey avocado sandwich—minus the turkey, since she’s gone veggie.
“The spa this afternoon will be good for you,” Alejandro says, nodding to Stacey in agreement.
The male stripper options were abysmal, so the gang thought we should go for a spa day instead. They said I needed to be pampered before the big day, so they all chipped in for some kind of full-on, Beverly Hills type endeavor. I’m not really a spa girl, but I’m going to go with it and enjoy all kinds of massages, and skin treatments, and stuff like that. It might be fun to give it a go.
We arrive a few hours later at the spa in the expensive, historical hotel where we’re having the ceremony tomorrow. Everyone is staying here, but most of them aren’t getting in until tonight. This means my little group of accomplices and I get to have everything to ourselves while James is out with his boys before they all go to the strip club.
I’m not going to lie; this place is fancy. It cost a pretty penny to have the wedding here, but James’s dad has some connections from his landscaping business, and we were able to get a better deal. The spa is equally upscale, and I’m wondering what my friends spent on today’s adventure.
We’re treated to all sorts of amenities, and we’re all feeling pampered like we’re Real Housewives. When I go in to get my massage, I’m thoroughly impressed with the serene and tranquil setup in the room as my masseuse prepares candles, scented oils, and warm towels.
I strip down and lie on the table. It’s padded, but it still kind of hurts to be flat on my boobs like this. They’ve been really sore lately, and I’m worried I’m going to end up with a surprise period at the ceremony. I do not want my wedding to be like something out of Carrie, and I’ll be bummed if my whole wedding night is spent convincing James that I absolutely will not have period sex.
I force myself to let go and relax as I enjoy the way my sturdy, brunet masseuse works the pre-wedding tension out of my muscles. She’s strong as hell and sometimes it hurts, but once she gets those knots out, it feels like I’m floating on a cloud. I’m beginning to re-think my usual indifference to spas as I relish in my full-body massage.
Afterward, we all chitchat in the same room as we get pedicures and facials—not the porno kind, despite the fact that my three companions are all porn stars. My friends are buzzing about the wedding and how excited they are.
“James is going to be absolutely beaming,” Chad says.
“Yeah, he is,” Alejandro agrees. “I can’t even imagine the expression he’s going to have when you walk down the aisle. He won’t be able to deal!”
“Definitely!” Stacey replies. “He is so excited for this, Lola. You can totally tell.”
“I’m excited too,” I confess. “I’m also a little terrified, but I’m mostly just really eager to do it. Our mothers are going to just be one sobbing entity of pride and Kleenex.”
Everyone laughs, but they all nod. Chad, Alejandro, and Stacey haven’t met the parents yet—they will tomorrow—but they’ve heard our stories enough to know how dramatically our mothers will react. James’s dad is still a bit of a wild card, but everyone is prepared for that too.
The technicians leave us to set and dry, and we all continue chatting about the big day.
“And just think,” Chad jokes, “you’ll be all waxed, tweezed, moisturized, and exfoliated for your wedding night.”
I blush, and they all snicker.
�
�I’m guessing he’s gonna throw in a little something extra tomorrow night, girl,” Alejandro teases. “You’re gonna get a taste of that pro game.”
I burst with laughter, my cheeks probably turning fully pink.
“That day when I dropped off your pie dish, he asked me a couple questions about Tantra,” Stacey says slyly.
“Jesus, he can already go for hours, so I can only imagine what I’m in for now!”
Chad cackles, and Alejandro practically falls out of his seat.
“I told him how me and Ethan use it to connect on a spiritual level during sex,” she continues. “It can be so beautiful. And if you combine that state of consciousness with Kinbaku or a little sensation play, you will seriously be floating all night.”
“I don’t know about all that—and what’s Kinbaku?”
“It’s a form of Japanese rope play,” she explains. “It’s artistic, and it can be really intimate in a power exchange situation. Ethan does it to me all the time, and it’s so sensual.”
“I’m not sure rope play is my thing, or power exchanges for that matter,” I say, blushing.
“I’m guessing Lola’s not giving up power to anybody,” Alejandro teases.
“I bet she calls the shots in bed,” Chad theorizes. “Lola seems like she’s a sassy little Domme in the bedroom.”
“I am not!” Here come the giggles.
“You totally are!” he says, pointing at me accusatorially. “She probably wields the whips in that relationship.”
“Nobody’s wielding any whips!” Christ, I can’t stop! I know I probably look like such a dork, sitting here getting so embarrassed.
“Then you should try it on him,” Stacey suggests. “I can show you some basic knot techniques, and you guys could get some ice cubes or feathers to really ignite all your senses.”
“I think that might be a little too advanced for me,” I timidly reply.
“Lola’s so vanilla,” Chad teases, giving me a cheeky little smirk.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” I protest. “Maybe I like vanilla. Maybe I’m not interested in ropes or spankings.”
“I bet you’d give a mean spanking,” he continues, making me blush even more. “I want to see you swinging a paddle, sugar!”
Alejandro jumps in his seat like he’s been struck. “Ooh! Yes, Mistress Lola! I’ve been a bad boy!”
“Shut up!” I say, though it sounds about as unthreatening as you can get through my slumber party laughter.
“She’s too nice to spank anybody,” Stacey says, the same teasing grin on her face. “Lola’s probably not a punishment dominatrix. She probably tortures him with pleasure.”
“I don’t torture him any kind of way! Nobody’s torturing anybody in our house.”
“I bet you do. You guys probably experiment with a little edge play,” she continues as Chad and Alejandro snicker and nod. “You probably tease him until he just can’t take any more, and he probably loves it!”
“I hate all of you so bad right now,” I joke.
My three companions burst into booming laughter and for a second I wonder if we’re being far too noisy for this tranquil spa.
I’m even more concerned when one of the technicians pops in the door. I’m almost sure she’s going to reprimand us when she opens her mouth and asks, “Which one of you is getting married tomorrow?”
“I am,” I volunteer, wondering if I’ll receive the brunt of our punishment.
“Fantastic!” She smiles warmly, to my surprise. “Let me go ahead and peel off that mask, and then I’ll take you for the treatment.”
I nod in agreement, and she comes over, slowly rolling back the purifying mask they lathered on all of us. Mine is cracked from all the giggling, but she doesn’t make a big deal of it.
She leads me into a small room with a table that looks like something you’d see in a doctor’s office. I take a seat on it, and she goes to a cabinet and starts taking out some supplies.
“Um, what’s that for?” I ask when I see her holding a tube of something that looks to be of a medical nature.
“Oh, this is the cream for bleaching.”
“Bleaching of what?” I ask, my eyes getting wide.
“Your friend ordered the anal bleaching treatment for you with the spa package.”
“What? Which friend?” I ask, even though I already have an inkling of who would arrange this.
“The blond guy. He said he wanted to add that to the bridal package we offered.”
Chad! You will pay dearly for this! “Well, he was wrong,” I say with a laugh. “There will be no need for that.”
“He already paid for it,” she replies like this will make the offer more enticing.
“Then let’s ask him if he wants it, because I won’t be needing anything bleached in that region.”
She laughs, but she shrugs her shoulders.
“Fucking Chad. Out of his goddamn mind,” I mutter to myself.
I hop off the table, and she leads me back to a room where everyone is relaxing and sipping herbal tea. Chad has the most ridiculous, devilish, shit-eating grin on his face.
“Well, aren’t you the fucking prankster!” I say, walking over and poking him in the chest.
Alejandro covers his mouth as his loud snickering fills the room.
“Anal bleaching? Really, Chad?” I cock my head to the side and attempt a scowl, but I can’t stop my amused smile.
“You tried to get her to bleach?” Stacey gasps before she laughs too.
“I thought it would be something nice for your wedding night,” Chad replies like he thinks this is the funniest thing in the world. “Something a little more decorative for your husband.”
“I do not need to decorate that region,” I respond. “James doesn’t go near that region. It does not need any cosmetic renovations.”
“All right, sugar,” Chad teases. “I’m sure it’s already cute as can be as-is.”
“That’s it!” I say, cracking up. “We can’t be friends anymore.”
Alejandro’s laughing so hard that I’m worried he won’t be able to breathe.
“Were you in on this?” I say, turning to him with my hands on my hips.
“Innocent. Cross my heart,” he manages to say.
I narrow my eyes at Chad. “We are so broken up for the rest of the day!”
Everyone laughs as I cross my arms and sit next to Stacey, trying to look angry, but failing miserably.
Chad is such a little shit, but I love him so much. For a brief moment, I feel very thankful for my unique little posse of friends. Chad and Alejandro were James’s besties, but now they’re like family to both of us. Even though James is still a little weirded out by Stacey, considering their history, she’s become like the sister I never had. Never in my life would I have thought that my inner circle would be entirely made up of porn stars.
Chapter 19
James
I WASN’T REALLY SURE I wanted to have a bachelor party, but it’s tough for any guy to resist the appeal of a strip club, even if you’ve got a girl as hot as Lola waiting for you at home. Tonight, we’re at the club where my buddy Joey Corsentino’s cousin is a DJ. Joey’s leading the way with Jonathan right behind him, followed by me and Keegan. It only takes seconds for one of the girls to recognize me, and soon the manager is giving us free bottle service and assuring us that the girls will “take good care” of us, which seems to put a fuckin’ twinkle in Jonathan’s eye.
We sit down at a table and enjoy some free drinks as we watch the girls on stage. They’re hot, but in that slutty kind of way I used to dig before I got with Lola. Joey and my brother are loving it, stuffing singles into G-strings and practically toasting each other when the girls pay attention to them. Keegan is hilariously nervous, and I’m trying not to laugh. He can barely form a sentence when two really pretty strippers walk up to us and offer us dances. One is a brunette with huge fake tits, and the other is a really pretty, exotic-looking girl whose ethnicity I c
an’t really determine. I basically insist that Keegan goes for it, and his face flashes a combination of excitement and total terror as “Diamond” moves onto him and starts grinding on him.
“Ohmigod!” the one calling herself Fantasia says when she looks at me again. “You’re James Langdon!”
“Yeah.” I modestly nod.
“Holy shit! I love your movies!” she gushes. “I’m so sad you retired. It was always my dream to work with you.”
“Oh, do you do movies too?”
“Not yet. I do webcam stuff for now, but I’m looking to move out to LA and get into the industry.”
“Nice. It can be really fun.”
“How did you start?” she says, taking a seat on my lap.
“I lucked out and got discovered by Shawnna Hendrix.”
“She’s such a badass. That’s who I want to model my career after,” she says.
“Yeah, Shawnna’s a rad chick,” I agree. I’m laughing to myself that we’re having a business conversation while she’s on my lap with her tits out, but by this point, I’m kind of used to this sort of thing.
“And she has that company now. See? I’ve done my research,” she brags adorably.
“Electric Lady. They’re great,” I say. “They produce some quality shit, and they put out my toy line.”
“Oh, my God, I love your toys!” she says with a giggle. “Every time I do a webcam show, I use my James Langdon toys. People love it.”
It’s flattering, but I guess it’s also kind of weird when you really think about it. Still, it’s always nice to meet a fan, especially a pretty one like her.
“Do you think I have what it takes to get into the business?” she asks sincerely. “I really want to do it, but some of those girls are so hot and I know there’s not a huge market for black girls.”
“Nah, that’s not really true anymore. It’s getting a lot better with stuff like that. Besides, you’re gorgeous. Anybody would watch your videos.”
Her smile is both flattered and bashful, not what you’d expect from a stripper.
Vice, Virtue & Video: Devoted Page 19