Vice, Virtue & Video: Devoted

by Bianca Giovanni

  He’s licking frosting off his lips when he moves back and he gives me that smart-ass grin I love.

  I giggle and shake my head, but I grab for his hand and then lean into him to embrace him. I close my eyes as I relish his hug. Something about being in his arms like this makes me feel calm and safe, like all my troubles will just melt away.

  Everyone is served cake, and James keeps giving me loving glances as we sit at our table eating. The cake is so good—and I mean heavenly good. It came courtesy of Joey Corsentino, whose parents have owned a bakery for almost forty years. It’s moist chocolate with a delicious Bavarian cream layer and frosting to die for. I’d get married once a week if it meant I could eat cake like this. Frankly, the cake was thirty percent of the reason I agreed to this whole wedding thing in the first place.

  “This shit’s the bomb,” James says to me, enjoying a bite.

  “Mm-hmm.” I nod, my mouth too full to reply.

  I’m a little nervous when dinner is done and we get to the dancing portion of the evening. It’s not that I’m a bad dancer; I just feel weird doing it in front of an audience. Alicia Keys’ “If I Ain’t Got You” comes on, and all eyes are on us as James takes my hand and pulls me in close. We start moving to the music and I’m staring in his eyes, but every now and then I catch a glimpse of our guests out of the corner of my eye and my cheeks flush a little bit.

  James tilts his head down and kisses my ear before whispering, “Lo, breathe.”

  I laugh and nod my head, interlocking my fingers behind his neck. There’s a collective chuckle from the crowd when he grabs my hips and lifts me up so I’m standing on his toes. He lowers his head and runs his nose along mine before giving me the sweetest smile. Good God, I love him so much right now!

  When the song ends, he gives me a tender, polite kiss—which he follows with a wink that promises he has not-so-polite things planned for this evening. It makes me laugh, and I wrap my arms around his waist in a hug.

  I share the father-daughter dance with Jon, and I’m surprised by how nice it feels. Even though he can be a prick sometimes, he looks like a saint compared to my dad.

  “I’m very happy for you kids,” he says as we sway to the music. “I was wrong to doubt what you guys have.”

  “I understand,” I reply. “But I’m glad you stopped being so damn stubborn.”

  He laughs and shrugs his shoulders. “You’ve always been like a daughter to me, sweetheart, the little girl I never had. When Brenda told me you two eloped, I just assumed he’d done something to coerce you into it. I didn’t think he was worthy of you. But I was wrong.”

  I’m surprised and just a little bit smug at his revelation.

  “He’s a good kid,” he says. “Never really saw it before, but I see it tonight. I think he’d do just about anything for you. You’ve really changed him for the better.”

  I smile proudly before joking, “You just didn’t realize he was already pretty great from the start.”

  “You might just be right there, sweetheart,” he says, chuckling.

  “You know, you really ought to say this to him. I know it would mean a lot to him—and frankly, I think it would blow his mind to hear you admit you were wrong.”

  He laughs a little louder. “Brenda tells me all the time not to be so hardheaded. There might be some truth to it.”

  “Will you do something for me then, Jon? It would be like a wedding gift.”

  He nods.

  “Will you tell him tonight? Everything’s so perfect, and if you’d just tell him what you told me, it would truly make this the happiest day of his life.”

  He pauses, purses his lips, and then gives me a smile. “For you, Lola, I’ll do it.”

  “Yay!” I excitedly exclaim, feeling quite proud of my powers of persuasion.

  He laughs at my enthusiasm. He can see that it would mean the world to me too. I’ve wanted to make things right between James and his dad since the day of their gigantic blowout. Now it’s finally happened and I feel so accomplished.

  When the song ends, I go back over to James, giving Jon time to think about how he wants to mend things. My wonderful husband is so affectionate, always finding a reason to stroke his fingers over my back or kiss the side of my head.

  I take a look around the room, smiling at the way everyone’s having a good time. Chad and Alejandro are slow dancing alongside Stacey and Ethan. Brenda is chatting with my Nana, and the two are drinking wine. My mom is at a table with Jon’s sister and her brood of unruly offspring. Lisa is distracted with trying to clean all the frosting off her youngest son, Cody, while his big brother, Jon Christopher, is reaching for a half-empty wine glass on the table. I’m tempted to rush over to prevent the curious four-year-old from getting hammered, but Lisa catches him and puts a stop to it herself.

  I go to the bar to get some water, since I’ve decided against alcohol. After all the stress and tension of the day, the last thing I need is to get tipsy and start bitching about my father. As I’m sipping a sparkling water, I take a glance over at James, nearly jumping with excitement when I see Jon walk over to him. It’s happening!

  James looks very defensive at first, but then a surprised expression comes across his face. He seems blown away by whatever Jon is saying. Jon puts his hand on James’s shoulder, and I can see my flabbergasted husband’s Adam’s apple move as he swallows whatever emotion is nearly overwhelming him. I actually gasp when the two hug. I smile so wide my face hurts as I watch them exchange a few more words before Jon nods and walks off toward Brenda.

  I watch James chuckle to himself and shake his head, not quite believing what just happened. Slowly, I make my way back to him, deciding against telling him that I witnessed the miracle myself. It’s something for him and his dad.

  When I arrive, his arm immediately goes around my waist and he pulls me to his side, fitting me perfectly in place in that way he always does.

  “I love you,” he whispers to me, kissing the top of my head.

  “I love you too,” I say, looking up at him proudly.

  Keegan approaches us, a beer in his hand, and stops right in front of me. He downs the rest of the beer and sets it down on a table nearby before coming over and pointing at me.

  “Next song,” he says. “Me and you.”

  James covers his mouth to stop snickering, and I give Keegan a smirk.

  “I asked for it specifically,” he says, motioning to the DJ—who’s mostly just a guy playing CDs.

  “Okay, man. Whatever,” I say, laughing at his enthusiasm.

  As the current song wraps up, Keegan takes my hand and starts walking me to the dance floor. A peek behind me reveals James, now joined by Joey, Chad, and Alejandro, all laughing their asses off as I roll my eyes.

  “I’ve wanted this since middle school,” Keegan says.

  It’s then that I hear the first few notes of “I Want It That Way” by the Backstreet Boys. That’s accompanied by thunderous laughter from my husband and a bunch of raised glasses from his little posse.

  I rest my arms on Keegan’s shoulders, middle-school-dance-style, and he flattens his palms on the small of my back.

  “Do you remember the Spring Fling when you were in seventh grade?” he asks.

  “Yeah.” I nod, nearly laughing at the nostalgic look in his eyes.

  “You had a blue shirt and a jean skirt on,” he continues. “Your hair was half back in one of those braids, and you were wearing lipstick. I’d never seen you wear lipstick before.”

  I snicker a little, but I try not to laugh at this little picture he’s trying to paint.

  “I watched you. The whole night, I watched you standing up against that wall, not dancing to any slow songs. You’d go on the floor to dance with your friends when they played pop stuff, but no guys got to slow dance with you.”

  “I remember that,” I say, recalling my socially awkward past.

  “All night, I wanted to ask you to dance,” he says, a slight alcohol smell on his brea
th. “This song came on, and I knew I should make my move. I had the upper hand, because I was in eighth grade and you were just a seventh grader, but I couldn’t get the courage to ask you.”

  “Really?” I smile at him, tilting my head to the side.

  “Yeah.” He nods. “You didn’t even have boobs yet, but you were so pretty.”

  Okay, I have to laugh at that!

  “I thought I could be all smooth, like how James would do it. I thought I’d go over and make some joke, then you’d be all giggly and flattered, and then I’d be like, ‘So, gorgeous, wanna dance with me?’ and you’d say yes.”

  “I would have danced with you anyway, Keegan. You should have just asked me.”

  “I know. I totally wussed out.”

  “Well, that’s okay. We’re dancing now, so that makes up for it.”

  He smiles and looks at me for a moment before he speaks again. “You’re the best girl in the world, you know?”

  “I don’t know about all that,” I say, giggling.

  “You are. You’re cool as hell, Lola,” he continues. “And James is, like, such an awesome dude. He’s just, like, the fuckin’ coolest, you know what I mean?”

  I press my lips together to try to hold back laughter.

  “And, like, even though I never got the chance to hook up with you, I’m glad he did,” he says, just a little more slur to his speech. “Because, seriously, Lo, I love you guys. You guys are the greatest.”

  “Thanks, Keegan,” I say, kissing his cheek.

  “You guys are gonna have, like, the best life ever now. You’re married, and you’ve got a cool house, and you’re probably gonna have totally cute kids, and you’ll just be happily-ever-after.”

  “I sure hope so,” I say, thoroughly amused at these drunken proclamations.

  “So it’s okay that I never got to second base with you back then.”

  “Okay, buddy, this might be a good time to stop talking,” I say, laughing.

  “You got it, beautiful,” he replies, his smile lazy and wide.

  As we sway to the music, I take a glance over at James, who is giving me a smart-ass grin for the record books. I’m guessing he knew exactly what drunken Keegan would declare if we danced, and I’m sure he was thoroughly entertained by watching my reactions.

  When the dance concludes, I give Keegan a big hug, ignoring the fact that he’s kind of palming my butt. I tell him to switch to water for the remainder of the evening before heading back over to my husband.

  “How’d it go?” James asks.

  “How do you think it went?” I smirk up at him.

  “Did he profess his undying love for you?”

  “A little bit,” I say, chuckling. “He basically described this whole Backstreet Boys middle school dance thing, and then he said how he loved us, and that we’ll be very happy together.”

  “Well, that’s not so bad,” James says with surprise. “I was totally sure he was so drunk he’d start telling you about all his secret Lola fantasies.”

  “James, come on!” I laugh and hit his arm.

  “I’ve heard all of ’em,” he says. “They’re hilarious!”

  “I’m not so sure you’d find them hilarious anymore, pal! I’m guessing you’d get jealous that somebody was fantasizing about me.”

  “Yeah, but it’s Keegan. He’s harmless. So what if he wanted to fuck you on the hood of his Beemer like some Tawny Kitaen, rock video shit?”

  I laugh hard, covering my face with embarrassment. “I don’t want to hear any further details on Keegan’s sex fantasies.”

  James cracks up and pulls me in close, kissing the top of my head. “People can fantasize all they want, but your little sexy ass belongs to me now. I’ve got worldwide exclusive rights to that thing.”

  I laugh and look up in his eyes, tugging on his shirt to make him lean down and kiss me.

  My feet are killing me and I think I’ve danced to just about every cliché wedding song there is. The time has come to conclude the festivities and head off to our matrimonial suite. James’s cousins are giving me little glances, and Joey even winks at me. They all know what’s about to go down. They all know where we’re going, and what we’ll be doing when we get there. It’s a little unnerving to think that everyone knows the business is about to be served. I’ve never really had people make assumptions about my sex life, especially not all my friends and family members, so this is kind of freaking me out.

  I drag my feet a little about leaving, but soon James and I are out of the ballroom, and he’s scooped me up in his arms as he carries me down the hallway to the room.

  Chapter 23

  James

  I CARRY LOLA INTO OUR SUITE and set her down when we get into the bedroom. She kisses me, and I wrap my arms around her, enjoying that certain way that she runs her fingers down the back of my neck. Her other hand reaches down, and she weaves her fingers through mine. Soon our attention shifts to the gigantic bed waiting for us.

  We’re both standing there at the foot of the bed, just staring at it for a few seconds when she sighs and says, “Well, this is a bit odd.”

  “What?”

  “Planned sex,” she says, turning to give me a bashful glance. “We’re usually more on the spontaneous side, and it’s weird to think that all our friends and family members know we’re going to be in here boning the whole night.”

  I laugh, but I have to nod in agreement. It is a little bizarre to think that we’re just supposed to have sex tonight, like it’s just a given that we’re going to do it. All of our friends and family members who attended know we went back to the room and we’re expected to screw like wild dogs—okay, maybe they don’t think that exactly, but they know we’ll be having sex, and they all know what I did for a living, so I’m sure they’ve got some theories on how this will go down.

  “I’m kind of freaked out that your parents are probably thinking, ‘Well, I guess our son is plowing sweet little Lola right now.’ Shit, even my Nana knows what we’re going to be doing. I don’t know…it’s just weirding me out,” my lovely bride says.

  “I gotta say, I know how you feel.” Lola and I have sex whenever the mood takes us—which is all the fuckin’ time—but now everything’s sort of prearranged.

  “Do you think people are assuming I’m, like, pure and innocent?” she says, her cheeks turning fully pink. “I mean, nobody knows that we’ve basically had non-stop sex since the first night, and I’ve never had serious boyfriends before you. Do you think they’re all thinking you’re, uh, staking your claim tonight?”

  I try not to laugh, but I end up totally snickering at how she’s getting so shy about this. It’s just funny to me that she’s put so much thought into what assumptions people might be making about what will occur in this room this evening. She’s a good girl, and everyone knows that, so I think she’s worried this will strip her of that reputation, which, of course, isn’t true. If they didn’t have a problem with her getting hitched to a dude who’s performed practically every sex act out there, I’m guessing they’re not that freaked out about her consummating her marriage to that dude.

  “Lola, we’re married,” I reassure her. “Everybody knows married people have sex. I wouldn’t worry about whether they think you’re pristine or not.”

  “I’m not worried about it,” she refutes, a nervous little giggle escaping her lips. “I’m mostly just saying it’s totally unlike us to have scripted sex like this. And that other people are probably wondering what kind of things a porn star does with his wife in the sack.”

  “They’re not wondering that,” I say, chuckling.

  “They are!” She giggles. “They’re thinking about what we’re doing.”

  “Well, I can guarantee you that whatever they’re thinking we’re doing is better than what we’re actually doing right now,” I joke.

  She laughs louder, but she shrugs her shoulders like she agrees with me.

  “Come here,” I say, turning her and pulling her into my
chest.

  She sighs when I hold her, but I can’t tell if it’s a worried sigh or a relaxed sigh. She really is genuinely tense right now.

  “Lola, we don’t have to have sex at all, if that’s what’s freaking you out,” I whisper to her. “You can prove everybody wrong and not do it if it’s really bothering you that people think you’re givin’ it up right now.”

  “It’s not bothering me, and I really do want to do it, but it’s just there in the back of my mind,” she replies, tilting her head back so she can look up at me.

  “I’ll do whatever you want tonight, cupcake,” I say, giving her a soft kiss. “You just lead the way and tell me what you want to do or don’t want to do, okay?”

  “Okay, James.” She nods.

  “How about we just kiss for a while until you decide, huh?”

  She stands on her tiptoes and lightly presses her mouth to mine. Her lips are so soft, and I can smell her hair and that certain fragrance on her skin that instinctively makes my breathing change. My muscles start relaxing, and I get that familiar surge of warmth only she can give me. I love kissing her all soft and sensual like this, and she loves kissing me this way too, so this is a good place to start.

  My palm slides over the side of her neck and my thumb strokes her jaw as we continue. She makes one of those soft, breathy moans, and I can tell she’s letting go of some of her hang-ups.

  “You’ve always had my heart, Lola,” I whisper to her as I lean down so I can kiss her neck. “You give me so much love, and you do it so freely. It means a lot to me, angel.”

  She’s got that cute, bashful smile on her face when she looks up at me through her long eyelashes.

  “You’re totally open with me, and you don’t hide any part of yourself,” I continue, love weaving through every word. “It takes a lot to let someone in that way.”

  “You do the same for me,” she says with a shrug like it’s no big deal.

  “Yeah, but yours is more special,” I contest with a grin. “I let you in because it’s just inherent in me to do that. You’ve been such an important part of my life for so long that it was easy for me to completely open up to you about everything. I got no problem laying everything out in front of you because you know me—you know the crust of me, all the worst parts, but you still care for me so much. You’ve never once judged me, and I can’t say that about too many people.”