His gut clenched again when the mother of his children dropped her shocked gaze from his and looked longingly at the door behind him. Eventually, though, Cassandra forced her eyes to return to his once more. Her expression was that of a sympathetic stranger—not the person he once considered to be his best friend in the world.
“What are you doing now that you’re… freed from your captivity?” she asked softly.
He could tell Cassandra had forced herself to ask the polite question. Unfortunately, Will had no answer for it yet. Like others who’d been tortured and tweaked, he was still occupied with trying to survive long enough to acknowledge he had anything close to a normal life.
But that wasn’t really what Cassandra wanted to know.
Will drew in a breath and said what had to be said. “I’m still a cyborg—if that’s what you’re wondering. I will always be one, Cassandra. A full restoration wasn’t possible because of my severe damage, so recently I’ve been further redefined instead. That’s cyber scientist speak for the changes they made to my original cybernetics. They tell me I’m in transition now to some new normal that Dr. Winters is convinced I can find. In layman’s terms, I’m still traveling the road back to finding my humanity.”
Cassandra nodded. She seemed too overwhelmed to respond. His wife—or rather former wife, he acknowledged—was every bit as beautiful as Will remembered her being. Cassandra was aging well even as haggard and stressed as she was today. Her body also showed multiple signs of sleep deprivation and poor nutrition. Her adrenalin was spiked and staying high.
Will could appreciate the kind of nerve it must have taken for her to physically come here to face him in person. He would have liked to think Cassandra was putting herself through this hell for his benefit, but he knew better. If she had been concerned about his return, she would have come months ago when his release from capture was first made public.
Since a straight analysis didn’t seem to be working, Will pondered how disappointed knowing that fact made him. No matter what he did, the cybernetic stats on it were unclear. He had generic human sadness over all his losses, but specific sadness wasn’t traceable yet. His feelings were still sporadic and random. It afforded him a bit of emotional insulation, but Kyra had cautioned him that a lot of suppression was happening as well.
“So, Dr. Winters called you about me?” he asked, wanting to get Cassandra talking again.
She nodded before speaking. “Yes. Dr. Winters said you had been in a POW camp the whole time you were missing—both during and after the war. Once I knew for sure you’d been out there somewhere the whole time, I felt ashamed of myself for giving up on you, and more ashamed for moving on. But I had the kids and I was alone. Since you never came up in the Cyber Husband program, what was I supposed to think? Maybe I’m just a weak woman. Eventually, I stopped hoping and had our relationship dissolved.”
Will nodded at her explanation. He worked on summoning up a smile, but his mouth refused to comply. “It’s okay. Giving up was a reasonable action to take in the circumstances. You and the kids needed someone who could give you a normal human life. The human part of me is grateful for any happiness you found for yourself.”
Will hadn’t known Kyra had called Cassandra. He was guessing Lucy probably made it happen. He should have contacted Cassandra himself, but like her, he hadn’t known what to say or how to explain where he’d been all the time they were apart.
If he had called her though, this awkwardness would be over by now. Or at the very least, the knot of agony inside him would maybe have loosened.
There was no getting around his human side grieving the loss of his family, even though his cyborg side had concluded the loss to be part of the inevitable cost of conversion. He certainly wasn’t the only cyborg to ever lose family. Marcus Kells had lost just as much as he had and had managed to move on.
Will cleared his throat, hoping to dislodge the emotion clogging it. He was going to give Cassandra a complete pass. It was the right thing to do for the mother of his children. No part of him was confused about that necessity.
“The advantage of still being mostly a cyborg is that I’m not feeling any of the resentment a human ex-husband might feel in a similar situation. My cyborg side respects and agrees with your actions. You made the only logical decision you could in my extended absence, which was to get on with living your life. I researched your new husband. He seems to be a good man. I approve of your choice.”
“Researched him? You approve of Rio?” Cassandra repeated as she stared.
Will noted her silence. Why had that shocked her? Had she expected him to not care who was spending time with his children these days?
Cassandra lowered her gaze and then sighed. “You’re right that Rio is a good man—a very good man, but…” She swallowed hard. “God, this is so surreal. I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. I dreamed of seeing you again so often, but now that we’re here… I… God, I don’t know what to even say to you.”
Her confession sent his tension to an all-time high. Will schooled his expression into the blank one he’d frequently used with his tormentor. He’d had a lot of practice keeping his real feelings private. “Since you legally divorced me many years ago, I never expected you to contact me at all, Cassandra. Does your new husband know you’re here today?”
Cassandra swallowed again and shook her head. “No. Rio hasn’t been home in four months. He also hasn’t called me or sent any communication to let me know why he’s been delayed from returning. I don’t know where he is, Will, and he’s not the kind of man to make me worry. Not that you were intentionally that kind of man either, but I always knew the military came first with you. But Rio isn’t a military guy—he never was. Rio’s just a regular guy. We had a great life together until he took a work promotion. Then he disappeared with no word of what’s going on.”
Will nodded without letting his surprise show. “If you’re truly worried about him, you should probably contact the authorities and share your concerns. That would be the next logical step to take.”
Cassandra shrugged as the tears leaked out of her eyes. “I tried doing that already. Rio works for a special labor division of the UCN. They have their own security group. When I talked to them about Rio’s lack of contact with me, they said he was out of contact range and not to worry. No one is looking for him but me.”
Will’s old processor spun when she Cassandra paused for a deep breath. Thankfully his neural one seemed to be unaffected.
“Will… I made myself come to see you today because I can’t lose another man I love. I just can’t. I looked for you until they took away all hope I had of finding you. I saved every cent I could to buy you. I hope somehow you can forgive me enough to understand why I came to see you after all this time. I’m desperate.”
Will ran a hand through his hair. For the longest time, he’d believed no one was looking for him. Because of Kyra, he now understood he’d been kept places no one would ever find him even if they’d had the time, motive, and means to look. Lucy said Cassandra had looked for him for years. Didn’t he owe her something for that at least?
“Are you actually asking me to help you find your new husband?”
Will watched her eyes fill with tears as she nodded. He felt nearly nothing about the fact she was crying. Instead, a cold numbness crept along his nerve endings and down his arms. He’d never felt so alone in his life and yet he hated seeing evidence of the pain life was causing Cassandra. They’d once been everything to each other. Now she was worried about another man. Will meant nothing to her outside her hope for his help in searching for him.
“I know it isn’t fair of me,” Cassandra said, the words choking her. “The main reason I put off coming to see you was that it seemed callous of me to come to ask you to look for Rio. There’s probably no way for you to ever see this request as anything but a betrayal of what we were to each other, but still, I hope you somehow find a way. I’ll beg. I’ll plead. I’ll do anyth
ing you want—but please, Will, please help me find him. I don’t know who else to ask.”
Will stared blankly at the woman who’d given up on him, unable to respond to any request from her. Maybe his cybernetics were overloading. Did she really think he’d rush to her new husband’s rescue?
“Ya can save yer tears. Of course we'll help ya.”
Will spun at hearing the firm, determined answer and watched Meara stride into the room uninvited. Ignoring him, except for one long questioning glance, she walked straight over to Cassandra.
He blinked and watched Meara take both of Cassandra’s trembling hands in hers. Though shorter and smaller in stature than Cassandra, the cyborg female could easily crush Cassandra’s fingers with the slightest increase of pressure. Meara came across as strong, determined, and her redheaded appearance stood out in vivid color next to his former wife’s pale blondeness.
His timing in seeing Meara after last evening couldn’t have sucked worse, but that was nothing new for him. Their hungry kiss from last night suddenly flashed through his mind and he recalled how tightly Meara had held on to him during it. Would the irritating cyborg woman hurt Cassandra out of some kind of misplaced jealousy? He had no way of knowing. Meara seemed to be part trickster and he wasn’t sure what game she was playing with him yet.
“Who are you?” Cassandra asked, peering down.
“I’m a restored cyborg like Will. He and I were both soldiers in the Army.” Meara didn’t look at Will while answering, but she could feel his new processor spinning madly in irritation over her little stretch of the truth. It was meant to make Cassandra Talon trust her. She needed to ask Nero for a strategy to tune out the annoying shit Will was doing to her. “My name’s Meara McDonald. I’m Will’s partner. We work together.”
“Oh. It’s good to meet you then, Meara,” Cassandra said.
Meara nodded, letting go of Will’s wife’s hands. The woman was tall, blonde, and perfectly built. She didn’t need enhancements done to any part of her. It didn’t surprise Meara in the least that someone as handsome as Will had married someone as beautiful as this woman.
“Ya may want to hold yer good wishes until after I confess I was listening at the door. I heard ya say yer current husband is missing and I couldn’t stop myself from intervening.”
“Yes, Rio is missing. I came to ask Will to help me find him,” Cassandra said cautiously, looking back at Will.
Meara nodded and pretended not to care that Will looked devastated by his former wife’s words. Poor fecking bastard. She felt sorrier for him at that moment than she did for Cassandra.
“If ya say yer husband would never go away without telling ya where he was, then I believe ya. I think yar being wise to suspect something is very wrong. The fact that he works for the UCN is reason enough to be concerned. They’re fecking bastards—the whole lot of them.”
“Thank you,” Cassandra said sincerely. “I hope this isn’t a rude comment… but I didn’t know there were female cyborgs. I thought it had been done to only men.”
“We were a long-kept secret, but not anymore,” Meara said tightly. “Now… let’s get back to yer problem. Can ya send us all the details of yer husband’s disappearance and maybe a recent photograph? I know someone who’s a genius at finding people.”
“Meara…” Will began, intending to stop her.
Meara lifted her head to meet his irritated gaze. She wasn’t about to let him do the wrong thing. “Her new husband’s not a cyborg, Will. The UCN is involved in his disappearance and they’re unconcerned about his wife being worried. Does anything about that situation sound right to ya?”
She turned away from Will’s former wife and walked back to where Will stood. Once she was close enough, she tilted her head and looked up into his serious face. “Let’s bring this guy home for the sake of yer family. It’s the right thing to do for everyone. Ya know it as well as I do.”
Will glanced at Cassandra, who was listening intently to their exchange. He returned his gaze to Meara. “You know we can’t commit to this.”
“Why fecking not?” Meara demanded, ignoring Cassandra’s indrawn breath over their loud arguing… or maybe it was over her swearing. Guess Will’s ex wasn’t the swearing sort. A woman as beautiful as Cassandra probably charmed her way through life, but that sort of ease had never been part of Meara’s existence.
Will’s gaze shifted from Cassandra to a glaring Meara. “We can’t commit because we’re not cleared to do searches on our own,” he said sharply, giving the first excuse he could think of.
His voice had altered with his anger at Meara so it was no surprise when Cassandra quickly stepped as far away as she could from both of them. Cassandra’s heartbeat accelerated and Will realized they were scaring her. Meara seemed oblivious.
Meara lifted a hand to Will’s chest to keep his attention focused on her and not his nervous human ex-wife. “Listen to me… Aja and I weren’t fecking cleared to find Lucy, but that never stopped us from looking. Eric, Marcus, and Peyton weren’t cleared to look for Seetha either, but they went. Ya know fecking well that without them finding Seetha, no one would have found ya either, Will. If everyone waited for fecking permission to do what was right, no one lost would ever get found. We need to do this for Cassandra. This is yer family we’re talking about here.”
Will looked at Cassandra, who was keeping her distance but listening. He lifted his chin and met her worried gaze. “We’ll talk to the people we report to. We’ll let you know if we’re able to investigate the matter. This may take a while.”
“That’s all I can ask. Thank you,” Cassandra said quietly. She walked carefully around the two them, her gaze taking them both in. “I’ll hand-deliver the information you’ll need about Rio. I think my communications are being monitored. I can’t risk sending it electronically.”
Meara looked at Cassandra and nodded. The woman was smarter than she looked. “Yer being smart in trusting yer gut on this one. The UCN probably is monitoring ya. Get that info back to us as soon as ya can.”
Nodding at Meara’s order, Cassandra left quickly and closed the door firmly behind her with a relieved click. Turning his head, Will read her body stats as she left the room and could see her respiration and heart rate both drop significantly the moment he and Meara were out of her sight.
He turned back and glared at Meara for stirring everything up.
He’d been close to sending Cassandra out of his life for good.
“You had no right to tell her we’d help,” Will stated.
Meara searched his angry gaze. He wasn’t seeing what she saw. That much was clear. “This is yer perfect chance and it may be the only one yar going to get, eejit. Don’t ya see? Ya need to be the one to find the fecking man. He’s probably out of range like the guards told her. And when ya bring the bugger back to yer beautiful, blonde wife, she’s going to see the two of ya side-by-side and realize her fecking mistake in replacing ya.”
“Get the fuck out of my business,” Will said through gritted teeth.
Meara tilted her head. “No. I’m pushing on ya because my instincts are singing, Will. There’s still a spark between the two of ya. I don’t think ya’ve lost her for good yet.”
Will snorted and glared. “I don’t fucking believe this. Why are you trying to help me get my wife back? That’s crazy. I don’t want her back.”
“Did ya hear what ya called her just now? She’s still yer wife… or at least, she is in yer mind that’s getting restored.”
Maybe if the red-haired troublemaker hadn’t kissed him so intensely the night before, Will would be laughing at this now instead of getting more and more pissed. Why was he so pissed about the situation? He should have felt nothing but irritation over Meara’s high-handedness. The female cyborg wasn’t worth all this emotion.
Meara poked Will’s chest with her finger when his attention drifted off. “I guessed yer feelings from the way ya spoke to her. I didn’t need to see the state of yer body and all the
hormones running around in yer blood because of love madness. It would take a more cold-hearted bitch than I am to not want to see ya get back with the woman who owns ya that way.”
“Cassandra divorced me and married someone else, Meara. My children consider another man to be their father. There is no going back to anything with them.”
Meara glared over how hard he was clinging to his stubbornness. “Ya seriously need to rethink this and stop being a fecking eejit. Her mixed-up feelings are for both the men in her life, Will. Ya heard what she said about the UCN. Cassandra thinks yer a killer and she’s afraid of ya—that’s her real problem.”
“Cassandra is wise to be afraid of me. I am a killer,” Will said with finality.
Meara snorted. “Yeah, so am I—that’s not going to be changing for either of us—and it’s true of all soldiers coming out of that last fecking war,” she replied matter-of-factly. “But we’re also a whole lot more than that. Strip away the cybernetics and what ya find inside us is a human soul as fragile as any other. Yer trying to pretend ya don't have a soul anymore and that’s fecking bullshit. I watched Aja try to do it over the years, and trust me, it never works.”
“But I’m not Aja,” Will said tightly.
“You. Aja. Lucy. Me. It’s all the fecking same. I’ve seen a lot of broken cyborgs, William Talon. Yer only ever as broken as ya choose to be. Don’t let those programming bastards win.”
“You don’t know what my old life was like,” Will said flatly. “Stop pretending you do.”
Meara buried the hurt of his insensitive comment. She’d tolerate his lashing out for now. “Perhaps yar right from a certain perspective. Aja and I escaped the fate of dying like most of our fellow female cyborgs. And Lucy escaped a cybernetic hell that no one thought she could.”
Meara put her hands on his arms. Will was stiff under her touch
“I’m sorry if ya think I’m diminishing yer specific hurt with the comparison, but Lucy was subjected to far worse things than simply being made to kill people. Men violated her body over and over on a daily basis. On top of that, they made her kill… and then they tortured her for surviving the fight. When none of that shit broke her, they bashed her fecking head in trying to destroy her processor. Lucy even survived that. So let go of yer fecking self-pity about those controlling bastards making ya their murder puppet. At least ya weren’t turned into a manwhore too. In fact, I read they did the opposite to ya.”
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